Tales From The Champagne Room

It's Sunday and time for another Madfish Willie's edition of Tales From The Champagne Room!

[Remember: There is no sex in The Champagne Room]


advisory.gif     ChampagneRoom.jpg

I found it!: I got the title for my series from an HBO special with Chris Rock. Check it out!

As we are Shaking coconuts from the knob:

The Bloggers that e-mailed their Tales From The Champagne Room links to me. They get posted "above the fold" with gratuitous linkage in their post description. The others that I gleaned from my browsing this week will be in the extended section.

Sir John the Merciless of Castle Argghhh!!!'s hawk gets chased off by the cocks when he swoops in to make a killing on the chicks!

Mad Dog Bad Money Harvey just was in the gutter all week long! First it was Heather Puts Out. Then he discovers that his perverted mind has been confirmed. Next, he tries to get Susie oiled up at the Bonfire, is grateful for braless blogerettes, finds The Best Reason To Wear Lingerie, makes the Flinstones bed-rock, exposes Beth, votes to Free The Boobies!, and gives us some Romantic Advice. Finally, he finishes up with this jewel about muffin buffin [don't miss this one!].

Thanks to Harvey and Sir John for sending me their posts. The rest of the Tales From The Champagne Room are posts that I gleaned while browsing around this week.

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 30 :: Permalink :: Comments (3) :: Champagne Room
» Practical Penumbra links with: Ping Tsunamette
» angelweave links with: The Grinning Masturbator

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #13. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

We all know how much Frnak hates clowns, so here is the next installment of: Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 30 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Spnak Frnak

Tales From The Champagne Room

Madfish Willie's has started a "send me your posts" LinkLoveFest!

Tales From The Champagne Room!
[Remember: There is no sex in The Champagne Room!]

Read through these previous posts of The Champagne Room to get an idea of what I'm looking for.

To be linked in The Champagne Room post just e-mail the link(s) to your post(s) by Saturday 12:00 noon and I'll include you in the weekly LinkLoveFest on Sunday.

Thanks to everyone who have sent me links in the past and I'll be looking forward to more of your Tales From The Champagne Room!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 29 :: Permalink :: Comments (13) :: Champagne Room
» Argghhh!!! The Home of one of Jonah's Military Guys© links with: Completely Unpaid Advertisement, shamelessly hustled by the Barkeep!
» Snooze Button Dreams links with: Link Love
» Argghhh!!! The Home of one of Jonah's Military Guys© links with: Remember! By Noon Today!
» drowning at 2 feet sea level links with: For The Bartender
» Straight White Guy links with: NO FAIR!!

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #12. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Here is the next installment of: Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 29 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Spnak Frnak

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What happened to the glow worm who was squashed ?
Second Kangaroo: He was de-lighted !

First Kangaroo: What is the best advice to give to worm ?
Second Kangaroo: Sleep late !

First Kangaroo: What's the difference between a worm and an apple ?
Second Kangaroo: Have you ever tried worm pie ?!

First Kangaroo: What did the worm say to the other when he was late home ?
Second Kangaroo: Where in earth have you been !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant ?
Second Kangaroo: Very big worm holes in your garden !

First Kangaroo: What reads and lives in an apple ?
Second Kangaroo: A bookworm !

First Kangaroo: What makes a glow worm glow ?
Second Kangaroo: A light meal !

First Kangaroo: Why do worms taste like chewing gum ?
Second Kangaroo: Because they're wrigleys !

First Kangaroo: Why did the sparrow go to the library ?
Second Kangaroo: It was looking for bookworms !

First Kangaroo: What is life like for a wood worm ?
Second Kangaroo: Boring !

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 29 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Dumb Ass Jokes

Saturday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"May you have warm words on a cold evening,
A full moon on a dark night,
And the road downhill all the way to your door."

Yogism
"Pair up in threes."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow they may cancel your VISA." ~Unknown~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Never order a cocktail with more than four ingredients.

ClueBat Insults
Thou tottering, shard-borne pumpion Frnak!

Movie Madness
Poke the Crab

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:

  • bigusdikkus

  • bigusdikus

  • bigwang

  • bigwood

  • biotch Frnak

  • bitch Frnak

  • bitchass Frnak

  • bitchfuck Frnak

  • bitchnig Frnak

  • bitchqueen Frnak
Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 29 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Happy Hour Party

New Blog Showcase

Voting for The Bear's New Blog Showcase this week:
This entry from Joe's Thoughts

This entry from a moderate environmentalist, BaySense.

Linky Love for those Alliance Members who voted last week is below!

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 29 :: Permalink :: Comments (1)

Mad Dog Bad Money Harvey's Turkey Day

I talked to Harvey earlier today and asked him how his Turkey Day went. He goes into this long diatribe about how everyone in his family came over to the trailer for Turkey Day and he even had an unexpected guest.

Lorena catches Debbie adding a box of Ex-Lax to Diane's special brown gravy to insure that everyone will "be regular" afterwards.

Niece Laura shows up wearing her new mink stole that has a blaze-orange circle-and-slash painted on the back of it and proudly displays nephew Matthew's summons for his court date to answer for beating the crap out of the animal rights activists who ruined Laura's new coat.

Blogless Brother John, who just flew in for Thanksgiving from some unnamed South American country, keeps popping up like a jack-in-the-box and fiddling with his "piece" in a low-profile belt holster while nervously spying from the kitchen bay window up and down the street with binoculars.

Cousin Ronnie shows up with his new bride, his three-quarters sister Shandra, who is his sister by his father and his oldest full sister.

Uncle Roy coughs and sputters up in his rusty old pickup and asks those attending if anyone has a fresh pouch of "Redman" chewing tobacco that he can shove down into the transmission to keep it from leaking all the fluid out until he can make back home.

Aunt Patty shows up with freaky sister Connie, who brings her new "best friend" as well as her current parole officer and live-in lesbian lover and Domme who is also an associate producer on The Jerry Springer Show.

Second-cousin Blogless Tom brings as his guest his current analyst, who's doing his doctoral thesis in primitive societal familial subcultures.

Uncle Mike, who's legally blind but can see some shapes and colors and shadows and who also got legally blind fucking stone drunk before ever showing up with his wife Aunt Sarah, keeps "accidentally" nearly falling into all the women and copping feels as he seeks to regain his balance.

13-year-old cousin Derrick asks his cousins Ben & Jeff if he can borrow their thermal-melt scale device, so he can check the purity of an eight-ball "rock" he just bought from cousin Scott.

Uncle Harvey serves the turkey flambe' by pouring some his famous homemade 'shine all over it and igniting it with a flick from his unfiltered Camel cigarette, creating a ball of flame that alights what hair is left on Uncle Gary's head and gives third-degree burns to his balding pate, filling the dining room with the stench of roasting human as well as turkey flesh, as 911 is called for the second time on this special Thanksgiving holiday.

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 28 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Corner of the Bar Gang

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #11. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Here is the next installment of: Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's is the number 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 28 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Spnak Frnak

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What did the maggot say to another ?
Second Kangaroo: What's a nice maggot like you doing in a joint like this !

First Kangaroo: What did the woodworm say to the chair ?
Second Kangaroo: It's been nice gnawing you !

First Kangaroo: What's yellow, wiggles and is dangerous ?
Second Kangaroo: A maggot with attitude !

First Kangaroo: How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm ?
Second Kangaroo: it has a blue light !

First Kangaroo: Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag ?
Second Kangaroo: They can lighten your load !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a glow worm with a python ?
Second Kangaroo: A 15 foot strip light that can strangle you to death !

First Kangaroo: What is a worm's favourite band ?
Second Kangaroo: Mud !

First Kangaroo: Who is the worm's Prime Minister ?
Second Kangaroo: Maggot Thatcher !

First Kangaroo: When should you stop for a glow worm ?
Second Kangaroo: When he has a red light !

First Kangaroo: What is the maggot army called ?
Second Kangaroo: The Apple Corps !

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 28 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Dumb Ass Jokes

Friday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"May the roof above us never fall in,
And may we friends gathered below never fall out."

Yogism
"The other team could make trouble for us if they win."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Candy, is dandy, but liquor, is quicker." ~Ogden Nash~

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Should you hit it off with a woman, perhaps think you are soul mates, and fall into bed in an unclothed, heavy-breathing, romance-novel tangle, and, in the heat of it all, she moans, "Daddy," do not even attempt to put your pants on until you are in the car.

ClueBat Insults
Thou goatish, fly-bitten fustilarian Frnak!

Movie Madness
Swearotron

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:

  • bighoe Frnak

  • bigjuicynut Frnak

  • biglesbian Frnak

  • bignigger Frnak

  • bignut Frnak

  • bignutsack Frnak

  • bigoldick Frnak

  • bigschlong Frnak

  • bigslut Frnak

  • bigtits Frnak
Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 28 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Happy Hour Party

Helen's Hot Holiday

Highlights of Helen's Thanksgving Celebration!

He laid her on the table
So white clean and bare.
His forehead wet with beads of sweat
He rubbed her here and there.

He touched her neck and then her breast
And then drooling felt her thigh.
The slit was wet and all was set,
He gave a joyous cry.

The hole was wide...he looked inside
All was dark and murky.
He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms...
And then he stuffed the turkey.

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 27 :: Permalink :: Comments (3) :: Corner of the Bar Babes
» Ramblings of SilverBlue links with: Thanksgiving Link-Luv™

Madfish Willie's Thanksgiving Weather Report

Madfish Willie's Weather Forecast For Turkey Day:

Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder.

During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy.

A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the beltway. During the evening, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34F in the refrigerator.

Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat sandwiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be expected both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup late in the day. We expect a warming trend where soup develops. By early next week, eating pressure will be low as the only wish left will be the bone.

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 27 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Funny Stuff
» Wizbang links with: Bonfire of the Vanities - Week 22
» Wizbang links with: Bonfire Of The Vanities - Week 26

A BigStick Thanksgiving

Why college students Jeff likes Thanksgiving Break:

  • You know that your turkey is a Butterball rather than a Grade E yet semi-edible fur ball.

  • Your mother will not be serving your mashed potatoes and stuffing with an ice cream scooper.

  • Pumpkin pie is a great alternative to green jello.

  • After your eighth glass of cider, your emergency dash to the bathroom will not be delayed by having to line the seat with toilet paper.

  • Clean underwear, comfortable bed, access to a car, bedroom larger than a 12x14 cell...Even if it is for only four days.

  • To eat your meals, the only trek you'll have to make is from the couch to the kitchen, rather than the dorm to the dining hall in below freezing weather.

  • Instead of listening to "When I first started teaching here..." you can be entertained by "When your mother was your age..." and "during the Depression we weren't lucky enough to have Brussels sprouts. Hell, all we could afford was the sprout!"

  • You can eat your corn steamed with butter rather than popped in your microwave.

  • You know the hair in the shower drain is your own.

  • You won't be eating your Thanksgiving meal off a tray!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 27 :: Permalink :: Comments (4) :: Corner of the Bar Gang

Precision Guided Humor

OK. That does it! Now I gotta kick Harvey's ass and straighten him out a little. He's been hanging around with the pussies at the other end of the bar too fucking long. The gaddamn Corner of the Bar Babes are tougher than he is!

Below you see how Harvey is gonna deal with war-protesters and anti-America assholes. Sit back and watch me fisk the hell out of Harvey and teach him how to deal with a bunch of fucking idiots.

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 27 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Funny Stuff

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #10. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Here is the next installment of: Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's is the number 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 27 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Spnak Frnak

Happy Turkey Day!

On behalf of GoatHead, Kang A Roo, & Madfish Willie, The Bartender would like to wish everyone a safe and happy Thanksgiving Holiday. May the holidays find you and your family healthy and prosperous!


HAPPY

THANKSGIVING!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 26 :: Permalink :: Comments (3) :: Funny Stuff

Blackfive Turkey Day Adventures

Matty O'Blackfive Turkey Day Instructions:

How To Cook A Turkey
1) Go buy a turkey.
2) Take a drink of scotch whisky (Glenmorangie) or Jack Daniels.
3) Put turkey in the oven.
4) Take another 2 drinks of whiskey.
5) Set the degree at 375 ovens
6) Take 3 more whiskeys of drink.
7) Turn oven the on.
8) Take 4 whisks of drinky.
9) Turk the bastey.
10) Whiskey another bottle of get.
11) Stick a turkey in the thermometer
12) Glass yourself a pour of whiskey.
13) Bake the whiskey for 4 hours.
14) Take the oven out of the turkey.
15) Take the oven out of the turkey.
16) Floor the turkey up off of the pick.
17) Turk the carvey.
18) Get yourself another scottle of botch.
19) Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey.
20) Bless the saying, pass and eat out.

Turkey Dressing (15#)
3 cups bread crumbs
2 large onions
2 cups of celery
2 tablespoons of poultry seasoning
2 cups of unpopped popcorn
Stuff turkey.
Bake at 350 degrees for 5 hours until corn pops and blows the turkey's ass across the room!

Drinking Prayer
Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk),
At home as it is in the pub.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the beer, The bitter, The lager.
Barmen.

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 26 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Corner of the Bar Gang
» Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love links with: Wednesday 'Sphere
» Abject Apathetic Procrastination links with: Waterin' Hole
» Abject Apathetic Procrastination links with: Waterin' Hole
» Begging To Differ links with: CARNIVAL OF THE VANITIES # 63
» Begging To Differ links with: CARNIVAL OF THE VANITIES # 63
» Begging To Differ links with: CARNIVAL OF THE VANITIES # 63
» Begging To Differ links with: CARNIVAL OF THE VANITIES # 63
» Begging To Differ links with: CARNIVAL OF THE VANITIES # 63
» Begging To Differ links with: CARNIVAL OF THE VANITIES # 63
» Begging To Differ links with: CARNIVAL OF THE VANITIES # 63
» Begging To Differ links with: CARNIVAL OF THE VANITIES # 63
» Begging To Differ links with: CARNIVAL OF THE VANITIES # 63
» Begging To Differ links with: CARNIVAL OF THE VANITIES # 63
» Begging To Differ links with: CARNIVAL OF THE VANITIES # 63
» Begging To Differ links with: CARNIVAL OF THE VANITIES # 63
» Begging To Differ links with: CARNIVAL OF THE VANITIES # 63
» Begging To Differ links with: CARNIVAL OF THE VANITIES # 63
» Begging To Differ links with: CARNIVAL OF THE VANITIES # 63

Thanksgiving Humor

A few short jokes for your Turkey Day extravaganza!

