Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon: February 2004 Archives

The Lush Lexicon - III

The Lush Lexicon: Buzzwords for Boozeheads

Hey, slop jaw, quit boozgarting the felony juice so we can finish frontloading and get our fade on.

Last call lothario: Someone who's shy until last call, at which point he'll try to hook up with anything that has a pulse and/or booze at their home.
Loudmouth soup: A shot of strong liquor.
MDA: Mysterious Drinking Accident. When you wake up with bruises and cuts you have no recollection of receiving. Also called UPI (Unidentified Party Injury), UBB (Unidentified Beer Bruise) and drunk marks.
NBR: No Beers Required: Someone sufficiently attractive enough to hit on while sober.
One for the ditch: A less optimistic version of One for the road.
Pavement pizza: Vomit on the sidewalk, often found outside bars.
Prole piss: Any cheap American lager.
Prole piss poser: A yuppie who attempts to appear down with the working class by making a point of ordering only bottom shelf liquor and cheap beer.
Mystery guest: The guy at the party no one seems to know. They usually lurk in the kitchen near the booze.
Riding a rocking horse into battle: Getting drunk on 3.2% beer.
Roadside olympics: Roadside sobriety test.
Shelf jumper: Someone whose tastes improve from bottom to top shelf when someone offers to buy them a drink.
Skinflint sprint: The fast walk a departing patron employs after he's left the cocktail waitress a less-than-generous tip on the table. Someone who spills (unintentionally or otherwise) most of his shot down the side of his face. As in, "Don't waste anymore money on Mike, he slopjawed the last three shots."
Stout gout: The morning-after flatulence that often follows a night of drinking Guinness.
Tart fuel: Bottled alcopops, e.g. Hooch, Sky Blue, etc., regularly consumed by young women.
Thousand mile glare: The blank, vaguely hostile look a veteran bartender will give you when you ask a stupid question such as, "Is the beer cold?"
Tip jar anxiety: The fear that an unobservant bartender won't notice you left a good tip.
Trip dog: The invisible canine that starts getting underfoot around your tenth drink. Once he arrives he will trip you up the rest of the night.
Trojan hooch: Bringing an empty bottle wrapped in a brown paper bag to a party so you won't appear a mooch.
Twelve stepper: A reformed drinker or someone who wants to quit drinking early. As in, "Hold on there, twelve stepper, the bouncer hasn't even threatened us yet."
Two pint screamer: Someone who gets noticeably drunk after two drinks.
Vodka vision: A liquor specific brand of beer goggles.
Wobbly pop: Any beverage containing alcohol.
New Words for Drunk:: jagged up, boiled as an owl, mothered, curried and mashed, de-ossified, full tight, skinned, pie-eyed, gibbled, in the paint, pile-axed, rat-assed, stinko, torn off the frame, torqued, troll-eyed, wired to the tits, banjoed, chateaued, one over the eight, pixelated, swipey, wankered, zigzag, slaughtered, juice-looped, 12 gauged, Boris Yelstinned, cop-sluggin' drunk, five winos gone, jackassed, liver-lubed, monkey assed, mullocked, paralytic, stolichnyed, ten feet tall and bulletproof, tore up from the floor up, Kennedied, wearing a big hat, shined up, wingdinged, off the leash, drunk uncled, picassoed, and finally, locked out of your mind.

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on February 19 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Funny Stuff

The Lush Lexicon - II

Buzzwords for Boozeheads

Hey, slop jaw, quit boozgarting the felony juice so we can finish frontloading and get our fade on.

De-boned: To become so drunk you appear not to have any skeletal structure to hold you up.
Deep-dish olive pie: A martini.
Deja booty: When a drunk inexplicably has sex with the person he swore he would never speak of or to again, never ever.
Deja booze: When an infrequently enjoyed drink reminds you of the last time you enjoyed it. As in, "This margarita reminds me of when I was partying in Tijuana, just before I vomited on myself, picked a fight with the bartender and got thrown in the clink. Good times, good times."
Deserter: A full beer, possibly hidden, found when cleaning up the next day after a party.
Hell's own drag: Influence. As in, "See the size of that shot? Ever since I started dating the barmaid, I've got hell's own drag at this bar."
Drink link: An ATM.
Drink shrink: Those who, after a few drinks, discover they have the ability to psychoanalyze and offer solid personal advice to their friends and/or strangers.
Drinking in stereo: Boozing with a drink in each hand.
Felony juice: Tequila.
Flip wire: That fine, fuzzy line between buzzed and hammered. As in, "That fucker ain't driving, he tripped the flip wire three shots ago."
Floored: When you're so drunk standing up just seems a silly waste of time.
Frontloading: Getting drunk before going to a nightclub because the club's drinks are expensive.
FUBAR: Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition.
Fugly bus: The mysterious bus that whisks away all the ugly people from the bar and replaces them with their beautiful cousins while you're in the bathroom draining your tenth pint.
Get the fade on: Going out with intention of getting very, very drunk.
Grog monster: The part of the brain that insists you keep drinking long after you should have went home and passed out.
Gutter hugger: Drinkers who empty the contents of their stomach into a gutter or nearest trash can.
Hooch hotel: The drunk tank.
Housed: Moderately drunk. This term is particularly popular with those who listen to the Grateful Dead and smoke large amounts of marijuana.
Jack and Jill: A shot of Jack Daniels and a beer.
Joint of no return: A bar from which you are 86'd.
Juice card: Received on your 21st birthday.
Jumping on the grenade: When two groups of the opposite sex meet, one member "jumps on the grenade" by talking to (or possibly sleeping with) the least attractive member of the other group so as to ensure the success of the rest of the group.
Jumping strays: Stealing unattended or abandoned drinks at a bar or party. As in, "I'm so broke I've been jumping strays all night."
Kamikaze eyes: The look a drunk gets when he spies someone he always hated but never had the guts to fight. Until now.
Keg commander: the boisterous chap who hovers around the keg so as to ensure everyone knows how to properly pour a beer.

