Lisa from Just A Girl In The World talks about having breast REDUCTION surgery! No, not that! Go look at the hammers on that babe! Here at Madfish Willie's, we entertain absolutely NO DICSUSSION on reduction surgery. NONE!

Then, she has the gall to refer her Penis Enlargement comment spammers to Madfish Willie? My penis will fit perfectly between her Large American Breasts and will need no extension or enlargement at that time, although she will be in need of some spoo goggles!

Then, she talks about Geoffrey's Package! What a slut! I think I love her.

Trey Givens from Trey Givens.com tells us about a Ho who had twins conceived on the same night by different men?

Eric at Straight White Guy has a fourplex for us: Beer Wench, Kissing Schoolgirls, the Great Ohio Transvestite Chase, and Time To Get Dirty. I have concluded that Eric is just a jack-off idiot!

Speaking of jack-off idiots... Darren at Colorado Conservative has a post about some fuckhead who called the same girl 827 times in one month!

What is Susie doing in Evil Glenn's bedroom anyway?

Gennie has an Orgasm. shit... I don't read her nearly enough... I'll have to start making this a regular stop, but only if I don't have to Bend Over And Take It Like A Man.

Key from Key Issues has Lust Quotient. It's about blowjobs!

GEBIV at There's One, Only gives new meaning to the term Hot Flash.

Tuning Spork at Blather Review wonders if Life Is But a Dream? That bitch!

Susie Q at Practical Penumbra has a thing for Mr. Tiny Thong Bikini Wearer

Natalie at Pickle Juice says you will be caught in flagrante delicto and tells us about The Camel Toe Song.

Bible Sex Stories: David and Jonathan Undress

Big Easy Motorcycle Madness

Bible Sex Stories: David and Jonathan Undressed

Rectal Foreign Bodies: a list of stuff people stick up their ass! Fucking Freaks!!1

Margi doesn't like one word comments... especially Tits!

DaGoddess has a surreal conversation with a short hitter.

Graumagus from Frizzen Sparks tells us about how a working girl strikes back!

Dana from Note-it Posts gives us Rules Men Wish Women Knew.

LeeAnn from The Cheese Stands Alone won't tell us what she named Mini-Me.

JaxVenus from Days Go By asks Got Cake?

SilverBlue makes his Christmas List.

Fran at I Don't Think tells us about An Adult Men's Magazine.

Lisa at Just a Girl talks about a Fucking Mouse!

Pam from Drowning at 2 Feet Sea Level makes little Sims have sex!

Anna at Primal Purge finds a blogger who wants a handjob from Meredith Baxter-Birney for Christmas.

Eric at Striaght White Guy discusses the topics: Fellatio reduces the rick of breast cancer... Serority Slut Barbies... Sex and the Hillbilly (that was a biographical dicsussion, by the way)... and Spanking the Monkey.

Bible Sex Stories: Abraham Visits The Maid.

Graumagus from Frizzen Sparks regals us with Men In Kilts

Robert from Xset has found the oldest penis in the world!

DaGoddess tells us about the new Penis Patch.

She follows that with a story about her crooked nipples?

Anna at Primal Purge asks Do Your Decorations Have That Not-So-Fresh Feeling?

From Heather again: Busty Redheaded Bunny Pictures.

Trey Givens has a pic about kittens and masturbastion. Go see it!

What would a Tales From The Champagne Room! be without Pervey's sick twisted mind?

And I'll leave you with this gem from Mike the Marine:

The World's Greatest Break-Up Letter

Dear Terri:
I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking.

Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does.

It's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says... "There's no one like you, Terri." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close.

Two weeks ago, I met this girl at the Rainbow Room and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, Terri, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits you wouldn't believe and an ass like a tortoise shell. Every man's dream, right?

But as I sat on the couch being blown by this coed, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so surface. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. But you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Terri? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little.

Later, after I'd tossed her about a quart of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some niggling feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there, Terri, to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you, baby. Jesus, Terri, I'm just going crazy without you.

And everything I do just reminds me of you. Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at Mt. Sinai Baptist Church? Well, she drops by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story.

Anyway, we have a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know we're fucking in our old bedroom. And this broad's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know like a real woman does when she's not hung up about God and her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity.

