Precision Guided Humor

OK. That does it! Now I gotta kick Harvey's ass and straighten him out a little. He's been hanging around with the pussies at the other end of the bar too fucking long. The gaddamn Corner of the Bar Babes are tougher than he is!

Below you see how Harvey is gonna deal with war-protesters and anti-America assholes. Sit back and watch me fisk the hell out of Harvey and teach him how to deal with a bunch of fucking idiots.

MY NEW WORLD ORDER UNLEASHES A CAN O’WUPASS

• WUPASS, my ass. More like a can of fucking whipping cream for spraying on Susie's boobies. [actually, that sounds like fun]

Ok, you assgoblin anti-war protesters, I’m gonna give you what you always wanted - I’m going to stifle your dissent, just like the tin-foil-hat-wearing panic-mongers have been claiming would always happen under the EEEEEVIL John Ashcroft. The soon-to-be-passed American Sharia laws will unleash cruel and unusual punishments for your unpatriotic displays:

• A lot of sound and fury, signifying nothing!

EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY, PARTICIPATION IN ANY ANTI-WAR PROTEST ACTIVITY WILL RESULT IN PUNISHMENT ACCORDING TO THE FOLLOWING SCHEDULE:

• I wish I could get as cheesy of a work schedule as he hands out for these punishments!

First offense: a dirty look

• Slap the shit out him!

Second offense: a 5 minute “time out”

• Knock him on his ass!

Third offense: a stern talking-to

• Knock his fucking teeth down his throat!

Fourth offense: no dessert

• Beat the dog shit out of him!

Fifth offense: a 10 o’clock curfew

• Shoot him in the fucking knee caps!

Sixth offense: sent to your room

• Stick his head down in the honeybucket for an hour or two!

Seventh offense: loss of cell phone privileges for 2 days

• Stuff that phone up his ass along with my boot!

Eighth offense: When I was your age, I respected my elders!

• When I was your age, I got my ass beat just for GP. Fuck him! He needs a daily ass-whuppin just for the shit he didn't get caught doing.

Ninth offense: Are you listening to me?

• Huh?

Tenth offense: Fine! F*** you! You had your chance! – First, we’re gonna handcuff you to this chair and make you listen to Rush Limbaugh for 96 hours straight, then we’re gonna make you bathe WITHOUT using patchouli oil, then you'll get a haircut, a real job, and you WILL start paying rent, young man!

• Shoot that bastard right between the eyes with a pig-blood-covered bullet so he doesn't get his 82 raisins in hell!

Eleventh offense: Death by Bulunga!

• Fuck him, I already killed him!

SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS! [sic my fucking bad ass doggie on you]