Bullshit so far »

Drinking in stereo
Boozing with a drink in each hand.

So, what do you call Matty O'Blacfive who's also one in each hand, one in each foot, and 2 in a Foam Dome?

Harvey bullshitted on February 04, 2004 at 10:20 AM

Keg Commander...last kegger I attended, I headbutted the Keg Commander....broke his nose, but he let me pour my own damn beer after that...and, more importantly, he let my WIFE pour hers as well...lecherous bastard..

Eric bullshitted on February 07, 2004 at 07:35 PM

Bartender?
BARTENDER!

Need another round over here! A bored customer is a cranky customer.

Don't make me tell the CotBG that you left the place unguarded again. I hope you haven't forgotten what happened last time...

Harvey bullshitted on February 10, 2004 at 10:34 AM

/me hops the bar and grabs the Frangelico for the ladies in the house

"Shush boys, he'll never miss it.

"And quit staring at that big bottle of Galliano, Harvey -- you're a married man!"

Leapin Lizzard bullshitted on February 10, 2004 at 08:25 PM

Well, Bartender, I warned you. Looks like it's open season on the top shelf...

Harvey bullshitted on February 11, 2004 at 10:26 AM

My, My. Is that a bottle of Rumple Minz i spy?

Chris P. Cream bullshitted on February 11, 2004 at 06:47 PM

I've got the dibs on the Harvey's Bristol Cream Sherry!!!! Ooooh--and this Irish Creme Liquer is mine too!

Susie bullshitted on February 11, 2004 at 11:23 PM

Second trimester... no liquor... but the beer nuts are all mine! MINE MINE MINE. And then I'm gonna move onto the pretzels! And the honey roasted nuts! And the mints! And the chips! And then I'm gonna hop over the bar and take over the ice cream! YEAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Dana bullshitted on February 11, 2004 at 11:27 PM

Careful, Dana, or you'll have to strangle yourself...

Wonder if I can pull the Spice channel in on the Champagne Room's big screen...

First I gotta find out if I can get all the way around the room by jumping from one piece of furniture to the next.

Harvey bullshitted on February 11, 2004 at 11:32 PM

How come I'm always late to the party? Hey are there any 'Rita's here? I know - sissy drink - but I have to go back to work when I'm done... I'll leave all the non-liquor stuff for Dana, she needs to eat for 2 right now *G*.

Maybe liquor will help my brain work better... I see an experiment in the making!

Teresa bullshitted on February 11, 2004 at 11:40 PM

Look! a pool table! if I take off my clothes and start swimming...
Harvey, please move those balls...they're impeding my breast stroke...

Susie bullshitted on February 11, 2004 at 11:47 PM

Hey, if the 'tender's gone, there's really nothing to STOP us from having sex in the Champagne Room, now, is there?

Dana bullshitted on February 11, 2004 at 11:51 PM

I can't believe I missed the party!

Bartender, get your butt back here or face the consequences. Remember what happened to Acidman???? Mee-ow! Heh Heh Heh....

pam bullshitted on February 12, 2004 at 08:24 AM

Ya know, I been waiting for you guys. Everytime I stuck my head in here though, nobody was around.

Or maybe Harv finally got Playboy TV on in the Champagne Room....

DAMN! I knew I shoulda checked the back before I left last time. Fer crissakes, look what DANA'S proposing!

Mike the Marine bullshitted on February 12, 2004 at 09:48 AM

Better watch Dana - I think the Beer Nuts went to her head!

Hey Susie, how many laps are you gonna do on the pool table?

Teresa bullshitted on February 12, 2004 at 09:57 AM

Better question: WHAT is Susie going to be lapping on that pool table.

Allow me to help with the stroking of the breasts, Susie... and I thought you liked my balls right where they were?

Hey Mike! Can you spray a little beer on the ladies? If there's anything I can't stand, it's a dry T-shirt.

Harvey bullshitted on February 12, 2004 at 10:21 AM

/me puts 2 quarters on the edge of the pool table

"I'm next up for a dip with Susie!"

Dick Paycheck bullshitted on February 12, 2004 at 10:35 AM

Don't waste good beer on making t-shirts un-dry!

Use Zima.

Hey, nobody's gonna drink it, and you get the same visual effect. God... why does the Bartender even stock this stuff, anyway?....

Mike the Marine bullshitted on February 12, 2004 at 01:44 PM

Oh no - more Zima!!! I thought we only found that at Darren's place.

Teresa bullshitted on February 12, 2004 at 05:33 PM

All this exercise makes a girl thirsty...is there any Dom Perignon left?

Susie bullshitted on February 12, 2004 at 08:19 PM

Dammit Dana, won't you do another Iowa Dean imitation for us? I wanna down this here double-shot of tequila right when you blow yer load!

Anybody want tha worm?

Marty bullshitted on February 12, 2004 at 10:21 PM

Whose panties are these?

Trey Givens bullshitted on February 12, 2004 at 10:32 PM

If I ever decided to blow my load in the middle of the Champagne Room, I can guarantee you tequila would be the very last thing on your mind. ;)

Dana bullshitted on February 13, 2004 at 01:01 AM

[grabbing panties from Trey]
It's strictly a comfort thing.

