You Need More Pop & Squeak In Your Life

Go play Sobics.

Can I Get a Six-Pack To Go?

You can if you have a beer belly

[Hat tip: I Hate My Cubicle!!!]

Always Be Polite

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students: "Students, If you were on a date, having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?

"Michael?"

Michael: "Just a minute, I have to go pee."

Teacher: "That would be rude and impolite!!!

Teacher: "What about you Peter, how would you say it?"

Peter: "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back."

Teacher: "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.<>
And you Little Johnny, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?"

Johnny: "I would say: 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope you'll get to meet after dinner. "

Mint Flavored Birth Control Pill

The Cadbury's Candy Co. and Merck Drug Co. have combined to market the new Mint flavored birth control pill that women may take immediately before sex.

The Pill will be distributed by the large major drug store chains and Wal-Mart's Pharmacies.

They're going to be called "Pre-dick-a-mints"

Choose Your Drinking Buddy

Bugs Bunny or Captain Kirk?

This handy guide will help you pick one.

Or possibly make the decision harder.

An oldie, but...

Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap. Father Bill says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand and heads back to the showers.

He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way. Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how lifelike he looks. The first nun cannot resist temptation, suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled, he drops one of the bars of soap. "Oh look" says the first nun, "its a soap dispenser."

To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.

The third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens. So she gives several more tugs, then yells! "Mary, Mother of God - Hand Lotion too!"

How To Swear In 173 Languages

All right here.

Personally, I say nobody does it better than the Finnish.

Today's Life Lesson

Never tease an elk.

Madfish Willie's Amusement Park

This is why Disney fired the Bartender.