  • A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. ~WC Fields~
  • Did you hear about the X-rated turkey? It's served with very little dressing.
  • Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving," little Johnny wrote, "I am thankful that I'm not a turkey."
  • Imagine... if the Pilgrims had shot a wild cat instead of a Turkey, what would we be eating for Thanksgiving? [pussy?]

  • Q: What's the difference between Thanksgiving dinner and pussy?
    A: You can eat your mom's thanksgiving dinner.
  • Q: How do you keep a turkey in suspense?
    A: I'll tell you at Christmas.
  • Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
    A: It was the chicken's day off.
  • Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
    A: If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
  • Q: What key has legs and can't open doors?
    A: Tur-key.
  • Q: What sound does a space turkey make?
    A: Hubble, hubble, hubble.
  • Q: Why do turkeys always go "gobble, gobble"?
    A: Because they never learned good table manners!

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 26 :: Permalink :: Comments (3) :: Funny Stuff

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #9. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Here is the next installment of: Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's is the number Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 26 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Spnak Frnak

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What is the difference between school dinners and a pile of slugs ?
Second Kangaroo: School dinners come on a plate !

First Kangaroo: What did the slug say as he slipped down the wall ?
Second Kangaroo: How slime flies !

First Kangaroo: How do you know your kitchen floor is dirty ?
Second Kangaroo: The slugs leave a trail on the floor that reads "clean me" !

First Kangaroo: What did the slug say to the other who had hit him and run off ?
Second Kangaroo: I'll get you next slime !

First Kangaroo: What was the snail doing on the highway ?
Second Kangaroo: About one mile a day !

First Kangaroo: What is the definition of a slug ?
Second Kangaroo: A snail with a housing problem !

First Kangaroo: How do snails get their shells so shiny ?
Second Kangaroo: They use snail varnish !

First Kangaroo: Why is the snail the strongest animal ?
Second Kangaroo: Because he carries a house on his back !

First Kangaroo: What do you do when two snails have a fight ?
Second Kangaroo: Leave them to slug it out !

First Kangaroo: Where do you find giant snails ?
Second Kangaroo: At the end of giants fingers !

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 26 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Dumb Ass Jokes

Wednesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"May the face of every good news
And the back of every bad news be toward us."

Yogism
"We have a good time together even when we are not together." (on courting his future wife)

Quotes on Drinking:
"The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid." ~Richard Braunstein~
[damn if that ain't the fucking truth!]

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
As a rule, even if she wears a thong the first time you see her unclothed, she prefers white cotton panties.

ClueBat Insults
Thou villainous, tardy-gaited strumpet Frnak!

Movie Madness
Touette-A-Phone

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:

  • bigcock Frnak

  • Madfish has a bigdick

  • bigdik Frnak

  • bigfatass Frnak

  • bigfuk Frnak

  • biggay Frnak

  • biggaykill Frnak

  • biggayman Frnak

  • biggaypeck Frnak

  • biggusdikus Frnak

  • bigho Frnak
Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 26 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Happy Hour Party

Jeff the Blegger

OK... Jeff from BigStick.US, poverty stricken member of Madfish Willie's Corner of the Bar Gang, needs some help to buy a digital camera. He is going to Frnace for a semester in January and wants to document that dreadful experience through his blog. [Plus, he says he lives across from the girls dormitories at school... sick fucker!]

He was going to get a cheap old piece of shit [aka POS] camera, but I talked him in to getting one that will last a few years and have the features he needs such as high speed, lots o' pixels, etc.

Go help him out and drop a couple of bucks in his PayPal because, quite frankly, Madfish is getting fucking tired of carrying his sorry ass around here. You should see his damn bar tab... and he never tips The Bartender either... dickhead!

While you're over there have a piece of Free Pie and sign his GuestMap!


PS If you need guidance as to how and what to contribute go read Harvey's take on the Pizza Rule!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 25 :: Permalink :: Comments (5) :: Corner of the Bar Gang
» Straight White Guy links with: I Want To Add to the List..
» Straight White Guy links with: I Want To Add to the List..

Thanksgiving Week

Things To Do Thanksgiving Day If You Want To Be Excused Early:

  • Remind your 12 year old brother/sister that you left those condoms they asked for in the closet upstairs.

  • Announce that you would like to start a new family tradition, and proceed to take off your clothes at the dinner table.

  • Open the oven, shove hunks of velveeta into the turkey while it cooks. Tell mom it adds the coolest flavor.

  • Shoot olive pits at Grampa's glasses (just pinch them in your fingers and they FLY!!)

  • Whenever someone at the table says a word beginning with the letter R, make a loud "BUZZ"ing noise.

  • When it's your turn to state what you are thankful for, say "latex sheets and crisco".

  • Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the VCR when Dad's not looking.

  • Suck your cranberry sauce loudly through a straw.

  • Sit at the "children's table" and lecture them on just why we need to increase the teenage pregnancy population.

  • Bring a date that only talks about her/his spouse at home.

  • As the family is being seated, shout, "Oh my Gawd, I forgot to show you all my genitalia piercing I got on Halloween!!"

  • Hold your nose while you eat.

  • Recite the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.

  • Mid-meal turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice, you were worried for nothing".

  • Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that you've got a new fear of choking.

  • When you arrive, promise that your date won't be more than an hour late, he/she just has to wait for the warden to get together all the necessary release forms, and then they are free to go.

  • During dinner, ask your brother if his mistress solved that little "dead rabbit" problem.

  • Turn to Dad and tell him to advise your brother, having experienced that himself.

  • Promise that the winner of the "wishbone tug" gets to sleep with your date. (sex/age unimportant)

  • Twitch a lot and nervously tell the person next to you, "THE SAFETY IS ON", while you hold your pocket.
Good Luck!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 25 :: Permalink :: Comments (3) :: Funny Stuff
» Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love links with: Tuesday Links
» Tiger: Raggin' & Rantin' links with: Why don't they ever serve Pizza?

Thanksgiving Week

In honor of the Thanksgiving Holidays this week, I'll be rotating different Thanksgiving themed backgrounds each day. How do you like this one? Looks pretty good with the rest of the page, huh? I lamost hate to rotate it out. What do you think... leave it up or rotate it?

Here are some Thanksgiving Cocktails & Liquor:

For my friends Eric, Blackfive, Graumagus and other connoisseurs of fine scotch whiskies: Glenmorangie Single Highland Malt Scotch Whisky

Rick Gobbler
1/2 oz. Wild Turkey
3/4 oz. each of Chambord, Amaretto, and Cranberry juice
Shake well with ice.
Strain into a chilled glass for a shooter, or pour over ice in a highball glass.
Garnish with a lime wedge.

Tooty Fruity Turkey
Equal parts of ;
Wild Turkey
Peach Schnapps
Orange juice
Place all in a shaker with ice.
Strain into a chilled cocktail glass or
Pour over rocks in a highball glass.

Wild Turkey 101: Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey

Wild Turkey Rare Breed: Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey

Tomorrow: Thanksgiving Humor:

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 25 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Funny Stuff

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #8. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Here is the next installment of: Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's is the number Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 25 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Spnak Frnak

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What did the spider say when he broke his new web ?
Second Kangaroo: Darn it !

First Kangaroo: What happened when the chef found a daddy long legs in the salad ?
Second Kangaroo: It became a daddy short legs !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a tarantula with a rose ?
Second Kangaroo: I'm not sure, but I wouldn't try smelling it !

First Kangaroo: Why did the spider buy a car ?
Second Kangaroo: So he could take it out for a spin !

First Kangaroo: What does a spider do when he gets angry ?
Second Kangaroo: He goes up the wall !

First Kangaroo: Why are spiders good swimmers ?
Second Kangaroo: They have webbed feet !

First Kangaroo: What is red and dangerous ?
Second Kangaroo: Strawberry and tarantula jelly !

First Kangaroo: What did the spider say to the fly ?
Second Kangaroo: We're getting married do you want to come to the webbing ?

First Kangaroo: How do you spot a modern spider ?
Second Kangaroo: He doesn't have a web he had a website !

First Kangaroo: What are spiders webs good for ?
Second Kangaroo: Spiders !

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 25 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Dumb Ass Jokes

Tuesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the rains fall soft upon your fields,
And may God hold you in the palm of his hand,
Until we meet again."

Yogism
"I wish I had an answer to that question because I'm tired of answering it."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Give an Irishman lager for a month and he's a dead man. An Irishman's stomach is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him." ~Mark Twain~

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Going shopping with more than one woman at any given time will consume a minimum of seventeen hours that could have been spent napping.

ClueBat Insults
Thou unmuzzled, sheep-biting ratsbone Frnak!

Movie Madness
Meatball

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:

  • basterd Frnak

  • bastid Frnak

  • biach Frnak

  • biatch Frnak

  • bicht Frnak

  • bigass Frnak

  • bigassball Frnak

  • bigasslip Frnak

  • bigbooty Frnak

  • bigbutthole Frnak
Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 25 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Happy Hour Party

Thanksgiving Week

In honor of the Thanksgiving Holidays this week, I'll be rotating different Thanksgiving themed backgrounds each day. And I'll be linking Thanksgiving related posts as I run across them this week. Here are some from my collection to date:

Thanksgiving Poem:
Thanksgiving Thoughts by SilverBlue.

What To Expect:
SilverBlue tells us what he is expecting this year.

What To Do:
Thanksgiving - The Plan

Food for Thought:
Munuviana Caramel Apple Cheesecake from Jennifer.

Pumpkin Soup from Dizzy Girl.

Chocolate Chunk Cookies from SilverBlue.

Hot Virginia Dip from SilverBlue.

Snickerdoodles from Rocket Jones.

Simple Chicken Stew from Rocket Jones. [substitute turkey?]

Baked Potato Soup from Rocket Jones.

Here are some links to turkey cooking:
Turkey Cooking 101.
Turkey Basics: Safe Cooking
Thanksgiving Recipes for Dummies

Tomorrow: Thanksgiving Cocktails:

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 24 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Funny Stuff

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #7. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Here is the next installment of: Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's is the number Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 24 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Spnak Frnak

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What do you call a big irish spider ?
Second Kangaroo: Paddy long legs !

First Kangaroo: What is a spiders favourite TV show ?
Second Kangaroo: The newly web game !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a spider and an elephant ?
Second Kangaroo: I'm not sure, but if you see one walking across the ceiling
then run before it collapses !

First Kangaroo: What do you call a 100 spiders on a tire ?
Second Kangaroo: A spinning wheel !

First Kangaroo: What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses ?
Second Kangaroo: If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital !

First Kangaroo: What kind of doctors are like spiders ?
Second Kangaroo: Spin doctors !

First Kangaroo: Why are spiders like tops ?
Second Kangaroo: They are always spinning !

First Kangaroo: What has 8 legs and likes living in trees ?
Second Kangaroo: Four anti road protesters ?

First Kangaroo: What did the wife spider say to her husband when he tried to explain why he was late ?
Second Kangaroo: Your spinning me a yarn here !

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 24 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Dumb Ass Jokes

Monday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"May the grass grow long on the road to hell for want of use."

Yogism
"It's not too far, it just seems like it is."

Quotes on Drinking:
"The whole world is about three drinks behind." ~Humphrey Bogart~

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
On PMS: The fact that she knows hormones are causing her temporary crankiness doesn't make the feelings any less real, so cut her some slack.
At those times when she criticizes your mood, it's okay to remind her of how you always cut her some slack on PMS days.
Do not expect this gambit to work.

ClueBat Insults
Thou surly, rump-fed puttock Frnak!

Movie Madness
Madonna

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:

  • asswhop Frnak

  • asswhore Frnak

  • asswipe Frnak

  • asswoop Frnak

  • assylip Frnak

  • assynip Frnak

  • assyniple Frnak

  • asszila Frnak

  • badass Frnak

  • bastard Frnak
Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 24 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Happy Hour Party

Tales From The Champagne Room

It's Sunday and time for another edition of Tales From The Champagne Room!

[Remember: There is no sex in The Champagne Room]

advisory.gif

First are the Bloggers that e-mailed their Tales From The Champagne Room links to me. They get all the gratuitous linkage I can put in their post description. The others that I gleaned from my browsing this week will be in the extended section and get a single link to their post.

Harvey from Bad Money explains Why there is no sex in The Champagne Room. Be sure to read the comments.

It seems that Harvey does most of his dirty talking over in Susie's comments here and here.

Phil at Flying Chair sends in this tale of of all night drunken debauchery. Gaddamn that guy can drink! If you're every in the States holler and we'll go out and get puking drunk together on Vodka!

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 23 :: Permalink :: Comments (7) :: Champagne Room
» drowning at 2 feet sea level links with: But there IS nudity!
» Tiger: Raggin' & Rantin' links with: There is no sex in the Champagne Room
» CandyUniverse links with: Around the Blogosphere
» Anger Management links with: MORNING ROUND UP

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #6. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Here is the next installment of: Spnak Frnak

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 23 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Spnak Frnak

Remodeling

Sorry for the lack of posting the Happy Hour Party and Dumb Ass Jokes by Kang A Roo today. I have been doing some remodeling to the site.

I was having problems with readers using Mozilla browsers [Susie] not being able to read certain parts of the blog. As I started this blog, I knew absolutely nothing about CSS and a little about HTML that I learned long ago. The language has developed so much since then, I've had to reducate myself.

As I was building the site and tweeking and tweeking and tweeking, I had a lot of garbage code [marquee tags] that I kept in the templates and used comment tags to hide. I also had used some substandard coding practices to achieve the look I desired.