Anyway what's Dana going to be blowing and where does the line start?

Hey Mike! Does the Bartender have any Reddi-Wip in that little fridge? Don't ask why I need it, just throw it over here.

Anybody needs me, I'll be in the Champagne room.

Harvey bullshitted on February 13, 2004 at 10:56 AM

Where are the Buttery Nipples?
And while I'm waiting, I'll have a drink too.
(Don't be showing me any pictures of Janet for that, I like my liquor not quite so hard.)

LeeAnn bullshitted on February 13, 2004 at 07:42 PM

Hey Mike! While you're in the fridge, see if you can find some butter for LeeAnn. Her perkies need greasin' up.

At least I *think* that's what she meant.

Harvey bullshitted on February 14, 2004 at 01:11 AM

LeeAnn!! I'm Shocked and AWED... anyone up for a Redheaded Slut?

Eric bullshitted on February 14, 2004 at 07:23 AM

Harvey, not quite... my perkies (I love that one) are adequately lubed.
And Eric, the sun is past the yardarm, so of course I've already had my daily requirement of Redheaded Slut.
Blow Jobs, btw, are dessert material.

LeeAnn bullshitted on February 14, 2004 at 11:09 AM

I'll be right back, I'm gonna run to Wal-Mart and buy us a Slip-and-Slide.. no point in letting all that Reddi-Whip go to waste.

Dana bullshitted on February 14, 2004 at 11:33 AM

I think the Barkeep's gonna hafta re-felt the pool table....

Susie bullshitted on February 14, 2004 at 12:33 PM

..someone turn the fan on, it's getting awfully hot in here...

Eric bullshitted on February 14, 2004 at 02:58 PM

Can't let it get too hot, the edible undies will melt. Again.

LeeAnn bullshitted on February 14, 2004 at 07:02 PM

Hey, I was rummaging around in the storage closet, looking for the olive oil for the Slip-n-Slide, and I found this Robin costume. Two questions: whose is it, and who's Batman?

Dana bullshitted on February 15, 2004 at 12:33 AM

... Matt? Batman is yours, right?... where's the line start for the slip-n-slide?...

..if those knickers melt again, LeeAnn, we'll mix a little vodka with them... what would that drink be called?

Eric bullshitted on February 15, 2004 at 10:12 AM

Eric- A Sweet and Sour Pussy, of course.... silly man.
Dana- When you find Batman, check out the utility belt, it's niiiiiiiice.

LeeAnn bullshitted on February 15, 2004 at 11:47 AM

Look! A Spiderman costume, too!

All right, which of you ladies has been a bad, bad criminal who needs to be bound tightly in the unbreakable grip of my web?

By the way [chew, chew] these edible undies taste a lot like cotton... although there's a certain hint of something familiar and delicious.

Harvey bullshitted on February 15, 2004 at 01:01 PM

It's not corn, is it?

LeeAnn bullshitted on February 15, 2004 at 06:39 PM

Good Kee-rist Harv... (snatches panties). Those belong to Evil Glenn's girlfriend! You're gonna need shots!

No... not the vodka kind... put those down...

No, I DON'T know why the Bartender has Evil Glenn's girlie's panties under the bar... but then I'm finding all kinda crazy stuff under here... Anybody know where the pin to this grenade went? I think I heard it slide under the jukebox...

Mike the Marine bullshitted on February 15, 2004 at 06:51 PM

Here, try this

Marty's Willy Nilly Martini, (aka The Mafish Willie Nillie):

1 part Stoli Vanilla Vodka
1 part Kahlua

Shake furiously over ice, and strain into martini glass

Serve liberally to teenage girls...

Marty bullshitted on February 15, 2004 at 08:13 PM

LeeAnn - I thought your undies were invisible.

Marty, no teenage girls are allowed here, it's disheartening to the more seasoned women in the room!

Now, who has Batman's utility belt???

Teresa bullshitted on February 15, 2004 at 10:06 PM

...I think I threw my back out on the slip-n-slide... pour me a double.. you ladies are HARD on us old guys...

eric bullshitted on February 16, 2004 at 07:29 AM

As long as you're hard in return, eric...that's all we ask...

Susie bullshitted on February 16, 2004 at 08:35 AM

I should add that the Madfish Willie Nillie is equally effective on the freewheelings MILF's who frequent the Champagne Room...

Marty bullshitted on February 16, 2004 at 09:47 AM

Fatty Sue's panties? GAH! I need some disinfectant! Toss me that bottle of 190 Vodka, Mike.... Thanks.

[glug, glug, glug]

AHHHH! I feel cleaner already.

What an awful feeling...

Susie! Come here and make me feel dirty again!

Harvey bullshitted on February 16, 2004 at 10:44 AM

Hard? *perk*

Dana bullshitted on February 16, 2004 at 11:02 AM

>:( Damnit, I'm always LATE for everything! (stupid snow!) Now everyone's ready to leave and here I am still sober. I'm NOT going to be the designated-blogger today, folks.

Somebody hit me with a Schlitz.

bullshitted on February 16, 2004 at 11:02 AM

Apparently I'm less lucent than I thought...that last brain fart without a name was mine.

I'll excuse myself to the worn out-out pool table now. I come bringing tidings of disinfectant and joy.

Tiffany bullshitted on February 16, 2004 at 11:11 AM

..you know it, Susie... I ain't THAT old....

eric bullshitted on February 16, 2004 at 12:54 PM

Eric, you know it's not the years... it's the mileage that counts.

Tiffany, I got better than Schlitz... have a Buttery Nipple.

