Best Beer Commericals 21-30

Okay, I'm too lazy to check if Harvey already posted this. If he did, I'll remove it. Eventually.

Bullshit so far »

» by Physics Geek on July 10 :: Permalink :: Comments (8) :: Beer Stuff

Best Beer Commercial #20


Guinness: Tipping Point
Uploaded by Razorbuzz
Bullshit so far »

» by Physics Geek on January 16 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

Best Beer Commercials #19

Bullshit so far »

» by Harvey on October 26 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

Best Beer Commercials #18


Bullshit so far »

» by Harvey on October 3 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

Best Beer Commercials #17

Budweiser Honors 9/11


Bullshit so far »

» by Harvey on September 10 :: Permalink :: Comments (11) :: Beer Stuff

Best Beer Commercials #16

Bullshit so far »

» by Harvey on September 9 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

Best Beer Commercials #15

Bullshit so far »

» by Harvey on August 22 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Beer Stuff

Best Beer Commercials #14

[Free beer to Sticks of From Chaos to Serendipity for finding this one]

Bullshit so far »

» by Harvey on August 15 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

Best Beer Commercials #13

What can I say? I have a weakness for the classics.

Bullshit so far »

» by Harvey on August 8 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

Best Beer Commercials #12

Apparently Canadians start getting delusions of adequacy when they've been drinking too much of their pisswater beer.

Bullshit so far »

» by Harvey on August 1 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

Best Beer Commercials #11


Bullshit so far »

» by Harvey on July 24 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

Best Beer Commercials #10

Kind of a three-fer on this one.

I can definitely relate to part 2.

Bullshit so far »

» by Harvey on July 18 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

Best Beer Commercials #9

Bullshit so far »

» by Harvey on July 10 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

Best Beer Commercials #8


Bullshit so far »

» by Harvey on July 3 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

Best Beer Commercials #7

or #10, depending on how you count.

Bullshit so far »

» by Harvey on June 27 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Beer Stuff

Best Beer Commercials #6

Bullshit so far »

» by Harvey on June 20 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Beer Stuff

Best Beer Commercials #5


Bullshit so far »

» by Harvey on June 13 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

Best Beer Commercials #4

Bullshit so far »

» by Harvey on June 6 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

Best Beer Commercials #3

Bullshit so far »

» by Harvey on May 30 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

Best Beer Commercials #2

Bullshit so far »

» by Harvey on May 22 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

Best Beer Commercials #1

Bullshit so far »

» by Harvey on May 16 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

Top Ten Signs You Have Purchased a Bad Beer

10. TV Ads Begin "From the sparkling waters of Lake Erie. . ."

9. The second you take a sip, your liver explodes

8. For some reason, it's sold in the detergent aisle

7. It was actually brewed by Penny Marshall and Cindy Williams

6. Instead of a wagon pulled by Clydesdales, beer company has a wheelbarrow pushed by a doped-up monkey

5. The company isn't running any sort of sweepstakes, but the underside of the bottle caps all say "Sorry"

4. Tastes more like a mountain goat than a mountain stream

3. Picture on label is of a guy throwing up

2. Your girlfriend announces she's leaving you for Billy Dee Williams

1. When you crack a couple open on a fishing trip and say, "It doesn't get any better than this," your buddies kill themselves

Bullshit so far »

» by Harvey on May 8 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

Top Ten Signs You Drank Too Much This Weekend

10. You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping -- with your Oldsmobile.

9. Thanks to you, Jack Daniel's stock is up 15 1/4 since Friday.

8. For the money you spent on Thunderbird, you could've bought the car.

7. You're now the proud inventor of the "Slim Jim": Ultra Slim Fast shakes made with Jim Beam.

6. Absolut wants to run an add featuring a picture of your liver in the shape of a bottle.

5. Yet again, dry cleaner employees greet you with, "Hey, it's VomitMan!"

4. The doorman asks for your ID just to see how long it'll take you to find your pants.

3. Your liver, in a fit of pique, leaps out of your abdominal cavity into a pan of frying onions.

2. Worried friends call Monday morning to make sure you returned the goat.

1. You're now sober enough to realize "Drink Canada Dry" is a slogan and not a personal challenge.

Bullshit so far »

» by Harvey on May 2 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

Verbal Challenges For Drunks

Things That Are Difficult to Say When Drunk:

Cinnamon

Indubitably

Innovative

Preliminary

Proliferation

Things That Are Very Difficult to Say When Drunk:

British Constitution

Loquacious

Transubstantiate

Passive-aggressive disorder

Specificity

Things That Are Downright IMPOSSIBLE to Say When Drunk:

Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.