So all last night and part of this morning, I spent going through my Stylesheet and Index Template. I removed all the comment tages, rewrote code to current standards [thank you to Phil], and changed a few things design-wise.

I don't know exactly what fixed the Mozilla problem, as I completed everything before anyone [Susie] read my site today. If it was the recoding or installing an image background under the .blogbody section so that the page background wouldn't show through, but a commentor [Susie] said Yay!!!!!! So, if everyone [Susie] is happy, I'm happy!

Anyway, I'm working on Sunday's regular feature: Tales From The Champagne Room right now so we'll see you tomorrow!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 22 :: Permalink :: Comments (6) :: Who Cares
» Munuviana links with: I think the battle is startin'

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #5. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Here is the next installment of: Spnak Frnak

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 22 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Spnak Frnak

Funny Friday

Madfish Willie told me to end the week off on a good note, so here's a bar joke followed by the funniest shit I could dig up around the blogosphere.

C-ing I Dog

Two guys were walking their dogs and came across a bar. Since they were hot and tired from walking the dogs they decided to go in and have a drink. Unfortunately, the bar didn't allow dogs. There was no place to safely secure the dogs, so they started thinking of ideas to get in the bar. Then one of the guys had an idea.

"Just watch me and follow my lead," he said.

He walked into the bar with his dog and the bartender stopped and said to him, "I'm sorry but I can't let you in here."

The guy looked at the bartender and asked, "Why not?"

The bartender replied, "Well, we don't allow dogs into the bar."

"But this is my seeing eye dog," the guy said.

"Oh, I'm sorry sir come on in, and by the way, nice golden retriever."

The guy went into the bar and the second guy walked in with his dog. The bartender stopped him and told him he can't let him in. When asked why not the bartender replied that you cannot have dogs in his bar.

"But this is my seeing eye dog," said the second guy.

The bartender looked at the man and then looked at the dog. After a while he said, "Sir, ah… um… a Chihuahua?"

The man looked a little puzzled and then said, "What? They gave me a Chihuahua?"

Now from around the blogosphere:

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 21 :: Permalink :: Comments (3) :: Funny Stuff
» Ramblings of SilverBlue links with: Friday's Link-Luv™

King of the Blogs: New Contest

The Challenge
Impress the judges and beat five other blogs to get the prize.
... then keep it...

The Prize

Pretenders to the Throne
Clarified
eTALKINGHEAD
Dr. Adrian Warnock
Anger Managment
The Commissar
Evangelical Outpost

The Judges
Wizbangblog
Madfish Willie
Rick's Cafe
Angelweave
King of Fools

The Host
Patriot Paradox

The Location
The url for the event is http://www.patriot-paradox.com/blogking/

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 21 :: Permalink :: Comments (6)

Google Fight!

I found the Google Fight at Corner of the Bar Babe, Susie's place: Practical Penumbra

Today's Google Fight is brought to you by: Blackfive's "There He Goes".

Blackfive: 11,500
Madfish Willie: 4,210

Matt: 10,300,00
Bartender: 676,000

Matt: 10,3000,00
My Name: 21,600,000

I will retire the undefeated and untied Google Fight Champion of Madfish Willie's

Next week we'll change it up a little and let you decide who will be in the Google Fight of The Week next Friday. The Winner will receive gratuitous linkage and Google Fight the next challenger!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 21 :: Permalink :: Comments (3) :: Who Cares
» Practical Penumbra links with: A Blast from the Past

Spank Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #4. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Here is the next installment of: Spnak Frnak

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 21 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Spnak Frnak

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross the Lone Ranger with an insect ?
Second Kangaroo: The Masked-quito !

First Kangaroo: What has antlers and sucks blood ?
Second Kangaroo: A moose-quito !

First Kangaroo: Why did the mosquito go to the dentist ?
Second Kangaroo: To improve his bite !

First Kangaroo: What is a mosquito's favourite sport ?
Second Kangaroo: Skin-diving !

First Kangaroo: How do you know if you have a tough mosquito ?
Second Kangaroo: You slap him and he slaps you back !

First Kangaroo: What is the difference between a mosquito and a fly ?
Second Kangaroo: Try sewing buttons on a mosquito !

First Kangaroo: What's the difference between a lawyer and a mosquito ?
Second Kangaroo: A mosquito drops off you when you die !

First Kangaroo: What is the most religious insect ?
Second Kangaroo: A mosque-ito !

First Kangaroo: What has 6 legs, bits and talks in code ?
Second Kangaroo: A morese-quito !

First Kangaroo: Why are mosquitos religious ?
Second Kangaroo: They prey on you !

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 21 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Dumb Ass Jokes
» Tiger: Raggin' & Rantin' links with: There is no sex in the Champagne Room

Friday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"Here are toasts to you. And you. And you."

Yogism
"It gets late early out here."

Quotes on Drinking:
"If the headache would only precede the intoxication, alcoholism would be a virtue." ~Samuel Butler~

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
While the occasional quick love bite is, in context, welcome, that incessant animal-in-a-leg-trap gnawing: no.

ClueBat Insults
Thou gleeking, flap-mouthed foot-licker Frnak!

Movie Madness
Chicken

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:

  • asstang Frnak

  • asstheif Frnak

  • asstink Frnak

  • asstomp Frnak

  • assuck Frnak

  • asswack Frnak

  • asswater Frnak

  • assweed Frnak

  • asswhipe Frnak

  • asswhole Frnak
Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 21 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Happy Hour Party

Google Bombing the LoL

Tom at BigStick.US has a project he would like everyone to assist him with and Harvey agrees that it's a good idea.

Tom wants to Google Bomb the LoL with the link General Douchebaggery.

Please post that exact link, both text and URL, somewhere on your site. Multiple times, if you so desire. For the HTML-impaired, just copy and paste this tag:

<a href="http://leagueofliberals.blogspot.com/" target=top>General Douchebaggery</a>

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 20 :: Permalink :: Comments (56) :: Who Cares
» taco flavored kisses links with: Ooooh, google bombs
» Practical Penumbra links with: Google Bomb

Survivor: Blogosphere Edition

Survivor: Blogsphere Edition is moving rught along. The second immunity challenge results are in.

In a really close vote, Helen wins immunity!

She and the rest of the contestants will now vote for who gets kicked off the island on Friday morning. Come back then to see who the final four contetants are.

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 20 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Who Cares

King of The Blogs

There is a new blog contest in town!

Nick at Patriot Paradox is starting the King of The Blogs contest with a weekly prize and everything!

It looks like Madfish Willie is going to be one of the permanent judges, along with Rick from Rick's Cafe Amerciana and Kevin at Wizbang. Plus there will be some rotating judges as noted in the post.

Go read about the contest and then enter every week so one day you can be crowned: King of The Blogs!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 20 :: Permalink :: Comments (1)

Google Fight!

I found the Google Fight at Corner of the Bar Babe, Susie's place: Practical Penumbra

Today's Google Fight is brought to you by:
Bad Money's: I Was Wrong

Bad Money: 6,460,000
Madfish Willie: 4,210

Harvey: 4,160,000
Bartender: 676,000

Fuck Harvey... I'll use my real name!

Harvey: 4,160,000
My Name: 21,600,000

I am still the Champ!

Next challenger for the title: Blackfive

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 20 :: Permalink :: Comments (4) :: Who Cares

Thursday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"Here's head first, in a foaming glass!
Here's head first, to a lovely lass!
Here's head first, for a bit of kissing,
For the good don't know the fun that they're missing!"

Yogism
On why NY lost the 1960 series to Pittsburgh "We made to many wrong mistakes."

Quotes on Drinking:
"My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine. Fortunately, everybody drinks water." Mark Twain

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Only acceptable pickup line: "Hi, my name is [insert your name]. What's yours?"

ClueBat Insults
Thou frothy, fenn-sucked flirt-grill!

Movie Madness
Elvis

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 20 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Happy Hour Party

Cyborg Bloggers III

C.Y.B.O.R.G. Generator: Enter your name and the Cyborger will tell you your Cyborg name and your dark purpose.

Cyborg name generator came up with these descriptive names and purposes for the members of Munuviana:

J.I.M.: Journeying Intelligent Machine
D.O.N.: Device Optimized for Nullification
T.I.M.: Troubleshooting and Infiltration Machine
T.E.D.: Troubleshooting and Exploration Device
T.O.M.: Troubleshooting and Observation Machine
S.U.S.I.E.: Synthetic Unit Skilled in Infiltration and Exploration
S.I.M.O.N.: Synthetic Intelligent Machine Optimized for Nullification
D.A.N.I.E.L.: Digital Artificial Nocturnal Infiltration and Exploration Lifeform
H.E.L.E.N.: Humanoid Engineered for Logical Exploration and Nullification
L.E.A.N.N.: Lifeform Engineered for Assassination and Nocturnal Nullification
V.I.C.T.O.R.: Vigilant Intelligent Construct Trained for Observation and Repair
C.H.E.R.R.Y.: Cybernetic Humanoid Engineered for Repair and Rational Yardwork
M.O.O.K.I.E.: Mechanical Organism Optimized for Killing and Intensive Exploration
S.T.E.V.I.E.: Synthetic Technician Engineered for Violence and Intensive Exploration
H.E.A.T.H.E.R.: Hydraulic Electronic Android Trained for Hazardous Exploration and Repair
M.R.G.R.E.E.N.: Mechanical Robotic Guardian Responsible for Exploration and Efficient Nullification
J.E.N.N.I.F.E.R.: Journeying Electronic Neohuman Normally for Intensive Fighting and Efficient Repair
K.A.N.G.A.R.O.O.: Kinetic Artificial Neohuman Generated for Accurate Repair and Online Observation
R.O.X.E.T.T.E.: Robotic Obedient Xenomorph Engineered for Troubleshooting and Terran Exploration
T.U.N.I.N.G.S.P.O.R.K.: Technician Used for Nocturnal Infiltration and Nullification/General Synthetic Person Optimized for Repair and Killing
P.I.X.Y.M.I.S.A.: Positronic Intelligent Xenomorph Yearning for Mandatory Infiltration and Scientific Assassination

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 19 :: Permalink :: Comments (5) :: Funny Stuff
» DFMoore: Pizzazz, Panache, and a Phoenix links with: Notes

Google Fight!

I found this link at Corner of the Bar Babe, Susie's place: Practical Penumbra

Today's Google Fight is brought to you by: Susie Q's Space Aliens!!

Practical Penumbra: 11,800
Madfish Willie: 4,210

Susie: 932,000
Bartender: 676,000

Shit, Susie is kicking my ass... I gotta pull out the big guns and use real name!

Susie: 932,000
My Name: 21,600,000

I am the Champ!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 19 :: Permalink :: Comments (3) :: Who Cares
» Practical Penumbra links with: Tune in Tomorrow

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #3. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Here is the next installment of Spnak Frnak

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 19 :: Permalink :: Comments (3) :: Spnak Frnak

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What is green, sooty and whistles when it rubs its back legs together ?
Second Kangaroo: Chimney Cricket !

First Kangaroo: What is a grasshopper ?
Second Kangaroo: An insect on a pogo stick !

First Kangaroo: What is green and can jump a mile in a minute ?
Second Kangaroo: A grasshopper with hiccups !

First Kangaroo: What do you call a grasshopper with no legs ?
Second Kangaroo: A grasshover !

First Kangaroo: Why is it better to be a grasshopper than a cricket ?
Second Kangaroo: Because grasshoppers can play cricket but crickets can't play grasshopper !

First Kangaroo: Why don't other bugs like earwigs ?
Second Kangaroo: Because they are always earwigging their conversations !

First Kangaroo: What kind of wig can hear ?
Second Kangaroo: An earwig !

First Kangaroo: What did the earwig say as it fell down the stairs ?
Second Kangaroo: Ear we go !

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 19 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Dumb Ass Jokes

Wednesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"Here's to those that love us,
And here's to those that don't,
A smile for those who are willing to,
And a tear for those who won't."

Yogism
Yogi on the 1969 NY Mets....." We are overwhelming underdogs "

Quotes on Drinking:
"The three-martini lunch is the epitome of American efficiency. Where else can you get an earful, a bellyful, and a snootful at the same time?" Gerald R. Ford

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
One follow-up to an unreturned phone call is acceptable; two is stalking.

ClueBat Insults
Thou errant, dread-bolted death-token!

Movie Madness
Holding

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 19 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Happy Hour Party

New Blog Showcase

My votes for the New Blog Showcase this week are:

O.P.M.
and
Europe Hates America.

Below is a list of Alliance members that voted in last weeks showcase:

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 19 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Funny Stuff

Precision Guided Humor

This week's Precision Guided Humor Assignment at The Alliance is:

What were Uday and/or Qusay's last words?

D'oh!

I know, I know, that's really weak, but... I... I... Fuck it... I was just trying to get an entry in before the deadline and Susie and Harvey already took all the good ones, plus I love The Simpsons!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 19 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Funny Stuff

Cyborg Bloggers II

C.Y.B.O.R.G. Generator: Enter your name and the Cyborger will tell you your Cyborg name and your dark purpose.

Cyborg name generator came up with these descriptive names and purposes for the members of Madfish Willie's Corner of the Bar Babes. [Note: This is an updated list and there will be some surprizes here!]

