The Lush Lexicon - III

The Lush Lexicon: Buzzwords for Boozeheads

Hey, slop jaw, quit boozgarting the felony juice so we can finish frontloading and get our fade on.

Last call lothario
Someone who's shy until last call, at which point he'll try to hook up with anything that has a pulse and/or booze at their home.

Loudmouth soup
A shot of strong liquor.

Mysterious Drinking Accident. When you wake up with bruises and cuts you have no recollection of receiving. Also called UPI (Unidentified Party Injury), UBB (Unidentified Beer Bruise) and drunk marks.

No Beers Required: Someone sufficiently attractive enough to hit on while sober.

One for the ditch
A less optimistic version of One for the road.

Pavement pizza
Vomit on the sidewalk, often found outside bars.

Prole piss
Any cheap American lager.

Prole piss poser
A yuppie who attempts to appear down with the working class by making a point of ordering only bottom shelf liquor and cheap beer.

Mystery guest
The guy at the party no one seems to know. They usually lurk in the kitchen near the booze.

Riding a rocking horse into battle
Getting drunk on 3.2% beer.

Roadside olympics
Roadside sobriety test.

Shelf jumper
Someone whose tastes improve from bottom to top shelf when someone offers to buy them a drink.

Skinflint sprint
The fast walk a departing patron employs after he's left the cocktail waitress a less-than-generous tip on the table. Someone who spills (unintentionally or otherwise) most of his shot down the side of his face. As in, "Don't waste anymore money on Mike, he slopjawed the last three shots."

Stout gout
The morning-after flatulence that often follows a night of drinking Guinness.

Tart fuel
Bottled alcopops, e.g. Hooch, Sky Blue, etc., regularly consumed by young women.

Thousand mile glare
The blank, vaguely hostile look a veteran bartender will give you when you ask a stupid question such as, "Is the beer cold?"

Tip jar anxiety
The fear that an unobservant bartender won't notice you left a good tip.

Trip dog
The invisible canine that starts getting underfoot around your tenth drink. Once he arrives he will trip you up the rest of the night.

Trojan hooch
Bringing an empty bottle wrapped in a brown paper bag to a party so you won't appear a mooch.

Twelve stepper
A reformed drinker or someone who wants to quit drinking early. As in, "Hold on there, twelve stepper, the bouncer hasn't even threatened us yet."

Two pint screamer
Someone who gets noticeably drunk after two drinks.

Vodka vision
A liquor specific brand of beer goggles.

Wobbly pop
Any beverage containing alcohol.

New Words for Drunk:
jagged up, boiled as an owl, mothered, curried and mashed, de-ossified, full tight, skinned, pie-eyed, gibbled, in the paint, pile-axed, rat-assed, stinko, torn off the frame, torqued, troll-eyed, wired to the tits, banjoed, chateaued, one over the eight, pixelated, swipey, wankered, zigzag, slaughtered, juice-looped, 12 gauged, Boris Yelstinned, cop-sluggin' drunk, five winos gone, jackassed, liver-lubed, monkey assed, mullocked, paralytic, stolichnyed, ten feet tall and bulletproof, tore up from the floor up, Kennedied, wearing a big hat, shined up, wingdinged, off the leash, drunk uncled, picassoed, and finally, locked out of your mind.

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on February 19 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Funny Stuff

The Lush Lexicon - II

Buzzwords for Boozeheads

Hey, slop jaw, quit boozgarting the felony juice so we can finish frontloading and get our fade on.

To become so drunk you appear not to have any skeletal structure to hold you up.

Deep-dish olive pie
A martini.

Deja booty
When a drunk inexplicably has sex with the person he swore he would never speak of or to again, never ever.

Deja booze
When an infrequently enjoyed drink reminds you of the last time you enjoyed it. As in, "This margarita reminds me of when I was partying in Tijuana, just before I vomited on myself, picked a fight with the bartender and got thrown in the clink. Good times, good times."

A full beer, possibly hidden, found when cleaning up the next day after a party.

Hell's own drag
Influence. As in, "See the size of that shot? Ever since I started dating the barmaid, I've got hell's own drag at this bar."

Drink link

Drink shrink
Those who, after a few drinks, discover they have the ability to psychoanalyze and offer solid personal advice to their friends and/or strangers.

Drinking in stereo
Boozing with a drink in each hand.

Felony juice

Flip wire
That fine, fuzzy line between buzzed and hammered. As in, "That fucker ain't driving, he tripped the flip wire three shots ago."