Nope, no more booze for me.

Sorry, but you're not really my type.

Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?

Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

You're right; I can't jump over that table.

Bullshit so far »

» by Harvey on April 24 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Beer Stuff

37 Signs That You're Too Drunk

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

2. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

3. Job interfering with your drinking.

4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.

5. Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.

6. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

7. Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.

8. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence???

9. Two hands and just one mouth - now THAT's a drinking problem!

10. You can focus better with one eye closed.

11. The parking lot seems to have moved when you were in the bar.

12. Every woman you see has an exact twin.

13. You fall off the floor...

14. Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.

15. "Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!"

16. The glass keeps missing your mouth.

17. Bill Clinton starts to make sense.

18. Vampires and mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.

19. At AA meetings you begin with: "Hi, my name is... uh..."

20. Your idea of cutting back means less salt.

21. You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed.

22. The whole bar says "HI!" when you come in.

23. Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.

24. "Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol."

25. "I'm not drunk, you're just sober"

26. Roseanne looks good.

27. You don't recognize your wife unless seen through the bottom of a glass.

28. "That damned pink elephant followed me home again."

29. You have a reserved parking space at the liquor store.

30. "I'm as jober as a sudge."

31. You wake up in Korea in August and the last thing you remember is the Fourth of July party at the Halekulani in Waikiki.

32. You've fallen and you can't get up.

33. When hangovers become an attractive alternative lifestyle.

34. "Beertender! Get me another bar!"

35. The shrubbery's drunk too, from frequent watering.

36. Your name is Ted Kennedy.

37. Foster Brooks appears sober to you.

Bullshit so far »

» by Harvey on April 17 :: Permalink :: Comments (4) :: Beer Stuff

53 Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Women

1. You can enjoy a beer all night long.

2. Beer stains wash out.

3. You don't have to wine and dine beer.

4. A beer will wait in the car while you go and play football.

5. When your beer goes flat, you toss it out.

6. Beer is never late.

7. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.

8. Hangovers go away.

9. Beer labels come off without a fight.

10. When you go to a bar, you can always pick up a beer.

11. Beer never has a headache.

12. After you've had a beer, the bottle is still worth 5 cents.

13. A beer won't get upset if you come home and have another beer.

14. If you pour a beer right, you'll always get good head.

15. A beer goes down easy.

16. You can have more than one beer in a night and not feel guilty.

17. You can share a beer with your friends.

18. You always know you're the first one to pop a beer.

19. Beer is always wet.

20. Beer doesn't demand equality.

21. You can have a beer in public.

22. A beer doesn't care when you come.

23. A frigid beer is a good beer.

24. You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.

25. If you change beers, you don't have to pay alimony.

26. You can't catch social diseases from a beer.

27. When you're interrupted by a beer it's for a good reason.

28. A beer is always satisfying.

29. A beer gets lighter the longer you hold it.

30. A beer won't tell you its pregnant for fun.

31. A beer does not come with in-laws.

32. No matter what the package, a beer still looks good.

33. To cool off a beer, all you have to do is put it in the ice box.

34. All you have to do to get over a beer is take a leak.

35. Beer doesn't complain about farting.

36. The only thing a beer tells you is when its time to go to the bathroom.

37. You are never embarrassed about the beer you bring to a party.

38. Its okay to leave a party with a different beer than the one you brought.

39. Beer won't drive you to drink.

40. You can shoot a beer.

41. A beer chaser is easier to catch.

42. You don't need a license to live with a beer.

43. A tree is good enough for a beer.

44. Beer doesn't grow hair where it shouldn't.

45. Beer doesn't care how much you earn.

46. Beer and "ice" don't mix.

47. Beer won't complain about your choice of vacation--it goes along happily.

48. Beer doesn't care if you go to sleep right after you've had it.

49. Beer is happy to ride in the trunk of your car.

50. You never have to promise to respect a beer in the morning.

51. Beer never complains about a wet spot.

52. You can put all your old beers together in one room and they won't fight.

53. A beer doesn't bleed one week out of the month.

Bullshit so far »

