Tuesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Prabablt the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy! Forget it little friend.

Simpsonspeak from Homer [D'oh!]
"Simpson-Homer Simpson, he's the greatest guy in his-tor-y. From the town of Springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut tree....D'oh!" (sung to the air of Flintstones theme song)

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"What *is* a cocktail dress?" - "Something to spill cocktails on."
~William Powell & Jean Arthur in The Ex-Mrs. Bradford

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
The perfect Martini: There is no such thing as the perfect Martini. Make it the way it tastes best to you. Provided that you remember that there is no such thing as a chocolate Martini.

Ultimate Insults
You are slightly more dangerous than a canary on crack.

Movie Madness
Bang Bang Bang

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
jewishwhore
jiz
killaniga
kunt
lickalotpuss
lickatit
lickball
lickemball
lickitgood
lickithard

Cheers!

Monday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Assassins do it from behind!

Simpsonspeak from Homer [D'oh!]
"No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed."

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"Let there be dancing in the streets, drinking in the saloons, and necking in the parlor."
~Grouch Marx in A Night at the Opera

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
When all else fails, have a Martini.

Ultimate Insults
You are a seething, sniveling, miserable, envious, pissy, bratty troll-cunt. You anonymous cowardly bastard.

Movie Madness
Space People

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
hughjorgen Harvey
iloveboobs: Madfish Willie
japhate
japkill
japkillerusa
jerkoff: Eric
jewbag
jewboy
jewboynigger
jewishnazi

Cheers!

Friday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Help beautify our dumps… throw away something pretty.

Simpsonspeak from Homer [D'oh!]
"Safety? But sir! If truth be known, I actually caused more accidents around here than any other employee, including a few doozies no one every found out about."

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"Mac, you ever been in love?" - "No, I've been a bartender all my life."
~Henry Fonda & J. Farrell MacDonald in My Darling Clementine

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Betty Crocker Moment #361: 2 tablespoons = 1 ounce; 3 teaspoons = 1 tablespoon.

Ultimate Insults
You are the poster boy for corporal punishment, not to mention retro-active abortion, just a random shit-sucker.

Movie Madness
Duck and Cover

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
hughgrect
hughgrekshon
hughgrekshyn
hughgshaft
hughjardon
hughjas
hughjassole
hughjaynus
hughjaz
hughjorgan

Cheers!

Thursday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
My doors says, "Go ahead and knock, I'm already disturbed!"

Simpsonspeak from Homer [D'oh!]
"Unlike most of you, I am not a nut."

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"I'll admit I may have seen better days... but I'm still not to be had for the price of a cocktail, like a salted peanut."
~Bette Davis in All About Eve

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
If you strain your citrus juice, everything will be easier to clean.

Ultimate Insults
To make you feel better, maybe we can dub thee Sir Shit for Brains or the Earl of Asshats.

Movie Madness
Dogs

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
gook
hairyclamb: Helen
hitler:
honkey: Eric
hoochiemom: Linda
hughboobs: Lisa
hugherection: Harvey
hughgass:
hughgdlck:
hughgkoch:

Cheers!

Wednesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
There is absolutelu no subsititution for a genuine lack of preparation!

Simpsonspeak from Homer [D'oh!]
"If they think I'm going to stop at that stop sign, they're sadly mistaken!"

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?"
~Robert Benchley in The Major and the Minor

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Single-malt Scotch and soda: there oughtta be a law.

Ultimate Insults
You certainly are a dry and constipated little impacted turd.

Movie Madness
Mystery Celeb

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
fuxjoo: Power old supply, I have another one from the other one.
fuxkyou
fuxyou
fyuocuk
gangbang
gangrape
gayrape
gaywad: Trey
goatfuck: Pervey
goddam: Power supply went out yesterday

Cheers!

Tuesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
If you love something, set it free. If it doesn’t come back, hunt it down and kill it!

Simpsonspeak from Homer [D'oh!]
"Kill myself? Killing myself is the last thing I'd ever do. Now I have a purpose, a reason to live. I don't care who I have to face, I don't care who I have to fight, I will not rest until this street gets a stop sign!"

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"I got rid of all those reporters." - "What did you tell them?" - "We're out of scotch." - "What a gruesome idea."
~Myrna Loy & William Powell in Another Thin Man

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Despite its name, a cocktail should contain no chicken parts.

Ultimate Insults
You certainly are a dry and constipated little impacted turd.

Movie Madness
Retarded Animals

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
fuqew
fuqfugu
fuqnut
fuqoff
fuqu
fuque
futhermucker
futtbuck
fuvkmehard
fuvku

Cheers!

Monday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

Simpsonspeak from Homer [D'oh!]
"Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure...not even close."

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"Come on. Let's get something to eat. I'm thirsty."
~William Powell in After The Thin Man

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
If it doesn't have vermouth, it's not a Martini. If what you really want is iced gin (or vodka) straight up, order it that way.

Ultimate Insults
Strange that you hasn't blown his bitter little brains out by now, given your decidedly limited and amoral worldview.

Movie Madness
Beer Goggles

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
fukyew
fukyoass
fukyou
fukyouanddie
fukyouus
fumonkey
funkynegro
fuq
fuqbich
fuqbiotch

Cheers!

Friday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
All great discoveries are made by mistakes.

Simpsonspeak from Homer [D'oh!]
"Beer. Now there's a temporary solution."

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"Will you bring me five more martinis, Leo? And line them right up here."
"What hit me?" - "The last Martini."
~Myrna Loy & William Powell in The Thin Man

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Almost never have more than three cocktails.

Ultimate Insults
You are like a spoiled teenager begging for attention. You are very boring, whiny and utterly unfunny.

Movie Madness
Fuck Shit Piss

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
fukuoka
fukup
fukuppl
fukusima
fukusuk
fukuup
fukuusuck
fukyah
fukyallmofo
fukyermom

Cheers!

Thursday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
If you don’t know where you're going, any road will take you there.

Simpsonspeak from Homer
[D'oh!]
"I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he invented the light bulb."

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"I suppose I'll be able to get a drink there." - "I told the stewardess liquor for three." - "Who are the other two? - "Oh, there are no other two."
~Sean Connery & Cec Linder in Goldfinger

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
If you're the first in the group to arrive and you start a tab on your card, you deserve exactly what's coming to you.

Ultimate Insults
There's a special place in hell for ogres like you. I hope you get hit by a fucking train.

Movie Madness
Growl Karoake

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
fukuall
fukualso
fukuashole
fukubiatch
fukubizzach
fukubyatch
fukufuku
fukuinyour
fukumen
fukuo

Cheers!

Wednesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Don't you just hate it when life throws you a curveball and you forget to duck?

Simpsonspeak from Homer [D'oh!]
"Now go on, boy, and pay attention. Because if you do, someday, you may achieve something that we Simpsons have dreamed about for generations: You may outsmart someone!"

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"Give me a whiskey, ginger ale on the side...and don't be stingy, baby."
~Greta Garbo in Anna Christie

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Instead of trying to remember whether it's "beer before liquor" or the other way around, just be an adult and stick to one or the other.

Ultimate Insults
You are lots of burps and fart noises, signifying nothing.

Movie Madness
The Smurfs

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
fuknmonke
fukntheif
fuknthief
fuknurmom
fuknut
fukoff
fukslut
fuksuckblow
fukter
fuku

Cheers!

Tuesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.

Simpsonspeak from Homer [D'oh!]
"What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts."

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"I envy people who drink. At least they know what to blame everything on." - "If it's so simple, why don't you drink?" - "Me? I have no character."
~Oscar Levant & Joan Crawford in Humoresque

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
And drinks that are named after supposedly cute body parts, like navels, which are actually disgusting repositories for sebaceous grime: No.

Ultimate Insults
You are like watching old ladies at the casino, working the slot machines for the big score but instead of using up their quarters, they're using up their credibility.

Movie Madness
Where's Waldo?

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
fukkyou
fukme
fukmegood
fukmerun
fukmyass
fuknclown
fukndork
fukngruv
fukngrv
fuknklown
Cheers!

Monday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"Lord help me, I'm just not that bright."

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"My nerves could use a drink."
~Grace Kelly - To Catch a Thief

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Unacceptable: drinks whose names mimic critical medical conditions or copulative acts and their secretions.

Ultimate Insults
You are neurally-deficient, morally challenged colon polyp. You are like some cheesy advertizement jingle you can't get out of your head. Ack!

Movie Madness
American Girls

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
fukkyou
fukme
fukmegood
fukmerun
fukmyass
fuknclown
fukndork
fukngruv
fukngrv
fuknklown

Cheers!

Friday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
You can never successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"Good drink... good meat... good God, let's eat!"

