Tales From The Champagne Room

It's Sunday and time for another Madfish Willie's edition of Tales From The Champagne Room!

[Remember: There is no sex in The Champagne Room]

    

I found it!: I got the title for my series from an HBO special with Chris Rock. Check it out!

As we are Shaking coconuts from the knob:

The Bloggers that e-mailed their Tales From The Champagne Room links to me. They get posted "above the fold" with gratuitous linkage in their post description. The others that I gleaned from my browsing this week will be in the extended section.

Sir John the Merciless of Castle Argghhh!!!'s hawk gets chased off by the cocks when he swoops in to make a killing on the chicks!

Mad Dog Bad Money Harvey just was in the gutter all week long! First it was Heather Puts Out. Then he discovers that his perverted mind has been confirmed. Next, he tries to get Susie oiled up at the Bonfire, is grateful for braless blogerettes, finds The Best Reason To Wear Lingerie, makes the Flinstones bed-rock, exposes Beth, votes to Free The Boobies!, and gives us some Romantic Advice. Finally, he finishes up with this jewel about muffin buffin [don't miss this one!].

Thanks to Harvey and Sir John for sending me their posts. The rest of the Tales From The Champagne Room are posts that I gleaned while browsing around this week.

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #13. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

We all know how much Frnak hates clowns, so here is the next installment of: Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Tales From The Champagne Room

Madfish Willie's has started a "send me your posts" LinkLoveFest!

Tales From The Champagne Room!
[Remember: There is no sex in The Champagne Room!]

To be linked in The Champagne Room post just e-mail the link(s) to your post(s) by Saturday 12:00 noon and I'll include you in the weekly LinkLoveFest on Sunday.

Thanks to everyone who have sent me links in the past and I'll be looking forward to more of your Tales From The Champagne Room!

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #12. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Here is the next installment of: Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What happened to the glow worm who was squashed ?
Second Kangaroo: He was de-lighted !

First Kangaroo: What is the best advice to give to worm ?
Second Kangaroo: Sleep late !

First Kangaroo: What's the difference between a worm and an apple ?
Second Kangaroo: Have you ever tried worm pie ?!

First Kangaroo: What did the worm say to the other when he was late home ?
Second Kangaroo: Where in earth have you been !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant ?
Second Kangaroo: Very big worm holes in your garden !

First Kangaroo: What reads and lives in an apple ?
Second Kangaroo: A bookworm !

First Kangaroo: What makes a glow worm glow ?
Second Kangaroo: A light meal !

First Kangaroo: Why do worms taste like chewing gum ?
Second Kangaroo: Because they're wrigleys !

First Kangaroo: Why did the sparrow go to the library ?
Second Kangaroo: It was looking for bookworms !

First Kangaroo: What is life like for a wood worm ?
Second Kangaroo: Boring !

Cheers!

Saturday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"May you have warm words on a cold evening,
A full moon on a dark night,
And the road downhill all the way to your door."

Yogism
"Pair up in threes."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow they may cancel your VISA." ~Unknown~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Never order a cocktail with more than four ingredients.

ClueBat Insults
Thou tottering, shard-borne pumpion Frnak!

Movie Madness
Poke the Crab

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:

• bigusdikkus


• bigusdikus


• bigwang


• bigwood


• biotch Frnak


• bitch Frnak


• bitchass Frnak


• bitchfuck Frnak


• bitchnig Frnak


• bitchqueen Frnak

New Blog Showcase

Voting for The Bear's New Blog Showcase this week:
This entry from Joe's Thoughts

This entry from a moderate environmentalist, BaySense.

Linky Love for those Alliance Members who voted last week is below!

Mad Dog Bad Money Harvey's Turkey Day

I talked to Harvey earlier today and asked him how his Turkey Day went. He goes into this long diatribe about how everyone in his family came over to the trailer for Turkey Day and he even had an unexpected guest.

Lorena catches Debbie adding a box of Ex-Lax to Diane's special brown gravy to insure that everyone will "be regular" afterwards.

Niece Laura shows up wearing her new mink stole that has a blaze-orange circle-and-slash painted on the back of it and proudly displays nephew Matthew's summons for his court date to answer for beating the crap out of the animal rights activists who ruined Laura's new coat.

Blogless Brother John, who just flew in for Thanksgiving from some unnamed South American country, keeps popping up like a jack-in-the-box and fiddling with his "piece" in a low-profile belt holster while nervously spying from the kitchen bay window up and down the street with binoculars.

Cousin Ronnie shows up with his new bride, his three-quarters sister Shandra, who is his sister by his father and his oldest full sister.

Uncle Roy coughs and sputters up in his rusty old pickup and asks those attending if anyone has a fresh pouch of "Redman" chewing tobacco that he can shove down into the transmission to keep it from leaking all the fluid out until he can make back home.

Aunt Patty shows up with freaky sister Connie, who brings her new "best friend" as well as her current parole officer and live-in lesbian lover and Domme who is also an associate producer on The Jerry Springer Show.

Second-cousin Blogless Tom brings as his guest his current analyst, who's doing his doctoral thesis in primitive societal familial subcultures.

Uncle Mike, who's legally blind but can see some shapes and colors and shadows and who also got legally blind fucking stone drunk before ever showing up with his wife Aunt Sarah, keeps "accidentally" nearly falling into all the women and copping feels as he seeks to regain his balance.

13-year-old cousin Derrick asks his cousins Ben & Jeff if he can borrow their thermal-melt scale device, so he can check the purity of an eight-ball "rock" he just bought from cousin Scott.

Uncle Harvey serves the turkey flambe' by pouring some his famous homemade 'shine all over it and igniting it with a flick from his unfiltered Camel cigarette, creating a ball of flame that alights what hair is left on Uncle Gary's head and gives third-degree burns to his balding pate, filling the dining room with the stench of roasting human as well as turkey flesh, as 911 is called for the second time on this special Thanksgiving holiday.

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #11. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Here is the next installment of: Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's is the number 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What did the maggot say to another ?
Second Kangaroo: What's a nice maggot like you doing in a joint like this !

First Kangaroo: What did the woodworm say to the chair ?
Second Kangaroo: It's been nice gnawing you !

First Kangaroo: What's yellow, wiggles and is dangerous ?
Second Kangaroo: A maggot with attitude !

First Kangaroo: How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm ?
Second Kangaroo: it has a blue light !

First Kangaroo: Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag ?
Second Kangaroo: They can lighten your load !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a glow worm with a python ?
Second Kangaroo: A 15 foot strip light that can strangle you to death !

First Kangaroo: What is a worm's favourite band ?
Second Kangaroo: Mud !

First Kangaroo: Who is the worm's Prime Minister ?
Second Kangaroo: Maggot Thatcher !

First Kangaroo: When should you stop for a glow worm ?
Second Kangaroo: When he has a red light !

First Kangaroo: What is the maggot army called ?
Second Kangaroo: The Apple Corps !

Cheers!

Friday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"May the roof above us never fall in,
And may we friends gathered below never fall out."

Yogism
"The other team could make trouble for us if they win."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Candy, is dandy, but liquor, is quicker." ~Ogden Nash~

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Should you hit it off with a woman, perhaps think you are soul mates, and fall into bed in an unclothed, heavy-breathing, romance-novel tangle, and, in the heat of it all, she moans, "Daddy," do not even attempt to put your pants on until you are in the car.

ClueBat Insults
Thou goatish, fly-bitten fustilarian Frnak!

Movie Madness
Swearotron

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:

• bighoe Frnak


• bigjuicynut Frnak


• biglesbian Frnak


• bignigger Frnak


• bignut Frnak


• bignutsack Frnak


• bigoldick Frnak


• bigschlong Frnak


• bigslut Frnak


• bigtits Frnak

Helen's Hot Holiday

Highlights of Helen's Thanksgving Celebration!

He laid her on the table
So white clean and bare.
His forehead wet with beads of sweat
He rubbed her here and there.

He touched her neck and then her breast
And then drooling felt her thigh.
The slit was wet and all was set,
He gave a joyous cry.

The hole was wide...he looked inside
All was dark and murky.
He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms...
And then he stuffed the turkey.

