Usenet Performance Art

From the files of W E B C E N T E R ...

Header Art

joe_1 (current leader in Number of Me-Too's)

[excerpt]
X-MeoW: +++++++MeoW+++++++MeoW+++++++MeoW+++++++MeoW+++++++MeoW
X-mEOw: mEOw$$$$mEOw$$$$mEOw$$$$mEOw$$$$mEOw$$$$mEOw$$$$mEOw$
X-MeOw: @@@MeOw@@@MeOw@@@MeOw@@@MeOw@@@MeOw@@@Me
X-MEow: MEow###MEow###MEow###MEow###MEow###MEow###MEow###ME
X-mEOW: *******mEOW*******mEOW *******mEOW*******mEOW *******mEOW *******mEOW
X-meoW: meoW%%%%% meoW%%%%% meoW%%%% meoW%%%% meoW%%%%meoW
X-meow: ======meow ======meow ======meow ======meow =====meow =====meow

Usenet Performance Art

From the files of W E B C E N T E R ...

MEOW MEOW Glossary

Cascade, weiner-doggy n. A type of cascade where an element is added to the sentence with each followup, making each succeeding entry longer and longer:

>>>Weiner-doggy.
>>Neutered weiner-doggy.
>Syphlitic neutered weiner-doggy.
Syphlitic neutered weiner-doggy with worms.

Usenet Performance Art

Found in alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk, this one had me rolling in the floor:

Our guest tonight on alt.usenet.kooks is very special...
let's all give Dick Hertz (Hey, who's Dick Hertz?) a big hand!

Usenet Performance Art

Form the files of W E B C E N T E R ...

Sig Files: July Ford-McKenna - 1000 LINES! Longer than Kibo!

[...]

Attention flonkers, nosers, altflamers, aunties, sig.bunnies,
dolphin-fishers, disneyites, frogs, kooks and other netizens

TIRED of reading fuckhead cascades?
FED UP TO THE BACK TEETH with "me too!!!"
BORED with downloading hundreds of HFW lames?
SICK of reading dozens of permutations of the "bitch" flame?
IF YOU SEE ONE MORE BLOODY "yer sig's too long" you'll KILL YOURSELF?

***THIS SPIFFY .SIG!! (tm) will revolutionize USENET!!!***

Killfile everyone but me. That's July Ford-McKenna. That's it -
*plonk* the lot of 'em. *PLONK* *PLONK* *PLONK*

Then read my .sig once a week.

THE SPIFFY .SIG!!(tm) There is NO substitute.

Usenet Performance Art

Found this one today at alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk...

what about this one? :

this was posted today at the computer forum where i like to hang out, by Tsaven Nava, so all credits should go to him. i hope it didn't hide in his bed to wait for revenge, hehe.

regards
Anja
mhm 36x5

Usenet Performace Art

Here's a sig file [Author: Tim Weaver] that I stumbled across today:

To err is human. To bleat is ovine. To bark is canine.

To forgive is divine. To oink is porcine. To purr is feline.

To moo is bovine. To howl is lupine. This list is assinine.

Usenet Performance Art

From the files of W E B C E N T E R ...

FEAR OF A MEOW PLANET by The King of Rock

Usenet Performance Art

From the files of W E B C E N T E R ...

Someone's Forging Glennie Webb: a poem-cascade.

This one ended up with The 2-Belo! Check out his header files for some additional silliness.

Usenet Performance Art

From the files of W E B C E N T E R ...

El Brujo explains to a hapless Canadian about the possibility of fellatio with 220 million people.

Usenet Performance Art

From the files of W E B C E N T E R ...

All Bound for Meow Meow Land by posterkid.

Usenet Performance Art

From the files of W E B C E N T E R ...

The infamous "BARNEY RAPED MY FAMILY!!!n!" cascade. Fully restored. The largest, most widely crossposted cascade of the last two years, eclipsing the 'Nose's 2nd Anniversary Cascade in sheer volume.

Usenet Performance Art

From the files of W E B C E N T E R ...

A Fuckhead is Born: Narrative Flame.

Usenet Performance Art

From the files of W E B C E N T E R ...

This is a little ditty from Fluffy, Ruler of All Usenet:

Stan, I Am!

Usenet Performance Art

From the files of W E B C E N T E R ...

A short fisking style flame:

El Brujo gets medieval on a religious zealot.

Usenet Performance Art

From the files of W E B C E N T E R...