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine."
~Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
If The Bartender makes you flail your arms or beg for service, well, obviously, leave.

Ultimate Insults
Don't you have a razor blade that you can drag along your wrist and end your pathetic existence? And have the decency to do it in a bathtub so your mother doesn't have to mop up the floor.

Movie Madness
Happy Man

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
fukingroovin
fukingulg
fukinlag
fukiniger
fukinpimp
fukinrapist
fukit
fukjap
fukhead
fukknut

Cheers!

Thursday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Not one shred of evidence support the notion that life is serious.

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"Relax. What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind!"

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"Let's all drink gin and make wry faces."
~Bob Hope in The Cat and the Canary

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Two singles are better than one double.

Ultimate Insults
You have the creative abilities of a bucket of okra.

Movie Madness
Honda Ad

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
fukengruven: Straight White Guy
fukengruvin: SilverBlue
fukface: Harvey
fukfest: Champagne Room
fukhole: [Fill in the blank]
fukinbad: Lisa
fukingfisher: Blackfive
fukinggayman: Trey Givens
fukinggook: [Need a little help]
fukingjap: Jeff

Cheers!

Wednesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it - Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!"

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for."
~W. C. Fields - Never Give a Sucker an Even Break

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
If you don't smoke and you're in a bar, don't complain about other people who happen to be smoking, because, virtuous friend, you are in a bar. [fuckin smoking Nazis]

Ultimate Insults
You sperm-guzzling turd burglar.

Movie Madness
Peanut Beutter Jelly Time

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
fukayouho: ?
fukc: ?
fukchop: ?
fukdabitch: ?
fukdabtch: ?
fukdischit: ?
fukead: ?
fukedatbirth: ?
fukedup: ?
fukedyomom: ?

Cheers!

Tuesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Happiness is merely the remission of pain!

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"

Quotes on Drinking:
"Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth." ~George Burns~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Shun novelty. Suspect innovation.

Ultimate Insults
You syphlitic neutered weiner-doggy with worms.

Movie Madness
Trippy Mirror

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
fudgepack - ?
fudpuck - ?
fugm - ?
fugmpuke - ?
fuhq - ?
fuk - ?
fukad - ?
fukaduck - ?
fukahire - ?
fukallyou - ?

Cheers!

Monday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
I'm an enigma... or am I?

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"Don't mess with the dead, boy, they have eerie powers."

Quotes on Drinking:
"In the Bowling Alley of Tomorrow, there will even be machines that wear rental shoes and throw the ball for you. Your sole function will be to drink beer." ~Dave Barry~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Measure, measure, measure. [that's what she says]

Ultimate Insults
Anybody can bitch and moan but few really have the answers so go ahead and shove that gerbil up your Hilter kissing buttfucking skinhead licking sheepfucking small impaired desperatly seeking real contact grasping stupid ass!

Movie Madness
Mario Splat

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
fucq=Rocket Jones' opinions on successful blog design
fucqdat=Rocket Jones' opinions on successful blog design
fucqu=Rocket Jones' opinions on successful blog design
fuct=Rocket Jones' opinions on successful blog design
fuctup=Rocket Jones' opinons on successful blog design
fucxyou=Rocket Jones' opinons on successful blog design
fucya=Rocket Jones' opinions on successful blog design
fucyou=Rocket Jones' opinions on successful blog design
fucyoubich=Rocket Jones' opinions on successful blog design
fudgehole=Rocket Jones' opinions on successful blog design

Get the fuckingpoint yet? I don't much care for Rocket Jones' opinons on successful blog design. Here endeth the lesson! Maybe....

Cheers!

Friday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Sure the truth hurts, but so does a machete!

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"Ha ha! Look at this country! ? U R Gay!? Ha ha!" (looking at Uruguay on the globe).

Quotes on Drinking:
"The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober." ~William Butler Yeats~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Adopt a favorite cocktail on a seasonal basis. [yeah, right... you fruit loop]

Ultimate Insults
You despicable, depraved, amoral slug.

Movie Madness
Schfiftyfive

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
fucku Frnak
fuckubitch Frnak
fuckup Eric
fuckymamma Frnak
fuckyou Harvey
fuckyoucock Frnak [?]
fuckyoucunt Frnak [?]
fuckyougm Frnak
fuckyouii Frnak
fucoff Frnak

Cheers!

Thursday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done!

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!"

Quotes on Drinking:
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony." ~Robert Benchley~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Every man should know how to make at least one drink from a foreign country, preferably one taught to him by a local female with whom he has had a complicated, unresolved, and quite possibly dangerous dalliance.

Ultimate Insults
You Motherfucking cowardly cocksucking troll - I hope you fucking die, no, better yet, I hope you go to jail and get gang-fucked up the a$$!

Movie Madness
End of the World!

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
fuckinstoned Goathead
fuckman Harvey
fuckme Don
fuckmehard Helen
fuckmyass Frnak
fuckmonkey Frnak
fuckpirate Matty
fucknut Geek
fuckoff Pervey
fuckshit Frnak

Cheers!

Wednesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Teamwork means... never having to take all the blame yourself!

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!"

Quotes on Drinking:
"A bottle of wine contains more philosophy that all the books in the world." ~Louis Pasteur~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Visiting the pub will be cheaper in the long run if you tip The Bartender regularly and more generously than is necessary.

Ultimate Insults
You have an IQ slightly above that of room-temperature butter which makes trying to hold a decent argument like kicking a cripple.

Movie Madness
End Of The World

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
fuckboy Eric
fuckcoons Frnak
fuckedsideway Helen
fuckedup Paige
fuckedupanddown Harvey
fuckedupndown Sir John
fuckface Robert
fuckgm Mystery
fuckhead Jim
fuckhole Frnak

Cheers!

Tuesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Rality is a big nasty vicious dragon... but I don't believe in dragons.

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of blogging TV a day."

Quotes on Drinking:
"You can't drown yourself in drink. I've tried, you float." ~John Barrymore~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Never utter the words I and love and you if you've had more than three drinks.
If you're a lightweight, make that one drink.

Ultimate Insults
May you choke on the diseased dicks you slurp.

Movie Madness
Ghosts!

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
flameinghomo Trey
fock Frnak
fothermuck Frnak
fucayou Fleming
fuccer
don't fuccwitme Harvey
Frnak is fucd
Frnak is a fucface
Harvey is a fuchead
fuck

Cheers!

Monday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Never forget that 2+2=5 for extremely large values of 2!

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"Mmmm, free goo."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Give an Irishman lager for a month and he's a dead man. An Irishman's stomach is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him." ~Mark Twain~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Instead of ordering a shot of After Shock to cap off the evening, one could just walk calmly into the street, lie down, and wait.

Ultimate Insults
You syphilitic sow. You should be driven into a building, then blown up and buried under 50 ft. Of dirt, covered with pig shit. You shit sucking prick.

Movie Madness
ThunderCats

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
faggot Trey
fannybatter Frnak
fannycream Frnak
fannyfart Frnak
fannyhair Harvey
fannyjuice Eric
fatass Spatula
fcuk Frnak
fecalhead Frnak
fellatio

Cheers!

Friday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
It's hard to be nostalgic if you can't remember anything.

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t."

Quotes on Drinking:
"The whole world is about three drinks behind." ~Humphrey Bogart~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Unless you are lounging on the Promenade Deck, do not drink from a fruit.

Ultimate Insults
You are one huge, corrupt, incestuous orgy of mutual masturbatory orgies.

Movie Madness
Angry Spam

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
dickwad Blackfive
dickweed Harvey
dicwad Pylorns
dik Frnak
dike Frnak
dildo Helen
doggystyle Vixie
douchebag Tom
dumbass Eric
fag Trey

Cheers!

Wednesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Life is like an onion... you peel layer after layer then you find there is nothing in it.

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"I'm in a place where I don't know where I am!"

Quotes on Drinking:
"If the headache would only precede the intoxication, alcoholism would be a virtue." ~Samuel Butler~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Ice. Lots and lots of ice.

Ultimate Insults
You are a howling, drunken, fat slob dancing about.

Movie Madness
Happy Tree Friends

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
cuntylip Frnak
dasskick Frnak
dicckweed Frnak
dicface Frnak
dichead Harvey
dick Frnak
dickbrain Eric
dickforabrain Frnak
dickhead John
dicklick Frnak

Cheers!

Tuesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another ~Ambrose Bierce

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."

Quotes on Drinking:
"My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine. Fortunately, everybody drinks water." ~Mark Twain~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
The one foolproof hangover cure: Don't get drunk.

Ultimate Insults
You are a borderline cretin, a socially maladjusted parasite, an ill-mannered, undereducated piece of white trash maggot-infested butt-fucking bed-wetting asshat.