P.A.M.: Positronic Artificial Machine
A.M.Y.: Artificial Mechanical Youth
D.A.N.A.: Digital Artificial Nullification Android
S.U.S.I.E.: Synthetic Unit Skilled in Infiltration and Exploration
C.A.N.D.Y.: Cybernetic Artificial Neohuman Designed for Yardwork
M.A.R.G.I.: Mechanical Android Responsible for Galactic Infiltration
E.T.H.N.E.: Electronic Technician Hardwired for Nocturnal Exploration
L.I.N.D.A.: Lifeform Intended for Nocturnal Destruction and Assassination
H.E.L.E.N.: Humanoid Engineered for Logical Exploration and Nullification
D.E.N.I.T.A.: Digital Electronic Nocturnal Infiltration and Troubleshooting Android
J.E.N.N.I.F.E.R.: Journeying Electronic Neohuman Normally for Intensive Fighting and Efficient Repair
V.E.N.O.M.O.U.S.: Vigilant Electronic Neohuman Optimized for Mandatory Observation and Ultimate Sabotage
K.A.T.E.: Kinetic Android Trained for Exploration

Tomorrow: The Cyborg Munuvians

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 18 :: Permalink :: Comments (7) :: Corner of the Bar Babes
» Note-It Posts links with: In tribute...
» drowning at 2 feet sea level links with: You'll find me over in the corner...
» Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love links with: Tuesday Trot Through the Blogoshpere
» Ain't Done It! links with: How appropriate!
» Electric Venom links with: You Will Be Assimilated
» Who Tends the Fires links with: Resistance is Futile...
» BigStick.us links with: Link Fest '03

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in it's second day. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Here is the next installment of Spnak Frnak

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 18 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Spnak Frnak
» Ramblings of SilverBlue links with: Some bonus Link-Luv™
» BigStick.us links with: Link Fest '03

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: How do you keep flies out of the kitchen ?
Second Kangaroo: Put a pile of manure in the living room !

First Kangaroo: What is the difference between a fly and a bird ?
Second Kangaroo: A bird can fly but a fly can't bird !

First Kangaroo: Why did the fly fly ?
Second Kangaroo: Because the spider spied 'er !

First Kangaroo: Why did the firefly keep stealing things ?
Second Kangaroo: He was light fingered !

First Kangaroo: What goes "snap, crackle and pop" ?
Second Kangaroo: A firefly with a short circuit !

First Kangaroo: Which fly makes films ?
Second Kangaroo: Stephen Speilbug !

First Kangaroo: Why were the flies playing football in saucer ?
Second Kangaroo: They where playing for the cup !

First Kangaroo: How do fireflies start a race ?
Second Kangaroo: Ready steady glow !

First Kangaroo: What did one firefly say to the other ?
Second Kangaroo: Got to glow now !

First Kangaroo: If there are 5 flies in the kitchen how do you know which one is the American Football player ?
Second Kangaroo: The one in the sugar bowl !

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 18 :: Permalink :: Comments (21) :: Dumb Ass Jokes
» Ramblings of SilverBlue links with: Some bonus Link-Luv™
» BigStick.us links with: Link Fest '03

Tuesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"May we have those in our arms
That we love in our hearts."

Yogism
"If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be."

Quotes on Drinking:
"If all be true that I do think, There are five reasons we should drink: Good wine - a friend - or being dry - Or lest we should be by and by - Or any other reason why." Henry Aldrich

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Men always overestimate the size of their wives' or girlfriends' chests even as they underestimate the size of their wives' or girlfriends' hips.

ClueBat Insults
Thou clouted, clay-brained bum-bailey!

Movie Madness
Mickey

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 18 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Happy Hour Party
» BigStick.us links with: Link Fest '03

Cyborg Bloggers I

C.Y.B.O.R.G. Generator
Enter your name and the Cyborger will tell you your Cyborg name and your dark purpose.

Cyborg name generator came up with these descriptive names and purposes for the members of Madfish Willie's Corner of the Bar Gang!

M.A.D.F.I.S.H.: Mechanical Artificial Device Fabricated for Infiltration and Scientific Harm
W.I.L.L.I.E.: Wireless Intelligent Lifeform Limited to Infiltration and Exploration
B.A.R.T.E.N.D.E.R.: Biomechanical Android Responsible for Troubleshooting and Exploration/Networked Device Engineered for Repair

B.A.D.M.O.N.E.Y.: Biomechanical Artificial Device Manufactured for Online Nullification and Efficient Yardwork
B.L.A.C.K.F.I.V.E.: Biomechanical Lifeform Assembled for Calculation and Killing/Facsimile Intended for Violence and Exploration

E.R.I.C.: Electronic Robotic Infiltration Construct
P.H.I.L.: Positronic Hazardous Infiltration Lifeform
M.A.T.T.: Mechanical Android Trained for Troubleshooting
H.A.R.V.E.Y.: Hydraulic Android Responsible for Violence and Efficient Yardwork
M.I.S.H.A.I.: Mechanical Individual Skilled in Hazardous Assassination and Infiltration
S.I.R.J.O.H.N.: Synthetic Intelligent Replicant Justified for Observation and Hazardous Nullification
G.A.L.S.T.A.F.F.: General Artificial Lifeform Skilled in Terran Assassination and Forbidden Fighting
G.R.A.U.M.A.G.U.S.: General Robotic Android Used for Mathematics/Android Generated for Ultimate Sabotage
S.I.L.V.E.R.B.L.U.E.: Synthetic Individual Limited to Violence and Exploration/Robotic Biomechanical Lifeform Used for Exploration
L.O.R.D.S.P.A.T.U.L.A.: Lifeform Optimized for Repair and Dangerous Sabotage/Positronic Artificial Troubleshooting and Ultimate Learning Android

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 17 :: Permalink :: Comments (10) :: Corner of the Bar Gang
» Ramblings of SilverBlue links with: Early Morning Link-Luv™
» Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love links with: Tuesday Trot Through the Blogoshpere
» Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love links with: Tuesday Trot Through the Blogoshpere
» Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love links with: Tuesday Trot Through the Blogoshpere
» Argghhh!!! The Home of one of Jonah's Military Guys© links with: In the meantime, over at Madfish Willies....
» Argghhh!!! The Home of one of Jonah's Military Guys© links with: In the meantime, over at Madfish Willies....
» Argghhh!!! The Home of one of Jonah's Military Guys© links with: In the meantime, over at Madfish Willies....
» BigStick.us links with: Link Fest '03
» Argghhh!!! The Home of one of Jonah's Military Guys© links with: In the meantime, over at Madfish Willies....

Spnak Frnak

What leader would not stand behind his troops in the Great Blog War? Frank J - that's who. He doesn't blogroll all the members of his own Alliance of Free Bloggers. Us little pissants of the blogosphere rootin' around for the scraps and leftovers are left to fend for ourselves with no assistance from our fearless leader. Hell, I'm even a guest poster at The Alliance HQ page and Frank J don't even know who the fuck Madfish Willie is!

Therefore, I am on a one man crusade to remedy this situation. Until Frank J blogrolls every single member of The Alliance, I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. In addition to his double secret probation status, he is suspended from the Corner of the Bar Gang adventures and will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Here is the first installment of Spnak Frnak

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 17 :: Permalink :: Comments (3) :: Spnak Frnak

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What do you call a flea that lives in an idiots ear ?
Second Kangaroo: A space invader !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a rabbit and a flea ?
Second Kangaroo: Bugs Bunny !

First Kangaroo: How do you start an insect race ?
Second Kangaroo: One, two, flea - go !

First Kangaroo: What is the difference between a flea and a wolf ?
Second Kangaroo: One prowls on the hairy and the other howls on the prairie !

First Kangaroo: What to you call a Russian flea ?
Second Kangaroo: A Moscow-ito !

First Kangaroo: How do you find where a flea has bitten you ?
Second Kangaroo: Start from scratch !

First Kangaroo: What is the difference between fleas and dogs ?
Second Kangaroo: Dogs can have fleas but fleas can't have dogs !

First Kangaroo: What did the clean dog say to the insect ?
Second Kangaroo: Long time no flea !

First Kangaroo: Who rode a dog and was a confederate general during the American Civil War ?
Second Kangaroo: Robert E Flea !

First Kangaroo: What did the idiot do to the flea in his ear ?
Second Kangaroo: Shot it !

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 17 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Dumb Ass Jokes

Monday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"Here's to a kiss:
Give me a kiss, and to that kiss add a score,
Then to that add a hundred more;
A thousand to that hundred, and so kiss on,
To make that thousand quite a million.
Treble that million, and when that is done,
Let's kiss afresh as though we'd just begun."

Yogism
At Yogi Berra day in St Louis 1947 "I want to thank you for making this day necessary."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink." Unknown

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Women have to buy new outfits every season, and this makes them happy.

ClueBat Insults
Thou Bootless, beetle-headed bladder!

Movie Madness
Mickey

Some other cussin' stuff. Multilingual Swear List presents these next 10 jewels of swearing:


Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 17 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Happy Hour Party

The Champagne Room

It's Sunday and time for another edition of The Champagne Room!

[Remember: There is no sex in The Champagne Room]

Cremastericreflexitsascrotomaticclenchin'!

K-Cebo of Twisted Fans shows us why we should be fans of Kansas Basketball It looks like I'm a converted Duke fan!

Harvey at Bad Money has some kind of kinky sex bracelet thingy going on over at his joint.

Ravenwood tells us to Be Strong Honey!

Don from anger Management has several gems for us this week. He starts off with some info on Beavers.

He follows that with More on Beavers!

SilverBlue gives a cartoon on Butt Sniffers.

LeeAnn from The Cheese Stands Alone swoons for a Cajun gentleman.

From Bad Money via Snooze Buttom Dreams comes A Woman's Guide on How to Pee Standing Up. Go read Harvey's take on his not being the shortest one at the trough!

Jim pens a tale titled Somnolence of Clouds that is so erotic that it gets banned from the Carnival of the Vanities!

Darren, The Cool Colorado Conservative visits squoogy.com and Butt Hole Drive.

Eric at Straight White Guy is Worried about condom soup!

Pixy Misa has some weird Dominatrix thing going on.

Acidman has the Action Hero Dick of the blogosphere! And he wonders Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw?

Harvey has nasty hairy man-boobs? That's one sick fucker!

SilverBlue has advice for some jack-off: Hide and Go Fuck Yourself!

Holiday Family Fun Fest from BarbiePorn.com [loads really slow but worth the wait]

Phil from Flying Chairs tells us of the perks of being on Hong Kong Vice Squad.

Dear Penis: [flash movie, loads slow]

The Most Phallic Building In The World

Rufus from Rod's Alter Ego gives us a Halloween tale.

Jelly Bracelets and Sex? from Jax Venus at Days Go By

Jennifer gives us some Gratuitous Nudity and Robust, Enthusiastic Porn!

Kim du Toit has shows us some Saturday Skin.

Pathetic Earthlings informs us that Lesbian Affairs aren's considered cheating but oral sex gets you two years!

Don from Anger Management starts up F.U.C.K. as in Phuck Phrank!

Paige asks if we are ready for Men In Skirts?

SilverBlue tells us the most powerful position.

LeeAnn wonders if the Radio Shack carries the Slightest Touch!

Nick the Dragon Slayer needs love too!

Bonnie Heather from Angleweave is looking for a no smoking bra?

Ted from Rocket Jones has discovered Octopus E.D.

Jim gives us the Paris Hilton Sex Video!

NOW I'M GOING TO HAVE TO SCRUB MY EYES WITH A WIRE BRUSH!

Dana, America's #1 pin-up girl, from Note-It Posts finds some sticky globs in her hair!

Here's one for Harvey!

Emmie from I Don't Think Anyone Reads This tells us when it's too young to start getting busy.

Time For Some Wang Tang!

Picture of Winnie the Poo, pulling his pud!

Last, but surely not least is Helen, Helen, Helen, Helen, Helen!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 16 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Champagne Room

Evil Glenn Product Endorsements

The Alliance's newest assignment is to make up discover what products that Evil Glenn pimps as a Celebrity Endorser. Well, as I was flipping throught the Sunday paper, the one with three trees worth of crappy advertisements, I found out the Evil Glenn actually is a very prolific endorser. Here is a small sample of what I found:

Oester Blenders: The appliance of the Puppy Blender. (Evil Glenn not included)
Timex Watches: Takes a blending and but it keeps on ticking.
Coffee: Good to the last robot dance.
Blockbuster Video: This is not your father's penguin porn.
Toys R US 1: Evil Glenn tested, Mother approved.
Toys R US 2: The good penguin porn kids go for.
Stoeffers Chocolates: Chocolate blended puppies, since 1911.
Habitat for Humanity: Every hobo murdered helps.
Breakfast Cereal: Crunch all you want, we'll make puppy smoothies.
Mustard: Pardon me, do you have any grey puppy smoothies?
Foreign Products: Vorspung Durch Evil Glenn!
Foster's: Evil Glenn - Australian for Beer
First Baptist Church: It's good to talk to satan worshippers.

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 15 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Funny Stuff

You Asked, The Bartender Answered

Well, my Interview with Jen is finally up. The answers to all the deep and probing questions of a lifetime of alcohol and drug abuse. Damn, she didn't give me much time to be the smart-ass fucker that I usually am. But, it was fun anyway.

If you haven't had an interview yet, go get signed up and take your beatin like a real man!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 14 :: Permalink :: Comments (9) :: Other Crap

The Story of Madfish

Everybody's been screaming for more info on the Madfish, where he came from, what he's done. So here are a few of my smaller adventures across the globe that I dug out of my diary. I didn't take very good notes on most of these adventures so the details are severaly lacking but you get the picture.

Madfish Willie fought his enemy: Fat Bastard on an ironing board during the third world war in a sad mood and fell violently ill so everyone bowed down to Madfish Willie, he grabbed the detonator and as if it were a miracle he killed the bad guy and made it away with minimal injuries.
Madfish Willie saw a movie made by Fat Bastard in Japan and got locked in prison because his leg hurt and chased a bunny. Madfish Willie then escaped through a secret passage, he called the police and with his last ounce of strength he escaped narrowly and hitch-hiked all the way home.

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 14 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Adventures of Madfish

Episode 0006831492

Next Up on Random Munuviana...

Airing Saturday on Peyote TV at Nap Time:
Random Munuviana Episode 0006831492.

Drop that poor little monkey Frank J. Time for another action packed galactic thriller. Today the tube be smokin'. Up next, Don embraces existentialist philosophy when Helen makes bizarre assertions regarding dangerous telepathic plants.

Stick around for extreme carnage when Cherry's subspace communications facility is attacked by network executives in a living alien machine. Pixy Misa torpedoes the uncooperative interlopering comment spammers into submission after agreeing to a ceasefire, saving Susie from permanent damage.