So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad too. 'Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Terri ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex aid." (Some of this I thought about later.) You know what I mean? What happened to our spontaneity? You get so caught up in the routine of a marriage and you just lose sight of each other. And then you lose yourself. That's the saddest part of all for me. But I keep thinking we can get it back. I know we can, because I only want this stuff with you.

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Shannon's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders. She's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good counsel about you and about women in general. (She's pulling for us to get back together, Terri. She really is.)

So we're drinking in the hot tub and talking about happier times. Here's this hot girl with the same DNA as you (although, let's face it, she got an extra helping of the sexy gene) and all I can do is think of how much she looks like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Shannon's really into the whole anal thing and that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside the steaming hot Dutch oven of your sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true, baby. In your heart you know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can. I keep thinking that I think if you'd just try it, I wouldn't have to pressure you so much.

Because who needs all that bitterness, Terri? It just tears us apart. And I can't be apart from you. Because I love you.

Fantasy Fest 2003.

Bible Sex Stories: Lot's Family Affair.

Evil Glenn's new hobby! I think Frnak is in on this action too!

How to quit masturbation! Funny page name: Don't Jerk!

Anna at Primal Purge says Finkle is Einhorn, Einhorn is Finkle! I'd have to kill the muther fucker that did that to me!

Kim du Toit gives us soem Saturday Skin.

Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love gives us the Butt Bra.

Lynn S gets her panties and bra mixed up? She's cut off!

Pamibe [she of logo design fame] brings us Abercrombie Pr0n!

Finn the Viking tells us massage parlors are linked to sex trade!

SilverBlue is good for at least three this week. First he tells us it's all in the marketing. This is a good one - you don't want to miss it! Then he shows us the true meaning of protected CD. He finished up with ewe-rotic dreamland.

Madfish Willie's is the #4 Google search for "the middle finger" "fuck you"

Helen, Helen, and Helen blogging nekkid!

That's it for this week. I got more e-mails this week than last, but still not enough. Send me links to your posts and I'll put your story above the fold!

Eric at Straight White Guy warns us to Keep Your Barn Locked!

Beth at She Who Will Be Obeyed suggestes an Alliance of Nekkid Bloggers then she follows up with a list nekkid bloggers.

Pril of Nth of Pril is called Buttskin? What kind of name is that?

Helen of Everyday Stranger tells us how to Measure A Willie.

Helen follows with To Dream a Little Dream of You.

Eric wants to know is Fred a Ginger or is Ginger a Fred?

Emmie of I Don't Think has a Grammie whom wants to know.

Then Emmie Touches Herself.

Tiger of Raggin & Rantin gets a haircut!

SilverBlue has a picture of a chick with Huge Knockers! WOW!

Susie of Practical Penumbra inherited her er... large fonts from her mother.

Susie is a braless blogger!!! This should really get Mad Dog Harvey fired up [maybe he'll spill his seed like Onan]!

Jim from Snooze Button Dreams is looking for female orgasm volunteers!

Fantasy Festival 2003.

Bikini to Thong Converter

World Wide Wank: Handjobs across the world!

Stories from the Bible: Onan Spills His Seed.

The Erection Collection: "Weenies" The Adult Plush Toys. My favorite is "MASTURGATOR" the Alligator.

Porn Check: Make Sure Your Computer Has Exactly the Right Amount of Porn!

Eric has a moment to himself and gets Sticky.

Eric then bids us Farewell. [gotta see this one]

jmoff at Blogasm.org wants to Take You To Another Level. and to answer his question... Well of course!

Jim at Snooze Button Dreams wants to make payments on a 3 Day Hard On.

Venomous Kate has a friend how shows us her ass while all tied up! I'd like to tie Kate up and bite her on the ass! WooHoo!

Bacchus at ErosBlog wants us to look at some Lesbian Pr0n! Then look at The Lawnmower Man!

Chad at Chokey Chicken gives us this picture.

Joey at Buggre All This goes to The Eye Doctor.

Margi at As I See It.. discusses Internet Erotica.

This is Ilyka's Conversation that started it all.

JaxVenus at Days Go By has a joke that needs to be Enlarged.