LeeAnn bullshitted on February 16, 2004 at 06:31 PM

that's right, LeeAnn.. and Baby, I've got some SERIOUS mileage.... awwww, fuckit.. gimme a buttery nipple, andI'll hit the slip-n-slide again.... your have STIRRED me, miss... must be that cheesy smell that's got me revv'd..

Eric bullshitted on February 16, 2004 at 07:18 PM

Buttery Nipple? Hmm, would that be the signature drink of the "Bloggers With Boobies?" If so, give me 3.

Tiffany bullshitted on February 16, 2004 at 08:17 PM

I really can't think of a better party trick than Tiffany showing us her third nipple, buttery or not.

/me is waving Mardi Gras beads at you hunny....

Marty bullshitted on February 17, 2004 at 07:20 AM

damn good idea, Marty! I know the barkeep has a whole drawer full of N'Awlins beads around here... line up, ladies!

eric bullshitted on February 17, 2004 at 07:39 AM

Tiffany's doing a GREAT job of earning her beads, but I only see 2 nipples...

...actually, I'm seeing 4 now...

...how much of that 190 vodka did I drink?

... 4 of the cutest nipples I've ever seen, though...

Harvey bullshitted on February 17, 2004 at 08:32 AM

Oooooh...beads....shiny. *hic!*

Tiffany bullshitted on February 17, 2004 at 11:31 AM

Ooooh, I'd give a good shimmy or two for some beads!

LeeAnn bullshitted on February 17, 2004 at 12:41 PM

Am I fashionably late?

Would the Bartender happen to have a supply of Sprite in the house? If so, could somebody toss me one?

Oh, and since I'm not drinking, I'm available as the DD. Anybody need a ride home?

hm bullshitted on February 17, 2004 at 01:08 PM

hey Maniak, did ya bring your guitar? Give us some "Sweet Home Alabama" while Tiffany and LeeAnn "earn" their beads!

LeeAnn, doesn't that HURT when you mash them together like that?

eric bullshitted on February 17, 2004 at 03:13 PM

Laps around pool(table). Buttery nipples. Shimmying. I have GOT to start checking the calendar over the weekends. Somehow I'm always the last to arrive. Everyone's already drunk and now I have to catch up. On the plus side, everyone's had so much that I won't have to share the homebrew. Uh, except for Susie. Pissing off the Alliance webmistress isn't high on my list of things to do. She'll be getting her beer sometime today. Hopefully she'll pop the top here at the Bartender's.
Hey Harvey! Have we graduated from beer to tequila shots already?

physics geek bullshitted on February 17, 2004 at 03:17 PM

Nah, Eric, they're like jello with a pulse. I wanted them to be like Silly Putty so I could squish them on the comics page and pick up the pictures on 'em, but you takes what you gots and deal, right?
*shimmy*

LeeAnn bullshitted on February 17, 2004 at 04:20 PM

Got it right here, Eric. Though I'm afraid everybody may bolt for the door when they hear the combination of my awful singing voice and my awful playing.

*AHEM*

Sweet home Alabama,
Where the skies are so blue,
Sweet home Alabama,
Lord I'm comin' home to you.

*TWANG* Dammit! Broke a string. Anybody happen to carry around any extra guitar string when they go out? And where's my Sprite?

hM bullshitted on February 17, 2004 at 05:21 PM

Shh! Quiet down there! Why is it so loud in here? And what's with all the lights?

Geez...my head's spinning--hey, give me back my drink!

Tiffany bullshitted on February 17, 2004 at 05:23 PM

*whew*... ladies, y'all amaze me... buttery nipples, Skynyrd tunes, body shots, shimmyin' breasts... lord, someone shoot me now, cuz I've seen the promised land, and it is Madfish Willie's on a Tuesday night..

Eric bullshitted on February 17, 2004 at 05:48 PM

FREEBIRD!!!!!

Ignatius J. Reilly bullshitted on February 17, 2004 at 08:40 PM

Oooh! Are we doing karaoke now? *hic!* Who wants to join me for a chorus of "Dancing *hic!* Queen"?

Tiffany bullshitted on February 17, 2004 at 10:32 PM

I don't know about singing, but someone throw me some beads!

Teresa bullshitted on February 17, 2004 at 11:02 PM

Somebody please get me an alka seltzer...and ask that midget to get off the jukebox!

Susie bullshitted on February 18, 2004 at 01:17 AM

hM - I don't have a guitar string, but I've got a g-string. Don't really remember where it came from, though. Hope it's not Trey's.

Susie - I've got a midget for your jukebox. Mheh :-)

LeeAnn - and just what, exactly, is wrong with pulsing jello?

Physics Geek - I was going to do some tequila shots earlier, but apparently someone took all the shot glasses & built a scale model of the Alamo with 'em. Pretty impressive.

Dana - since you're not drinking, why don't you make me a sandwich? You can be the bottom slice of bread.

Who wants to be the lettuce and/or tomato?

And has ANYONE seen Matty O'Blackfive? Tiffany! Check under your boobs!

Harvey bullshitted on February 18, 2004 at 04:56 AM

Harvey - Oh, nonononono... with this burgeoning belly, no way I'm going to be the *bottom* slice of bread. I'll be on top, though. ;)

Dana bullshitted on February 18, 2004 at 08:58 AM

Ok, Dana, bottom it is. I guess we'll have to make this an open face sandwich.

I got the face. You open.

Hey Mike! Is there a jar of Miracle Whip in that little fridge?

Harvey bullshitted on February 18, 2004 at 09:52 AM

Oh, and was anyone surprised that Dana got comment #69?

Naughty little vixen ;-)

Harvey bullshitted on February 18, 2004 at 09:55 AM

lol!!! That was too funny.

