The Lush Lexicon - III

The Lush Lexicon: Buzzwords for Boozeheads

Hey, slop jaw, quit boozgarting the felony juice so we can finish frontloading and get our fade on.

Last call lothario
Someone who's shy until last call, at which point he'll try to hook up with anything that has a pulse and/or booze at their home.

Loudmouth soup
A shot of strong liquor.

Mysterious Drinking Accident. When you wake up with bruises and cuts you have no recollection of receiving. Also called UPI (Unidentified Party Injury), UBB (Unidentified Beer Bruise) and drunk marks.

No Beers Required: Someone sufficiently attractive enough to hit on while sober.

One for the ditch
A less optimistic version of One for the road.

Pavement pizza
Vomit on the sidewalk, often found outside bars.

Prole piss
Any cheap American lager.

Prole piss poser
A yuppie who attempts to appear down with the working class by making a point of ordering only bottom shelf liquor and cheap beer.

Mystery guest
The guy at the party no one seems to know. They usually lurk in the kitchen near the booze.

Riding a rocking horse into battle
Getting drunk on 3.2% beer.

Roadside olympics
Roadside sobriety test.

Shelf jumper
Someone whose tastes improve from bottom to top shelf when someone offers to buy them a drink.

Skinflint sprint
The fast walk a departing patron employs after he's left the cocktail waitress a less-than-generous tip on the table. Someone who spills (unintentionally or otherwise) most of his shot down the side of his face. As in, "Don't waste anymore money on Mike, he slopjawed the last three shots."

Stout gout
The morning-after flatulence that often follows a night of drinking Guinness.

Tart fuel
Bottled alcopops, e.g. Hooch, Sky Blue, etc., regularly consumed by young women.

Thousand mile glare
The blank, vaguely hostile look a veteran bartender will give you when you ask a stupid question such as, "Is the beer cold?"

Tip jar anxiety
The fear that an unobservant bartender won't notice you left a good tip.

Trip dog
The invisible canine that starts getting underfoot around your tenth drink. Once he arrives he will trip you up the rest of the night.

Trojan hooch
Bringing an empty bottle wrapped in a brown paper bag to a party so you won't appear a mooch.

Twelve stepper
A reformed drinker or someone who wants to quit drinking early. As in, "Hold on there, twelve stepper, the bouncer hasn't even threatened us yet."

Two pint screamer
Someone who gets noticeably drunk after two drinks.

Vodka vision
A liquor specific brand of beer goggles.

Wobbly pop
Any beverage containing alcohol.

New Words for Drunk:
jagged up, boiled as an owl, mothered, curried and mashed, de-ossified, full tight, skinned, pie-eyed, gibbled, in the paint, pile-axed, rat-assed, stinko, torn off the frame, torqued, troll-eyed, wired to the tits, banjoed, chateaued, one over the eight, pixelated, swipey, wankered, zigzag, slaughtered, juice-looped, 12 gauged, Boris Yelstinned, cop-sluggin' drunk, five winos gone, jackassed, liver-lubed, monkey assed, mullocked, paralytic, stolichnyed, ten feet tall and bulletproof, tore up from the floor up, Kennedied, wearing a big hat, shined up, wingdinged, off the leash, drunk uncled, picassoed, and finally, locked out of your mind.

ยป by Madfish Willie on February 19 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Funny Stuff

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Maybe we should re-name 'em the Corner of the Bar NBR's :-)

Posted by: Harvey on February 19, 2004 10:31 AM