Madfish Willie's Thanksgiving Weather Report

Madfish Willie's Weather Forecast For Turkey Day:

Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder.

During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy.

A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the beltway. During the evening, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34F in the refrigerator.

Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat sandwiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be expected both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup late in the day. We expect a warming trend where soup develops. By early next week, eating pressure will be low as the only wish left will be the bone.

A BigStick Thanksgiving

Why college students Jeff likes Thanksgiving Break:

• You know that your turkey is a Butterball rather than a Grade E yet semi-edible fur ball.


• Your mother will not be serving your mashed potatoes and stuffing with an ice cream scooper.


• Pumpkin pie is a great alternative to green jello.


• After your eighth glass of cider, your emergency dash to the bathroom will not be delayed by having to line the seat with toilet paper.


• Clean underwear, comfortable bed, access to a car, bedroom larger than a 12x14 cell...Even if it is for only four days.


• To eat your meals, the only trek you'll have to make is from the couch to the kitchen, rather than the dorm to the dining hall in below freezing weather.


• Instead of listening to "When I first started teaching here..." you can be entertained by "When your mother was your age..." and "during the Depression we weren't lucky enough to have Brussels sprouts. Hell, all we could afford was the sprout!"


• You can eat your corn steamed with butter rather than popped in your microwave.


• You know the hair in the shower drain is your own.


• You won't be eating your Thanksgiving meal off a tray!

Precision Guided Humor

OK. That does it! Now I gotta kick Harvey's ass and straighten him out a little. He's been hanging around with the pussies at the other end of the bar too fucking long. The gaddamn Corner of the Bar Babes are tougher than he is!

Below you see how Harvey is gonna deal with war-protesters and anti-America assholes. Sit back and watch me fisk the hell out of Harvey and teach him how to deal with a bunch of fucking idiots.

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #10. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Here is the next installment of: Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's is the number 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Happy Turkey Day!

On behalf of GoatHead, Kang A Roo, & Madfish Willie, The Bartender would like to wish everyone a safe and happy Thanksgiving Holiday. May the holidays find you and your family healthy and prosperous!

Blackfive Turkey Day Adventures

Matty O'Blackfive Turkey Day Instructions:

How To Cook A Turkey
1) Go buy a turkey.
2) Take a drink of scotch whisky (Glenmorangie) or Jack Daniels.
3) Put turkey in the oven.
4) Take another 2 drinks of whiskey.
5) Set the degree at 375 ovens
6) Take 3 more whiskeys of drink.
7) Turn oven the on.
8) Take 4 whisks of drinky.
9) Turk the bastey.
10) Whiskey another bottle of get.
11) Stick a turkey in the thermometer
12) Glass yourself a pour of whiskey.
13) Bake the whiskey for 4 hours.
14) Take the oven out of the turkey.
15) Take the oven out of the turkey.
16) Floor the turkey up off of the pick.
17) Turk the carvey.
18) Get yourself another scottle of botch.
19) Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey.
20) Bless the saying, pass and eat out.

Turkey Dressing (15#)
3 cups bread crumbs
2 large onions
2 cups of celery
2 tablespoons of poultry seasoning
2 cups of unpopped popcorn
Stuff turkey.
Bake at 350 degrees for 5 hours until corn pops and blows the turkey's ass across the room!

Drinking Prayer
Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk),
At home as it is in the pub.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the beer, The bitter, The lager.
Barmen.

Thanksgiving Humor

A few short jokes for your Turkey Day extravaganza!

• A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. ~WC Fields~
• Did you hear about the X-rated turkey? It's served with very little dressing.
• Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving," little Johnny wrote, "I am thankful that I'm not a turkey."
• Imagine... if the Pilgrims had shot a wild cat instead of a Turkey, what would we be eating for Thanksgiving? [pussy?]


• Q: What's the difference between Thanksgiving dinner and pussy?
  A: You can eat your mom's thanksgiving dinner.
• Q: How do you keep a turkey in suspense?
  A: I'll tell you at Christmas.
• Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
  A: It was the chicken's day off.
• Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
  A: If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
• Q: What key has legs and can't open doors?
  A: Tur-key.
• Q: What sound does a space turkey make?
  A: Hubble, hubble, hubble.
• Q: Why do turkeys always go "gobble, gobble"?
  A: Because they never learned good table manners!

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #9. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Here is the next installment of: Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's is the number Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What is the difference between school dinners and a pile of slugs ?
Second Kangaroo: School dinners come on a plate !

First Kangaroo: What did the slug say as he slipped down the wall ?
Second Kangaroo: How slime flies !

First Kangaroo: How do you know your kitchen floor is dirty ?
Second Kangaroo: The slugs leave a trail on the floor that reads "clean me" !

First Kangaroo: What did the slug say to the other who had hit him and run off ?
Second Kangaroo: I'll get you next slime !

First Kangaroo: What was the snail doing on the highway ?
Second Kangaroo: About one mile a day !

First Kangaroo: What is the definition of a slug ?
Second Kangaroo: A snail with a housing problem !

First Kangaroo: How do snails get their shells so shiny ?
Second Kangaroo: They use snail varnish !

First Kangaroo: Why is the snail the strongest animal ?
Second Kangaroo: Because he carries a house on his back !

First Kangaroo: What do you do when two snails have a fight ?
Second Kangaroo: Leave them to slug it out !

First Kangaroo: Where do you find giant snails ?
Second Kangaroo: At the end of giants fingers !

Cheers!

Wednesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"May the face of every good news
And the back of every bad news be toward us."

Yogism
"We have a good time together even when we are not together." (on courting his future wife)

Quotes on Drinking:
"The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid." ~Richard Braunstein~
[damn if that ain't the fucking truth!]

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
As a rule, even if she wears a thong the first time you see her unclothed, she prefers white cotton panties.

ClueBat Insults
Thou villainous, tardy-gaited strumpet Frnak!

Movie Madness
Touette-A-Phone

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:

• bigcock Frnak


• Madfish has a bigdick


• bigdik Frnak


• bigfatass Frnak


• bigfuk Frnak


• biggay Frnak


• biggaykill Frnak


• biggayman Frnak


• biggaypeck Frnak


• biggusdikus Frnak


• bigho Frnak

Jeff the Blegger

OK... Jeff from BigStick.US, poverty stricken member of Madfish Willie's Corner of the Bar Gang, needs some help to buy a digital camera. He is going to Frnace for a semester in January and wants to document that dreadful experience through his blog. [Plus, he says he lives across from the girls dormitories at school... sick fucker!]

He was going to get a cheap old piece of shit [aka POS] camera, but I talked him in to getting one that will last a few years and have the features he needs such as high speed, lots o' pixels, etc.

Go help him out and drop a couple of bucks in his PayPal because, quite frankly, Madfish is getting fucking tired of carrying his sorry ass around here. You should see his damn bar tab... and he never tips The Bartender either... dickhead!

While you're over there have a piece of Free Pie and sign his GuestMap!

PS If you need guidance as to how and what to contribute go read Harvey's take on the Pizza Rule!

Thanksgiving Week

Things To Do Thanksgiving Day If You Want To Be Excused Early:

• Remind your 12 year old brother/sister that you left those condoms they asked for in the closet upstairs.


• Announce that you would like to start a new family tradition, and proceed to take off your clothes at the dinner table.


• Open the oven, shove hunks of velveeta into the turkey while it cooks. Tell mom it adds the coolest flavor.


• Shoot olive pits at Grampa's glasses (just pinch them in your fingers and they FLY!!)


• Whenever someone at the table says a word beginning with the letter R, make a loud "BUZZ"ing noise.


• When it's your turn to state what you are thankful for, say "latex sheets and crisco".


• Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the VCR when Dad's not looking.


• Suck your cranberry sauce loudly through a straw.


• Sit at the "children's table" and lecture them on just why we need to increase the teenage pregnancy population.


• Bring a date that only talks about her/his spouse at home.


• As the family is being seated, shout, "Oh my Gawd, I forgot to show you all my genitalia piercing I got on Halloween!!"


• Hold your nose while you eat.


• Recite the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.


• Mid-meal turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice, you were worried for nothing".


• Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that you've got a new fear of choking.