Movie Madness
Burger King

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
cunalingus Frnak
cungalingus Frank
cunnilingus Helen
cunningilus Harvey
cunny Frnak
cunt Frnak
cuntface Frnak
cunthead Frnak
cuntlick Harvey
cuntlip Frnak

Cheers!

Monday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Tell your little voices to shut up! I can't hear mine!

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!"

Quotes on Drinking:
"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her." ~W.C. Fields~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Pick up your drinks before moving the table.

Ultimate Insults
You were a crack baby, severely retarded, hardly a looker.

Movie Madness
Hedgehogs

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
cumofsomeguy Trey
cumonme Spork
cumonmytummy Vixie
cumonu Rob
cumquat Anna
cumsalot Don Harvey
cumshot Eric
cumslut Helen
cumstain Frnak
cumswallow Helen

Cheers!

Friday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book... they all have phones!

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"Your lives are in the hands of men no smarter than you or I, many of them incompetent boobs. I know this because I worked alongside them, gone bowling with them, watched them pass me over for promotions time and again. And I say... This stinks!"

Quotes on Drinking:
Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth." ~George Burns~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
A lime yields about an ounce of juice, a lemon a little more.

ClueBat Insults
Thou spongy, doghearted varlet Frnak!

Movie Madness
Laibach Littens

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
cuckmysock Frnak
cum Frnak
cumbubble Frnak
cumbucket Frnak
cumburp Frnak
cumgargle Frnak
cumguzzle Frnak
cumindabum Frnak
cumlick Frnak
cummbubble Frnak

Cheers!

Thursday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: Why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness?

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"I know what you're saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight."

Quotes on Drinking:
"I drink because she nags, she said I nag because he drinks. But if the truth be known to you, He's a lush and she's a shrew." ~Ogden Nash~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Acceptable drinks for women: whatever they want, except a certain few.
A certain few: the grasshopper, the Long Island iced tea, the pink lady, and any variety of spritzer.
All of that said, never question a woman's drink choice.

ClueBat Insults
Thou artless, tickle-brained haggard Frnak!

Movie Madness
Bananas

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
coochie Susie
coonfuck Frnak
crackwhore Frnak
crazychink Frnak
crazyjap Frnak
creamycunt Helen
creamyknick Frnak
creamypants Harvey
crotchsniff Frnak
crotchwatch Frnak

Cheers!

Wednesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
when I was born, I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half!

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me."
~Winston Churchill~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Grain alcohol and purple Kool-Aid do not a punch make.

ClueBat Insults
Thou wayward, folly-fallen ratsbane Frnak!

Movie Madness
George

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
cocknballs Harvey
cocksmoke Frnak
cocksniff Frnak
cocksuck Helen
cocktease Helen
coksuck Helen
condomeat Frnak
condomlick Frnak
condommunch Frnak
condomsniff Frnak

Cheers!

Tuesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Why are they all called buildings when thay are already finised? Shouldn't they be called builts?

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!"

Quotes on Drinking:
"I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy." ~Tom Waits~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Don't eat the worm.

ClueBat Insults
Thou reeky, toad-spotted boar-pig Frnak!

Movie Madness
Grease

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
clitoral Helen
clitorious Very Helen
clitoris Helen
cock Stright White Guy
cockandball Harvey
cockbite Frnak
cockboy Frnak
cockface Frnak
cockhead Frnak
cocklick Frnak Helen

Cheers!

Monday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Being superstitious brings bad luck!

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"The strong must protect the sweet"

Quotes on Drinking:
"In the Bowling Alley of Tomorrow, there will even be machines that wear rental shoes and throw the ball for you. Your sole function will be to drink beer." ~Dave Barry~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Shun novelty. Suspect innovation.

ClueBat Insults
Thou puny, urchin-snouted horn-beast Frnak!

Movie Madness
Groovy Crab

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:
chinesewhore Frnak
chingachgook Frnak
chink Frnak
chinkill Frnak
chinkslope Frnak
chinksrgay Frnak
chinkssuckFrnak
chokingthechicken Frnak
clit Frnak
clitlick Harvey

Cheers!

Friday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Due to financial restaints, the light at the end of the tunnel has been extinguished!

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done."

Quotes on Drinking:
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~Henny Youngman~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Grappa is to lighter fluid as ouzo is to lighter fluid.

ClueBat Insults
Thou villianous, dismal-dreaming foot-licker Frnak!

Movie Madness
Knightrider

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing: buttsmack Frnak
buttsniff Frnak
buttstain Frnak
buttsuck Frnak
buttwhore Frnak
buttwipe Frnak
cameljockey Frnak
castrate Frnak
charliesnif Frnak
cherrypop Frnak

Cheers!

Thursday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Some mornings it's just not worth chewing through the leather strap ~Emo Phillips~

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"Unfortunately, son, we Simpsons sometimes have to bend the rules a little in order to hold our own."

Quotes on Drinking:
"The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober." ~William Butler Yeats~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Drinks that give you bad breath: beer, anything sweet, anything with milk.
Drinks that give you good breath: gin and tonic, gimlet, vodka and cranberry, anything with citrus.

ClueBat Insults
Thou paunchy, ill-breeding lout Frnak!

Movie Madness
Queen Mum

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:
buttnugget Frnak
buttnut Frnak
buttpick Frnak
buttpirate Frnak
buttplug Frnak
buttpoop Frnak
buttrape Frnak
buttsex Frnak
buttslam Frnak
buttslut Frnak

Cheers!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: Why does a dinosaur have cracks between his toes?
Second Kangaroo: To carry his library card.

First Kangaroo: What's the difference between a lemon, a dinosaur and a tube of glue?Second Kangaroo: I give up.
First Kangaroo: You can squeeze a lemon, but you can't squeeze a dinosaur.
Second Kangaroo: What about the glue ?
First Kangaroo: That's where you get stuck.

First Kangaroo: Why don't more dinosaurs join the police force?
Second Kangaroo: They can't hide behind billboards.

First Kangaroo: Why did the dinosaur walk on two legs?
Second Kangaroo: To give the ants a chance.

First Kangaroo: Why is it dangerous to go into the jungle between two and four in the afternoon?
Second Kangaroo: That's when dinosaurs are jumping out of palm trees.

First Kangaroo: Why does a dinosaur climb a tree?
Second Kangaroo: To get in his nest.

First Kangaroo: What weighs two pounds, is grey and flies?
Second Kangaroo: A two pound dinosaur bird.

First Kangaroo: Why do dinosaurs have long toenails on Friday?
Second Kangaroo: Because their manicurist doesn't come until Saturday.

First Kangaroo: What did the man say when he saw the dinosaurs coming down the path wearing sunglasses?
Second Kangaroo: Nothing! He didn't recognise them.

First Kangaroo: Why don't dinosaurs take ballet lessons?
Second Kangaroo: They outgrew their leotards.

Cheers!

Wednesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"Here's to you!" in other cultures...
British - Cheers!
Chinese - Wen Lie!
French - A votre sante!
German - Prosit!
Greek - Yasas!
Hebrew - L'Chayim!
Hungarian - Ege'sze'ge're!
Irish - Slainte!
Italian - Alla Salute!
Japanese - Kanpai!
Polish - Na Zdrowie!
Russian - Za vashe zdorovye!
Spanish - Salud!
Swedish - Skal!

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!"

Quotes on Drinking:
"Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony." ~Robert Benchley~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Hungarian proverb: If three men tell you that your are drunk, lie down.

ClueBat Insults
Thou craven, common-kissing cnaker-blossom Frnak!

Movie Madness
Adventures of Dead Dog and Friends

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing: buttknock Frnak
buttlick Frnak
buttliquor Frnak
buttlord Frnak
buttlove Frnak
buttluv Frnak
buttman Frnak
buttmonkey Frnak
buttmunch Frnak
buttnaked Frnak

Cheers!

Tuesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
Observe, when Mother Earth is dry
She drinks the dropping of the sky,
And then the dewy cordial gives
To every thirsty plant that lives.
The vapors which at evening weep
Are beverage to the swelling deep;
And when the rosy sun appears
He drinks the ocean's misty tears.
The moon too quaffs her paly stream
Of luster from the solar beam.
Then hence with your sober thinking!
Since nature's holy law is drinking,
I'll make the law of Nature mine,
And pledge the Universe in wine.

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES."

Quotes on Drinking:
"A bottle of wine contains more philosophy that all the books in the world." ~Louis Pasteur~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Avoid bars that use plastic cups, bars whose bathrooms consist solely of a trough-style urinal, bars with chicken wire protecting the band, bars where Patrick Swayze is the bouncer.

ClueBat Insults
Thou dissembling, dizzy-eyed coxcomb Frnak!