Don at Anger Management discusses Forced Sex and Fantasy Fulfillment.

Finn the Viking tells us about the Concorde's 11 Mile High Club

Eric at Straight White Guy goes a googlin' for "johnny wilkinson buttocks".

Groovy Cartoons show what happens when One Of The Girls Calls In Sick.

Jen at Jennifer's History & Stuff wonders What Is Wrong With People? and has a Judge Joke.

Mr Green gices us a church sign.

Daniel at DFMoore: Pizzazz... has a Morality Question. the action is in the comments.

Heather at Angelweave is Famous for naked women.

Pam at Pamibe is blogging nekked!

Dana at Note-It Posts has been trying to tell Harvey, but ...

Eric reports the demise of Penthouse Mag.

SilverBlue brings us a pic of Monica, a PMS cartoon, a new drink called Mount & Do, and a sexy Underwear Model!

JaxVenus tells us there nothing wrong with a Fuck Buddy. I have to agree with her.

Harvey suggests a probong by Space Aliens?

Jen is featured star of SuckWatch.

LeeAnn at The Cheese Stands Alone is an angel! She tapped the Victoria's Secret Fashion for her man, GM1.

Tiger of Tiger, raggin & rantin, reports that Kate has a funny feeling in her pants!

Jen is looking for songs to Get Your Groove On to.

According to The Commisar at The Politburo Diktat, Lesbians Hate Dick
! Well, no shit Sherlock.

Eric is Weird. Check out LeeAnn in the comments.

IcyPolecat at Excet by Robert shows us Winnie the Poo!

Finally, we get to Helen and Helen and Helen.

Now go take a shower and hose yourself off!

Amy from Aimless has a nasty joke about two cowboys and a choking woman. [drink alert]

Eric at Straight White Guy has a joke about a couple's 50th wedding anniversary. Mission Accomplished!

Eric needs a cold shower after reading one of Helen's posts! Shit, I need one after reading any of Helen's posts. She's one hot tamale!

Heather from angelweave is posing naked with 449 of her closest friends?

Eric from Straight White Guy has another old person dirty joke.

Venomous Kate thinks Buttercup should have just offered a blowjob and called it even - what do you think?

Herring? Mackeral? Bill from Bloviating Insanities can't decide.

Acidman at Gut Rumbles runs his own Champagne Room it seems like. Beer Goggles, Good Lays and Bad Lays, and a joke his son told him should do it for this week.

Mookie weighs in on female shaving and one of her commenters wants to know "Which spot?"

Ted at Rocket Jones is a Stonehenge Freak!

Check out the referrals page at Dead Mouse's Home. You talk about some weird searches.

Jim at Snooze Button Dreams discusses what women hate about men. I know a guy who probably does that - he's a real freak!

You know those magnets that have random words, so you make a little saying and post it on the fridge? Eric makes up pornographic stuff.

SilverBlue hates spam! But at least Charmin claims to increase your bust size?

And finally, some hot Halloween Babes here, here, here, and here.

Before I forget... That fucking scumbag Harvey at Bad Money has now got ME listed under the search for XXX Black Peeing Porn. That fucker... he's so toast!

OK... I warned you!

It was Friday afternoon and it had been a long hard week at work. I had also been dumped by my girlfriend for an investment banker from New York. I was driving home when I decided to stop at the store to rent a movie. I was tense and I decided to get an X-Rated movie. I got something I normally would not have, a bondage film. I left and went home and started watching the film and was completely
aroused. My member stood at full attention during the movie. Men were being dominated and whipped into frenzy by beautiful Mistresses. At the end of the movie there was a phone number to call if you would like to experience such sexual pleasure. I was so excited, that I called right away. I got a sweet voiced woman named Jenny. She said that they would start me off on something very gentle, but boy was that a lie. So they gave me directions to a ranch type place about 70 miles away. I drove there as quick as I could, I could hardly stand the excitement, I came in my pants on the way there.

I got there and drove down to the entrance and got out and went in. Jenny was at the desk and said have a seat for a few minutes. So I waited and in about 10 minutes a red-headed perfect 10 woman named Susan came and took me in a small room and she said you must wait here 2 hours to see if you can stand the torture you will receive. Before I could say anything, she stripped me of my clothes, chained my hands to restraints hanging from the ceiling, chained my leggs to the floor, and gagged and blindfolded me.