• When you arrive, promise that your date won't be more than an hour late, he/she just has to wait for the warden to get together all the necessary release forms, and then they are free to go.


• During dinner, ask your brother if his mistress solved that little "dead rabbit" problem.


• Turn to Dad and tell him to advise your brother, having experienced that himself.


• Promise that the winner of the "wishbone tug" gets to sleep with your date. (sex/age unimportant)


• Twitch a lot and nervously tell the person next to you, "THE SAFETY IS ON", while you hold your pocket.

Thanksgiving Week

In honor of the Thanksgiving Holidays this week, I'll be rotating different Thanksgiving themed backgrounds each day. How do you like this one? Looks pretty good with the rest of the page, huh? I lamost hate to rotate it out. What do you think... leave it up or rotate it?

Here are some Thanksgiving Cocktails & Liquor:

For my friends Eric, Blackfive, Graumagus and other connoisseurs of fine scotch whiskies: Glenmorangie Single Highland Malt Scotch Whisky

Rick Gobbler
1/2 oz. Wild Turkey
3/4 oz. each of Chambord, Amaretto, and Cranberry juice
Shake well with ice.
Strain into a chilled glass for a shooter, or pour over ice in a highball glass.
Garnish with a lime wedge.

Tooty Fruity Turkey
Equal parts of ;
Wild Turkey
Peach Schnapps
Orange juice
Place all in a shaker with ice.
Strain into a chilled cocktail glass or
Pour over rocks in a highball glass.

Wild Turkey 101: Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey

Wild Turkey Rare Breed: Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey

Tomorrow: Thanksgiving Humor:

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #8. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Here is the next installment of: Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's is the number Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What did the spider say when he broke his new web ?
Second Kangaroo: Darn it !

First Kangaroo: What happened when the chef found a daddy long legs in the salad ?
Second Kangaroo: It became a daddy short legs !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a tarantula with a rose ?
Second Kangaroo: I'm not sure, but I wouldn't try smelling it !

First Kangaroo: Why did the spider buy a car ?
Second Kangaroo: So he could take it out for a spin !

First Kangaroo: What does a spider do when he gets angry ?
Second Kangaroo: He goes up the wall !

First Kangaroo: Why are spiders good swimmers ?
Second Kangaroo: They have webbed feet !

First Kangaroo: What is red and dangerous ?
Second Kangaroo: Strawberry and tarantula jelly !

First Kangaroo: What did the spider say to the fly ?
Second Kangaroo: We're getting married do you want to come to the webbing ?

First Kangaroo: How do you spot a modern spider ?
Second Kangaroo: He doesn't have a web he had a website !

First Kangaroo: What are spiders webs good for ?
Second Kangaroo: Spiders !

Cheers!

Tuesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the rains fall soft upon your fields,
And may God hold you in the palm of his hand,
Until we meet again."

Yogism
"I wish I had an answer to that question because I'm tired of answering it."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Give an Irishman lager for a month and he's a dead man. An Irishman's stomach is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him." ~Mark Twain~

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Going shopping with more than one woman at any given time will consume a minimum of seventeen hours that could have been spent napping.

ClueBat Insults
Thou unmuzzled, sheep-biting ratsbone Frnak!

Movie Madness
Meatball

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:

• basterd Frnak


• bastid Frnak


• biach Frnak


• biatch Frnak


• bicht Frnak


• bigass Frnak


• bigassball Frnak


• bigasslip Frnak


• bigbooty Frnak


• bigbutthole Frnak

Thanksgiving Week

In honor of the Thanksgiving Holidays this week, I'll be rotating different Thanksgiving themed backgrounds each day. And I'll be linking Thanksgiving related posts as I run across them this week. Here are some from my collection to date:

Thanksgiving Poem:
Thanksgiving Thoughts by SilverBlue.

What To Expect:
SilverBlue tells us what he is expecting this year.

What To Do:
Thanksgiving - The Plan

Food for Thought:
Munuviana Caramel Apple Cheesecake from Jennifer.

Pumpkin Soup from Dizzy Girl.

Chocolate Chunk Cookies from SilverBlue.

Hot Virginia Dip from SilverBlue.

Snickerdoodles from Rocket Jones.

Simple Chicken Stew from Rocket Jones. [substitute turkey?]

Baked Potato Soup from Rocket Jones.

Here are some links to turkey cooking:
Turkey Cooking 101.
Turkey Basics: Safe Cooking
Thanksgiving Recipes for Dummies

Tomorrow: Thanksgiving Cocktails:

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #7. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Here is the next installment of: Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's is the number Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What do you call a big irish spider ?
Second Kangaroo: Paddy long legs !

First Kangaroo: What is a spiders favourite TV show ?
Second Kangaroo: The newly web game !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a spider and an elephant ?
Second Kangaroo: I'm not sure, but if you see one walking across the ceiling
then run before it collapses !

First Kangaroo: What do you call a 100 spiders on a tire ?
Second Kangaroo: A spinning wheel !

First Kangaroo: What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses ?
Second Kangaroo: If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital !

First Kangaroo: What kind of doctors are like spiders ?
Second Kangaroo: Spin doctors !

First Kangaroo: Why are spiders like tops ?
Second Kangaroo: They are always spinning !

First Kangaroo: What has 8 legs and likes living in trees ?
Second Kangaroo: Four anti road protesters ?

First Kangaroo: What did the wife spider say to her husband when he tried to explain why he was late ?
Second Kangaroo: Your spinning me a yarn here !

Cheers!

Monday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"May the grass grow long on the road to hell for want of use."

Yogism
"It's not too far, it just seems like it is."

Quotes on Drinking:
"The whole world is about three drinks behind." ~Humphrey Bogart~

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
On PMS: The fact that she knows hormones are causing her temporary crankiness doesn't make the feelings any less real, so cut her some slack.
At those times when she criticizes your mood, it's okay to remind her of how you always cut her some slack on PMS days.
Do not expect this gambit to work.

ClueBat Insults
Thou surly, rump-fed puttock Frnak!

Movie Madness
Madonna

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:

• asswhop Frnak


• asswhore Frnak


• asswipe Frnak


• asswoop Frnak


• assylip Frnak


• assynip Frnak


• assyniple Frnak


• asszila Frnak


• badass Frnak


• bastard Frnak

Tales From The Champagne Room

It's Sunday and time for another edition of Tales From The Champagne Room!

[Remember: There is no sex in The Champagne Room]

First are the Bloggers that e-mailed their Tales From The Champagne Room links to me. They get all the gratuitous linkage I can put in their post description. The others that I gleaned from my browsing this week will be in the extended section and get a single link to their post.

Harvey from Bad Money explains Why there is no sex in The Champagne Room. Be sure to read the comments.

It seems that Harvey does most of his dirty talking over in Susie's comments here and here.

Phil at Flying Chair sends in this tale of of all night drunken debauchery. Gaddamn that guy can drink! If you're every in the States holler and we'll go out and get puking drunk together on Vodka!

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #6. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Here is the next installment of: Spnak Frnak

Remodeling

Sorry for the lack of posting the Happy Hour Party and Dumb Ass Jokes by Kang A Roo today. I have been doing some remodeling to the site.

I was having problems with readers using Mozilla browsers [Susie] not being able to read certain parts of the blog. As I started this blog, I knew absolutely nothing about CSS and a little about HTML that I learned long ago. The language has developed so much since then, I've had to reducate myself.

As I was building the site and tweeking and tweeking and tweeking, I had a lot of garbage code [marquee tags] that I kept in the templates and used comment tags to hide. I also had used some substandard coding practices to achieve the look I desired.

So all last night and part of this morning, I spent going through my Stylesheet and Index Template. I removed all the comment tages, rewrote code to current standards [thank you to Phil], and changed a few things design-wise.

I don't know exactly what fixed the Mozilla problem, as I completed everything before anyone [Susie] read my site today. If it was the recoding or installing an image background under the .blogbody section so that the page background wouldn't show through, but a commentor [Susie] said Yay!!!!!! So, if everyone [Susie] is happy, I'm happy!

Anyway, I'm working on Sunday's regular feature: Tales From The Champagne Room right now so we'll see you tomorrow!