Later on, Jen goes to the med lab to avoid the extreme heat from her interview with The Bartender. Tom feels extremely manly when Tuning Spork insults Dead Meat Victor at a deafening party. Meanwhile, our bonnie Heather escapes from restrictive delusions, creating much danger for Rocket Jones.

Finally, after Tim's overtly intellectual ads for nose reductions, industrial slavery and Kang's back room adoptions, meter maid Mookie and a bunch of high school girls stand around the hidden peephole and look at Jim's hairy back, everyone has a hearty laugh and they roll the credits next to a teaser for Survivor: Blogosphere Edition on Mars.

After the show, Daniel goes to Stevie's for some fine baked taters and a bottle of cheap wine. Everyone is getting ripped and LeAnn's World of Cheese is a great place.


Original content provided by Monkey Fingers.
The story and names have been
cragerized to make it funny.

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 14 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Funny Stuff

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: Two fleas where running across the top of a cereal packet ?
Second Kangaroo: "Why are we running so fast ?" said one
Because it says "Tear along the dotted line"

First Kangaroo: What did one flea say to the other after a night out ?
Second Kangaroo: Shall we walk home or take a dog ?

First Kangaroo: Why did the stupid boy wear a turlte neck sweater ?
Second Kangaroo: To hide his flea collar !

First Kangaroo: What is a flea's favourite book ?
Second Kangaroo: The itch-hikers guide to the galaxy !

First Kangaroo: What is the most faithful insect ?
Second Kangaroo: A flea, once they find someone they like they stick to them !

First Kangaroo: What insect runs away from everything ?
Second Kangaroo: A flee !

First Kangaroo: What is the difference between a flea bitten dog and a bored visitor ?
Second Kangaroo: Ones going to itch and the other is itching to go !

First Kangaroo: What do you call a cheerful flea ?
Second Kangaroo: A hop-timist!

First Kangaroo: What did the romantic flea say ?
Second Kangaroo: I love you aw-flea !

First Kangaroo: How to fleas travel ?
Second Kangaroo: Itch hiking !

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 14 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Dumb Ass Jokes
» Abject Apathetic Procrastination links with: Just so you'll know

Friday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"If the ocean were a goblet
And all its salt seas wine,
I would drink it to you darlin',
Ere you cross the foamy brine;
For then you couldn't cross it,
But would have to stay on land
Till the walkin' should get better,
And we'd cross it hand in hand."

Yogism
"You can observe a lot by watching."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Now is the time for drinking, now the time to beat the earth with unfettered foot." Horace

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Getting back to kissing: more lip.
Less tongue.
The small of the back, the nape of the neck, behind the knees.
[Between the legs too, they like that]

ClueBat Insults
Thou beslubbering, beef-witted barnacle!

Movie Madness
Simply Red

Instead of Foreign Language Party Cookies, we'll do some other cussin' stuff. Multilingual Swear List presents these next 10 jewels of swearing:


Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 14 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Happy Hour Party

The New UN Motto

The Alliance assignment to make up discover what the new United Nations motto should be is completed. Here are the members who completed this difficult assignment and thus are granted gratuitous linkage:

Roxette of Hoppings of Roxette Bunny

SilverBlue of Ramblings of SilverBlue

The Bartender of Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon

Graumagus of Frizzen Sparks

Damon of The Dimmick Institute

Phil of Flying Chair

Susie of Practical Penumbra

Don of Anger Management

Physics Geek of physicsgeek

Tom of Tom's Nap Room

Darren of Colorado Conservative

Harvey of Bad Money

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 13 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Funny Stuff
» Simon World links with: Thanks

Thursday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"Here's to matrimony...
The high sea for which no compass has yet been invented."

Yogism
"I usually take a two hour nap from one to four."

Quotes on Drinking:
"One can drink too much, but one never drinks enough." Edward Burke

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Women like a man who likes women who like to eat.

ClueBat Insults
Thou mewling, idle-headed lewdster!

Movie Madness
Architecture

Instead of Foreign Language Party Cookies, we'll do some other cussin' stuff. Multilingual Swear List presents these next 10 jewels of swearing:


Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 13 :: Permalink :: Comments (3) :: Happy Hour Party

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What do bees do if they want to use public transport ?
Second Kangaroo: Wait at a buzz stop !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a bee with a skunk ?
Second Kangaroo: An animal that stinks and stings !

First Kangaroo: What does a queen bee do when she burps ?
Second Kangaroo: Issues a royal pardon !

First Kangaroo: How does a queen bee get around her hive ?
Second Kangaroo: She's throne !

First Kangaroo: What's black, yellow and covered in blackberries ?
Second Kangaroo: A bramble bee !

First Kangaroo: What's more dangerous than being with a fool ?
Second Kangaroo: Fooling with a bee !

First Kangaroo: Why did the bee started talking poetry ?
Second Kangaroo: He was waxing lyrical !

First Kangaroo: What is a bee's favourite classical music composer ?
Second Kangaroo: Bee-thoven !

First Kangaroo: Who writes books for little bees ?
Second Kangaroo: Bee-trix Potter !

First Kangaroo: What did the bee say to the naughty bee ?
Second Kangaroo: Bee-hive yourself !

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 12 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Dumb Ass Jokes

A Night At Blender's

I have just experienced the drinking weekend to end all drinking weekends, and only now have I summoned the courage to put pen to paper (or whatever the e-mail equivalent is). I do believe I've recovered enough to write this...although I do it with shaking hands. The story opens as follows... I work part time at a nightclub called Madfish Willie's… that's all you need to know. A couple of times a year we take our Corner of the Bar Gang cash fund and go do something cool with it… like river rafting. Sunday, we decided to go down to Evil Glenn's bar and cause a ruckus down there... but I'll get to that in a minute... the night before, Madfish Willie's had an anniversary appreciation night where everyone who showed up received five tickets good for free drinks... since I only work on Fridays and usually don't come in at all on my days off… everyone was surprised as hell to see me there. Free booze… of course I'm gonna show, jeebus... the waitresses were buying me shooters… I bought them shooters… enjoyed my free booze… danced up a storm… did a whole lot of yelling and ass-grabbing… and don't remember a goddamn thing… but we do have some pictures.

I got a call Sunday morning from my buddy Blackfive… he asked if I could pick up Harvey and bring him out to Madfish Willie's house for the pre-trip barbecue... Super-groggy and massively hung over, I managed to get Harvey and drive out to Madfish's for the festivities… which got off to a great start when one of the guys started pissing off the front porch in view of the neighbors... we headed around back to start drinking some more… some of the guys had been up all night after the club drinking and were fucking incoherent… and the kegs were in full force… Blackfive had his sixer of beers in one hand… Harvey had a kool-aid pitcher of beer in the other at all times… amply topped off with several judicious trips to the beer keg downstairs. As the Corner of the Bar Gang are wont to do, the testosterone level got higher and higher… and the plans we had for Evil Glenn's bar were becoming more outrageous by the minute.

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 12 :: Permalink :: Comments (8) :: Corner of the Bar Gang
» Straight White Guy links with: Madfish Willie..
» Argghhh!!! The Home of one of Jonah's Military Guys© links with: I got an email from a GFW* today.
» Note-It Posts links with: In tribute...
» Note-It Posts links with: In tribute...
» Note-It Posts links with: In tribute...
» Peaktalk links with: CARNIVAL OF THE VANITIES, 61st EDITION
» Peaktalk links with: CARNIVAL OF THE VANITIES, 61st EDITION
» Peaktalk links with: CARNIVAL OF THE VANITIES, 61st EDITION
» Peaktalk links with: CARNIVAL OF THE VANITIES, 61st EDITION

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What goes hum-choo, hum choo?
Second Kangaroo: A bee with a cold !

First Kangaroo: What's a bee-line ?
Second Kangaroo: The shortest distance between two buzz-stops !

First Kangaroo: What do you call a bee who's had a spell put on him ?
Second Kangaroo: He's bee-witched !

First Kangaroo: Can bees fly in the rain ?
Second Kangaroo: Not without their little yellow jackets !

First Kangaroo: What buzzes, is black and yellow and goes along the bottom of the sea ?
Second Kangaroo: A bee in a submarine !

First Kangaroo: Why do bees hum ?
Second Kangaroo: Because they've forgotten the words !

First Kangaroo: What kind of bees hum and drop things ?
Second Kangaroo: A fumble bee !

First Kangaroo: What did the bee say to the flower ?
Second Kangaroo: Hello honey !

First Kangaroo: What's a bees favourite flower ?
Second Kangaroo: A bee-gonias !

First Kangaroo: What did the confused bee say ?
Second Kangaroo: To bee or not to bee !

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 12 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Dumb Ass Jokes
» Abject Apathetic Procrastination links with: I had to do a bit of labor

Wednesday Hapy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"Here's to one and only one,
And may that one be thee
Who loves but one and only one,
And may that one be me."

Yogism
"Never answer an anonymous letter."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Drink to me." Pablo Picasso's last words

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Women are less excited about sleeping with another woman for your viewing pleasure than you are.

ClueBat Insults
Thou weedy, weather-bitten, wagtail!

Movie Madness
Psycho Techno Hypno Snake

Instead of Foreign Language Party Cookies, we'll do some other cussin' stuff. Multilingual Swear List presents these next 10 jewels of swearing:


Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 12 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Happy Hour Party

Marine Corps

I just read this post over at Straight White Guy. It is about the birth of the Marine Corps that happened in a tavern long ago.

Here is the post in it's entirety:

Tun Tavern Revisited...
228 years ago today, like minded men got together in a bar in Philadelphia. The name of the joint was Tun Tavern, and the year was 1775. After much drinking, political conversation, pinching of the serving wench's buttocks, and a few bar brawls, the gentlemen present created the Marine Corps.

....and Marines around the world continue to follow in the sterling footsteps of their forebearers...

Happy Birthday to ALL of my brothers and sisters!! Semper Fidelis!


Happy Marine Corps Birthday to all the brave men who have fought, lived and died for the precious gift we call Freedom!

Cheers!

Update #1: This is too good not to include with this post!

Cheers again Eric, my friend!

Update #2: A tribute to Eric's family members who served.

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 11 :: Permalink :: Comments (1)

Harvey's Madfish Mojo Magic

Harvey has been puttin some kind of freaky mojo magic on the Madfish so he can't get his friggin tips out of the tip jar. For some weird reason, I haven't been able to view the currency pics on his site. Then, this afternoon they just mysteriously showed up again for no apparant reason.

Don't tell him, but I got Fatty Sue to put the reverse mojo hex on his nasty ass to get even with him for all the bad shit he been wishin on me here since lately. That ought ta learn him ta mess around wit da Madfish!

Here are some of the meager scraps Harvey sees fit to leave as tips. If that's all he can scrap together to leave as a tip, I got a tip for him... Never play leapfrog with a unicorn!

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 11 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Who Cares
» Wizbang links with: Bonfire of the Vanities - Week 20

You Asked, Susie Answers

Susie from Practical Penumbra has her Interview with Jen up over at Jennifer's History & Stuff. Harvey, that sick friggen jerk off has to make a big sexual innuendo out of everything. We're gonna have to whack his pee-pee if he doesn't straighten up!

Anyway, go over and read Susie's answers to my questions - you'll have no trouble telling which ones were from Madfish Willie!

By the way, questions for my interview are open now! E-mail them to Jen by Wednesday.

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 11 :: Permalink :: Comments (7) :: Who Cares

Gratuitous Linkage

[Via Harvey's post] For the third straight week, the League of Liberals has won sponsorship of the New Blog Showcase. The good news is that they were once again under 100% participation. The bad news is that the Alliance didn't take advantage of that fact, and actually saw its own participation ratio drop a bit.

I hate those friggin guys! They bite the big one... for sure... those cheating bastards!

Anyway, here is some gratuitous linkage for The Alliance members that voted this week!

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 11 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Funny Stuff

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What do you call a greedy ant ?
Second Kangaroo: An anteater !

First Kangaroo: What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes ?
Second Kangaroo: Antteneye !

First Kangaroo: What kind of ant is good at maths ?
Second Kangaroo: An accountant !

First Kangaroo: What medicine would you give an ill ant ?
Second Kangaroo: Antibiotics !

First Kangaroo: Why did the ant-elope ?
Second Kangaroo: Nobody gnu !

First Kangaroo: What is worse than ants in your pants ?
Second Kangaroo: A bat in your bra !

First Kangaroo: What kind of ant can you colour with ?
Second Kangaroo: A crayant !

First Kangaroo: What games to ants play with elephants ?
Second Kangaroo: Squash !

First Kangaroo: What do you call an ant who likes to be alone ?
Second Kangaroo: An independant !

First Kangaroo: What do you call an ant who can't play the piano ?
Second Kangaroo: Discordant !

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 11 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Dumb Ass Jokes

Tuesday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"I have known many,
Liked a few,
Loved one,
Here's to you!"

Yogism
"If the people don't want to come out to the ballpark, nobody's going to stop them."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; The best of life is but intoxication." Lord Byron

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
If she doesn't believe you when you say you have no previous girlfriend, admit to only one and offer: "She was unintelligent, a bad dresser, lousy in bed, couldn't cook, and had warts on her nipples." It also doesn't hurt to add that you like pets, enjoy children, volunteer often, and think, if only the church weren't against the use of condoms, you could have joined the priesthood.

ClueBat Insults
Thou vain, spur-galled scut!

Movie Madness
Crab Bloke in London

Instead of Foreign Language Party Cookies, we'll do some other cussin' stuff. Multilingual Swear List presents these next 10 jewels of swearing:

  • anus

  • varse

  • arsebandit

  • arsefuck

  • arsephuck

  • arsephuk

  • arsepiece

  • arsestab

  • arsewipe

  • asphinct

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 11 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Happy Hour Party

Newsflash: The Alliance

It looks like there is a lot of action over at The Alliance HQ this week.