Movie Madness
Crab Palette

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing: butholenginer Frnak
buttholesurfer Frnak
buttholio Frnak
butthymen Frnak
buttitch Frnak
buttjuice Frnak
buttkice Frnak
buttkick Frnak
buttkik Frnak
buttkiss Frnak

Cheers!

Monday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"May the frost never afflict your spuds.
May the outside leaves of your cabbage always be free from worms.
May the crows never pick your haystack,
And may your donkey always be in foal."

Yogism
"If you can't imitate them, don't copy them."

Quotes on Drinking:
"We drink and we die and continue to drink." ~Dennis Leary~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Acceptable drinks for men: beer, wine, whiskey, cocktails that are neither sweet nor made with dairy or fruit other than lime or lemon or orange.

ClueBat Insults
Thou vain, spur-galled scut Frnak!

Movie Madness
Device

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:

• bitchslap Frnak


• bitchwhore Frnak


• bitemyass Frnak


• bitemyprick Frnak


• biyotch Frnak


• blowjob Frnak


• bltch Frnak


• boner Frnak


• bumfuck Frnak


• bumhole Frnak

Saturday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"May you have warm words on a cold evening,
A full moon on a dark night,
And the road downhill all the way to your door."

Yogism
"Pair up in threes."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow they may cancel your VISA." ~Unknown~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Never order a cocktail with more than four ingredients.

ClueBat Insults
Thou tottering, shard-borne pumpion Frnak!

Movie Madness
Poke the Crab

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:

• bigusdikkus


• bigusdikus


• bigwang


• bigwood


• biotch Frnak


• bitch Frnak


• bitchass Frnak


• bitchfuck Frnak


• bitchnig Frnak


• bitchqueen Frnak

Friday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"May the roof above us never fall in,
And may we friends gathered below never fall out."

Yogism
"The other team could make trouble for us if they win."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Candy, is dandy, but liquor, is quicker." ~Ogden Nash~

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Should you hit it off with a woman, perhaps think you are soul mates, and fall into bed in an unclothed, heavy-breathing, romance-novel tangle, and, in the heat of it all, she moans, "Daddy," do not even attempt to put your pants on until you are in the car.

ClueBat Insults
Thou goatish, fly-bitten fustilarian Frnak!

Movie Madness
Swearotron

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:

• bighoe Frnak


• bigjuicynut Frnak


• biglesbian Frnak


• bignigger Frnak


• bignut Frnak


• bignutsack Frnak


• bigoldick Frnak


• bigschlong Frnak


• bigslut Frnak


• bigtits Frnak

Wednesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"May the face of every good news
And the back of every bad news be toward us."

Yogism
"We have a good time together even when we are not together." (on courting his future wife)

Quotes on Drinking:
"The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid." ~Richard Braunstein~
[damn if that ain't the fucking truth!]

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
As a rule, even if she wears a thong the first time you see her unclothed, she prefers white cotton panties.

ClueBat Insults
Thou villainous, tardy-gaited strumpet Frnak!

Movie Madness
Touette-A-Phone

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:

• bigcock Frnak


• Madfish has a bigdick


• bigdik Frnak


• bigfatass Frnak


• bigfuk Frnak


• biggay Frnak


• biggaykill Frnak


• biggayman Frnak


• biggaypeck Frnak


• biggusdikus Frnak


• bigho Frnak

Tuesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the rains fall soft upon your fields,
And may God hold you in the palm of his hand,
Until we meet again."

Yogism
"I wish I had an answer to that question because I'm tired of answering it."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Give an Irishman lager for a month and he's a dead man. An Irishman's stomach is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him." ~Mark Twain~

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Going shopping with more than one woman at any given time will consume a minimum of seventeen hours that could have been spent napping.

ClueBat Insults
Thou unmuzzled, sheep-biting ratsbone Frnak!

Movie Madness
Meatball

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:

• basterd Frnak


• bastid Frnak


• biach Frnak


• biatch Frnak


• bicht Frnak


• bigass Frnak


• bigassball Frnak


• bigasslip Frnak


• bigbooty Frnak


• bigbutthole Frnak

Monday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"May the grass grow long on the road to hell for want of use."

Yogism
"It's not too far, it just seems like it is."

Quotes on Drinking:
"The whole world is about three drinks behind." ~Humphrey Bogart~

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
On PMS: The fact that she knows hormones are causing her temporary crankiness doesn't make the feelings any less real, so cut her some slack.
At those times when she criticizes your mood, it's okay to remind her of how you always cut her some slack on PMS days.
Do not expect this gambit to work.

ClueBat Insults
Thou surly, rump-fed puttock Frnak!

Movie Madness
Madonna

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:

• asswhop Frnak


• asswhore Frnak


• asswipe Frnak


• asswoop Frnak


• assylip Frnak


• assynip Frnak


• assyniple Frnak


• asszila Frnak


• badass Frnak


• bastard Frnak

Friday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"Here are toasts to you. And you. And you."

Yogism
"It gets late early out here."

Quotes on Drinking:
"If the headache would only precede the intoxication, alcoholism would be a virtue." ~Samuel Butler~

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
While the occasional quick love bite is, in context, welcome, that incessant animal-in-a-leg-trap gnawing: no.

ClueBat Insults
Thou gleeking, flap-mouthed foot-licker Frnak!

Movie Madness
Chicken

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:

• asstang Frnak


• asstheif Frnak


• asstink Frnak


• asstomp Frnak


• assuck Frnak


• asswack Frnak


• asswater Frnak


• assweed Frnak


• asswhipe Frnak


• asswhole Frnak

Thursday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"Here's head first, in a foaming glass!
Here's head first, to a lovely lass!
Here's head first, for a bit of kissing,
For the good don't know the fun that they're missing!"

Yogism
On why NY lost the 1960 series to Pittsburgh "We made to many wrong mistakes."

Quotes on Drinking:
"My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine. Fortunately, everybody drinks water." Mark Twain

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Only acceptable pickup line: "Hi, my name is [insert your name]. What's yours?"

ClueBat Insults
Thou frothy, fenn-sucked flirt-grill!

Movie Madness
Elvis

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:

• assplug


• asspoop


• assram


• assrape


• assrapingyak


• assream


• assrip


• assrob


• asstab


• asstang

Wednesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"Here's to those that love us,
And here's to those that don't,
A smile for those who are willing to,
And a tear for those who won't."

Yogism
Yogi on the 1969 NY Mets....." We are overwhelming underdogs "

Quotes on Drinking:
"The three-martini lunch is the epitome of American efficiency. Where else can you get an earful, a bellyful, and a snootful at the same time?" Gerald R. Ford

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
One follow-up to an unreturned phone call is acceptable; two is stalking.

ClueBat Insults
Thou errant, dread-bolted death-token!

Movie Madness
Holding

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:

• assmunch


• assowipo


• assowippo


• assown


• asspack


• asspeddle


• assphinct


• assphuck


• asspiece


• asspirate

Tuesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"May we have those in our arms
That we love in our hearts."

Yogism
"If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be."

Quotes on Drinking:
"If all be true that I do think, There are five reasons we should drink: Good wine - a friend - or being dry - Or lest we should be by and by - Or any other reason why." Henry Aldrich

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Men always overestimate the size of their wives' or girlfriends' chests even as they underestimate the size of their wives' or girlfriends' hips.

ClueBat Insults
Thou clouted, clay-brained bum-bailey!

Movie Madness
Mickey

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:

• assman


• assmast


• assmeat


• assmilk


• assmine


• assmite


• assmoankey


• assmong


• assmonk


• assmonkey

Monday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"Here's to a kiss:
Give me a kiss, and to that kiss add a score,
Then to that add a hundred more;
A thousand to that hundred, and so kiss on,
To make that thousand quite a million.
Treble that million, and when that is done,
Let's kiss afresh as though we'd just begun."

Yogism
At Yogi Berra day in St Louis 1947 "I want to thank you for making this day necessary."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink." Unknown

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Women have to buy new outfits every season, and this makes them happy.

ClueBat Insults
Thou Bootless, beetle-headed bladder!

Movie Madness
Mickey

Some other cussin' stuff. Multilingual Swear List presents these next 10 jewels of swearing:

• asshorisin


• assinahole


• assjuice


• asskick


• asskickboy


• asskikr


• asslessone


• asslick


• asslip


• asslord

Friday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"If the ocean were a goblet
And all its salt seas wine,
I would drink it to you darlin',
Ere you cross the foamy brine;
For then you couldn't cross it,
But would have to stay on land
Till the walkin' should get better,
And we'd cross it hand in hand."