Dana bullshitted on February 18, 2004 at 10:52 AM

I brought the ketchup! I also brought some relish and mustard and onions.

I'm so going to be stylin' in my wonderwoman underoos in about five seconds.

LOOK OUT!

Trey Givens bullshitted on February 18, 2004 at 11:49 AM

Trey, you've already managed to make me want to cry with the fact that your smokin' hot and, like a good deal of cute men, gay. Please don't make it any worse by showin' off your bod.

Would anyone like to hear the Maniak's version of Fur Elise? The one where Elise get's her head chopped off?

*Flings arms dramatically in the air and shouts* I am the master of Beethoven! Bow before me! Mwahahaha!

And where the hell is my Sprite already?!?!?

hM bullshitted on February 18, 2004 at 12:01 PM

the Maniak has lost it... better find that damn Sprite... and QUICK!

aww hell, *jumping over the bar*...

...here's a sprite, baby sister, seein' as the Tender ain't around, I'm getting my OWN Scotch and Water.. anyone want something while I'm back here?

eric bullshitted on February 18, 2004 at 12:25 PM

Thank you Eric. That's all I really wanted. If anybody needs me I'm going to be over in the corner trying to massage the feeling back into my finger tips. And laughing at everybody who's getting drunk.

Harvey! Trey! Must you both be performing a strip show to "It's Raining Men" on the pool table?

hM bullshitted on February 18, 2004 at 12:36 PM

I'll come clean. The Robin costume is mine--and sadly I'll have to break all your hearts by saying that the Dynamic Duo is in fact NOT ambiguously gay. Come forth, Batman, and tell these drunken revelers who you be.

Sorry, Harv, no Matty under my boobs, but...hmm, what's this? Cool! It's that fiver I've been looking for all night...I've really got to stop stuffing cash into my bra.

Mimosa anyone?

Tiffany bullshitted on February 18, 2004 at 01:30 PM

eric - I'll take a virgin strawberry daiquiri. Hmmm, now that I think of it, that'll be only the second virgin I've ever had!

Dana bullshitted on February 18, 2004 at 01:44 PM

coming right up, Dana...you want the cherry on top?

put yer money away, Tiffany, it's no good here... I'm Tendin', and its ALL free.. although.. if you don't mind, can I watch you put it BACK under there?

Harv! Get off that pool table, and help me out over here! the COTBB's are gettin' thirsty, and I only got two hands!

eric bullshitted on February 18, 2004 at 02:04 PM

Who tore the slip-n-slide? Damn. Well, I can back my car up to the door and we can fill the trunk with mud if anyone's interested...

Tiffany bullshitted on February 18, 2004 at 06:49 PM

oooh, Tiffany, I used to be the middle-weight mud wrestling champeen back in the old country.
Let the betting start!

LeeAnn bullshitted on February 18, 2004 at 08:52 PM

Mmmmmm cherrrrriessssss!!!

I'm all for the mud-rasslin, as long as I don't have to get pitted against Heather. She'd beat my ass (and not in a fun way).

*still wonderin "Who's Batman?"*

Dana bullshitted on February 18, 2004 at 09:08 PM

Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria y cosa buena
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
HEY MACARENA!

Wooooooo!!!

Trey Givens bullshitted on February 18, 2004 at 10:39 PM

C'mon over here, hM, baby, and sit on papi's lap. I'll tell you all about the glory of fountain Sprite with LIME!

*crowd gasps*

Once again, I prove I am far to radical for mainstream consumption. Bleedin' edge, baby!

Woooooo!!!

Someone queue up the Ketchup song on the Karaoke machine!

Asereje ja de je de jebe tu de jebere seibiunouva,
Majavi an de bugui an de buididipi...

*shakes it like a polaroid picture*

Trey Givens bullshitted on February 18, 2004 at 10:46 PM

Barkeep! Get out the black coffee! *slings mud at LeeAnn* We've got a lush on our hands!

...and I'll be taking that polaroid picture, buddy. I plan on having a political career someday.

Tiffany bullshitted on February 18, 2004 at 11:14 PM

I still think Matty's Batman. Why else wouldn't he be here?

Hey Tiffany, before you jump in the mud, ya mind if I sniff that fiver for a little while?

And Eric, I think we'll leave it up to the LADIES to decide if I should stop the pool table dancing duo routine. Trey's better looking, but I'm better at the not gay part.

Ladies, pick your fantasy.

Hey, did I just see the Bartender's car drive by?

Harvey bullshitted on February 19, 2004 at 08:38 AM

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« Shut your pie-hole!

» by Madfish Willie on February 3 :: Permalink :: Comments (105) :: Funny Stuff
» Argghhh! The Home Of Two Of Jonah's Military Guys.. links with: Logistics and Reenlistment.
» Electric Venom links with: The Letter of The Day is D
» Technicalities links with: More Wandering About
» Random Fate links with: It's time to lighten up...
» Practical Penumbra links with: Lucky Day Links
» Argghhh!!! The Home of one of Jonah's Military Guys© links with: Now here is a home appliance I could go for!
» XSet links with: One down, god knows how many to go
» Straight White Guy links with: What's Going On?...
» Argghhh!!! The Home of one of Jonah's Military Guys© links with: A little change of pace...

Jokes by Harv E Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Harv E Roo to Kang A. Roo

Madfish Willie's is the #3 & #4 & #10 Google search result for: another word for dumb ass!

Harv E Roo: What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
Kang A Roo: An aardvark with the sniffles!

Harv E Roo: What does an aardvark use when he has a cold?
Kang A Roo: An ant-ihistamine!

Harv E Roo: What command does the aardvark give most often when he sails?
Kang A Roo: Snout about!

Harv E Roo: What does the aardvark take sailing?
Kang A Roo: An aard ark!

Harv E Roo: How do ants hide from aardvarks?
Kang A Roo: They disguise themselves as uncles!

Harv E Roo: Why do aardvarks like to talk to ants?
Kang A Roo: They can stick to the subject!

Harv E Roo: Why was Easter the aardvark's favorite holiday?
Kang A Roo: Because he liked aard-boiled eggs!

Harv E Roo: What has 200 legs, 50 noses, and is very loud?
Kang A Roo: A herd of stampeding aardvarks!

Harv E Roo: Where does the aardvark family always come first?
Kang A Roo: In the phone book!

Harv E Roo: What do you call a boxing match between two aardvarks?
Kang A Roo: A snout bout!

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on February 3 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Dumb Ass Jokes

Tuesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Prabablt the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy! Forget it little friend.

Simpsonspeak from Homer [D'oh!]
"Simpson-Homer Simpson, he's the greatest guy in his-tor-y. From the town of Springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut tree....D'oh!" (sung to the air of Flintstones theme song)

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"What *is* a cocktail dress?" - "Something to spill cocktails on."
~William Powell & Jean Arthur in The Ex-Mrs. Bradford

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
The perfect Martini: There is no such thing as the perfect Martini. Make it the way it tastes best to you. Provided that you remember that there is no such thing as a chocolate Martini.

Ultimate Insults
You are slightly more dangerous than a canary on crack.

Movie Madness
Bang Bang Bang

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
jewishwhore
jiz
killaniga
kunt
lickalotpuss
lickatit
lickball
lickemball
lickitgood
lickithard

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on February 3 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Happy Hour Party

The Lush Lexicon

Buzzwords for Boozeheads

Hey, slop jaw, quit boozgarting the felony juice so we can finish frontloading and get our fade on.

Confused?

You should be. Bar slang is constantly evolving and if you fall behind you'll start coming off like Al Gore trying to get down at Ol' Dirty Bastard show. So let The Bartender hip you up and get you in with the cool kids.

Bait-and-switch: When an attractive person invites you to his or her table then steers you to a less attractive friend.
Barley sandwich: Beer for lunch. Also called a slurp sandwich.
Bayonetting the wounded: Gamely drinking the half-finished beers the morning after a party.
Booze coupons: Money.
Bedspins: The variety of spins that occur while lying prone. Putting one foot on the floor usually helps. If you are already on the floor, may God have mercy on your soul.
Beer bitch: The person sitting closest to the cooler or refrigerator at a party whose sole purpose in life is to grab another beer when yours runs out.
Beer blinders: One's perception when under the influence of alcohol. Often causes unattractive people to look hot, long distances to look jumpable and break dancing moves to look easy.
Beer Pressure: The tendency to drink what your friends drink.
Beer queer: A straight man who will pretend to be gay so as to solicit free drinks from an unsuspecting homosexual.
Blackout Brigade: A group of heavy drinkers.
Booze compass: The instinct that leads you home when you're blackout drunk.
Booze muscle: The increase in courage and combat abilities linked to heavy alcohol consumption.
Booze snooze: A nap taken early in the afternoon after a morning of drinking, designed to prepare you for the evening's drinking.
Boozgart: The person who, when he is supposed to be passing the bottle of liquor around, stops to reflect on the first time he got drunk, last time he got drunk, etc. A derivative of the stoner term bogart.
Breaking the Seal: Urinating for the first time during a drinking session. Once the seal is broken, restroom trips become much more frequent.
Britney Spears: A light beer. As in, "How can I take you seriously when you've been sucking
on Britney Spears all night?"
Buzzkill: That which destroys the buzz. Examples are fights with one's significant other while at the bar, boors who insist on telling that story one more time, your best friend admitting that he/she is sleeping with your significant other, horrible music after you've just heard three of your favorite songs in a row, or discovering that you actually have less than half of the money that you thought you had at the beginning of the evening.

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on February 2 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Funny Stuff

Jokes by Harv E Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Harv E Roo to Kang A. Roo

Madfish Willie's is the #3 & #4 & #10 Google search result for: another word for dumb ass!

Harv E Roo: Who loves hamburgers, French fries, and ants?
Kang A Roo: Ronald MacAardvark!

Harv E Roo: What is uglier than an aardvark?
Kang A Roo: Two aardvarks!

Harv E Roo: What does the aardvark call his dog?
Kang A Roo: Aard-bark!

Harv E Roo: What is the difference between an aardvark and a coyote?
Kang A Roo: One has a long smeller, the other, a loud yeller!

Harv E Roo: What does an aardvark take for ant-digestion?
Kang A Roo: Anta-Seltzer!

Harv E Roo: What does an aardvark get when he overeats?
Kang A Roo: Ant-digestion!

Harv E Roo: What does an aardvark keep in his aquarium?
Kang A Roo: An aard-shark!

Harv E Roo: Who's the aardvark's favorite female vocalist?
Kang A Roo: Bearbara Streis-ant!

Harv E Roo: Who's aardvark's favorite male singer?
Kang A Roo: Frank Sinostril!

Harv E Roo: What are the aardvark's favorite Beatle's songs?
Kang A Roo: It's Been an Aards Day's Night and I Want to Hold Your Ant!

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on February 2 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Dumb Ass Jokes

Monday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Assassins do it from behind!

Simpsonspeak from Homer [D'oh!]
"No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed."