Here's a nice little 50 line cascade:

Subject: Re: What's the "T" in Bilbert T. Smellivan's name stand for anyway?

MEOWers did NOT like Gilbert T Sullivan at all. They made him their bitch!

Usenet Performance Art

A little SPANK cascade ending with The 2-Belo

Really Big Sigfile Collection

Here is a really cool collection of sigfile headers and Usenet Performance Art.

A nice little poem:

alt dot fucking flame
---------------------
(with apologies to John Cooper Clarke)

I'm fucking sick of "AnalfaCe"
He's just a waste of fucking space.
That fucking Krapout's fucking shite
Can't fucking spell, can't fucking write.
And fucking Doom's as fucking bad
As he was last year - it's fucking sad.
And fucking Zoos claims fucking spanks
And fucking Biil just fucking wanks.
"I'm fucking rich", "you're fucking poor"
"You racist fuck, I'm fucking sure"
"Your fucking wife's a fucking slag"
"You're fucking gay you fucking fag"
"I fucked your mom, ten fucking bucks"
"Your fucking website fucking sucks"
"It fucking is", "it's fucking not"
Who fucking cares you fucking 'bots?
I might as well just fucking quit,
I'm sick and fucking tired of it.
When every day's the fucking same,
Right here on alt dot fucking flame.

I wanted to do a sample of some cool ASCII art, but it is all in a monospaced font and won't display properly. Go check it out... there are some really talented people that had a lot of time on their hands to create wonderful images using nothing but letters, numbers, and symbols.

Alt.Fan.Karl-Malden.Nose

The Orginal afk-mn Newsgroup Control Message from 1993!

Whence the Nose?

From news@use.net Mon May 3 23:57:12 1993
Control: newgroup alt.fan.karl-malden.nose
Newsgroups: alt.fan.karl-malden.nose.ctl
Path: unet!uchinews!linac!pacific.mps.ohio-state.edu!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!sdd.hp.com!decwrl!decwrl!usenet.coe.montana.edunetnews.nwnet.net!news.u.washington.edu!raven.alaska.edu!use.net!news
From: news@use.net (The Gh0D of Usenet)
Subject: newgroup alt.fan.karl-malden.nose
Message-ID:
Sender: news@use.net (The Gh0D of Usenet)
Nntp-Posting-Host: Gh0D.use.net
Organization: net.gods 'r us
Date: Mon, 3 May 1993 18:43:34 GMT
Approved: news@use.net
Lines: 1
Xref: uunet control:621349

Don't leave home without it.

Make sure you scroll down the page and read the Kitty pornography post; read the headers, especially the "Old-Approved" line.

Next time we'll have some Usenet Performance Art for you to review!!

Fistful of Penis!

From the files of W E B C E N T E R:

Cascade 1) n. A form of visual post-art. Cascades are formed through followups of followups of followups etc. of posts, usually with one-word or one-sentence replies each time. The resulting triangle-shaped post can be hundreds of lines long, and can make for quite entertaining reading as well as just being cool-looking word art. Cascades also have the added effect, when used during a flamewar, of pissing off those who do not like them (see "fuckhead cascade"). 2) v. To participate in, or instigate, a cascade.

It is with great pleasure and much laughter that I direct you to The Movie Penis Cascade

Including but not limited to:

• Twenty Thousand Penises Under The Sea.


• Bill and Ted's Penis Adventure.


• Alice Adventures in Penisland.


• A Penis Full of Dollars.

If you have any movie titles you would like to add that are not on the list, let 'er rip in the comments!

Empire of Meow

The One True History of MEOW!

The Meow Wars The largest flame war in Usenet history, involving hundreds of people from over 80 newsgroups, lasting over forty-five weeks. It was the Usenet equivalent of World War II. It was The Flamewar to End All Flamewars.

It was the best of times. The Meow Wars It all began innocently enough: a small group of students at Harvard University - a band of future bloodsucking ambulance-chasing lawyers, medical specialists who phone in diagnoses from mobile phones on yachts, and caffeine-crazed computer programmers with way too much time on their hands - began to use Usenet as a local dorm room bulletin board/gossip clique area.

The newsgroup they chose, apparently at random from among the hundreds of empty Usenet joke-newsgroup wastelands: alt.fan.karl-malden.nose. The circumstances surrounding the birth of this newsgroup can now be told, thanks to the location of the original newgroup control message.
[...]