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #5. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Here is the next installment of: Spnak Frnak

Funny Friday

Madfish Willie told me to end the week off on a good note, so here's a bar joke followed by the funniest shit I could dig up around the blogosphere.

C-ing I Dog

Two guys were walking their dogs and came across a bar. Since they were hot and tired from walking the dogs they decided to go in and have a drink. Unfortunately, the bar didn't allow dogs. There was no place to safely secure the dogs, so they started thinking of ideas to get in the bar. Then one of the guys had an idea.

"Just watch me and follow my lead," he said.

He walked into the bar with his dog and the bartender stopped and said to him, "I'm sorry but I can't let you in here."

The guy looked at the bartender and asked, "Why not?"

The bartender replied, "Well, we don't allow dogs into the bar."

"But this is my seeing eye dog," the guy said.

"Oh, I'm sorry sir come on in, and by the way, nice golden retriever."

The guy went into the bar and the second guy walked in with his dog. The bartender stopped him and told him he can't let him in. When asked why not the bartender replied that you cannot have dogs in his bar.

"But this is my seeing eye dog," said the second guy.

The bartender looked at the man and then looked at the dog. After a while he said, "Sir, ah… um… a Chihuahua?"

The man looked a little puzzled and then said, "What? They gave me a Chihuahua?"

Now from around the blogosphere:

King of the Blogs: New Contest

The Challenge
Impress the judges and beat five other blogs to get the prize.
... then keep it...

The Prize

Pretenders to the Throne
Clarified
eTALKINGHEAD
Dr. Adrian Warnock
Anger Managment
The Commissar
Evangelical Outpost

The Judges
Wizbangblog
Madfish Willie
Rick's Cafe
Angelweave
King of Fools

The Host
Patriot Paradox

The Location
The url for the event is http://www.patriot-paradox.com/blogking/

Google Fight!

I found the Google Fight at Corner of the Bar Babe, Susie's place: Practical Penumbra

Today's Google Fight is brought to you by: Blackfive's "There He Goes".

Blackfive: 11,500
Madfish Willie: 4,210

Matt: 10,300,00
Bartender: 676,000

Matt: 10,3000,00
My Name: 21,600,000

I will retire the undefeated and untied Google Fight Champion of Madfish Willie's

Next week we'll change it up a little and let you decide who will be in the Google Fight of The Week next Friday. The Winner will receive gratuitous linkage and Google Fight the next challenger!

Spank Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #4. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Here is the next installment of: Spnak Frnak

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross the Lone Ranger with an insect ?
Second Kangaroo: The Masked-quito !

First Kangaroo: What has antlers and sucks blood ?
Second Kangaroo: A moose-quito !

First Kangaroo: Why did the mosquito go to the dentist ?
Second Kangaroo: To improve his bite !

First Kangaroo: What is a mosquito's favourite sport ?
Second Kangaroo: Skin-diving !

First Kangaroo: How do you know if you have a tough mosquito ?
Second Kangaroo: You slap him and he slaps you back !

First Kangaroo: What is the difference between a mosquito and a fly ?
Second Kangaroo: Try sewing buttons on a mosquito !

First Kangaroo: What's the difference between a lawyer and a mosquito ?
Second Kangaroo: A mosquito drops off you when you die !

First Kangaroo: What is the most religious insect ?
Second Kangaroo: A mosque-ito !

First Kangaroo: What has 6 legs, bits and talks in code ?
Second Kangaroo: A morese-quito !

First Kangaroo: Why are mosquitos religious ?
Second Kangaroo: They prey on you !

Cheers!

Friday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"Here are toasts to you. And you. And you."

Yogism
"It gets late early out here."

Quotes on Drinking:
"If the headache would only precede the intoxication, alcoholism would be a virtue." ~Samuel Butler~

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
While the occasional quick love bite is, in context, welcome, that incessant animal-in-a-leg-trap gnawing: no.

ClueBat Insults
Thou gleeking, flap-mouthed foot-licker Frnak!

Movie Madness
Chicken

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:

• asstang Frnak


• asstheif Frnak


• asstink Frnak


• asstomp Frnak


• assuck Frnak


• asswack Frnak


• asswater Frnak


• assweed Frnak


• asswhipe Frnak


• asswhole Frnak

Google Bombing the LoL

Tom at BigStick.US has a project he would like everyone to assist him with and Harvey agrees that it's a good idea.

Tom wants to Google Bomb the LoL with the link General Douchebaggery.

Please post that exact link, both text and URL, somewhere on your site. Multiple times, if you so desire. For the HTML-impaired, just copy and paste this tag:

<a href="http://leagueofliberals.blogspot.com/" target=top>General Douchebaggery</a>

Survivor: Blogosphere Edition

Survivor: Blogsphere Edition is moving rught along. The second immunity challenge results are in.

In a really close vote, Helen wins immunity!

She and the rest of the contestants will now vote for who gets kicked off the island on Friday morning. Come back then to see who the final four contetants are.

King of The Blogs

There is a new blog contest in town!

Nick at Patriot Paradox is starting the King of The Blogs contest with a weekly prize and everything!

It looks like Madfish Willie is going to be one of the permanent judges, along with Rick from Rick's Cafe Amerciana and Kevin at Wizbang. Plus there will be some rotating judges as noted in the post.

Go read about the contest and then enter every week so one day you can be crowned: King of The Blogs!

Google Fight!

I found the Google Fight at Corner of the Bar Babe, Susie's place: Practical Penumbra

Today's Google Fight is brought to you by:
Bad Money's: I Was Wrong

Bad Money: 6,460,000
Madfish Willie: 4,210

Harvey: 4,160,000
Bartender: 676,000

Fuck Harvey... I'll use my real name!

Harvey: 4,160,000
My Name: 21,600,000

I am still the Champ!

Next challenger for the title: Blackfive

Thursday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"Here's head first, in a foaming glass!
Here's head first, to a lovely lass!
Here's head first, for a bit of kissing,
For the good don't know the fun that they're missing!"

Yogism
On why NY lost the 1960 series to Pittsburgh "We made to many wrong mistakes."

Quotes on Drinking:
"My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine. Fortunately, everybody drinks water." Mark Twain

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Only acceptable pickup line: "Hi, my name is [insert your name]. What's yours?"

ClueBat Insults
Thou frothy, fenn-sucked flirt-grill!

Movie Madness
Elvis

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:

• assplug


• asspoop


• assram


• assrape


• assrapingyak


• assream


• assrip


• assrob


• asstab


• asstang

Cyborg Bloggers III

C.Y.B.O.R.G. Generator: Enter your name and the Cyborger will tell you your Cyborg name and your dark purpose.

Cyborg name generator came up with these descriptive names and purposes for the members of Munuviana:

J.I.M.: Journeying Intelligent Machine
D.O.N.: Device Optimized for Nullification
T.I.M.: Troubleshooting and Infiltration Machine
T.E.D.: Troubleshooting and Exploration Device
T.O.M.: Troubleshooting and Observation Machine
S.U.S.I.E.: Synthetic Unit Skilled in Infiltration and Exploration
S.I.M.O.N.: Synthetic Intelligent Machine Optimized for Nullification
D.A.N.I.E.L.: Digital Artificial Nocturnal Infiltration and Exploration Lifeform
H.E.L.E.N.: Humanoid Engineered for Logical Exploration and Nullification
L.E.A.N.N.: Lifeform Engineered for Assassination and Nocturnal Nullification
V.I.C.T.O.R.: Vigilant Intelligent Construct Trained for Observation and Repair
C.H.E.R.R.Y.: Cybernetic Humanoid Engineered for Repair and Rational Yardwork
M.O.O.K.I.E.: Mechanical Organism Optimized for Killing and Intensive Exploration
S.T.E.V.I.E.: Synthetic Technician Engineered for Violence and Intensive Exploration
H.E.A.T.H.E.R.: Hydraulic Electronic Android Trained for Hazardous Exploration and Repair
M.R.G.R.E.E.N.: Mechanical Robotic Guardian Responsible for Exploration and Efficient Nullification
J.E.N.N.I.F.E.R.: Journeying Electronic Neohuman Normally for Intensive Fighting and Efficient Repair
K.A.N.G.A.R.O.O.: Kinetic Artificial Neohuman Generated for Accurate Repair and Online Observation
R.O.X.E.T.T.E.: Robotic Obedient Xenomorph Engineered for Troubleshooting and Terran Exploration
T.U.N.I.N.G.S.P.O.R.K.: Technician Used for Nocturnal Infiltration and Nullification/General Synthetic Person Optimized for Repair and Killing
P.I.X.Y.M.I.S.A.: Positronic Intelligent Xenomorph Yearning for Mandatory Infiltration and Scientific Assassination

Google Fight!