Don has Survivor: The Blog Edition up and running.

I post a link to some Blog Tips from Living Room >> a space for life.

Trey Givens posts another Filthy Lie

Heather posts an observation about the LoL and reminds members to vote in The New Blog Showcase.

Blackfive reminds everyone to send their posts for The Hunting of the Snark, Bonfire of the Vanities and Carnival of the Vanities.

Harvey has gathered more Evil Glenn Quotes Lies - check the extended entry to read them all. My favorites from the new batch are:

Tom's Nap Room: Glenn Reynolds says: "I drink Michelob Ultra because I am a pussy who can't hold his liquor"

annika's journal: "The force is strong within that young Skywalker chick." - Darth Reynolds

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 10 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Funny Stuff

What Drink Are You?

Its a good thing when The Bartender knows what drink you are. That way, when it gets really busy, you just walk up to the bar, pick up your drink, throw down a tip to the bartender, and walk away. Meanwhile, everybody else waiting in line for a drink is looking at you wondering who the hell do you think you are and get your ass in line just like everybody else. Fuck Em, The End.

Here's what drinks the Munuvians are:

Heather at Angleweave: Long Island Iced Tea

Tuning Spork from Blather Review: Long Island Iced Tea

Victor from Publius & Co: Long Island Iced Tea

Jennifer from Jennifer's History & Stuff: Screaming Orgasm

Susie from Practical Penumbra: Strawberry Dacquiri

LeAnn from The Cheese Stands Alone: Tequila

Ted from Rocket Jones: Cold Beer

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 10 :: Permalink :: Comments (3) :: Who Cares

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What is even bigger than an elephant ?
Second Kangaroo: A giant !

First Kangaroo: Who was the most famous ant scientist ?
Second Kangaroo: Albert Antstein !

First Kangaroo: What kind of ants are very learned ?
Second Kangaroo: Pedants !

First Kangaroo: What do you call a smart ant ?
Second Kangaroo: Elegant !

First Kangaroo: What do you call an ant in space ?
Second Kangaroo: Cosmonants & Astronants !

First Kangaroo: Where do ants go to eat ?
Second Kangaroo: At a restaurant !

First Kangaroo: What do you call an ant from overseas ?
Second Kangaroo: Impartant

First Kangaroo: Where do ants go for their holidays ?
Second Kangaroo: Frants !

First Kangaroo: What do you call an ant who skips school ?
Second Kangaroo: A truant !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross some ants with some tics ?
Second Kangaroo: All sorts of antics !

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 10 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Dumb Ass Jokes

Monday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"Here's to the wings of love,
May they never moult a feather
Till your little shoes and my big boots
Are under the bed together."

Yogism
"The future ain't what it used to be."

Quotes on Drinking:
"I drink no more than a sponge". Francis Rabelais

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Showering a woman with gifts after the first date is the romantic equivalent of a comb-over.

ClueBat Insults
Thou fobbing, elf-skinned flap-dragon!

Movie Madness
Norse Gods

Instead of Foreign Language Party Cookies, we'll do some other cussin' stuff. Multilingual Swear List presents these 10 jewels of swearing:

  • analspew

  • analspray

  • analtail

  • analtroop

  • analungus

  • analviolate

  • analwart

  • analwhore

  • analzone

  • animalsex

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 10 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Happy Hour Party

The Champagne Room

It's Sunday, so it must be time for another edition of The Champagne Room!

[Remember, there is no sex in The Champagne Room]

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 9 :: Permalink :: Comments (4) :: Champagne Room
» Gut Rumbles links with: grocery list

Evil Glenn Personals Ad

In an effort to try to slow down Evil Glenn, The Alliance has decided to help him find a woman mate. We figure that taking care of his woman mate should take some of his evil time away from him and save the puppies from horrible death by blending. So, here is a personal ad that I worked up to help him find his dream woman mate.

Charming S P Metrosexual Blogger searching for S P M F Metrosexual. Ages 8 to 80; Blind, crippled or crazy; I don't care. Any race, color, or creed. I'm not picky. Most All teeth and most hair expecially legs and underarms preferred optional. Must be adept at operating all models of blenders kitchen appliances. Must know how to pre-treat to get those hard to remove hobo and puppy blood stains out of laundry. Must like to stay home and watch pengiun porn movies. Must like the smell of murdered hobos hippies. Must be a satan-worshipping god-fearing person. Must be a commie bitch far-left-wing looney liberal. Must have an extensive heh, indeed volcabulary and talent for writing blog taglines. Must be into punching Frank J physical activity and exercise. Must love sailing and poetry. Must love kangaroos humping all animals, including snakes. Must like to go to Madfish Willie's bars and do the robot disco dance. Above all, must like blending puppies stroking little kittens!

INSTAPUNDO DELENDA EST!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 9 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Funny Stuff

Ode To Evil Glenn

The Alliance assigment for poetry titled "An Ode To Glenn Reynolds" is completed.

This is the final listing of The Alliance members to complete this assignment and recieve gartutitous linkage! Go over to these people sites and read their odes to Evil Glenn! [There's some pretty good stuff here, really.]

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 9 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Funny Stuff

UN Motto

The Alliance newest assignment is asking for our ideas of what the United Nations motto should be.

The United Nations:
France's answer to the UNilateral actions by the US

SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 9 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Funny Stuff

Who Would You Kill?

Who Would You Kill: On Start Trek

If you were a writer on the Star Trek TV series, who would you kill off? Why? How?

I would kill off those fuzzy, loveable little tribbles. They were the worst excuse for bad guys ever! And that episode, although always voted as one of the fan favorites, totally sucked. Where was Space Babe Helen for Kirk to hit on for a piece of space ass? Where was Ensign Dead Meat and how did he die? Where was the ugly alien mofo that Kirk kicks the shit out of? I mean... fuck a tribble. What the g-ddamn hell was a tribble anyway? Just a furry piece of crap that could only eat, shit, and fuck. They should have been crushed with a sledge hammer and then beamed out into the cold vaccum of deep space, never to be seen or heard from again. The same goes for that goofy jerk-off who brought the fucking things to the Enterprise in the first place! [In space, no one can hear you scream.] However, in his next appearance, he brought three really hot space babes in really short skirts to the Enterprise for the Captain! So, maybe we give him a pass on beaming him out, but we still smash his balls with the sledge hammer!

Check out these characters and their horrible demises that their fans, and we use this term very loosely, have plotted for them!

Click down to see the current tally of who gets killed and how many times they die a gruesome death!

Then, link on over to the site and read about the various ways Star Trek fans have killed off their least favorite characters! [For some strange reason, Uhura always seems to be involved in a kinky sex scene with Capt Kirk... what's up with that?]

               

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 8 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Other Crap
» Electric Venom links with: Hunting The Snark - Week 13

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What goes 99-clonk, 99-clonk, 99-clonk?
Second Kangaroo: A centipede with a wooden leg !

First Kangaroo: Why was the centipede dropped from the insect football team ?
Second Kangaroo: He took too long to put his boots on !

First Kangaroo: What is worse than an alligator with toothache ?
Second Kangaroo: A centipede with athlete's foot !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot ?
Second Kangaroo: A walkie talkie !

First Kangaroo: What is worse than a giraffe with a sore throat ?
Second Kangaroo: A centipede with chilblains !

First Kangaroo: What has 50 legs but cant walk ?
Second Kangaroo: Half a centipede !

First Kangaroo: What do you call a guard with 100 legs ?
Second Kangaroo: A sentrypede !

First Kangaroo: Why was the centipede late ?
Second Kangaroo: Because he was playing "This little Piggy" with his baby brother !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a centipede and a chicken ?Second Kangaroo: Enough drumsticks to feed an army !

First Kangaroo: What did one centipede say to the other centipede ?
Second Kangaroo: You've got a lovely pair of legs, You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs,You've got a lovely pair of legs ....!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 8 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Dumb Ass Jokes

Saturday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"May we kiss whom we please,
And please whom we kiss."

Yogism
"I didn't really say everything I said."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say, "I'm thirsty, not dirty". Joe E. Lewis

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
It's pointless to argue with her if you're not going to win.
You're not going to win.

ClueBat Insults
Thou impertinent, foul-born gudgeon!

Movie Madness
Buffy Swears

Instead of Foreign Language Party Cookies, we'll do some other cussin' stuff. Multilingual Swear List presents these 10 jewels of swearing:

  • anallovin

  • anallyretentivepubiclouse

  • analmunch

  • analorafice

  • analorgy

  • analpirate

  • analprobe

  • analrape

  • analretentivepubiclouse

  • analsex

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 8 :: Permalink :: Comments (3) :: Happy Hour Party

Beer Fart

One particular night a couple of years ago while Eric, one of Corner of the Bar Gang, was going to college, he'd been out on a big drunk at Madfish Willie's and we didn't get him to his house until after the bar closed.

He had an early class the next day - a lab to be precise. He managed to drag his sorry ass out of bed and just barely made it to class on time.

The lab he was in that day had wooden seats and was very uncomfortable. Halfway through the lab Eric started nodding out, chin bouncing off his chest as he drifted in and out of consciousness. He finally laid his head down on the desk in front of him, drool running out the side of his mouth and puddling on the desk as he drifted off into sleepyland.

All of a sudden he awoke to the sound of an explosive fart. He looked around and started laughing along with everybody else. Then he realized everybody was looking at him and laughing.

Eric was the one that farted while he was asleep and he woke himself up.

What a dumb-ass! I guess that taught him to stay home and study instead of out galavanting around when he had school the next day!

~Madfish

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 7 :: Permalink :: Comments (5) :: Adventures of Madfish
» Note-It Posts links with: In tribute...
» Note-It Posts links with: In tribute...
» Note-It Posts links with: In tribute...

www [dot] margilowry [dot] com

As you may have noticed, I am constantly poking around in the code and messing my blog up! I like poking around... all kinds of places!

I think that the aesthetics of a blog are part of the appeal to readers. Now granted, mine is not the prettiest blog in the blogosphere I do try to add some neat coding and buttons and bells and whistles to make it a more inviting [and I hate this term] experience for my readers [bowfem].

As I go to other sites and see stuff I like, I try to find out how to do it for my site by looking at source code and then jacking around in my code. That works well enough with Blog*Spot, but not too good with MT. So, I am usually relegated to begging asking the blogger for help and advice.

One of the site's I think has a great visual appeal, as well as content, is As I See It.. or www [dot] margilowry [dot] com. She has a really cool set up. Comments that expand inside the entry body. Expanding and collapsing extended entries. Cool graphics and backgrounds. Hover links using the overline and underline tags. Non-standard separators between the stuff and the thingys on the posted by line. I've asked her on more than one occasion how she did this or did that and she jumps right on it and gives me back a really nice e-mail explaining how or where. She's just the best!

Anyway, I thought it would be appropriate to give her some public kudos for all her help and assistance. At least my stuff can look nice, even if it is just a big ol' pile of crap!

THANKS MARGI!

Now, everybody run over to her site and let's give her a Willie-Lanche [or just drop off a six-pack or bottle of tequila]!

UPDATE: I forgot to tell you guys this, but Margi is one fine looking lady!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 7 :: Permalink :: Comments (5) :: Corner of the Bar Babes

Anagrams

I followed a link from As I See It.. to Babalu Blog to Wordsmith.Org. This is a site that will generate anagrams for any word or phrase you type in their data box.

I typed in blogosphere, and this is a partial result:

  • BEER HOG SLOP

  • BEER HOG LOPS

  • BEER HOGS POL

  • BEER HOGS LOP

  • BEER GOSH POL

  • BEER GOSH LOP

  • BEER LOG POSH

  • BEER LOG HOPS

  • BEER LOG SHOP

  • BEER LOGS HOP

  • BEER SLOG HOP

  • BEERS HOG POL

  • BEERS HOG LOP

  • BEERS LOG HOP
I knew there was a reason I needed to be hanging around the blogosphere!

Be warned!

The more characters that you input, the longer the anagram list will be!

Have Fun!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 7 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Funny Stuff
» Munuviana links with: Susie Spouts Off

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What pillar doesn't need holding up ?
Second Kangaroo: A caterpillar !

First Kangaroo: What does a cat go to sleep on ?
Second Kangaroo: A caterpillow !

First Kangaroo: What's green and dangerous ?
Second Kangaroo: A caterpillar with a machine gun !

First Kangaroo: What does a caterpillar do on New Years Day ?
Second Kangaroo: Turns over a new leaf !

First Kangaroo: What is the definition of a caterpillar ?
Second Kangaroo: A worm in a fur coat !

First Kangaroo: What has stripes and pulls a tractor ?
Second Kangaroo: A caterpillar tractor !

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 7 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Dumb Ass Jokes

Friday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"Here's to love,
The only fire against which there is no insurance."

Yogism
"You can't think and hit at the same time."

Quotes on Drinking:
"I envy people who drink, at least they know what to blame everything on." Oscar Levant

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
The quirky perfect gift that shows you've been listening is worth twice the value of anything you can find at Tiffany's.
Of course, it doesn't hurt if the quirky perfect gift happens to be from Tiffany's.
Gifts that may be quirky but never perfect: a blender, a beater, a vacuum cleaner, or a waffle iron.

ClueBat Insults
Thou froward, fat-kidneyed flax-wench!

Movie Madness
Destiny's Child

Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is no more. Instead, we'll do some other cussin' stuff. Multilingual Swear List presents these 10 jewels of swearing:

  • adolph hitler

  • anal

  • analbleed

  • analcavity

  • analcrevass

  • analfuck

  • analingus

  • analintercourse

  • analinvade

  • analjuice

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 7 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Happy Hour Party

New Blog Showcase

For the New Blog Showcase at NZ Bear's this week, there are two parts - one political and one everything else.

My the everything else category vote goes to Rocket Penguin. I linked this post: Who Da Pope! after he first wrote it about a month ago. I liked it then, I like it now. Here is an excerpt fromhis list of objectives as Pope:

I will abolish grape juice for the whole communion thing. Come one you've got to sit through a few hours of church. The least the church can do is give you a real shot. The blood of Christ should really pack more of a kick than grape juice. I've never actually been to catholic church so if it's not grape juice, I'll see your wine and raise you tequila.
Now, that's my kind of Pope!