Yogism
"You can observe a lot by watching."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Now is the time for drinking, now the time to beat the earth with unfettered foot." Horace

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Getting back to kissing: more lip.
Less tongue.
The small of the back, the nape of the neck, behind the knees.
[Between the legs too, they like that]

ClueBat Insults
Thou beslubbering, beef-witted barnacle!

Movie Madness
Simply Red

Instead of Foreign Language Party Cookies, we'll do some other cussin' stuff. Multilingual Swear List presents these next 10 jewels of swearing:

• assfuk


• assfunk


• assgoblin


• assgrab


• asshair


• asshead


• assho


• asshoe


• asshol


• asshole

Thursday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"Here's to matrimony...
The high sea for which no compass has yet been invented."

Yogism
"I usually take a two hour nap from one to four."

Quotes on Drinking:
"One can drink too much, but one never drinks enough." Edward Burke

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Women like a man who likes women who like to eat.

ClueBat Insults
Thou mewling, idle-headed lewdster!

Movie Madness
Architecture

Instead of Foreign Language Party Cookies, we'll do some other cussin' stuff. Multilingual Swear List presents these next 10 jewels of swearing:

• asscheese


• assclown


• asscock


• asscrack


• asscream


• assenlarge


• assenmunch


• assface


• assfish


• assfuck

Wednesday Hapy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"Here's to one and only one,
And may that one be thee
Who loves but one and only one,
And may that one be me."

Yogism
"Never answer an anonymous letter."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Drink to me." Pablo Picasso's last words

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Women are less excited about sleeping with another woman for your viewing pleasure than you are.

ClueBat Insults
Thou weedy, weather-bitten, wagtail!

Movie Madness
Psycho Techno Hypno Snake

Instead of Foreign Language Party Cookies, we'll do some other cussin' stuff. Multilingual Swear List presents these next 10 jewels of swearing:

• ass
  
• assbandit


• assbeat


• assbite


• assbiteme


• assblast


• assboy


• assbutt


• assbyte


• asscheek

Tuesday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"I have known many,
Liked a few,
Loved one,
Here's to you!"

Yogism
"If the people don't want to come out to the ballpark, nobody's going to stop them."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; The best of life is but intoxication." Lord Byron

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
If she doesn't believe you when you say you have no previous girlfriend, admit to only one and offer: "She was unintelligent, a bad dresser, lousy in bed, couldn't cook, and had warts on her nipples." It also doesn't hurt to add that you like pets, enjoy children, volunteer often, and think, if only the church weren't against the use of condoms, you could have joined the priesthood.

ClueBat Insults
Thou vain, spur-galled scut!

Movie Madness
Crab Bloke in London

Instead of Foreign Language Party Cookies, we'll do some other cussin' stuff. Multilingual Swear List presents these next 10 jewels of swearing:

• anus


• varse


• arsebandit


• arsefuck


• arsephuck


• arsephuk


• arsepiece


• arsestab


• arsewipe


• asphinct

Monday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"Here's to the wings of love,
May they never moult a feather
Till your little shoes and my big boots
Are under the bed together."

Yogism
"The future ain't what it used to be."

Quotes on Drinking:
"I drink no more than a sponge". Francis Rabelais

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Showering a woman with gifts after the first date is the romantic equivalent of a comb-over.

ClueBat Insults
Thou fobbing, elf-skinned flap-dragon!

Movie Madness
Norse Gods

Instead of Foreign Language Party Cookies, we'll do some other cussin' stuff. Multilingual Swear List presents these 10 jewels of swearing:

• analspew


• analspray


• analtail


• analtroop


• analungus


• analviolate


• analwart


• analwhore


• analzone


• animalsex

Saturday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"May we kiss whom we please,
And please whom we kiss."

Yogism
"I didn't really say everything I said."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say, "I'm thirsty, not dirty". Joe E. Lewis

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
It's pointless to argue with her if you're not going to win.
You're not going to win.

ClueBat Insults
Thou impertinent, foul-born gudgeon!

Movie Madness
Buffy Swears

Instead of Foreign Language Party Cookies, we'll do some other cussin' stuff. Multilingual Swear List presents these 10 jewels of swearing:

• anallovin


• anallyretentivepubiclouse


• analmunch


• analorafice


• analorgy


• analpirate


• analprobe


• analrape


• analretentivepubiclouse


• analsex

Friday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"Here's to love,
The only fire against which there is no insurance."

Yogism
"You can't think and hit at the same time."

Quotes on Drinking:
"I envy people who drink, at least they know what to blame everything on." Oscar Levant

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
The quirky perfect gift that shows you've been listening is worth twice the value of anything you can find at Tiffany's.
Of course, it doesn't hurt if the quirky perfect gift happens to be from Tiffany's.
Gifts that may be quirky but never perfect: a blender, a beater, a vacuum cleaner, or a waffle iron.

ClueBat Insults
Thou froward, fat-kidneyed flax-wench!

Movie Madness
Destiny's Child

Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is no more. Instead, we'll do some other cussin' stuff. Multilingual Swear List presents these 10 jewels of swearing:

• adolph hitler


• anal


• analbleed


• analcavity


• analcrevass


• analfuck


• analingus


• analintercourse


• analinvade


• analjuice

Thursday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"Here's to the man who is wisest and best,
Here's to the man who with judgment is blest.
Here's who's as smart as he can be -
I mean the man who agrees with me!"

Yogism
"Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth." Steve Allen

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Women who have two or more brothers are less likely to be disgusted by you.

ClueBat Insults
Thou quailing, motley-minded measle!

Movie Madness
Pavrotti

Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Surinam (click thru for the really good stuff)
yu kao'lo: your ass
krasi: horny
tongo: french kiss
tolli: dick
ie de wang viestie dagoe: you're a vilty dog
ma piema motjo: you dirty whore
Sako webo: ball sack

Cheers!

Wednesday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"Here's to the man who is wisest and best,
Here's to the man who with judgment is blest.
Here's who's as smart as he can be -
I mean the man who agrees with me!"

Yogism
"Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth." Steve Allen

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Less than .05 percent of the male population is attractive enough to ignore chivalry, and most women over the age of twenty-five prefer to admire such men from a distance.

ClueBat Insults
Thou rank, onion-eyed minnow!

Movie Madness
Ban Spoon Guard

Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Indonesian (click thru for the really good stuff)
bangsat: bastard
bule: caucasian
isep kontol: blow job
kontol: penis
memek: vagina
monyet: monkey
ngentot: fart
pantat: ass
jembut: pubic hair

Tuesday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"May we have more and more friends,
And need them less and less."

Yogism
"I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous."

Quotes on Drinking:
"One martini is alright, two is too many, three is not enough." James Thurber

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
An unsolicited kiss is to a woman as free playoff tickets are to a man.
Even better: flowers on days that aren't Valentine's Day, anniversaries, or birthdays.
Speaking of flowers, they are most effective when delivered to her workplace.

ClueBat Insults
Thou saucy, reeling-ripe nut-hook!

Movie Madness
Spoon Menace

Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Latin (click thru for the really good stuff)
Tu es stultior quam asinus: you are dumber than an ass
irrumator: bastard
leno: pimp
mentula: penis
meretrix: prostitute
spucatum tauri: Bull shit
pudor tu: fuck you

Monday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"Here's to you and here's to me,
Friends may we always be!
But, if by chance we disagree,
Up yours! Here's to me!"

Yogism
"Little League Baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets."

Quotes on Drinking:
"When I have one martini, I feel bigger, wiser, taller. When I have the second, I feel superlative. When I have more, there's no holding me." William Faulkner

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Women, despite all your years of trying to understand them, including your intimate familiarity with Freudian psychology, the occasional intelligence- gathering glance at Cosmo, and the memorization of these seventy-three things a man should know about them, will always remain a mystery.

ClueBat Insults
Thou quailing, motley-minded measle!

Movie Madness
Big Pant Trekking

Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Morrocan (click thru for the really good stuff)
zit howa: Get Fucked
tinny zep: Kiss my dick
mo: Derogatory for a Moroccan
malik maloof: Your king is a pig

Saturday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"Here's to a friend.
He knows you well...
And likes you just the same!"

Yogism
"A nickel isn't worth a dime today."

Quotes on Drinking:
"He that drinks fast, pays slow." Benjamin Franklin

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
No, you were not looking at that other woman.

ClueBat Insults
Thou yeasty, weather-bitten wagtail!

Movie Madness
Mr Johnson

Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is French-Quebec (click thru for the really good stuff)
Grosse christ de vache: Fat fucking cow
Va chier: Go shit
Mange de la marde: Eat Shit
p'tit christ: Little bastard
Christ de chien sal: Fuckin' dirty bastard
va te crosser: Jerk off (go fuck yourself)

Cheers!

Friday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"Friendship is the wine of life,
Let's drink of it, and to it."