I found this link at Corner of the Bar Babe, Susie's place: Practical Penumbra

Today's Google Fight is brought to you by: Susie Q's Space Aliens!!

Practical Penumbra: 11,800
Madfish Willie: 4,210

Susie: 932,000
Bartender: 676,000

Shit, Susie is kicking my ass... I gotta pull out the big guns and use real name!

Susie: 932,000
My Name: 21,600,000

I am the Champ!

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #3. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Here is the next installment of Spnak Frnak

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What is green, sooty and whistles when it rubs its back legs together ?
Second Kangaroo: Chimney Cricket !

First Kangaroo: What is a grasshopper ?
Second Kangaroo: An insect on a pogo stick !

First Kangaroo: What is green and can jump a mile in a minute ?
Second Kangaroo: A grasshopper with hiccups !

First Kangaroo: What do you call a grasshopper with no legs ?
Second Kangaroo: A grasshover !

First Kangaroo: Why is it better to be a grasshopper than a cricket ?
Second Kangaroo: Because grasshoppers can play cricket but crickets can't play grasshopper !

First Kangaroo: Why don't other bugs like earwigs ?
Second Kangaroo: Because they are always earwigging their conversations !

First Kangaroo: What kind of wig can hear ?
Second Kangaroo: An earwig !

First Kangaroo: What did the earwig say as it fell down the stairs ?
Second Kangaroo: Ear we go !

Cheers!

Wednesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"Here's to those that love us,
And here's to those that don't,
A smile for those who are willing to,
And a tear for those who won't."

Yogism
Yogi on the 1969 NY Mets....." We are overwhelming underdogs "

Quotes on Drinking:
"The three-martini lunch is the epitome of American efficiency. Where else can you get an earful, a bellyful, and a snootful at the same time?" Gerald R. Ford

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
One follow-up to an unreturned phone call is acceptable; two is stalking.

ClueBat Insults
Thou errant, dread-bolted death-token!

Movie Madness
Holding

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:

• assmunch


• assowipo


• assowippo


• assown


• asspack


• asspeddle


• assphinct


• assphuck


• asspiece


• asspirate

New Blog Showcase

My votes for the New Blog Showcase this week are:

O.P.M.
and
Europe Hates America.

Below is a list of Alliance members that voted in last weeks showcase:

Precision Guided Humor

This week's Precision Guided Humor Assignment at The Alliance is:

What were Uday and/or Qusay's last words?

D'oh!

I know, I know, that's really weak, but... I... I... Fuck it... I was just trying to get an entry in before the deadline and Susie and Harvey already took all the good ones, plus I love The Simpsons!

Cyborg Bloggers II

C.Y.B.O.R.G. Generator: Enter your name and the Cyborger will tell you your Cyborg name and your dark purpose.

Cyborg name generator came up with these descriptive names and purposes for the members of Madfish Willie's Corner of the Bar Babes. [Note: This is an updated list and there will be some surprizes here!]

P.A.M.: Positronic Artificial Machine
A.M.Y.: Artificial Mechanical Youth
D.A.N.A.: Digital Artificial Nullification Android
S.U.S.I.E.: Synthetic Unit Skilled in Infiltration and Exploration
C.A.N.D.Y.: Cybernetic Artificial Neohuman Designed for Yardwork
M.A.R.G.I.: Mechanical Android Responsible for Galactic Infiltration
E.T.H.N.E.: Electronic Technician Hardwired for Nocturnal Exploration
L.I.N.D.A.: Lifeform Intended for Nocturnal Destruction and Assassination
H.E.L.E.N.: Humanoid Engineered for Logical Exploration and Nullification
D.E.N.I.T.A.: Digital Electronic Nocturnal Infiltration and Troubleshooting Android
J.E.N.N.I.F.E.R.: Journeying Electronic Neohuman Normally for Intensive Fighting and Efficient Repair
V.E.N.O.M.O.U.S.: Vigilant Electronic Neohuman Optimized for Mandatory Observation and Ultimate Sabotage
K.A.T.E.: Kinetic Android Trained for Exploration

Tomorrow: The Cyborg Munuvians

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in it's second day. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Here is the next installment of Spnak Frnak

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: How do you keep flies out of the kitchen ?
Second Kangaroo: Put a pile of manure in the living room !

First Kangaroo: What is the difference between a fly and a bird ?
Second Kangaroo: A bird can fly but a fly can't bird !

First Kangaroo: Why did the fly fly ?
Second Kangaroo: Because the spider spied 'er !

First Kangaroo: Why did the firefly keep stealing things ?
Second Kangaroo: He was light fingered !

First Kangaroo: What goes "snap, crackle and pop" ?
Second Kangaroo: A firefly with a short circuit !

First Kangaroo: Which fly makes films ?
Second Kangaroo: Stephen Speilbug !

First Kangaroo: Why were the flies playing football in saucer ?
Second Kangaroo: They where playing for the cup !

First Kangaroo: How do fireflies start a race ?
Second Kangaroo: Ready steady glow !

First Kangaroo: What did one firefly say to the other ?
Second Kangaroo: Got to glow now !

First Kangaroo: If there are 5 flies in the kitchen how do you know which one is the American Football player ?
Second Kangaroo: The one in the sugar bowl !

Cheers!

Tuesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"May we have those in our arms
That we love in our hearts."

Yogism
"If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be."

Quotes on Drinking:
"If all be true that I do think, There are five reasons we should drink: Good wine - a friend - or being dry - Or lest we should be by and by - Or any other reason why." Henry Aldrich

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Men always overestimate the size of their wives' or girlfriends' chests even as they underestimate the size of their wives' or girlfriends' hips.

ClueBat Insults
Thou clouted, clay-brained bum-bailey!

Movie Madness
Mickey

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:

• assman


• assmast


• assmeat


• assmilk


• assmine


• assmite


• assmoankey


• assmong


• assmonk


• assmonkey

Cyborg Bloggers I

C.Y.B.O.R.G. Generator
Enter your name and the Cyborger will tell you your Cyborg name and your dark purpose.

Cyborg name generator came up with these descriptive names and purposes for the members of Madfish Willie's Corner of the Bar Gang!

M.A.D.F.I.S.H.: Mechanical Artificial Device Fabricated for Infiltration and Scientific Harm
W.I.L.L.I.E.: Wireless Intelligent Lifeform Limited to Infiltration and Exploration
B.A.R.T.E.N.D.E.R.: Biomechanical Android Responsible for Troubleshooting and Exploration/Networked Device Engineered for Repair

B.A.D.M.O.N.E.Y.: Biomechanical Artificial Device Manufactured for Online Nullification and Efficient Yardwork
B.L.A.C.K.F.I.V.E.: Biomechanical Lifeform Assembled for Calculation and Killing/Facsimile Intended for Violence and Exploration

E.R.I.C.: Electronic Robotic Infiltration Construct
P.H.I.L.: Positronic Hazardous Infiltration Lifeform
M.A.T.T.: Mechanical Android Trained for Troubleshooting
H.A.R.V.E.Y.: Hydraulic Android Responsible for Violence and Efficient Yardwork
M.I.S.H.A.I.: Mechanical Individual Skilled in Hazardous Assassination and Infiltration
S.I.R.J.O.H.N.: Synthetic Intelligent Replicant Justified for Observation and Hazardous Nullification
G.A.L.S.T.A.F.F.: General Artificial Lifeform Skilled in Terran Assassination and Forbidden Fighting
G.R.A.U.M.A.G.U.S.: General Robotic Android Used for Mathematics/Android Generated for Ultimate Sabotage
S.I.L.V.E.R.B.L.U.E.: Synthetic Individual Limited to Violence and Exploration/Robotic Biomechanical Lifeform Used for Exploration
L.O.R.D.S.P.A.T.U.L.A.: Lifeform Optimized for Repair and Dangerous Sabotage/Positronic Artificial Troubleshooting and Ultimate Learning Android

Spnak Frnak

What leader would not stand behind his troops in the Great Blog War? Frank J - that's who. He doesn't blogroll all the members of his own Alliance of Free Bloggers. Us little pissants of the blogosphere rootin' around for the scraps and leftovers are left to fend for ourselves with no assistance from our fearless leader. Hell, I'm even a guest poster at The Alliance HQ page and Frank J don't even know who the fuck Madfish Willie is!