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 6 :: Permalink :: Comments (3)

Two More Beers, Please

Linda at Civilization Calls, a Corner of the Bar Babe (who has not posted her logo by the way) has blogrolled a couple of new bloggers. I found a link over to the spaceman's blog Spacecraft. He has a archive category for Beer. So, natually I clicked through to see what he's up to with space beer. [In space, there is no beer!]

He has a post that offers the phrase: Two More Beers, Please in different languages. Here are some examples:

Noch zwoa! (Austrian, western part)
Twee meer pils, alstublieft (Dutch)
Veel kaks õlut, palun! (Estonian)
Viela kaksi olutta kiitos (Finnish)
Zwei weitere Biere, bitte! (German)
Noch zwei Bier, bitte! (German)
Meg ket sort kerek (Hungarian)
Beeru wo mou nihon, onegaishimasu (Japanese)
Yehshche dvah pihva, prosheh (Polish)
Mido yidi biere didi (Pulaar)
Inca doua beri, va rog (Romanian)
Menya, pashalyaesta, dva pevo (Russian)
Dos cervezas mas, por favor (Spanish)
Dve piva, prosim (forgot. Serbian?)

One commenter also posts the natural follow up question: "¿Dónde está el baño?"

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 6 :: Permalink :: Comments (3) :: Beer Stuff

You Asked, Jim Answers

You asked and Jim Answered.

Jennifer's Interview with Jim from Snooze Button Dreams is up now. Go read it... Find out about the sex thing with Helen!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 6 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Other Crap

Dr Phil's Test

Below is Dr. Phil's test. (Dr. Phil scored 55; he did this test on Oprah-she got a 38.) Some folks pay a lot of money to find this stuff out. Read on, this is very interesting!

Don't be overly sensitive! The following is pretty accurate and it only takes 2 minutes. Take this test for yourself and send it to your friends.

The person who sent it placed their score in the subject box. Please do the same before forwarding to your friends. (send it back to the person who sent it to you)

Don't peek but begin the test as you scroll down and answer. Answers are for who you are now...... not who you were in the past. Have pen or pencil and paper ready. This is a real test given by the Human Relations Dept. at many of the major corporations today. It helps them get better insight concerning their employees and prospective employees. It's only 10 simple questions, so...... grab a pencil and paper, keeping track of your letter answers.

Make sure to change the subject of the e-mail to read YOUR total. When you are finished, forward this to everyone you know, and also send it to the person who sent this to you. Make sure to put YOUR score in the subject box. Ready??

Begin...

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 6 :: Permalink :: Comments (11) :: Other Crap

Frizzen Sparks

A big hearty Welcome to The Alliance's newest member: Frizzen Sparks.

Just came back from a visit to his site... nice design and layout... Evil Glenn Filthy Lie... good Glenn Reynolds quote... interesting posts... some ranting and raving... in short, my kind of blogger!

So go over and visit Graumagus and leave some comments on his stuff so he know's you went by to check it out!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 6 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Funny Stuff

Episode 0006846668

Next Up on Random Munuviana...

Airing Friday on PalmNet at Sunup:
Random Munuviana Episode 0006846668.

Hold onto yer seat. Get ready for Random Munuviana. With yet another formulaic cheeseball space based thriller. Rocket Jones, will soil his shorts from happiness. Doctor Jennifer fears flying when Susie's changeling spy bids on LeAnn's valuable antique trinket.

Later on, Comm Officer Simon goes to the science lab to satisfy a sexy robot. Don feels giddy when Borg Queen Helen date rapes Jim at a comedic interlude. Meanwhile, Borg defectors escape from the Continuum, causing painful hives and extreme agitation for Mookie Riffic and Pixy Misa.

The screen drips blood when a cluster of space-based energy systems is attacked by giant insects in a heavily armored Battle Star. Captain Cherry Rambling weasels the arrogant attackers into withdrawl while drinking vodka and playing Russian Roulette with The Michagander and loaded phasers, saving a bullet riddled escape pod from being auctioned out to Stevie as scrap metal.

Finally, after a string of painfully obnoxious ads for Brylcreem, Tom's ass waxing and Kinko the Clown, the ship's jock, Tiger, stand around the voyeur-cam and look at the Heather's trashy fishnet stockings, everyone has a hearty laugh and they roll the credits next to a teaser for Publious & Co.

After the show, the resident groupies go to The Blather Review for some laughs and a little shade. Everyone is blissfully dreaming and the Pepperoni Pizzazz's bum-covered sidewalk is a great place.


Content provided by Monkey Fingers.
The names have been cragerized
to try to make it funny.

Cheers!

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 6 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Funny Stuff

Survivor: Blog Edition

It looks like Don at Anger Management has the tentative schedule lined up for his contest, Survivor: Blog Edition. Below is a recap of where to find the pertinent information:

Survivor: Schedule

Survivor: The Slogan

Survivor: The Rules

Survivor: The Announcement

I've browsed the rules and contest outline, and if it's anywhere near the quality of work that Don does with his blog writing, it's sure to be a Home Run! it looks like a real interesting project with blogger participation in the voting and possiblities galore for skill, daring and knowledge (not to mention cunning behind the scenes deal making and sabotage)! Go check it out and keep an eye and ear open for more announcements regarding the final blog site, rules, contestants, etc.

Good Luck, Don!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 6 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Other Crap

Thursday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"Here's to the man who is wisest and best,
Here's to the man who with judgment is blest.
Here's who's as smart as he can be -
I mean the man who agrees with me!"

Yogism
"Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth." Steve Allen

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Women who have two or more brothers are less likely to be disgusted by you.

ClueBat Insults
Thou quailing, motley-minded measle!

Movie Madness
Pavrotti

Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Surinam (click thru for the really good stuff)
yu kao'lo: your ass
krasi: horny
tongo: french kiss
tolli: dick
ie de wang viestie dagoe: you're a vilty dog
ma piema motjo: you dirty whore
Sako webo: ball sack

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 6 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Happy Hour Party

You Ask, Susie Questions

You Ask, Susie Will Answer....

But not without any questions. Jennifer is still taking questions for Susie's interview, so get with the program and send your questions to JenLars.

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 5 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Other Crap

An Ode To Glenn Reynolds

The Alliance wants to gather some Evil Glenn Poetry.

Well, there's no way I could produce anything like what Susie did in an Ode to Glenn Reynolds. Instead, I chose to cheat and Google for my entry. I came across this little gem that gives one possible explanation for puppy blending and not kitty blending!

Puppy Haiku
    The cat is not all

    Bad. She fills the litter box

    With Tootsie Rolls.


Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 5 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Funny Stuff

You Asked, Helen Answers

Jennifer has the long awaited Interview With Helen up.

I can't beleive there weren't enough more sex questions for the nubile young wench we all know as Helen.

I guess that's my fault for not getting these guys drunk enough to ask what is really on their mind!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 5 :: Permalink :: Comments (3) :: Who Cares

New Blogger Discovery

I found this site by following linkage from Daniel via Susie. It is an interesting site... not too political... not taking itself too seriously... just a normal, everyday kinda deal... a laidback read...

Now go to Two Nervous Dogs Nervous Laughter & Occasional Barking Fits. Tell her Madfish Willie sent ya!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 5 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Who Cares

The Trouble With Thor

How I Met Finn the Viking
Viking.gif

A crowd of us were down to this club late one night - all plastered. This particular place stayed open later than the others because it passed itself off as a restaurant. If you ordered a drink you had to order something to eat. So I had my slice of pizza and beer, trying to hold on to both of them at the same time and I started talking to this guy I bumped into. He was about 6" 6' and not far from 300 pounds of solid muscle. He must have been mental too because he was showing me his hands and telling me he'd killed people before and that he was Finn the Viking in another life. Leave it to me to find people like this. While he was telling me all this, the topping slide off my pizza and stuck to the leg of his pants. So I threw the beer back and got the fuck out of there before I became his next victim. I saw him later that night down at Madfish Willie's. He recognized me from the restaurant and walked towards me. Oh, shit! I'm gonna die right here, right now. I looked for some help to deal with this walking mountain of a man. "OK," I said to the Corner of The Bar Gang, "you hit him high, I'll hit him low, and we'll dogpile him so he doesn't kill everybody before we can get the cops." As he drew closer, me heart was pounding through my chest and the adrenaline starting coursing through my veins. I thought for sure the end was near. He was right up on me. But instead of beating me to a bloody pulp, he streched his hand out in friendship. "Dude, I'm Finn the Viking, why did you run off like that? I was gonna buy you another slice of pizza for accidentally knocking that piece out of your hand." To my, and the Corner of The Bar Gang's relief, we have been lifelong buddies ever since.

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 5 :: Permalink :: Comments (13) :: Adventures of Madfish

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

Tiger Jokes

First Kangaroo: What is the fiercest flower in the garden ?
Second Kangaroo: The tiger lily !

First Kangaroo: If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, What's a tiger ?
Second Kangaroo: A stri-ped !

First Kangaroo: What's striped and bouncy ?
Second Kangaroo: A tiger on a pogo stick !

First Kangaroo: What do tigers wear in bed ?
Second Kangaroo: Stripey pyjamas !

First Kangaroo: What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head ?
Second Kangaroo: A tiger moth !

First Kangaroo: What's the difference between a tiger and a lion ?
Second Kangaroo: A tiger has the mane part missing !

First Kangaroo: What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day ?
Second Kangaroo: After a week he was spotless !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep ?
Second Kangaroo: A stripey sweater !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman ?
Second Kangaroo: Frostbite !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangeroo ?
Second Kangaroo: A stripey jumper !

First Kangaroo: How are tigers like sergeants in the army ?
Second Kangaroo: They both wear stripes ! Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 5 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Dumb Ass Jokes
» Tiger: Raggin' & Rantin' links with: Yours truly: Butt end of lame jokes

Wednesday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"Here's to the man who is wisest and best,
Here's to the man who with judgment is blest.
Here's who's as smart as he can be -
I mean the man who agrees with me!"

Yogism
"Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth." Steve Allen

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Less than .05 percent of the male population is attractive enough to ignore chivalry, and most women over the age of twenty-five prefer to admire such men from a distance.

ClueBat Insults
Thou rank, onion-eyed minnow!

Movie Madness
Ban Spoon Guard

Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Indonesian (click thru for the really good stuff)
bangsat: bastard
bule: caucasian
isep kontol: blow job
kontol: penis
memek: vagina
monyet: monkey
ngentot: fart
pantat: ass
jembut: pubic hair

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 5 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Happy Hour Party

Bonfire of The Vanities

Kevin's got this week's Bonfire a blazin'!

I even see an entry for Venomous Kate! Has anyone ever used the Psuedodictionary? It's a funny as hell deal when you put together an entire post and scatter a bunch of the terminology throughout it. Kate seems to get a lot of milage out of it ever time she does one.

Go over and read the Bonfire entries and especially read Kate's entry!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 4 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Other Crap

Google Freak

Hey... I told you about my Google Freak that is always searching lion sleeps tonight with different combinations of other words...

Well, go check out my referral logs in my site meter! The freak has 9 searches already today! I mean, what is with that?

I just checked the details on the referral log and they are all different IP addresses... so, can anyone tell me what the fjuck... is this one person searching... or a whole friggin group looking for something... if it's one person, you would think they would have found what they were looking for on my site by now... or would have at least bookmarked it so they wouldn't have to do the search every time... weird... just plain weird.

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 4 :: Permalink :: Comments (7) :: Other Crap
» Electric Venom links with: Hunting The Snark - Week 12

What Do You See?

What do you see?

Here is a little image I got in a e-mail from a girl who bartended for me for several years and was married to one of my best friends.

Before you click the link to open the pop-up window, read the explaination below.

YOU'LL FIND THIS VERY INTERESTING

Research has shown that young children cannot identify the intimate couple because they do not have prior memory associated with such a scenario.

What they will see are the nine dolphins.

Additional note: This is a test to determine if you already have a corrupted mind. If it's hard for you to find the dolphins within 6 seconds, your mind is indeed corrupted.

Ok.... look at her crotch..... the V is the tail of one, start at the V and follow it down along her left leg. Look at the space between her right arm and her head, the tail is on her neck, follow it up. Look at her left hip, follow the shaded part down, it's another one, and on his shoulder..... see them now?

Remember: There is no sex in The Champagne Room!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 4 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Champagne Room
» Anger Management links with: DAY 2
» Spacecraft links with: What Do You See?
» Spacecraft links with: What Do You See?
» Note-It Posts links with: In tribute...
» Note-It Posts links with: In tribute...
» Note-It Posts links with: In tribute...

Gratuitous Linkage

These are The Alliance members that voted in The New Blog Showcase last week. Harvey is trying to encourage aal alliance members to vote so we can regain the sponsorship for the hated League of Liberals. So I am going with Harvey's lead in case we don't have a total duplication of readers.

If you see a link to a site you haven't read before, go on over and take a look. If, it's not your bottle of beer, don't go back.

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 4 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Funny Stuff

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo


First Kangaroo: What do insects learn at school ?
Second Kangaroo: Mothmatics !

First Kangaroo: How do you make a butterfly ?
Second Kangaroo: Flick it out of the butter dish with a knife !

First Kangaroo: What insect lives on nothing ?
Second Kangaroo: A moth, because it eats holes

First Kangaroo: What's pretty, delicate and carries a sub machine gun ?
Second Kangaroo: A killer butterfly !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a firefly and a moth ?
Second Kangaroo: An insect who can find its way around a dark wardrobe !

First Kangaroo: How do stones stop moths eating your clothes ?
Second Kangaroo: Because rolling stones gather no moths !

First Kangaroo: What is a myth ?
Second Kangaroo: A female moth !

First Kangaroo: Why did the moth nibble a hole in the carpet ?
Second Kangaroo: He wanted to see the floor show !