» by Harvey on April 11 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Religion

10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.

9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.

8. Beer has never caused a major war.

7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.

6. When you have a Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.

5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over his brand of Beer.

4. You don't have to wait 2000+ years for a second Beer.

3. There are laws saying Beer labels can't lie to you.

2. You can prove you have a Beer.

1. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stop.

Bullshit so far »

» by Harvey on April 4 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Beer Stuff

Norm Quotes from "Cheers"

SAM: "What's new, Normie?"
NORM: "Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach & they're demanding beer."

SAM: "What'd you like, Normie?"
NORM: "A reason to live. Give me another beer."

SAM: "What'll you have Normie?"
NORM: "Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap."
SAM: "Looks like beer, Norm."
NORM: "Call me Mister Lucky."

WOODY: "What's the story, Mr. Peterson?"
NORM: "The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy ending."

WOODY: "Hey, Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you."
NORM: "I know. If she calls, I'm not here."

SAM: "Beer, Norm?"
NORM: "Have I gotten that predictable? Good."

WOODY: "How's it going, Mr. Peterson?"
NORM: "Poor."
WOODY: "I'm sorry to hear that."
NORM: "No, I mean pour."

SAM: "What's going down, Normie?"
NORM: "My butt cheeks on that bar stool."

WOODY: "Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
NORM: "All right, but stop me at one. Make that one-thirty."

SAM: "What's the story, Norm?"
NORM: "Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer."

WOODY: "What's going on, Mr. Peterson?"
NORM: "The question is what's going in Mr. Peterson? A beer please, Woody."

WOODY: "Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"
NORM: "A little early isn't it, Woody?"
WOODY: "For a beer?"
NORM: "No, for stupid questions."

Bullshit so far »

» by Harvey on March 27 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

Judging a Woman By Her Drink

DRINK: Beer
PERSONALITY: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
YOUR APPROACH: Challenge her to a game of pool.

DRINK: Blender Drinks
PERSONALITY: Flaky, annoying; a pain in the ass.
YOUR APPROACH: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

DRINK: Mixed Drinks
PERSONALITY: Older, has picky taste; knows what she wants.
YOUR APPROACH: You won't have to approach her. She'll send YOU a drink.

DRINK: Wine - (does not include white zinfandel, see below)
PERSONALITY: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
YOUR APPROACH: Tell her you wish Reagan had had four more years...Alzheimer's and term limits be damned.

DRINK: White Zin
PERSONALITY: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually has no clue.
YOUR APPROACH: Make her feel smarter than she is...

DRINK: Shots
PERSONALITY: Hanging with frat-boy pals or looking to get drunk...and naked.
YOUR APPROACH: Easiest hit in the joint. Nothing to do but wait.

Bullshit so far »

» by Harvey on March 20 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

Beer Troubleshooting

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurts, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.

Bullshit so far »

» by Harvey on March 13 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

25 Reasons to Serve Beer At Work

1. It's an incentive to show up.

2. It reduces stress.

3. It leads to more honest communications.

4. It reduces complaints about low pay.

5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.

6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.

7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.

8. It encourages carpooling.

9. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.

10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.

11. It makes fellow employees look better.

12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.

13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.

14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.

15. Suddenly, burping during a meeting isn't so embarrassing.

16. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.

17. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.

18. Everyone agrees the work is better after they've had a couple of drinks.

19. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.

20. Increases the chance of seeing your boss naked.

21. It promotes foreign relations with the former Soviet Union.

22. The janitor's closet will finally have a use.

23. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.

24. Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be seen as "gross"

25. Babbling and mumbling incoherently will be common language.

Bullshit so far »

» by Harvey on March 6 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

Great Moments in Beer History

From the Here's To Beer site.

[Free refill to VW Bug of One Happy Dog Speaks]

Bullshit so far »

» by Harvey on April 3 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

Public Service Announcement

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer."

The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large "kegs". Beer is used by female sexual
predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life’s savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." In extreme cases, the female may
even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage." Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to this "Beer" scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter
with similarly victimized men. For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the phone book.

Check out this video to see how beer works.

Bullshit so far »

» by Physics Geek on February 24 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

Beer Warning!

FBI WARNING!

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, partygoers and unsuspecting pub regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many females to target unsuspecting men use a date rape drug on the market called "beer". ... Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts with women to whom they normally would never even talk.
Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on August 5 :: Permalink :: Comments (3) :: Beer Stuff
» nude fat chicks links with: nude fat chicks

Geek Beer 1.0

Duke Nukem aka Physics Geek - Madfish Willie's Official Brewmeister has oncorked his latest home brew creation upon Madfish Willie.

I recieved two bottles of Geek Beer last Wednesday. Put em in the frig to get nice and cold and wait for the sediment to settle. Ready to unleash on society on Friday night.

Now, I'm not the type of of guy who will tell you the flavor was bitter nutty with a fruity aftertaste and that you should let it breath a bit. It's not fucking wine... it's beer dammmit! I will tell you, however, that it was a full bodied beer with a nice taste. Better than most of those brew pub creations. Plus, I got a pretty good buzz started after finishing the two big bottles.

I think I may need more samples to really give you the nutty, fruity, breathy, review.

Good Stuff Maynard! Thanks Mr Geek!!!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on January 19 :: Permalink :: Comments (4) :: Beer Stuff

Official Brewmeister News

Duke Nukem, better known as Physics Geek, Madfish Willie's Official Brewmeister, has good news for you beer connoisseurs out there.

The beer is in the secondary and will be bottled next Sunday. It'll be ready for drinking/shipping about 10 days after that. Time to belly up to the bar.

Go over to the Geeks place and ask him whassup wid da brew?

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on December 8 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

Two More Beers, Please

Linda at Civilization Calls, a Corner of the Bar Babe (who has not posted her logo by the way) has blogrolled a couple of new bloggers. I found a link over to the spaceman's blog Spacecraft. He has a archive category for Beer. So, natually I clicked through to see what he's up to with space beer. [In space, there is no beer!]

He has a post that offers the phrase: Two More Beers, Please in different languages. Here are some examples:

Noch zwoa! (Austrian, western part)
Twee meer pils, alstublieft (Dutch)
Veel kaks õlut, palun! (Estonian)
Viela kaksi olutta kiitos (Finnish)
Zwei weitere Biere, bitte! (German)
Noch zwei Bier, bitte! (German)
Meg ket sort kerek (Hungarian)
Beeru wo mou nihon, onegaishimasu (Japanese)
Yehshche dvah pihva, prosheh (Polish)
Mido yidi biere didi (Pulaar)
Inca doua beri, va rog (Romanian)
Menya, pashalyaesta, dva pevo (Russian)
Dos cervezas mas, por favor (Spanish)
Dve piva, prosim (forgot. Serbian?)

One commenter also posts the natural follow up question: "¿Dónde está el baño?"

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on November 6 :: Permalink :: Comments (3) :: Beer Stuff

Beer Prayer

The Beer Prayer comes to Madfish Willie's via SilverBlue.

Before we pour the first beer and start the Happy Hour Party every day, we pause for a moment of peace and recite this prayer:

Our Lager, which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk (I will be drunk),
At home as it is in the Pub.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not into incarceration,
But deliver us from hangover.
For thine is the Beer, the Bitter and the Lager,
For ever and ever.
Barmen!
Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on October 25 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

Drinking Beer Makes You Smarter!