Therefore, I am on a one man crusade to remedy this situation. Until Frank J blogrolls every single member of The Alliance, I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. In addition to his double secret probation status, he is suspended from the Corner of the Bar Gang adventures and will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Here is the first installment of Spnak Frnak

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What do you call a flea that lives in an idiots ear ?
Second Kangaroo: A space invader !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a rabbit and a flea ?
Second Kangaroo: Bugs Bunny !

First Kangaroo: How do you start an insect race ?
Second Kangaroo: One, two, flea - go !

First Kangaroo: What is the difference between a flea and a wolf ?
Second Kangaroo: One prowls on the hairy and the other howls on the prairie !

First Kangaroo: What to you call a Russian flea ?
Second Kangaroo: A Moscow-ito !

First Kangaroo: How do you find where a flea has bitten you ?
Second Kangaroo: Start from scratch !

First Kangaroo: What is the difference between fleas and dogs ?
Second Kangaroo: Dogs can have fleas but fleas can't have dogs !

First Kangaroo: What did the clean dog say to the insect ?
Second Kangaroo: Long time no flea !

First Kangaroo: Who rode a dog and was a confederate general during the American Civil War ?
Second Kangaroo: Robert E Flea !

First Kangaroo: What did the idiot do to the flea in his ear ?
Second Kangaroo: Shot it !

Cheers!

Monday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"Here's to a kiss:
Give me a kiss, and to that kiss add a score,
Then to that add a hundred more;
A thousand to that hundred, and so kiss on,
To make that thousand quite a million.
Treble that million, and when that is done,
Let's kiss afresh as though we'd just begun."

Yogism
At Yogi Berra day in St Louis 1947 "I want to thank you for making this day necessary."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink." Unknown

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Women have to buy new outfits every season, and this makes them happy.

ClueBat Insults
Thou Bootless, beetle-headed bladder!

Movie Madness
Mickey

Some other cussin' stuff. Multilingual Swear List presents these next 10 jewels of swearing:

• asshorisin


• assinahole


• assjuice


• asskick


• asskickboy


• asskikr


• asslessone


• asslick


• asslip


• asslord

The Champagne Room

It's Sunday and time for another edition of The Champagne Room!

[Remember: There is no sex in The Champagne Room]

Cremastericreflexitsascrotomaticclenchin'!

K-Cebo of Twisted Fans shows us why we should be fans of Kansas Basketball It looks like I'm a converted Duke fan!

Harvey at Bad Money has some kind of kinky sex bracelet thingy going on over at his joint.

Ravenwood tells us to Be Strong Honey!

Don from anger Management has several gems for us this week. He starts off with some info on Beavers.

He follows that with More on Beavers!

SilverBlue gives a cartoon on Butt Sniffers.

LeeAnn from The Cheese Stands Alone swoons for a Cajun gentleman.

From Bad Money via Snooze Buttom Dreams comes A Woman's Guide on How to Pee Standing Up. Go read Harvey's take on his not being the shortest one at the trough!

Jim pens a tale titled Somnolence of Clouds that is so erotic that it gets banned from the Carnival of the Vanities!

Darren, The Cool Colorado Conservative visits squoogy.com and Butt Hole Drive.

Eric at Straight White Guy is Worried about condom soup!

Pixy Misa has some weird Dominatrix thing going on.

Acidman has the Action Hero Dick of the blogosphere! And he wonders Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw?

Harvey has nasty hairy man-boobs? That's one sick fucker!

SilverBlue has advice for some jack-off: Hide and Go Fuck Yourself!

Holiday Family Fun Fest from BarbiePorn.com [loads really slow but worth the wait]

Phil from Flying Chairs tells us of the perks of being on Hong Kong Vice Squad.

Dear Penis: [flash movie, loads slow]

The Most Phallic Building In The World

Rufus from Rod's Alter Ego gives us a Halloween tale.

Jelly Bracelets and Sex? from Jax Venus at Days Go By

Jennifer gives us some Gratuitous Nudity and Robust, Enthusiastic Porn!

Kim du Toit has shows us some Saturday Skin.

Pathetic Earthlings informs us that Lesbian Affairs aren's considered cheating but oral sex gets you two years!

Don from Anger Management starts up F.U.C.K. as in Phuck Phrank!

Paige asks if we are ready for Men In Skirts?

SilverBlue tells us the most powerful position.

LeeAnn wonders if the Radio Shack carries the Slightest Touch!

Nick the Dragon Slayer needs love too!

Bonnie Heather from Angleweave is looking for a no smoking bra?

Ted from Rocket Jones has discovered Octopus E.D.

Jim gives us the Paris Hilton Sex Video!

NOW I'M GOING TO HAVE TO SCRUB MY EYES WITH A WIRE BRUSH!

Dana, America's #1 pin-up girl, from Note-It Posts finds some sticky globs in her hair!

Here's one for Harvey!

Emmie from I Don't Think Anyone Reads This tells us when it's too young to start getting busy.

Time For Some Wang Tang!

Picture of Winnie the Poo, pulling his pud!

Last, but surely not least is Helen, Helen, Helen, Helen, Helen!

Evil Glenn Product Endorsements

The Alliance's newest assignment is to make up discover what products that Evil Glenn pimps as a Celebrity Endorser. Well, as I was flipping throught the Sunday paper, the one with three trees worth of crappy advertisements, I found out the Evil Glenn actually is a very prolific endorser. Here is a small sample of what I found:

Oester Blenders: The appliance of the Puppy Blender. (Evil Glenn not included)
Timex Watches: Takes a blending and but it keeps on ticking.
Coffee: Good to the last robot dance.
Blockbuster Video: This is not your father's penguin porn.
Toys R US 1: Evil Glenn tested, Mother approved.
Toys R US 2: The good penguin porn kids go for.
Stoeffers Chocolates: Chocolate blended puppies, since 1911.
Habitat for Humanity: Every hobo murdered helps.
Breakfast Cereal: Crunch all you want, we'll make puppy smoothies.
Mustard: Pardon me, do you have any grey puppy smoothies?
Foreign Products: Vorspung Durch Evil Glenn!
Foster's: Evil Glenn - Australian for Beer
First Baptist Church: It's good to talk to satan worshippers.

You Asked, The Bartender Answered

Well, my Interview with Jen is finally up. The answers to all the deep and probing questions of a lifetime of alcohol and drug abuse. Damn, she didn't give me much time to be the smart-ass fucker that I usually am. But, it was fun anyway.

If you haven't had an interview yet, go get signed up and take your beatin like a real man!

The Story of Madfish

Everybody's been screaming for more info on the Madfish, where he came from, what he's done. So here are a few of my smaller adventures across the globe that I dug out of my diary. I didn't take very good notes on most of these adventures so the details are severaly lacking but you get the picture.

Madfish Willie fought his enemy: Fat Bastard on an ironing board during the third world war in a sad mood and fell violently ill so everyone bowed down to Madfish Willie, he grabbed the detonator and as if it were a miracle he killed the bad guy and made it away with minimal injuries.

Madfish Willie saw a movie made by Fat Bastard in Japan and got locked in prison because his leg hurt and chased a bunny. Madfish Willie then escaped through a secret passage, he called the police and with his last ounce of strength he escaped narrowly and hitch-hiked all the way home.

Episode 0006831492

Next Up on Random Munuviana...

Airing Saturday on Peyote TV at Nap Time:
Random Munuviana Episode 0006831492.