First Kangaroo: What's the biggest moth in the world ?
Second Kangaroo: A mammoth !

First Kangaroo: Why was the moth so unpopular ?
Second Kangaroo: He kept picking holes in everything !

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 4 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Dumb Ass Jokes
» Abject Apathetic Procrastination links with: It seems the joke is on me

Tuesday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"May we have more and more friends,
And need them less and less."

Yogism
"I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous."

Quotes on Drinking:
"One martini is alright, two is too many, three is not enough." James Thurber

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
An unsolicited kiss is to a woman as free playoff tickets are to a man.
Even better: flowers on days that aren't Valentine's Day, anniversaries, or birthdays.
Speaking of flowers, they are most effective when delivered to her workplace.

ClueBat Insults
Thou saucy, reeling-ripe nut-hook!

Movie Madness
Spoon Menace

Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Latin (click thru for the really good stuff)
Tu es stultior quam asinus: you are dumber than an ass
irrumator: bastard
leno: pimp
mentula: penis
meretrix: prostitute
spucatum tauri: Bull shit
pudor tu: fuck you

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 4 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Happy Hour Party

Hunting The Halloween Snark

Venomous Kate has the Halloween Edition of the Snark Hunt posted. Her weekly Snark Hunt was one of the first things I read regularly in the blogosphere. It always has some funny stuff and this week is no exception. After you're finished reading the rest of MY STUFF, come back up here a slink over to Electric Venom!

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 3 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Other Crap

Preliminary Logo

All the Corner of the Bar Babes have been asking for a logo to put on their site. I was jacking arounf the other night and decided to see if I could design a half decent one. So, here is the first logo I designed for you. Let me know of anything you think might make it better and how it looks on your site!

COTBB Champagne Toast.gif

Go ahead and download and put on your server if you want to use it. I can revise it to include any feedback I get from anyone!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 3 :: Permalink :: Comments (3) :: Corner of the Bar Babes
» angelweave links with: Blogroll Fixes

Preliminary Logo

I also have a preliminary logo for the Corner of the Bar Gang. Let me know what you think and how you want to have it changed up, if any at all.

COTBG.gif

Just upload to your photo server and put it at the top of your link or in your banner area linking back to me or in every post next week or whatever.

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 3 :: Permalink :: Comments (4) :: Corner of the Bar Gang
» Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love links with: Best O' My Blogosphere Today
» Ramblings of SilverBlue links with: Monday's Link-Luv™ List

The Adventures of Madfish Willie

The Big No-Sleep

A good drinking buddy, Blackfive, and I were in Madfish Willie's having some drinks on a Thursday night after work. We proceeded to get smashed and at the end of the night we decided to see how many days we could stay loaded AND awake. (I wouldn't recommend anyone trying this as it has its consequences, especially for the inexperienced drinker.) Anyway, we went to Susie's house after Madfish Willie's closed and drank all night long.

Blackfive and I were back at Madfish Willie's when it opened Friday morning. We were still very loaded, but awake. We stayed in Madfish Willie's drinking all day Friday and Friday Night till it closed up. I think someone gave us a bunch of really strong caffeine pills and we sort of "drank ourselves sober" at some point." We got a couple of twelve packs of beer 'to go' when we left Madfish Willie's Friday night for insurance.

We were STILL de termined not to "give up" on our Quest. I think by that time we thought we were on the verge of setting some sort of record.

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 2 :: Permalink :: Comments (3) :: Adventures of Madfish
» Note-It Posts links with: In tribute...
» Note-It Posts links with: In tribute...
» Note-It Posts links with: In tribute...

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo


First Kangaroo: What is a baby bee ?
Second Kangaroo: A little humbug !

First Kangaroo: What is the bees favourite film ?
Second Kangaroo: The Sting !

First Kangaroo: Who is the bees favourite singer ?
Second Kangaroo: Sting !

First Kangaroo: Who is the bees favourite pop group ?
Second Kangaroo: The bee gees !

First Kangaroo: What did the bee to the other bee in summer ?
Second Kangaroo: Swarm here isn't it !

First Kangaroo: Where do bees keep their money ?
Second Kangaroo: In a honey box !

First Kangaroo: What TV station do bees watch ?
Second Kangaroo: Bee bee c one!

First Kangaroo: What's a bees favourite novel ?
Second Kangaroo: The Great Gats-bee !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a bee with a door bell?
Second Kangaroo: A hum dinger !

First Kangaroo: How many bees do you need in a bee choir ?
Second Kangaroo: A humdred !

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 2 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Dumb Ass Jokes
» Abject Apathetic Procrastination links with: It seems the joke is on me

Monday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"Here's to you and here's to me,
Friends may we always be!
But, if by chance we disagree,
Up yours! Here's to me!"

Yogism
"Little League Baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets."

Quotes on Drinking:
"When I have one martini, I feel bigger, wiser, taller. When I have the second, I feel superlative. When I have more, there's no holding me." William Faulkner

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Women, despite all your years of trying to understand them, including your intimate familiarity with Freudian psychology, the occasional intelligence- gathering glance at Cosmo, and the memorization of these seventy-three things a man should know about them, will always remain a mystery.

ClueBat Insults
Thou quailing, motley-minded measle!

Movie Madness
Big Pant Trekking

Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Morrocan (click thru for the really good stuff)
zit howa: Get Fucked
tinny zep: Kiss my dick
mo: Derogatory for a Moroccan
malik maloof: Your king is a pig

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 2 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Happy Hour Party

The Champagne Room

Warning! There is no sex in The Champagne Room! Really!

Don't go in there! Don't say I didn't warn you!

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 2 :: Permalink :: Comments (5) :: Champagne Room

Googling for Dollars

I've been looking throught the referrer logs to see what people are searching for when they run across Madfish Willie's. Some of this crap is too funny. How does one associate these search terms with my site? Plus there is one anal retentive guy that is stuck on "lion sleeps tonight" - every day, two or three hits for that search term. I wonder... what's up with that?

Here are terms that people google and yahoo search and Madfish Willie's is returned as a hit:

  • Usual saloon names

  • lion sleeps tonight + movie + hippo

  • singing hippo + dancing dog + lions sleeps tonight

  • hippo + lion sleeps tonight - #2

  • cold remedy + bloody mary

  • sodering for dummies

  • picasso's favorite dish

  • recipe rosarita fish taco

  • baby elephant cheers drunk

  • halloween costume ideas

  • halloween costume idea college posting

  • costume saloon bartender

  • pumpkin carving that look like throwing up

  • cookie in finnish

  • recipe rosarita fish taco

  • hypnotic drink manufacturer

  • drunk as cooter brown

  • slut bimbo chewy

  • adult cartoon cure sore throat

  • hairy buffalo punch recipe fresh fruit - #23

  • halloween butter sex - #15

  • show off your willie and boobs - #10

  • yucatan liquor stand owned by - #3

  • fucked up halloween costume ideas - #2

  • saloon pics alcohol - #2

  • bart on the road homer "why can't you" - #1

  • banana dacquiri recipe - #1

  • spokeless rim pics - #1

  • asshat turd burglar - #1

  • shithead hall of fame

Shithead Hall of Fame… Asshat Turd Burglar… What the fuck?

How did I get to be number one search for Asshat Turd Burglar?

How the hell did Madfish Willie's get into the Shithead Hall of Fame?

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 2 :: Permalink :: Comments (5) :: Other Crap

And The Winner Is...


Voting for Madfish Willie's Ultimate Blogger Recipe Contest is over!

First of all, I would like to say Thank You to all the bloggers who submitted a recipe for this contest. There were many fine recipes, and I will have some fun testing many of these out personally. It was a really tough job to narrow the list down to the Top Ten for final voting.

The Madfish Willie's Ultimate Blogger Recipe Contest winner was... [ drum roll to build the tension ] Acidman from Gut Rumbles.

Here is a look at the final voting:

Poll Results
Best Blogger Cocktail Recipe

Votes
Moneytov Cashtail 8%5
Black Martini 5%3
Venom & Blight 8%5
Fire Water 6%4
Malpractice 0%0
Big Stick Whack! 5%3
Gut Rumble 26%16
Moonlight on Water 19%12
Antarctic Cosmopolitan 18%11
Cool Colorado Conservative 5%3
62 votes total

Acidman wins a bottle of his favorite liquor for submitting this recipe:
Gut Rumble
Make your own moonshine.
Distill it on the back porch and catch it in Mason jars.
Put a quart of that skullbuster in the freezer for a day or two.
Remove jar and pour two fingers of that cold likker into a clear glass.
Drink it down all at once.
Enjoy the fire in the belly, the tingle in the toes and the feeling of your hair standing on end.
Repeat as necessary until you are face-down on the floor, or arrested for running around nekkid and howling at the moon.
Acidman actively campaigned his readers to come over and Vote, and they did, resulting in what I'm told by Straight White Guy as an Acidbath. He sent over 350-400 visitors to my site! Three cheers for Acidman!

For a look at the complete Blogger Recipe list go here. I'll update this list so it will be easier to view. If I get enough secondary recipes in the comments, I'll run another voting for the same prize! Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 2 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Ultimate Recipes

Jokes From Mom

My mom gets all these stupid jokes and crap in e-mail from one of her friends.

I saw this over at Aimless Forrest and it gave me a chance to post my mom's joke and get it off my computer.

    Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now... I never looked at it this way before:

    MENtal illness

    MENstrual cramps

    MENtal breakdown

    MENopause

    GUYnecologist

    When we have REAL trouble, it's a HISterectomy.

    Ever notice how all of women's problems start with
    MEN?

    Send this to all the women you know to brighten their day.


    Send this to all the men just to annoy them.

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 1 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Other Crap

What? No Friggin' Tip?

This is what happens when you don't leave a tip for The Bartender!

Thanks to Dizzy Girl at Aimless Forrest.

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 1 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Other Crap

Madfish Willie's Costume Contest & Clusterfuck

It was a dark and stormy night…Well, it was nighttime, and the rain was pouring down on our heads like a cow peeing on a flat rock. Lightning bolts blasting through the black night followed closely by the thunderous booms of the cracked sound barrier. It was a great night for a Halloween Party at Madfish Willie's. The whole gang was coming down - the Corner of the Bar Gang, the Corner of the Bar Babes, all the Munuvians and various other assorted fruitcakes, kooks, and freaks of nature. After all, the Madfish Willie's Halloween Party, Costume Contest, and Clusterfuck was the biggest party of the year - even bigger than New Years Eve.

Harvey and Blackfive were the first to arrive. I almost didn't recognise them, except I could always tell Harvey by his big ole clown feet. He wore the big red clown shoes all year round - and he was always tripping and falling down and shit. Harvey was dressed as the Scarecrow with straw coming out of his shirt sleeves and pant legs a hollowed out pumpkin on his head. [He really needs a heart, too]

"Dam, Harvey doesnt that smell like shit after a while?" Blackfive asked.

"No, I'm used to the smell - I am a Sanitation Engineer ya know," Harvey mumbled back.

Blackfive was a Rodeo Clown. The whole clown face thing and a polka dot long sleeved shirt, and blue long johns under a pair of big old baggy knee length shorts, held up by red suspenders. He was wearing an old beat up crushed straw cowboy hat to top it off.

Next to arrive was Finn the Viking who was dressed as… you guessed it, a Viking Warrior. He was wearing one of those Viking helmets with the big horns sticking out the sides like you see at the football games. Long, flowing blonde hair and carrying a giant norse broadsword. Heavy animal skins draped his massive shoulders. He was accompanied by his beautiful and scantily clad red-haired wench, Linda.

Following them into the party were a bunch of bloggers in their great, costumed characters:

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 1 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Adventures of Madfish
» Note-It Posts links with: In tribute...
» Note-It Posts links with: In tribute...
» Note-It Posts links with: In tribute...

League of Liberals (Boo...Hiss)

The Alliance has determined that the hated League of Liberals needs a tagline to communicate in a short message exactly what it is they stand for.

In order to show their gross ignorance and general fucking stupidity, Madfish Willie has composed this little ditty:

"Pouring the piss out of our boots so we can read the instructions on the heel! (so that's how to get piss out of your boot!)"

Damned if that doesn't tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth!

SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 1 :: Permalink :: Comments (1)

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo


First Kangaroo: What do you call an and with frogs legs ?
Second Kangaroo: An antphibian !

First Kangaroo: Who is the most famous French ant ?
Second Kangaroo: Napoleant !

First Kangaroo: What do you call a 100 year old ant ?
Second Kangaroo: An antique !

First Kangaroo: What do you call an ant who lives with your great uncle ?
Second Kangaroo: Your great-ant !

First Kangaroo: Why don't anteaters get sick ?
Second Kangaroo: Because they are full of antibodies!

First Kangaroo: What is the biggest ant in the world ?
Second Kangaroo: An elephant !

First Kangaroo: How many ants are needed to fill an apartment ?
Second Kangaroo: Ten ants !

First Kangaroo: What is smaller than an ant's dinner ?
Second Kangaroo: An ant's mouth !

First Kangaroo: Why did the elephant put his trunk across the path ?
Second Kangaroo: To trip up the ants !

How come if ants are always so busy they always get time to show up at picnics ?

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 1 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Dumb Ass Jokes
» Abject Apathetic Procrastination links with: It seems the joke is on me

Saturday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"Here's to a friend.
He knows you well...
And likes you just the same!"

Yogism
"A nickel isn't worth a dime today."

Quotes on Drinking:
"He that drinks fast, pays slow." Benjamin Franklin

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
No, you were not looking at that other woman.

ClueBat Insults
Thou yeasty, weather-bitten wagtail!

Movie Madness
Mr Johnson

Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is French-Quebec (click thru for the really good stuff)
Grosse christ de vache: Fat fucking cow
Va chier: Go shit
Mange de la marde: Eat Shit
p'tit christ: Little bastard
Christ de chien sal: Fuckin' dirty bastard
va te crosser: Jerk off (go fuck yourself)

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 1 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Happy Hour Party