In Madfish Willie's never-ending quest to bring you good news, he often stumbles across something so mind-numbingly obvious, that he hits himself upside the head and says: "Damn, I knew that!"

In this article gleemed from Forbes Magazine, he finds just such news:

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole is maintained or even improved by the regular culling of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can operate only as fast as the slowest brain cells through which the electrical signals pass. Recent epidemiological studies have shown that while excessive intake of alcohol kills off brain cells, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

Thus, regular consumption of beer, wine etc., helps eliminate the weaker cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. The result of this in-depth study verifies and validates the causal link between all-weekend parties and job related performance. It also explains why, after a few short years of leaving a university and getting married, most professionals cannot keep up with the performance of the new graduates. Only those few that stick to the strict regimen of voracious alcoholic consumption can maintain the intellectual levels that they achieve during their college years.

So, this is a call to arms. As our country is losing its technological edge, we cannot shudder in our homes. Get back into the bars. Quaff that pint. Your company and country need you to be at your peak, and you shouldn't deny yourself the career that you could have. Take life by the bottle and be all that you can be. Forward this to all of your friends, acquaintances and co-workers that may be in danger of losing their edge.

So, there you go - evidence that drinking helps your intelligence!

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on October 24 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Beer Stuff

Beer Makes You Smarter

In Madfish Willie's never-ending quest to bring you good news, he often stumbles across something so mind-numbingly obvious, that he hits himself upside the head and says: "Damn, I knew that!"

In this article gleemed from Forbes Magazine, he finds just such news:

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole is maintained or even improved by the regular culling of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can operate only as fast as the slowest brain cells through which the electrical signals pass. Recent epidemiological studies have shown that while excessive intake of alcohol kills off brain cells, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

Thus, regular consumption of beer, wine etc., helps eliminate the weaker cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. The result of this in-depth study verifies and validates the causal link between all-weekend parties and job related performance. It also explains why, after a few short years of leaving a university and getting married, most professionals cannot keep up with the performance of the new graduates. Only those few that stick to the strict regimen of voracious alcoholic consumption can maintain the intellectual levels that they achieve during their college years.

So, this is a call to arms. As our country is losing its technological edge, we cannot shudder in our homes. Get back into the bars. Quaff that pint. Your company and country need you to be at your peak, and you shouldn't deny yourself the career that you could have. Take life by the bottle and be all that you can be. Forward this to all of your friends, acquaintances and co-workers that may be in danger of losing their edge.

So, there you go - evidence that drinking helps your intelligence!

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on October 23 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Beer Stuff

Geek Beer

>Madfish Willie's tries cater to a broad range of tastes and clientele. To that end, I would like to introduce a new line of beers being brewed up by Madfish Willie's Official Brewmeister: Physics Geek. This particular line of beer will be for the Geeks among us who truly deserve their own special brand of brewski's! Here's what Physics Geek has in the oven:

DOS Beer:
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz can, but now comes in a 16-oz can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2-oz each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.

MAC Beer:
At first, came only in a 16-oz can, but now comes in a 32-oz can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the wastebin.

Windows 95 Beer:
The world's most popular beer. Comes in a 16-oz can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for no apparent reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.

Windows 98 Beer:
See Windows 95 beer above. About the same but Windows 98 beer creates less gas and makes you crash less.

Windows 2000 Beer:
A new beer on the market. A lot of people have taste tested it and claim it's wonderful. The can looks like Mac and OS/2 Beer's can, but tastes like Windows 95/98 Beer. It comes in 32-oz cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16-oz of beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking Windows 95/98 Beer until their friends try Windows 2000 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS and Mac Beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.

Windows NT Beer:
Comes in 32-oz cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This causes most people to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The can looks just like Windows 95 Beer's, but the company promises to change the can to look like Windows 2000 Beer's, after Windows 2000 Beer starts shipping well. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and suggested only for use in bars.

Unix Beer:
Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8-oz to 64-oz. Drinkers on Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have to have your own can opener around for these occasions, in which case you either need a complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been drinking Unix Beer for several years...