Yogism
After seeing the opera Tosca, Yogi remarked, "I really liked it, even the music was nice."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Work is the curse of the drinking class." Oscar Wilde

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Women have to pay more for their haircuts, dry cleaning, and shoes, and this upsets them.

ClueBat Insults
Thou warped, tickle-brained varlet!

Movie Madness
Mr Stabby

Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Hindi (click thru for the really good stuff)
gaandu: asshole
tatti: shit
Chutiya choo-tia: Fucker
Gaand gaa-nd: Ass
Lund luh-nd: Cock
Mammey mumm-aye: Breasts
Jhaant ke juye: Pubic hair lice
Tatta fry: deep fried Balls

Cheers!

Thursday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"May we never see an old friend with a new face."

Yogism
"Yogi met George Bush during a election campaign. Bush said Texas was important. Yogi said "Yexas has a lot of electrical votes."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Were I to prescribe a rule for drinking, it should be formed upon a saying quoted by Sir William Temple: the first glass for myself, the second for my friends, the third for good humor, and the fourth for mine enemies." Joseph Addison

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Women, much like men, are human, and thus appreciate it when you ask them questions about themselves.

ClueBat Insults
Thou infectious, full-gorged haggard!

Movie Madness
Mark

Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Chinese (click thru for the really good stuff)
hum kah chan: death to your family!
lok chat: dick
hamsap: horny person
gai: whore
lun-yeung, lun tao: dick face and dick head
jhew lun dou: Pig cock scrotum

Cheers!

Wednesday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"My heart is as full as my glass,
When I drink to you, old friend!"

Bart's Call to Moe
That's all of Bart's prank phone calls to Moe!

Here is a soundbite of several prank calls.

Here is a complete list:

• Phone call for Al...Al Coholic...is there an Al Coholic here?


• Oliver Clothesoff! Call for Oliver Clothesoff!


• Uh, is I.P. Freely here? Hey, everybody, I.P. Freely!


• Uh, Jacques Strap! Hey guys, I'm looking for a Jacques Strap!


• Hey, is there a Butz here? Seymour Butz? Hey, everybody, I wanna Seymour Butz!


• Uh, Homer Sexual? Aw, come on, come on, one of you guys has gotta be Homer Sexual!


• Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch! Hey, has anybody seen Mike Rotch lately?


• Uh, hey, everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt


• Uh, Hugh Jass? Oh, somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass!


• Bea O'Problem! Bea O'Problem! Come on, guys, do I have a Bea O'Problem here?


• Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss? Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss! Ah, why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss?


• Ivana Tinkle? Ivana Tinkle? All right, everybody, put down your glasses, Ivana Tinkle!


• All right, settle down. Anita Bath here?


• All right, fine, fine. Maya Buttreeks!


• Telegram for Heywood U. Cuddleme! Heywood U. Cuddleme? Big guy in the back, Heywood U. Cuddleme?

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Know that while Rhett Butler can get away with telling Scarlett O'Hara that she "should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how," you cannot.

ClueBat Insults
Thou spleeny, rough-hewn pigeon egg!

Movie Madness
Jamie and The Magic Todger

Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Slovenian (click thru for the really good stuff)
cepec: moron
kurba: whore
kmet: peasant, farmer
pirnièan: really stupid person
vosu: idiot

Cheers!

Tuesday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"May we never want a friend,
Or a bottle to give him."

Bart's Call to Moe
[Bart, sending a telegraph message to Moe's]
Telegram for Heywood U. Cuddleme! Heywood U. Cuddleme? Big guy in the back, Heywood U. Cuddleme?
A large man turns and stares at Moe as Lenny and Carl laugh
Oh, do, that little, ooh...
I'm gonna drive a golden spike where your Union meets your Central Pacific!
Bart laughs

Yogism
Yogi ordered a pizza, the waitress asked "How many pieces do you want your pie cut?" Yogi responded, "4, I don't think I could eat 8."

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Women who come from big families are more fun.

ClueBat Insults
Thou puny, milk-livered mammet!

Movie Madness
Giant Bee

Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Welsh (click thru for the really good stuff)
Cachau bant: Fuck Off
Cach: Shit
Pigyn: Penis, dick, cock
Pen pidyn: Dickhead
Wyneb cach: Shit face
Mwnci: Monkey

Cheers!

Monday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"Here's to you as good as you are
Here's to me as bad as I am
But as good as you are
And as bad as I am
I'm just as good as you are
As bad as I am!"

Bart's Call to Moe
[Bart is calling Homer, who is minding Moe's]
(Bart) Uh, yeah, I'd like to speak to a Mr. Tabooger, first name Ollie
(Homer) (excited) Ooh, Bart, my first prank call! What do I do?
(Bart) Just ask if anyone knows Ollie Tabooger
(Homer) I don't get it
(Bart) Yell out "I'll eat a booger"
(Homer) What's the gag?
(Bart) Oh, forget it...

Yogism
"If you come to a fork in the road take it."

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Women dislike men who are liars.

ClueBat Insults
Thou gorbellied, folly-fallen giglet!

Movie Madness
A Frightened Boy

Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Persian (click thru for the really good stuff)
kosskesh: pimp
kesafat: you dirty piece of shit
beshoor: no brained
an: diarhhea
kos-khol: sex crazy
amale: dirty piece of shit labor worker
khar: idiot

Cheers!

Friday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"Old wood to burn,
Old books to read,
Old wine to drink,
Old friends to trust."

Bart's Call to Moe
[Bart on the road]
(Homer) Hello, I'd like to speak with a Mr. Snotball, first name Eura
(Moe) Eura Snotball?
(Homer) What? How dare you! If I find out who this is, I'll staple a flag to your butt and mail you to Iran!

Today's Drinking Story

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Never ask a woman why she's mad at you, as she will only get madder at your not knowing.

ClueBat Insults
Thou currish, crook-pated clack dish!

Movie Madness
We Like The Moon

Dumb-Ass Snake Jokes
Why did the viper want to become a python ?
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food ?
What do you call a python with a great bedside manner ?
What do most people do when they see a python ?
What subject are snakes good at school ?
What did the snake say to the cornered rat ?
What do snakes have on their bath towels ?
What do you call a snake that informs the police ?
What did the python say to the viper ?
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell ?

Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Russian (click thru for the really good stuff)
Sooka: Bitch/traitor
tebya ne ebut, ti ne podmakhivai: mind your own fucking business
K Chortoo: go to hell
kooshite govno ee oomeeite: eat shit and die
mudak: an asshole
govniuk: shithead
Cheers!

Thursday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"Here's to every man here,
May he be what he thinks himself to be."

Bart's Call to Moe
[Mr. Burns says]
"I'm looking for a Mr. Smithers, first name Wayland"
Oh, so, you're looking for a Mr. Smithers, eh? First name Wayland, is it? Listen to me, you; when I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes and stick 'em down your pants, so you can watch me kick the crap outta you, okay? Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!

Today's Drinking Story
Next Stop - First Floor
Yogism"I always thought that record would stand until it was broken."

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Men always overestimate the size of their wives' or girlfriends' chests even as they underestimate the size of their wives' or girlfriends' hips.

ClueBat Insults
Thou paunchy, ill-breeding lout!

Movie Madness
Tales of The Blode - Episode 1

Dumb-Ass Skunk Jokes
Did you hear the joke about the skunk?
How many skunks do you need to make a house really smelly?
What do you get if you cross a skunk and a dinosaur?
How can you tell when a skunk is angry?
How can you tell a rabbit from a skunk?
What's a skunk's favourite game in school?
What do you get if you cross a skunk and a boomerang?
What did the forgetful skunk say when the wind changed direction?
What did the baby skunk want to be when he grew up?
What's a skunk's philosophy of life?

Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Estonian (click thru for the really good stuff)
kurat, saatan: devil
mine vittu: fuck off
munn: penis
piss/kusi: piss
raisk: rotted
Cheers!

Wednesday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"Here's to the ladies,
They need no praise...
They speak for themselves!"

Bart's Call to Moe
[This isn't at Moe's; Moe is taking over as the substitute teacher for Mrs. Krabappel's class during the strike]
OK, when I call your name, uh, you say "present" or "here". Er, no, say "present". Ahem, Anita Bath?
The students in the classroom laugh
All right, settle down. Anita Bath here?
More laughs
All right, fine, fine. Maya Buttreeks!
Still more laughs
Hey, what are you laughing at? What? Oh, oh, I get it, I get it. It's my big ears, isn't it, kids? Isn't it? Well, children, I can't help that!
Moe runs out of the classroom crying as Bart crosses Moe's name off of a list of what are now former substitute teachers

Today's Drinking Story
Pub Crawling

Yogism: "Baseball is 90% mental. The other half is physical."