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"Let there be dancing in the streets, drinking in the saloons, and necking in the parlor."
~Grouch Marx in A Night at the Opera

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
When all else fails, have a Martini.

Ultimate Insults
You are a seething, sniveling, miserable, envious, pissy, bratty troll-cunt. You anonymous cowardly bastard.

Movie Madness
Space People

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
hughjorgen ~~Harvey~~
iloveboobs: Madfish Willie
japhate
japkill
japkillerusa
jerkoff: Eric
jewbag
jewboy
jewboynigger
jewishnazi

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on February 2 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Happy Hour Party

What the Fuck?

What the fuck… don’t fuck with me… fuckin A… flying fuck… fuck off… fuck you… fuck….

A google search for historical origins of fuck yields Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon: Fuck You! as #5 result. Only #5?!? UPDATE: Well, now Madfish Willie's is the #2 & #3 result. In a couple of days, I should be #1! Woohoo!

Here's a recap of some of the top results and we'll all know where the fuck fuck came from.

Here's the last fucking day of fuck:

Last Call »

The F Word

Comments on the author's use of the word "frig" sparked a fascinating discussion about the etymology of the word, which led to further discussion about the origins of my favorite word - "fuck."

For the F word in action...

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From ChocolateKisses
The grapevine has it that the word first came about through the justice system. When there was a case of 'rape'- the action was described as such . . .
*the accused used the victim For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge*

Thus it became an acronym - FUCK. And of course we had our way with it, you know, fucked with it a bit - leading to the way we use it today

From Summanus
Fuck might come from the Latin verb Futuere, meaning to fuck. It was a consider rude to express sex with futuere, like today it might de impolite to say fuck. 't' could easily change to 'ck'.

From Steven
The F word: The origins of our favorite word - "frappachino" right?

From Shawn
Word History The obscenity fuck is a very old word and has been considered shocking from the first, though it is seen in print much more often now than in the past. Its first known occurrence, in code because of its unacceptability, is in a poem composed in a mixture of Latin and English sometime before 1500.
The poem, which satirizes the Carmelite friars of Cambridge, England, takes its title, "Flen flyys," from the first words of its opening line, "Flen, flyys, and freris," that is, "fleas, flies, and friars."

The line that contains fuck reads "Non sunt in coeli, quia gxddbov xxkxzt pg ifmk." The Latin words "Non sunt in coeli, quia," mean "they [the friars] are not in heaven, since."

The code "gxddbov xxkxzt pg ifmk" is easily broken by simply substituting the preceding letter in the alphabet, keeping in mind differences in the alphabet and in spelling between then and now i was then used for both i and j; v was used for both u and v; and vv was used for w.

This yields "fvccant [a fake Latin form] vvivys of heli." The whole thus reads in translation "They are not in heaven because they fuck wives of Ely [a town near Cambridge]." (dictionary.com)

From Otto
Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the English language today, is the word Fuck. Out of all the English words that begin with the letter "F", Fuck is the only word that is referred to as the "F" word. It's the one magical word that just by it's sound can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love. Fuck....as most words in the English language is derived from the German word "Friken", which means to strike.

In English, Fuck falls into many grammatical categories. As a transitive verb for instance, "John fucked Shirley". As an intransitive verb, " Shirley fucks". It's meaning is not always sexual however. It could be used as an adjective such as, "John's doing all the fucking work"; as part of an adverb, "Shirley talks to fucking much"; as an adverb enhancing an adjective, "Shirley is fucking beautiful"; as a noun, "I don't give a fuck"; as part of a word "absofuckinlutely or infuckingcredible" and, as almost every word in a sentence, "fuck the fucking fuckers".

As you must now realize, there isn't to many words with the versatility of fuck. As in these examples describing situations such as fraud, " I got fucked at the used car lot"; dismay, "awe fuck it"; trouble, "I guess I'm really fucked now"; aggression, "don't fuck with me buddy"; difficulty, "I don't understand the fucking question"; inquiry, "who the fuck was that"; dissatisfaction, "I don't like what the fuck is going on here"; incompetence, "he's a fuck up" and dismissal, " why don't you go outside and play hide-n-go-fuck-yourself". I'm sure you can think of many more examples. With all of these multipurpose applications, how can anyone be offended when you use the word.

I say, use this unique flexible word more often in your daily speech. It will identify the quality of your character immediately. Say it loudly and proudly. FUCK YOU!

From J.T.
The way I heard it, somewhere in medieval times, one of the English kings had a brilliant idea to tax prostitution instead of outlawing it. All professional ladies had to apply for licenses to sell their wares, and each one who did received a certificate acknowledging their legal right to conduct their trade. The certificate said Fornicating Under Command of the King. F.U.C.K. Probably about as much validity to it as the other stories I've heard, but I like it.

Incidentally, the best examination of the word I've ever heard was done by George Carlin in his famous "Seven words you can never say on television" routine. He also pointed out that "fuck" is a word for making love, yet it's used when we really want to insult somebody. Carlin said, "I'd rather see a show of two people making love, rather than two people trying to kill one another, but I'd like to take it further. I'd like to substitute the word "fuck" for the word "kill" in all those old movie clichés." for example,

"Okay, sheriff, we're going to fuck you now. But we're going to fuck you slow."
"Careful with that clutch, or you'll fuck the engine again."
"Fuck the ump. Fuck the ump. Fuck the ump."

From John
I have a link here that addresses the question of the origin of the word "fuck." I can state categorically that it is not an acronym of any kind. Even though no one really knows for sure what the origin of the word is, it is a fact of our language that acronyms don't appear before the late nineteenth century. For a word that could have been around as early as the year 1250 (predating Modern English), an acronymic origin is not really possible.