AmigaOS Beer:
The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been picked up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an import. This beer never really sold very well, because the original manufacturer didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer fans are an extremely loyal and loud group. It originally came in a 16-oz can, but now comes in 32-oz cans too. When this can was originally introduced, it appeared flashy and colourful, but the design hasn't changed much over the years, so it appears dated now. Critics of this beer claim that it is only meant for watching TV anyway.

Let's all raise a cold draught beer to the Physics Geek for these fine brews!

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on October 23 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

Official Brewmeister

We are proud to announce the addition of The Physics Geek as Madfish Willie's Official Brewmeister.

Mmm... Beer! [drool runs out the side of mouth]

In his first annoucement since taking office, The Physics Geek lays out the brewing schedule for the first batch of Madfish Beer.

The beer in question will be a strong (based on past experience) dunkel weizen. I'm still convincing the chief that I need to brew another batch. She's sympathetic to the needs of my hobby but she hates the smell of boiling wort. I'm looking to brew the weekend of November 8th and bottling the 22nd. Should be ready to drink by mid-December.

We look forward to this very special batch of handcrafted beverage.

Just in time for the holiday drinking festivities!

Update: We need an Official Name for this batch of beer!

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on October 21 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Beer Stuff

The History of Beer - Part 4

The history of beer is a five-part series documenting... well, the history of beer.

    1. The History of Beer
    2. The Story of Beer
    3. The Brewing of Beer
    4. Styles of Beer
    5. Beer Today
Styles of Beer

The American Homebrewer's Association recognizes seventy styles of beer. Here is a description of the most common styles:

  • Dark beer: Beer becomes darker when the barley is kilned for a longer period of time. This also creates richer, deeper flavors from the roasted grain.
  • Lager: Two different types of yeast can be used to create alcohol. Yeast that ferments slowly at a low temperature creates a smoother, more mellow beer.
  • Ale: The other type of yeast, which ferments more rapidly and at a higher temperature, results in a more aromatic and fruity product.
  • Amber: Malty, hoppy beers with a rich golden color.
  • Bitter: A British style, highly hopped for a more dry and aromatic beer, pale in color but strong in alcohol content.
  • Fruit Beer: Fruit may be added either during the primary fermentation or later. Usually made with berries, although other fruits can be used.


  • India Pale Ale: The name is often shortened to IPA. This ale was originally brewed in England for export to India. The large quantities of hops added were intended as a preservative and to mask potential off-flavors that might develop during the long voyage.
  • Pilsner: This is the term for the classic lager originally developed in Czechoslovakia, a pale, golden-hued, light beer after which many mass-produced American beers are modeled.
  • Porter: Very bitter, very dark, this beer was developed in England as a "nourishing" drink for manual laborers such as porters.
  • Stout: Very dark and heavy, with roasted unmalted barley and, often, caramel malt or sugar. Invented by Guinness as a variation on traditional porter.
  • Wheat beer (Weizen): Malted wheat, in addition to barley, is used for this German style beer. Hefeweizen is a variation.

Tomorrow: Beer Today

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on October 18 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

The History of Beer - Part 3

The history of beer is a five-part series documenting... well, the history of beer.

    1. The History of Beer
    2. The Story of Beer
    3. The Brewing of Beer
    4. Styles of Beer
    5. Beer Today

The Brewing of Beer

Almost all beer contains only four ingredients: barley, water, hops, and yeast.


Different styles of beer are created by variations in the brewing process, which consists of four stages.

The first ingredient to come into play is barley, which is grain (or in other words, a seed). The seeds are soaked and allowed to begin their development into plants. Enzymes are released that will break down the proteins and starches in each grain into simple sugars meant to nourish the baby plant. However, once this process has begun, the barley is cooked in a kiln, arresting the growth process while the enzymes are at their peak of production. This is called malting.

In the mashing stage, the grain is actually transformed into sugar. The grains are crushed and then soaked in water. Proteins are broken down; these will eventually give the beer its body. Starches are broken down into simple sugars that will nourish the yeast. Complex sugars remain to give the beer its malty taste. The mash is heated and strained to yield a substance called wort.