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
If you're single, the tango will do the trick. If you're married, the tango will also do the trick.
Possibly even with your wife.

ClueBat Insults
Thou bawdy, bat-fowling giglet!

Movie Madness
Tales of The Blode - Episode 2: A Trip to the Seaside

Dumb-Ass Kangaroo Jokes
First Kangaroo: Why did the little girl take hay to bed?
First Kangaroo: Why did the rabbit go to the doctor?
First Kangaroo: What happened to the two bedbugs who fell in love?
First Kangaroo: Why can't you tell secrets on a farm?
First Kangaroo: What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?
First Kangaroo: What's smarter than a talking horse?
First Kangaroo: What did the duck say when it laid a square egg?
First Kangaroo: When is it socially correct to serve milk in a saucer?
First Kangaroo: How do you tell the difference between an elephant and a rhinoceros?
First Kangaroo: What does a frog say when it washes car windows?

Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Surinam (click thru for the really good stuff)
yu kao'lo: your ass
krasi: horny
tongo: french kiss
ie de wang viestie dagoe: you're a vilty dog
Sako webo: ball sack
Cheers!

Tuesday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"Here's to the man who loves his wife,
And loves his wife alone;
For many a man loves another man's wife,
When he ought to be loving his own." - Burns

Bart's Call to Moe
[Laura Powers with Bart]
Ivana Tinkle? Ivana Tinkle? All right, everybody, put down your glasses, Ivana Tinkle!
Laura and Bart laugh

Today's Drinking Story
Puke-A-Hot-Ass

Yogism:
"Yogi's wife Carmen: "Yogi, you are from St Louis, we live in New Jersey, and you played in New York. If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried?" Yogi: "Surprise me."

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Contrary to popular belief, an out-of-shape man is just as unappealing to a woman as an out-of-shape woman is to a man.

ClueBat Insults: Thou beslobbering, full-gorged lewdster!

Movie Madness
Tales of The Blode - Episode 3

Dumb-Ass Mouse Jokes
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face ?
What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside ?
What do you call a mouse who can pick up a horse ?
How do mice celebrate when they move home ?
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth ?
What is a mouse's favourite game ?
Why did the mouse eat a candle ?
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak ?
What do you get if cross a mouse woth a packet of washing up powder ?
What's a mouse's favourite record ?

Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Welsh (click thru for the really good stuff)
Yn fytyn: Fool
Pen pidyn: Dickhead
Wyneb cach: Shit face
Mwnci: Monkey
Ci: Dog
Ffwcia oma: Fuck off
Gotsan drewllyd: Smelly fanny
Haliwr: Wanker
Cheers!

Monday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"To the ladies, God bless 'em,
May nothing distress them."

Bart's Call to Moe
[Bart]
Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss? Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss! Ah, why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss?
Barney says "Maybe your standards are too high!"
You little S.O.B.! Why, when I find out who you are, I'm going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs in your butt!
Bart tells Moe his name is Jimbo Jones and gives his own address: Jimbo and Laura Powers are making out in Bart's living room

Today's Drinking Story
Summer of Gary

Yogism: "You should always go to other people's funerals, otherwise, they won't come to yours."

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Sometimes women want it when you don't, and for you not to give in on such occasions sets a terrible precedent.

ClueBat Insults; Thou unmuzzled, toad-spotted minnow!

Movie Madness
Food Feed Fury

Dumb-Ass Rabbit Jokes
A bumble bee was chasing a rabbit. Finally the bee turned around and flew away. Why?
A rabbit and a duck went to a restaurant for dinner. Who paid?
Baby Rabbit: Mommy, where did I come from?
Can you say "Richard and Robert had a rabbit" without using the "r" sound?
Did you hear about the rabbit who got a job in a watch factory?
Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges?
Did you hear about the pub owner who raised a baby rabbit?
Did you hear about the rabbit that bit it's owner?
Did you hear about the rich rabbit?
Do you feel like a glass of carrot juice?

Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Serbian (click thru for the really good stuff)
Crko dabogda stoko seljacka!: May you drop dead, you redneck ox.
Govno yedno: You piece of shit.
Sranje!: ohhh, shit!
Some!: you stupid ass.
Govedo!: Jerk.
Cheers!

Thursday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"Here's to our wives and lovers,
May they never meet!"

Bart's Call to Moe
[Bart]
Uh, Hugh Jass? Oh, somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass!
There is a Hugh Jass at Moe's; he takes the call
Today's Drinking Story Well, this is a fime mess, "I Must Say"

Yogism: "A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore."

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:When asked if she looks fat, even if it's the one thousandth time, you must be always at the ready with an immediate, confident "Suuu-eeeeeee!"
That was a joke.

ClueBat Insults: Thou droning, flap-mouthed wagtail!

Movie Madness
Blode 6: Attack of The Uber-Pea!

Dumb-Ass Pig Jokes
A city child came running into the farmhouse. "No wonder that mama pig is so big," she yelled.
A pig's favorite movie:
All our pigs are learning karate.
Oh, I don't believe that
CUSTOMER: Can you make a pig cooler?
CUSTOMER: Can you make a pig shake?
CUSTOMER: How do you make a pig float?
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
Did you hear about the pig who tried to start a hot-air balloon business?
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for mother's day?
What did they do?
Did you hear about the pig's vacation?
Did you hear about the pigs who took up motorcycling?
Did you hear of the pig who began hiding garbage In November?

Answers in the Comments
Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Italian (click thru for the really good stuff) puttana: whore
merda: shit
pezzo di merda: piece of shit
Cazzo vai via stronzo: Shit, get out of here jerk
bocchno: blow job
che cazzo: you dick
no me interesso un cazzo: I don't give a damn
Cheers!

Wednesday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"Here's to the men of all classes
Who through lasses and glasses
Will make themselves asses."

Bart's Call to Moe
[Bart with Mrs. Krabappel and one of the Sherri/Terri twins]
Uh, hey, everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt
Oh, wait a minute...
[Bart laughs; Mrs. Krabappel sees him and then laughs as well]

Today's Drinking Story
The Last "Last Call"

Yogism: "The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase."

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:Women do not desire to be introduced to a new brand of perfume.

ClueBat Insults: Thou bootless, milk-livered miscreant!

Movie Madness
Chilled Kittens

Dumb-Ass Bird Jokes
What do you give a sick bird ?
What bird tastes just like butter ?
What's another name for a clever duck ?
What do owls sing when it is raining ?
What is a polygon ?
What flies through the jungle singing opera ?
What kind of bird opens doors ?
What do baby swans dance to ?
What is a duck's favorite TV show ?
What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark ?

Answers in the Comments
Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is German (click thru for the really good stuff) Blödes Arschloch: stupid asshole
Depp: idiot
Drecksau: dirty pig
Arschgesicht: "Assface" (Butthead)
Arschkriecher: person who kisses bosses arse

Cheers!

Tuesday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"May you have the health of a salmon,
A strong heart, and a wet mouth."

Bart's Call to Moe
[Bart]
Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch! Hey, has anybody seen Mike Rotch lately?
Listen to me, you little puke. One of these days, I'm going to catch you, and I'm going to carve my name on your back with an ice pick!
[Bart and Lisa laugh]

Today's Drinking Story
...Then this Car came out of Nowhere

Yogism: "You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you are going because you might not get there."

ClueBat Insults: Thou dankish, sheep-biting pignut!

Movie Madness
The Sweary Kittens

Dumb Ass Horse Jokes
"Will I ever be able to race my horse again" the owner asked the vet.
A cowboy rode into town on Thursday, stayed 3 days and rode out on Thursday. How is this possible?
A horse walks up to the bar and orders a drink from the bartender.
A stallion and a mare where due to get married, but the stallion didn't show up at the church.
As horses say to one another.
Customer: I'm hungry enough to eat a horse!
Did you find my horse well behaved?
Did you hear about Mike Tyson's horse?
Did you hear about the aristocratic horse?
Did you hear about the depressed horse?

Answers in the Comments

Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Danish (click thru for the really good stuff) PIS AF: Piss off
LAD VAER MED AT VAERE SA ONDSVAG: Don't be so stupid.
VIL DU BOLLE DET?: Would you f*ck it?
NESTE GANG, SLAR JEG DIG IHJEL: Next time, I'll kill you
NU SLAR JEG DIGIHJEL: Now I kill you.
SET DIG NED, DIN PIKSPILLER: Sit down, C*cksucker.
DU ER SKOR: You're insane.
LAD VAR MED AT TAGE PIS PAMIG: Don't piss with me.
GAMLE STODDER: Dirty old Bastard.

Cheers!

Monday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"May the most you wish for be the least you get!"

Bart's Call to Moe
[Bart (in Principal Skinner's office)]
Uh, Homer Sexual? Aw, come on, come on, one of you guys has gotta be Homer Sexual!
Homer says "Don't look at me!"
Oh, no...
You rotten little punk! If I ever get a hold of you, I'll sink my teeth into your cheek and rip your face off!
Skinner, on the other end of the line, says "You'll do what, young man?"

Today's Drinking Story
That's Called A Mi-Fly

Yogism: "The future ain't what it used to be."

ClueBat Insults: Thou pribbling, tardy-gaited moldwarp!

Movie Madness
Angry Kittens

Dumb Ass Big Cat Jokes
On which day do lions eat people ?
Why did the lion feel sick after he'd eaten the priest ?
What did the lioness say to the cub chasing a hunter ?
What do you call a lion wearing a cravat and a flower in its mane ?
What happens when a lion runs into an express train at the station ?
Why do you never see zebras or antelopes at Victoria Station ?
What do you call a show full of lions ?
How does a leopard change its spots ?
What happened to the man who tried to cross a lioin with a goat ?
Why was the lion-tamer fined ?

Answers in the Comments

Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Dutch (click thru for the really good stuff) zakkewasser: testical washer
eikel: dickhead
hoer: hooker
eikel: dickhead (mild)
Rukker: wanker
Spast: spaz
mongool: retard
pooier: pimp
sukkel: dumbf*ck
houd je rotsmoel: shut the hell up

Cheers!

Saturday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast
..."Here's to your health!
You make age curious,
Time furious,
And the rest of us envious!"

Bart's Call to Moe
[Bart with Lisa]
Hey, is there a Butz here? Seymour Butz? Hey, everybody, I wanna Seymour Butz!
Oh, wait a minute...
Listen, you little scum-sucking pus-bucket! When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna put out your eyeballs with a corkscrew!
[Bart laughs]

Today's Drinking Story
The Blushing Bride

Yogism: 90% of the putts that are short, don't go in.

ClueBat InsultsThou tottering, tickle-brained skainsmate!

Movie MadnessPunk Kittens

Dumb Ass Gorilla Jokes
Why did the Gorilla fail English?
Why did the Gorilla visit Italy?
Why did the simian refuse to play in the National Football League?
Why do apes climb to the tops of buildings?
Why do Apes like tall buildings?
Why do Apes love to go to school in bad neighbourhoods?
Why do primates do so well in show biz?
Why do the Gorillas like Jimmy Carter?
Why do waiters like Gorillas better than flies?
Why should you always refuse to lend an Ape money?

Foreign Language Party Cookie in Finnishhelvetti: hell
kusipää: pisshead
paskiainen: bastard
paska: shit
saatana: satan
perkele: damn
vedä käteen: jerk off
paskapää: shithead
Cheers!

Friday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast
..."May you have the health of a salmon,
A strong heart, and a wet mouth."

Bart's Call to Moe
[Bart with Lisa]
Uh, Jacques Strap! Hey guys, I'm looking for a Jacques Strap!
Oh, wait a minute...Jacques Strap
It's you isn't it ya cowardly little runt? When I get a hold of you, I'm gonna gut you like a fish and drink your blood!
[Bart laughs]

Today's Drinking Story
Don't Punch the Guiter Player

Yogism: When asked what time it was, Yogi said "do you mean now"

ClueBat InsultsThou reeky motley-mided puttock!

Movie MadnessThe Northern Kitten Band

Dumb Ass Chicken Jokes
What do you call a crazy chicken ?
What happened to the chicken whose feathers were all pointing the wrong way ?
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a duck?
Why don't chickens like people ?
Why did the rooster run away ?
What do chickens grow on ?
Why is it easy for chicks to talk ?
What happens when a hen eats gunpowder ?
What happened when the chicken ate cement ?
What did the chicken do when he saw a bucket of fried chicken ?

Foreign Language Party Cookie in ArabicMuti: jackass
Bouse Tizi: Kiss my ass
Khawal: Gay
Sharmoota Haygana: Horny Bitch
Maaras: Pimp
Ebn el Metanaka: Son of a bitch
Cheers!

Thursday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast
..."May you be in heaven a half hour
before the devil knows you're dead."

Bart's Call to Moe
[Bart with Lisa]
Uh, is I.P. Freely here? Hey, everybody, I.P. Freely!
Wait a minute...
Listen to me you lousy bum. When I get a hold of you, you're dead. I swear I'm gonna slice your heart in half!
[Bart and Lisa laugh]

Today's Drinking Story To tar, or not to tar - That is the question.

Yogism"I really didn't say everything I said"

ClueBat InsultsThou puking, sheep-biting dewberry!

Movie MadnessHere's a touching ballad about a Red Panda's love for his girlfriend - Hippo Girl.

Dumb Ass Bear Jokes
Why do bears have fur coats ?
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig ?
What should you call a bald teddy ?
What animal do you look like when you get into the bath ?
Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet?
Have you ever hunted bear ?
How do you hire a teddy bear?
What's a teddy bears favourite pasta ?
Why shouldn't you take a bear to the zoo ?
What is a bear's favourite drink ?

Foreign Language Party Cookie from AfrikaansJy pis my af: You're pissing me off
Hoer: Whore
Slet: Slut
Kak: Shit
Poephol: Asshole

Cheers!

Wednesday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"May you live as long as you like,
And have all you like as long as you live."

Bart's Prank Call[Bart with Lisa and Maggie]
Oliver Clothesoff! Call for Oliver Clothesoff!
[Marge picks up the extension and hears:]
Listen, you lousy bum, if I ever get a hold of you, I swear I'll cut your belly open!

Harvey finally comes across with some big cabbage for the Tip Jar. I was just fixin ta aks ya what the hell, dude, where's the beef? Now you're talking, daddio! [reaches up and pulls the high roller tip bell...repeatedly] Update: Some son-of-a-bitch came and swiped my $20 bill out of the Tip Jar. Friggin' rotten, thievin, bastards!

Stop looking at my TITS! Jim at Snooze Button Dreams has the answer to one of the mankind's deepest mysteries .

One burning question has lingered in the thoughts of women across the world since the very beginning of civilization. "Why the hell are guys like that?" Or more specifically, "Why can't I have a rational conversation with a guy without him looking at my boobs every five seconds or having his eyes glaze over as he strokes his mental stiffy with thoughts of me in a naughty French maid outfit, two nipple clamps and a short but firm whip?"
Beat me, beat me, whip me till I bleed!

Beam Me Up Scotty! Ever talk to a computer?< Go check out A.L.I.C.E. and "talk" to this Artificial Intelligence bot. I jacked around with it the other day, but couldn't talk her into to coming over for any wild trick f***ing.

Coming Soon: The History of Beer

Cheers!

Tuesday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"Here is to the fools of the world...
without them, the rest of us could not succeed."

Bart's Prank CallsPhone call for Al...Al Coholic...is there an Al Coholic here?
Wait a minute...Listen, you little yellow-bellied rat jackass, if I ever find out who you are, I'm gonna kill you! [Bart and Lisa laugh]
Moe Says: I don't like to toot my own horn...what the hell, sure I do. I won an Emmy Award! What the hell am I going to do with this? [places trophy in the cabinet under the back bar, behind the closed liquor bottles]

Harvey has some cabbage for the Tip Jar. Thank you, very much.

Are you ready for some football?
Tom at Tom's Nap Room rants about The Disgusting State of College Football. The disgust coming from overpriced seating, parking and attitude toward the fan. Basically it's about the corrupting influence of money on the game. I agree. Go check it out.

Phelps at The Everlasting Phelps has an excellent viewpoint, one that I happen to share, of the role coaches play in the development of young men. He highlights Coach Parcells and Coach Tom Landry. A good read.

You can't have too many friends like Serenity.

Have you ever wondered what happens when an easily resisted force meets an easily moved object? Someone has. Frank Answers.

Homer: D'oh!

I really like the look of Candy Universe. Outstanding graphics and design. Awesome photo, too! One of the prettiest sites on the web. Eye Candy!

Cheers!

Friday Happy Hour

FILTHY LIES: HAPPY HOUR MADNESS

FILTHY LIES: THE BEER STORE CAPER

FILTHY LIES - THE TITTY BAR DEBACLE

FILTHY LIES - PICKING UP THE PIECES

FILTHY LIES: THE INSTAPUNDIT TAGLINE ASSIGNMENT - PART I

FILTHY LIES: THE INSTAPUNDIT TAGLINE ASSIGNMENT - PART II

PRECISION GUIDED HUMOR: AWARDING MICHAEL MOORE

FILTHY LIES: PUPPY JOKES BY EVIL GLENN

Cheers!