One possible origin for the word I've heard, and isn't mentioned here , is that "fuck" may be derived from the German word "foch," which means "to plow." I kind of like that one.

From Anonymous
the word comes from Latin.....facies: to make or do, English cognate is fuck

From Karly
I like this Robin Hood type story. It's a nice twist having the main characters be woman. I noticed a few things....<> frig??

From Jean Roberta
Your question ("frig?") deserves an essay on archaic terms for sex. (There is probably a book on this somewhere.) "To frig" is a nineteenth-century term for masturbating (usually someone else), or to be more precise, finger-fucking. I like the word because it seems more precise than any currently-used term for this activity. Since my story is set in the past, I used the old word, even though it probably isn't old ENOUGH to give an accurate flavor of "days of yore" (the Robin Hood era).

Another nineteenth-century word that, for some reason, seems to have disappeared is the French-flavored "gamahouche" (or "gamahooch") for oral sex, i.e.: 69, giving head, going down on.

You can find these words and many more in paperback reproductions of THE PEARL, a racy magazine that flourished briefly in Victorian England (1880s, I believe). I can't remember the publisher, but you could find publishing info under the title in BOOKS IN PRINT in any library.

I don't see why perfectly useful words have to die, but if readers don't know what I mean when I write, I suppose I might as well frig myself.

From Siobhan
I have heard this word used in an epithet--"that frigging idiot!"--but not very often. Have always thought it was supposed to be a more polite way of saying "fucking", but now I see it has a meaning all its own, though not that much different from the word fuck.

And speaking of the word fuck, since we have been discussing words lately, isn't it interesting how that word can be used to mean making love (although it's not a very, erm, romantic word for that delightful pastime), and also as one of aggression and heavy-duty insulting?

From Volponia
Sure is, Siobhan, almost as interesting as the way fucking has been employed (not solely by men!) primarily to exercise power over the fuckee. And what's the deal with so many of the words dealing with sexual parts and acts, anyhow? Why are they so dry and hard, when we are so soft and wet (well, *some* of us... ) I mean, really, the word "cunt." It sounds like a good alias for a sledgehammer. And "prick"? Something slender, sharp, pointy, hurtful? No thanks.

From Shivaji
Years ago, I had to take History of the English Language course to complete the requirements for the doctorate degree at Columbia. Although I resented taking it then, I was most fortunate that a renowned American lexicographer (writer of dictionaries) gave this course. At that time he was on the board of the Oxford English Dictionary (OED).

Professor was a short, little bald man, at the edge of retirement, and extremely polite and formal. His lectures were fascinating because, instead of sticking to linguists' mumbo-jumbo, he used to talk about historical, social and cultural influence on and of words. Then one day, when a student wanted to know why OED did not publish curse words, Reed corrected him and said it's OED's policy not to publish meanings of words if their etymological history (i.e., how words came into a language) was not formally determined. Most curse words have a problem of origin, he said. Then, surprising every one, in his gentle, polite way, he said, with just the slightest impish smile, that he was about to break the etymological history of the word, "fuck." He actually pronounced the word, with the most delicate little pronunciation, wispy and gentle! The almost silent word could be heard in the class like a pin dropping. Students were stunned. (This was 1973). Thereupon he gave the most erudite lecture on "fuck" that I've ever heard!

It seems that there was a word in Old English, used by farmers, that was a direct descendent from the Latin, "pug," the infinitive form of "pugnare" meaning "to hit aggressively," but also "to pierce." During the Great Western Migration many European words mixed with each other. Some words were imported in their original form, but many began to be used with distinctly different sounds. The great fairy tale writer, Grimm, studied these sound shifts, and observed that these sounds changed according to certain phonemic (i.e., sound) patterns and actually created a formula to trace the sound shifts.
According to Professor, "fuck" comes from an Old English word "fuk" meaning, "to plant." I am not an expert in Old English, but Reed quoted from OE texts to illustrate the meaning of the word. Reed says the word "fuk" was a result of a sound shift from "pug" because the p-sounding words often changed to f-sounding words (for instance, the Latin 'pater' meaning father, changed to the English, 'father'), and the g-sounding words changed to k-sounding words (the Latin 'genu' meaning knee, changed to the English knee. Up to the 18th century the English word was actually pronounced with the 'k').

So, "pug," changed to "fuk," meaning, "to plant." Professor Reed said that around the tenth century, in Medieval England, the word somehow took on a sexual meaning. Apparently, Chaucer may have been one of the first writers to use the word sexually. Planting left agriculture and took on a human behavior, Reed said, panting!

Steven, the whole class was mesmerized by this lecture. Walker said he had written a 22 page paper for the Journal of American Linguistics, "My tour de force was that I never once mentioned the word in my paper!" he said with the cutest smile. Finally, with the same modest demeanor, Professor Reed announced that he was currently hard at work on "cunt." The whole class burst out laughing

From Pan
I'm late in catching up with the fuck thread, but I don't think anyone has mentioned the book, THE F WORD, edited by Jesse Sheidlower and pub. by Random House three or four years ago (Available at Amazon.com & Amazon UK). The book contains just about all you might care to know about the word. (Not the subject, of course, which is endlessly fascinating.)

Sheidlower writes that the word "fuck" derives from several Germanic languages and words that have sexual meanings as well as meanings such as "to strike" and "to thrust." He believes that the claim for acronymic origin of "fuck" began sometime in the '60's and says he thinks the claim is false, since "Acronyms are rare before the 1930's, and etymologies of this sort--especially for older words--are almost always false."

« You're cut off!

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on February 1 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Funny Stuff