Next, the wort is brought to a boil and the flowers of the female hop plant are added. Bitter resins and aromatic hop oils are released.

The variety of hop, the amount added, and the point or points in the boil at which they are added all contribute to the flavor of the beer. They add bitterness when added early to the boil, flavor if added in the middle, and aroma when added at the end. Then the beer is cooled and yeast is added and allowed to consume most or all of the sugars in the wort. This is the fermentation process, in which alcohol is produced. The beer is separated from the yeast (racked) and then aged and carbonated by conducting a second fermentation in a closed container, or by adding carbon dioxide artificially.

Tomorrow: Styles Of Beer

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on October 17 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

History of Beer - Part 2

The history of beer is a five-part series documenting... well, the history of beer.


    1. The History of Beer
    2. The Story of Beer
    3. The Brewing of Beer
    4. Styles of Beer
    5. Beer Today


The Story of Beer

Beer is one of the oldest products of civilization, and may even have been a stepping stone to the invention of leavened bread.

Beer's Beginnings
Historians believe that the ancient Mesopotamians and Sumerians were brewing as early as 10,000 BC.

Although the product would have been somewhat different from today's bottled varieties, it would be recognizable.

The ancient Egyptians and Chinese brewed beer, as did pre-Columbian civilizations in the Americas, who used corn instead of barley.

In the middle ages, European monks were the guardians of literature and science, as well as the art of beer making. They refined the process to near perfection and institutionalized the use of hops as a flavoring and preservative. However, it wasn't until Louis Pasteur came along that a final, important development was made. Until that time, brewers had to depend on wild, airborne yeast for fermentation. By establishing that yeast is a living microorganism, Pasteur opened the gates for accurately controlling the conversion of sugar to alcohol.

While grapes grow well in warm climates, barley grows better in cooler climes. This is how the northern countries of Germany and England became famous for their beers. This production was taken very seriously, as it was in the New World, where beer was a major component of the Pilgrim's diet.


Beer in America
Beer was of major concern for revolutionary thinkers like Thomas Jefferson, who quickly passed legislation to create a healthy beer industry in the new United States.

Everything went swimmingly until the dark day in 1920 when Prohibition took effect. Many breweries went out of business or switched to the production of soda pop. Of course, not everyone stopped drinking, but gangster-controlled operations were not known for high-quality products.

Late in 1933, Congress passed the 21st Amendment to the Constitution which repealed the unpopular law. However, the new breeds of American beer that came after World War II were generally mass-produced and very bland. Jimmy Carter legalized home brewing, ushering in the age of microbreweries, beer hobbyists, and beer snobs.

Tomorrow: How Beer Is Made

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on October 16 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

History of Beer

The history of beer is a five-part series documenting... well, the history of beer.


    1. The History of Beer
    2. The Story of Beer
    3. The Brewing of Beer
    4. Styles of Beer
    5. Beer Today

The History of Beer

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. --Benjamin Franklin

Beer is as old as civilization itself. One of the most common and popular of beverages, it is made in every corner of the world. It has a long and fascinating history, from ancient Egypt to medieval monks, to (for a time) being outlawed by the U.S. Constitution. It has been part of the daily ration for people whose lives have been long and hard, as well as the symbol of celebration, recreation, and relaxation. The local tavern has been a refuge and social universe to many.

The simple combination of barley, water, hops, and yeast produces many different styles of beer. The process has several steps, and although it is simple enough that it can be done at home with the right equipment, many people would consider brewing an art.

Beer types range from a pale, sparkling yellow to dark, rich reddish-brown. There is a place and time for each, from tossing back a cheap cold lager on a summer afternoon to sipping a sweet, syrupy Christmas brew on a cold winter night. Beer generates a sense of well-being and enhances conversation. [ed. Yeah, but what if your are an asshole?]

Although ancient, the custom of beer drinking is by no means in danger of extinction. The recent explosion of microbrews has created a new generation of beer connoisseurs, while the less sophisticated will no doubt continue to love it blindly but passionately.

Tomorrow: The Story Of Beer

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on October 15 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff