Blonde Jokes - Most of Which I Hadn't Heard Before

Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie? They went to see "Closed for the Winter."

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Why did the blonde resolve to have only 3 children? She heard that one out of every four children born in the world was Chinese

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Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall? There was a power outage, and twelve blondes were stuck on the escalators for over four hours.

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A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun.

He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first."

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A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses. The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye. The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag with a hole to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters. As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face

"Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting glasses." "I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames.

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A blonde was shopping at a Target Store and came across a silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, "That's a thermos . . . it keeps some things hot and some things cold" "Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing. I'm going to buy it!" So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk.

"What do you have there?" he asked.

"Why, that's a thermos . . . it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied.

Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?" The blond replied, "Two popcicles, and some coffee".

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A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls".

Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

Bumper Stickers From The Cyber Saloon Parking Lot

"IF YOU CAN'T FEED EM, DON'T BREED EM!"
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Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
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Horn Broken... Watch For Finger.
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The Earth Is Full - Go Home.
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I Have The Body Of A God - Buddha.
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So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.
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Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.
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If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
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Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
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Illiterate? Write For Help.
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Honk If Anything Falls Off.
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Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.
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He Who Hesitates Not Only Is Lost,
But is Miles From The Next Exit.
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I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person.
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You! Out Of The Gene Pool - Now!
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I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.
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Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
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(Seen Upside Down On A Jeep)
If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over...
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Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph
Also Are Timed For 70 mph
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Guys: No Shirt, No Service
Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
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If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My
Mailman Look Like The Pillsbury DoughBoy?
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Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel
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Boldly Going Nowhere.
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Caution - Driver Legally Blonde.
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Heart Attacks:
God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends
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Honk If You've Never Seen
An Uzi Fired From A Car Window.
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How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down
Before He Admits He is Lost?
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All Men Are Animals: Some Just Make Better Pets.
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And Lastly:
"POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN, AND FOR THE SAME REASON"

Madfish Willie's Post Prom Party

After the prom this year, the Cyber Saloon expects these folks to stop by for 40-ounce malt liquors & ribs.

The Hippies, The

Via Freedom Folks, I found the BEST car commercial EVER.

Oh, it's not something they'll ever air. More of a fan film, really.

On the other hand, considering that Vault has made it acceptable to fire lasers at hippies, maybe this thing might come to the small screen after all.

UPDATE: The extra-happy 60-second version of the Vault scarecrow commercial.

You KNOW You'll Never See This On VH1

Someone finally wrote a song about the war that supports the right side.

Bush Was Right

Catchy little tune.

[Hat tip: IMAO]

Great Moments in Beer History

From the Here's To Beer site.

[Free refill to VW Bug of One Happy Dog Speaks]