Drop that poor little monkey Frank J. Time for another action packed galactic thriller. Today the tube be smokin'. Up next, Don embraces existentialist philosophy when Helen makes bizarre assertions regarding dangerous telepathic plants.

Stick around for extreme carnage when Cherry's subspace communications facility is attacked by network executives in a living alien machine. Pixy Misa torpedoes the uncooperative interlopering comment spammers into submission after agreeing to a ceasefire, saving Susie from permanent damage.

Later on, Jen goes to the med lab to avoid the extreme heat from her interview with The Bartender. Tom feels extremely manly when Tuning Spork insults Dead Meat Victor at a deafening party. Meanwhile, our bonnie Heather escapes from restrictive delusions, creating much danger for Rocket Jones.

Finally, after Tim's overtly intellectual ads for nose reductions, industrial slavery and Kang's back room adoptions, meter maid Mookie and a bunch of high school girls stand around the hidden peephole and look at Jim's hairy back, everyone has a hearty laugh and they roll the credits next to a teaser for Survivor: Blogosphere Edition on Mars.

After the show, Daniel goes to Stevie's for some fine baked taters and a bottle of cheap wine. Everyone is getting ripped and LeAnn's World of Cheese is a great place.

Cheers!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: Two fleas where running across the top of a cereal packet ?
Second Kangaroo: "Why are we running so fast ?" said one
Because it says "Tear along the dotted line"

First Kangaroo: What did one flea say to the other after a night out ?
Second Kangaroo: Shall we walk home or take a dog ?

First Kangaroo: Why did the stupid boy wear a turlte neck sweater ?
Second Kangaroo: To hide his flea collar !

First Kangaroo: What is a flea's favourite book ?
Second Kangaroo: The itch-hikers guide to the galaxy !

First Kangaroo: What is the most faithful insect ?
Second Kangaroo: A flea, once they find someone they like they stick to them !

First Kangaroo: What insect runs away from everything ?
Second Kangaroo: A flee !

First Kangaroo: What is the difference between a flea bitten dog and a bored visitor ?
Second Kangaroo: Ones going to itch and the other is itching to go !

First Kangaroo: What do you call a cheerful flea ?
Second Kangaroo: A hop-timist!

First Kangaroo: What did the romantic flea say ?
Second Kangaroo: I love you aw-flea !

First Kangaroo: How to fleas travel ?
Second Kangaroo: Itch hiking !

Cheers!

Friday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"If the ocean were a goblet
And all its salt seas wine,
I would drink it to you darlin',
Ere you cross the foamy brine;
For then you couldn't cross it,
But would have to stay on land
Till the walkin' should get better,
And we'd cross it hand in hand."

Yogism
"You can observe a lot by watching."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Now is the time for drinking, now the time to beat the earth with unfettered foot." Horace

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Getting back to kissing: more lip.
Less tongue.
The small of the back, the nape of the neck, behind the knees.
[Between the legs too, they like that]

ClueBat Insults
Thou beslubbering, beef-witted barnacle!

Movie Madness
Simply Red

Instead of Foreign Language Party Cookies, we'll do some other cussin' stuff. Multilingual Swear List presents these next 10 jewels of swearing:

• assfuk


• assfunk


• assgoblin


• assgrab


• asshair


• asshead


• assho


• asshoe


• asshol


• asshole

The New UN Motto

The Alliance assignment to make up discover what the new United Nations motto should be is completed. Here are the members who completed this difficult assignment and thus are granted gratuitous linkage:

Roxette of Hoppings of Roxette Bunny

SilverBlue of Ramblings of SilverBlue

The Bartender of Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon

Graumagus of Frizzen Sparks

Damon of The Dimmick Institute

Phil of Flying Chair

Susie of Practical Penumbra

Don of Anger Management

Physics Geek of physicsgeek

Tom of Tom's Nap Room

Darren of Colorado Conservative

Harvey of Bad Money

Thursday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"Here's to matrimony...
The high sea for which no compass has yet been invented."

Yogism
"I usually take a two hour nap from one to four."

Quotes on Drinking:
"One can drink too much, but one never drinks enough." Edward Burke

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Women like a man who likes women who like to eat.

ClueBat Insults
Thou mewling, idle-headed lewdster!

Movie Madness
Architecture

Instead of Foreign Language Party Cookies, we'll do some other cussin' stuff. Multilingual Swear List presents these next 10 jewels of swearing:

• asscheese


• assclown


• asscock


• asscrack


• asscream


• assenlarge


• assenmunch


• assface


• assfish


• assfuck

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What do bees do if they want to use public transport ?
Second Kangaroo: Wait at a buzz stop !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a bee with a skunk ?
Second Kangaroo: An animal that stinks and stings !

First Kangaroo: What does a queen bee do when she burps ?
Second Kangaroo: Issues a royal pardon !

First Kangaroo: How does a queen bee get around her hive ?
Second Kangaroo: She's throne !

First Kangaroo: What's black, yellow and covered in blackberries ?
Second Kangaroo: A bramble bee !

First Kangaroo: What's more dangerous than being with a fool ?
Second Kangaroo: Fooling with a bee !

First Kangaroo: Why did the bee started talking poetry ?
Second Kangaroo: He was waxing lyrical !

First Kangaroo: What is a bee's favourite classical music composer ?
Second Kangaroo: Bee-thoven !

First Kangaroo: Who writes books for little bees ?
Second Kangaroo: Bee-trix Potter !

First Kangaroo: What did the bee say to the naughty bee ?
Second Kangaroo: Bee-hive yourself !

Cheers!

A Night At Blender's

I have just experienced the drinking weekend to end all drinking weekends, and only now have I summoned the courage to put pen to paper (or whatever the e-mail equivalent is). I do believe I've recovered enough to write this...although I do it with shaking hands. The story opens as follows... I work part time at a nightclub called Madfish Willie's… that's all you need to know. A couple of times a year we take our Corner of the Bar Gang cash fund and go do something cool with it… like river rafting. Sunday, we decided to go down to Evil Glenn's bar and cause a ruckus down there... but I'll get to that in a minute... the night before, Madfish Willie's had an anniversary appreciation night where everyone who showed up received five tickets good for free drinks... since I only work on Fridays and usually don't come in at all on my days off… everyone was surprised as hell to see me there. Free booze… of course I'm gonna show, jeebus... the waitresses were buying me shooters… I bought them shooters… enjoyed my free booze… danced up a storm… did a whole lot of yelling and ass-grabbing… and don't remember a goddamn thing… but we do have some pictures.

I got a call Sunday morning from my buddy Blackfive… he asked if I could pick up Harvey and bring him out to Madfish Willie's house for the pre-trip barbecue... Super-groggy and massively hung over, I managed to get Harvey and drive out to Madfish's for the festivities… which got off to a great start when one of the guys started pissing off the front porch in view of the neighbors... we headed around back to start drinking some more… some of the guys had been up all night after the club drinking and were fucking incoherent… and the kegs were in full force… Blackfive had his sixer of beers in one hand… Harvey had a kool-aid pitcher of beer in the other at all times… amply topped off with several judicious trips to the beer keg downstairs. As the Corner of the Bar Gang are wont to do, the testosterone level got higher and higher… and the plans we had for Evil Glenn's bar were becoming more outrageous by the minute.

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What goes hum-choo, hum choo?
Second Kangaroo: A bee with a cold !

First Kangaroo: What's a bee-line ?
Second Kangaroo: The shortest distance between two buzz-stops !

First Kangaroo: What do you call a bee who's had a spell put on him ?
Second Kangaroo: He's bee-witched !

First Kangaroo: Can bees fly in the rain ?
Second Kangaroo: Not without their little yellow jackets !

First Kangaroo: What buzzes, is black and yellow and goes along the bottom of the sea ?
Second Kangaroo: A bee in a submarine !

First Kangaroo: Why do bees hum ?
Second Kangaroo: Because they've forgotten the words !

First Kangaroo: What kind of bees hum and drop things ?
Second Kangaroo: A fumble bee !

First Kangaroo: What did the bee say to the flower ?
Second Kangaroo: Hello honey !

First Kangaroo: What's a bees favourite flower ?
Second Kangaroo: A bee-gonias !

First Kangaroo: What did the confused bee say ?
Second Kangaroo: To bee or not to bee !