I thought what have I gotten into as I heard her close the door. I stood there in pain for what seemed like eternity, and finally someone came in and unchained me and put handcuffs on my hands and feet and took me to another room. There I was introduced to Mistress Andrea. She ordered me on my knees, and instructed me to address her as Mistress Andrea, and only when asked to do so. I did as she said and she took off my gagg and blindfold. She then said I am going to turn you into a woman.

She told me to lie flat and she shaved all the hair from my legs, arms, and chest. She then put a corset on me that was so tight I could hardly breathe. She put breast inserts in my corset and then took the whip and hit me really hard across the ass, she said just a taste of what you'll get if you resist. By this time my dick was rock hard, she said I see that and if it goes off before I wish you
will get a beating you'll never forget. She then gave me a pair of fishnet hose and ordered me to put them on. I put them on and tried to fasten them to the garters, and she whipped me once more for taking so long. Then she took a butt-plug and shoved it in my ass. Then she put me in a special chair and strapped my neck to the top as well as my arms and leggs. She then put long fingernails on my hands and painted them red. She also put makeup on my face. I wanted to resist, but for some reason I was really enjoying it. She then put a brown long wig on me. She put a pair of 5 inch stilleto black heels on my feet and unchained me and put a leash on my neck and put me in a straight jacket and chained my feet. She said I'm going to take a break for a while, Susan is going to chain you to the bed and suck your dick, If you come I will beat you so don't come. I thought oh shit I was already about to cumm now.

Susan took the straight jacket off and chained my hands and feet to the bed as tight as she could. Susan asked me how gullible I could be to believe that this would be easy and not rough, but before I could answer, she stuck a vibrator the shape of a dick in my mouth and get used to it, you will have to do that next. She put a mask over my head to hold the vibrator in place, and put nipple clipps on my nipples under the pressure of the corset ouch!!

She then said I never get to whip anyone and she took the whip and struck me on the thighs till I was about to die. She then begin sucking my dick and it was about to burst, I shot forth in a blasting like motion, and I thought oh no more pain. She continued to suck and I continued to cumm. My whole body was shaking.

Then Mistress Andrea walked in and said I was in big trouble now. She took Susan and chained her to the wall and said I'll let him deal with you you were only supposed to suck his dick. She put me on a wheel and I was still masked and still had the vibrator in my mouth, she chained my midsection,hands,and feet and started turning the wheel, and I became dizzy very quickly. She then started whipping me with a long leather whip with knots at the ends of the strands. She hit me several times across the legs, and the louder I screamed the harder she hit. Remember I am still wearing the corset, mask, vibrator, butt plug, nipple clips, stockings and heels, so when the whip hit and I squirmed it made all those things intensly painful. She then stopped the wheel, put me on it backwards, so she could whip my ass. She beat me till I nearly bled.

She finally got tired and let me down and untied me, I came out of that gettup and took Andrea and Susan who were wearing latex bodysuits with open nipples and crotches, and shoved a vibrator up each of their asses and chained them both to the restraits hanging from the ceiling, and gagged and masked them both, I still had on the corset, stockings, and heels, I kinda liked the way they felt. I whipped them both. They were screaming with pleasure, then I shoved my rock hard member into their dripping wet pussys, I started with Susan and banged her hard, she cried for me to stop, but I gave her more, and I did the same to Andrea. So when all was done, I told them I would let them go on one condition, that they be my slaves, and so they are, and I punish them if they misbehave.

I told you not to come in here... didn't I! I just love girls named Andrea for some strange reason...

Finally, the Top 10 List of reasons to go to work naked:

10. No one ever steals your chair.
9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.
8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work late.
7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.
6. You want to see if it's like the dream.
5. To stop those creepy programmer guys next door from looking down your blouse.
4. "I'd love to chip in... but I left my wallet in my pants."
3. Inventive way to finally meet that 'special' person in Human Resources.
2. Can take advantage of your computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

And...[drum roll]...the Number One reason to go to work naked :

1. The boss will never say, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!" ever again.

Cheers!