When you're so drunk standing up just seems a silly waste of time.

Getting drunk before going to a nightclub because the club's drinks are expensive.

Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition.

Fugly bus
The mysterious bus that whisks away all the ugly people from the bar and replaces them with their beautiful cousins while you're in the bathroom draining your tenth pint.

Get the fade on
Going out with intention of getting very, very drunk.

Grog monster
The part of the brain that insists you keep drinking long after you should have went home and passed out.

Gutter hugger
Drinkers who empty the contents of their stomach into a gutter or nearest trash can.

Hooch hotel
The drunk tank.

Moderately drunk. This term is particularly popular with those who listen to the Grateful Dead and smoke large amounts of marijuana.

Jack and Jill
A shot of Jack Daniels and a beer.

Joint of no return
A bar from which you are 86'd.

Juice card
Received on your 21st birthday.

Jumping on the grenade
When two groups of the opposite sex meet, one member "jumps on the grenade" by talking to (or possibly sleeping with) the least attractive member of the other group so as to ensure the success of the rest of the group.

Jumping strays
Stealing unattended or abandoned drinks at a bar or party. As in, "I'm so broke I've been jumping strays all night."

Kamikaze eyes
The look a drunk gets when he spies someone he always hated but never had the guts to fight. Until now.

Keg commander
the boisterous chap who hovers around the keg so as to ensure everyone knows how to properly pour a beer.

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on February 3 :: Permalink :: Comments (105) :: Funny Stuff
» Argghhh! The Home Of Two Of Jonah's Military Guys.. links with: Logistics and Reenlistment.
» Electric Venom links with: The Letter of The Day is D
» Technicalities links with: More Wandering About
» Random Fate links with: It's time to lighten up...
» Practical Penumbra links with: Lucky Day Links
» Argghhh!!! The Home of one of Jonah's Military Guys© links with: Now here is a home appliance I could go for!
» XSet links with: One down, god knows how many to go
» Straight White Guy links with: What's Going On?...
» Argghhh!!! The Home of one of Jonah's Military Guys© links with: A little change of pace...

Jokes by Harv E Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Harv E Roo to Kang A. Roo

Madfish Willie's is the #3 & #4 & #10 Google search result for: another word for dumb ass!

Harv E Roo: What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
Kang A Roo: An aardvark with the sniffles!

Harv E Roo: What does an aardvark use when he has a cold?
Kang A Roo: An ant-ihistamine!

Harv E Roo: What command does the aardvark give most often when he sails?
Kang A Roo: Snout about!

Harv E Roo: What does the aardvark take sailing?
Kang A Roo: An aard ark!

Harv E Roo: How do ants hide from aardvarks?
Kang A Roo: They disguise themselves as uncles!

Harv E Roo: Why do aardvarks like to talk to ants?
Kang A Roo: They can stick to the subject!

Harv E Roo: Why was Easter the aardvark's favorite holiday?
Kang A Roo: Because he liked aard-boiled eggs!

Harv E Roo: What has 200 legs, 50 noses, and is very loud?
Kang A Roo: A herd of stampeding aardvarks!

Harv E Roo: Where does the aardvark family always come first?
Kang A Roo: In the phone book!

Harv E Roo: What do you call a boxing match between two aardvarks?
Kang A Roo: A snout bout!


Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on February 3 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Dumb Ass Jokes

Tuesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Prabablt the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy! Forget it little friend.

Simpsonspeak from Homer [D'oh!]
"Simpson-Homer Simpson, he's the greatest guy in his-tor-y. From the town of Springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut tree....D'oh!" (sung to the air of Flintstones theme song)

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"What *is* a cocktail dress?" - "Something to spill cocktails on."
~William Powell & Jean Arthur in The Ex-Mrs. Bradford

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
The perfect Martini: There is no such thing as the perfect Martini. Make it the way it tastes best to you. Provided that you remember that there is no such thing as a chocolate Martini.

Ultimate Insults
You are slightly more dangerous than a canary on crack.

Movie Madness
Bang Bang Bang

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!


Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on February 3 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Happy Hour Party

The Lush Lexicon

Buzzwords for Boozeheads

Hey, slop jaw, quit boozgarting the felony juice so we can finish frontloading and get our fade on.


You should be. Bar slang is constantly evolving and if you fall behind you'll start coming off like Al Gore trying to get down at Ol' Dirty Bastard show. So let The Bartender hip you up and get you in with the cool kids.