Cheers!

Wednesday Hapy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"Here's to one and only one,
And may that one be thee
Who loves but one and only one,
And may that one be me."

Yogism
"Never answer an anonymous letter."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Drink to me." Pablo Picasso's last words

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Women are less excited about sleeping with another woman for your viewing pleasure than you are.

ClueBat Insults
Thou weedy, weather-bitten, wagtail!

Movie Madness
Psycho Techno Hypno Snake

Instead of Foreign Language Party Cookies, we'll do some other cussin' stuff. Multilingual Swear List presents these next 10 jewels of swearing:

• ass
  
• assbandit


• assbeat


• assbite


• assbiteme


• assblast


• assboy


• assbutt


• assbyte


• asscheek

Marine Corps

I just read this post over at Straight White Guy. It is about the birth of the Marine Corps that happened in a tavern long ago.

Here is the post in it's entirety:

Tun Tavern Revisited...
228 years ago today, like minded men got together in a bar in Philadelphia. The name of the joint was Tun Tavern, and the year was 1775. After much drinking, political conversation, pinching of the serving wench's buttocks, and a few bar brawls, the gentlemen present created the Marine Corps.

....and Marines around the world continue to follow in the sterling footsteps of their forebearers...

Happy Birthday to ALL of my brothers and sisters!! Semper Fidelis!

Cheers!

Update #1: This is too good not to include with this post!

Cheers again Eric, my friend!

Update #2: A tribute to Eric's family members who served.

Harvey's Madfish Mojo Magic

Harvey has been puttin some kind of freaky mojo magic on the Madfish so he can't get his friggin tips out of the tip jar. For some weird reason, I haven't been able to view the currency pics on his site. Then, this afternoon they just mysteriously showed up again for no apparant reason.

Don't tell him, but I got Fatty Sue to put the reverse mojo hex on his nasty ass to get even with him for all the bad shit he been wishin on me here since lately. That ought ta learn him ta mess around wit da Madfish!

Here are some of the meager scraps Harvey sees fit to leave as tips. If that's all he can scrap together to leave as a tip, I got a tip for him... Never play leapfrog with a unicorn!

You Asked, Susie Answers

Susie from Practical Penumbra has her Interview with Jen up over at Jennifer's History & Stuff. Harvey, that sick friggen jerk off has to make a big sexual innuendo out of everything. We're gonna have to whack his pee-pee if he doesn't straighten up!

Anyway, go over and read Susie's answers to my questions - you'll have no trouble telling which ones were from Madfish Willie!

By the way, questions for my interview are open now! E-mail them to Jen by Wednesday.

Gratuitous Linkage

[Via Harvey's post] For the third straight week, the League of Liberals has won sponsorship of the New Blog Showcase. The good news is that they were once again under 100% participation. The bad news is that the Alliance didn't take advantage of that fact, and actually saw its own participation ratio drop a bit.

I hate those friggin guys! They bite the big one... for sure... those cheating bastards!

Anyway, here is some gratuitous linkage for The Alliance members that voted this week!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What do you call a greedy ant ?
Second Kangaroo: An anteater !

First Kangaroo: What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes ?
Second Kangaroo: Antteneye !

First Kangaroo: What kind of ant is good at maths ?
Second Kangaroo: An accountant !

First Kangaroo: What medicine would you give an ill ant ?
Second Kangaroo: Antibiotics !

First Kangaroo: Why did the ant-elope ?
Second Kangaroo: Nobody gnu !

First Kangaroo: What is worse than ants in your pants ?
Second Kangaroo: A bat in your bra !

First Kangaroo: What kind of ant can you colour with ?
Second Kangaroo: A crayant !

First Kangaroo: What games to ants play with elephants ?
Second Kangaroo: Squash !

First Kangaroo: What do you call an ant who likes to be alone ?
Second Kangaroo: An independant !

First Kangaroo: What do you call an ant who can't play the piano ?
Second Kangaroo: Discordant !

Cheers!

Tuesday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"I have known many,
Liked a few,
Loved one,
Here's to you!"

Yogism
"If the people don't want to come out to the ballpark, nobody's going to stop them."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; The best of life is but intoxication." Lord Byron

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
If she doesn't believe you when you say you have no previous girlfriend, admit to only one and offer: "She was unintelligent, a bad dresser, lousy in bed, couldn't cook, and had warts on her nipples." It also doesn't hurt to add that you like pets, enjoy children, volunteer often, and think, if only the church weren't against the use of condoms, you could have joined the priesthood.

ClueBat Insults
Thou vain, spur-galled scut!

Movie Madness
Crab Bloke in London

Instead of Foreign Language Party Cookies, we'll do some other cussin' stuff. Multilingual Swear List presents these next 10 jewels of swearing:

• anus


• varse


• arsebandit


• arsefuck


• arsephuck


• arsephuk


• arsepiece


• arsestab


• arsewipe


• asphinct

Newsflash: The Alliance

It looks like there is a lot of action over at The Alliance HQ this week.

Don has Survivor: The Blog Edition up and running.

I post a link to some Blog Tips from Living Room >> a space for life.

Trey Givens posts another Filthy Lie

Heather posts an observation about the LoL and reminds members to vote in The New Blog Showcase.

Blackfive reminds everyone to send their posts for The Hunting of the Snark, Bonfire of the Vanities and Carnival of the Vanities.

Harvey has gathered more Evil Glenn Quotes Lies - check the extended entry to read them all. My favorites from the new batch are:

Tom's Nap Room: Glenn Reynolds says: "I drink Michelob Ultra because I am a pussy who can't hold his liquor"

annika's journal: "The force is strong within that young Skywalker chick." - Darth Reynolds

What Drink Are You?

Its a good thing when The Bartender knows what drink you are. That way, when it gets really busy, you just walk up to the bar, pick up your drink, throw down a tip to the bartender, and walk away. Meanwhile, everybody else waiting in line for a drink is looking at you wondering who the hell do you think you are and get your ass in line just like everybody else. Fuck Em, The End.

Here's what drinks the Munuvians are:

Heather at Angleweave: Long Island Iced Tea

Tuning Spork from Blather Review: Long Island Iced Tea

Victor from Publius & Co: Long Island Iced Tea

Jennifer from Jennifer's History & Stuff: Screaming Orgasm

Susie from Practical Penumbra: Strawberry Dacquiri

LeAnn from The Cheese Stands Alone: Tequila

Ted from Rocket Jones: Cold Beer

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What is even bigger than an elephant ?
Second Kangaroo: A giant !

First Kangaroo: Who was the most famous ant scientist ?
Second Kangaroo: Albert Antstein !

First Kangaroo: What kind of ants are very learned ?
Second Kangaroo: Pedants !

First Kangaroo: What do you call a smart ant ?
Second Kangaroo: Elegant !

First Kangaroo: What do you call an ant in space ?
Second Kangaroo: Cosmonants & Astronants !

First Kangaroo: Where do ants go to eat ?
Second Kangaroo: At a restaurant !

First Kangaroo: What do you call an ant from overseas ?
Second Kangaroo: Impartant

First Kangaroo: Where do ants go for their holidays ?
Second Kangaroo: Frants !

First Kangaroo: What do you call an ant who skips school ?
Second Kangaroo: A truant !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross some ants with some tics ?
Second Kangaroo: All sorts of antics !

Cheers!

Monday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"Here's to the wings of love,
May they never moult a feather
Till your little shoes and my big boots
Are under the bed together."

Yogism
"The future ain't what it used to be."

Quotes on Drinking:
"I drink no more than a sponge". Francis Rabelais

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Showering a woman with gifts after the first date is the romantic equivalent of a comb-over.

ClueBat Insults
Thou fobbing, elf-skinned flap-dragon!

Movie Madness
Norse Gods

Instead of Foreign Language Party Cookies, we'll do some other cussin' stuff. Multilingual Swear List presents these 10 jewels of swearing:

• analspew


• analspray


• analtail


• analtroop


• analungus


• analviolate


• analwart


• analwhore


• analzone


• animalsex

The Champagne Room

It's Sunday, so it must be time for another edition of The Champagne Room!

[Remember, there is no sex in The Champagne Room]