When an attractive person invites you to his or her table then steers you to a less attractive friend.

Barley sandwich
Beer for lunch. Also called a slurp sandwich.

Bayonetting the wounded
Gamely drinking the half-finished beers the morning after a party.

Booze coupons

The variety of spins that occur while lying prone. Putting one foot on the floor usually helps. If you are already on the floor, may God have mercy on your soul.

Beer bitch
The person sitting closest to the cooler or refrigerator at a party whose sole purpose in life is to grab another beer when yours runs out.

Beer blinders
One's perception when under the influence of alcohol. Often causes unattractive people to look hot, long distances to look jumpable and break dancing moves to look easy.

Beer Pressure
The tendency to drink what your friends drink.

Beer queer
A straight man who will pretend to be gay so as to solicit free drinks from an unsuspecting homosexual.

Blackout Brigade
A group of heavy drinkers.

Booze compass
The instinct that leads you home when you're blackout drunk.

Booze muscle
The increase in courage and combat abilities linked to heavy alcohol consumption.

Booze snooze
A nap taken early in the afternoon after a morning of drinking, designed to prepare you for the evening's drinking.

The person who, when he is supposed to be passing the bottle of liquor around, stops to reflect on the first time he got drunk, last time he got drunk, etc. A derivative of the stoner term bogart.

Breaking the Seal
Urinating for the first time during a drinking session. Once the seal is broken, restroom trips become much more frequent.

Britney Spears
A light beer. As in, "How can I take you seriously when you've been sucking
on Britney Spears all night?"

That which destroys the buzz. Examples are fights with one's significant other while at the bar, boors who insist on telling that story one more time, your best friend admitting that he/she is sleeping with your significant other, horrible music after you've just heard three of your favorite songs in a row, or discovering that you actually have less than half of the money that you thought you had at the beginning of the evening.

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on February 2 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Funny Stuff

Jokes by Harv E Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Harv E Roo to Kang A. Roo

Madfish Willie's is the #3 & #4 & #10 Google search result for: another word for dumb ass!

Harv E Roo: Who loves hamburgers, French fries, and ants?
Kang A Roo: Ronald MacAardvark!

Harv E Roo: What is uglier than an aardvark?
Kang A Roo: Two aardvarks!

Harv E Roo: What does the aardvark call his dog?
Kang A Roo: Aard-bark!

Harv E Roo: What is the difference between an aardvark and a coyote?
Kang A Roo: One has a long smeller, the other, a loud yeller!

Harv E Roo: What does an aardvark take for ant-digestion?
Kang A Roo: Anta-Seltzer!

Harv E Roo: What does an aardvark get when he overeats?
Kang A Roo: Ant-digestion!

Harv E Roo: What does an aardvark keep in his aquarium?
Kang A Roo: An aard-shark!

Harv E Roo: Who's the aardvark's favorite female vocalist?
Kang A Roo: Bearbara Streis-ant!

Harv E Roo: Who's aardvark's favorite male singer?
Kang A Roo: Frank Sinostril!

Harv E Roo: What are the aardvark's favorite Beatle's songs?
Kang A Roo: It's Been an Aards Day's Night and I Want to Hold Your Ant!


Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on February 2 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Dumb Ass Jokes

Monday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Assassins do it from behind!

Simpsonspeak from Homer [D'oh!]
"No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed."

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"Let there be dancing in the streets, drinking in the saloons, and necking in the parlor."
~Grouch Marx in A Night at the Opera

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
When all else fails, have a Martini.

Ultimate Insults
You are a seething, sniveling, miserable, envious, pissy, bratty troll-cunt. You anonymous cowardly bastard.

Movie Madness
Space People

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
hughjorgen Harvey
iloveboobs: Madfish Willie
jerkoff: Eric


Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on February 2 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Happy Hour Party

What the Fuck?

What the fuck… don’t fuck with me… fuckin A… flying fuckfuck off… fuck you… fuck….

A google search for historical origins of fuck yields Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon: Fuck You! as #5 result. Only #5?!? UPDATE: Well, now Madfish Willie's is the #2 & #3 result. In a couple of days, I should be #1! Woohoo!

Here's a recap of some of the top results and we'll all know where the fuck fuck came from.

Here's the last fucking day of fuck:

Last Call »

Bullshit so far »

» by Madfish Willie on February 1 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Funny Stuff