Above and beyond...

Motto: “I promise to be good this time.”
Awarded for aggressively assaulting the patience of the most tolerant of bartenders; for never being so sober he can’t get into a scuffle with a blind Buddhist; for testing the headlock proficiency of bouncers the world over. And when the battles are over, these audacious souls still find the courage to walk into bars where their name is the basest of curses and say, “Oh, c’mon! That goddamn Buddhist was eye-fucking me all night!”

[Sounds like something Lord Spatula would say!]

Next Time: Blackout Brigade Medal of Merit

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in non-consecutive day #32.

Frnak will receive no linkage except in the Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Today's Spnak Frnak is another Penis Cheek! Frnak is a non-stop, penis-cheek, dick-head!

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Also the #1, #2, #3, #4 Google search for Spnak!

Also the #4, #5 Google search for Frnak!

Dumb Ass Jokes

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What snakes are good at sums ?
Second Kangaroo: Adders !

First Kangaroo: Which hand would you use to pick up a dangerous snake ?
Second Kangaroo: Someone else's !

First Kangaroo: What do you do if you find a poisonous snake in your toilet ?
Second Kangaroo: Wait till he's finished !

First Kangaroo: What does a black mamba do in the toilet ?
Second Kangaroo: Tries to wash his hands !

First Kangaroo: What is a snakes favourite opera ?
Second Kangaroo: Wriggletto !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent ?
Second Kangaroo: A snake in the brass !

First Kangaroo: What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird ?
Second Kangaroo: A feather boa !

First Kangaroo: Have you heard about the slippery eel ?
Second Kangaroo: Didn't think so, you wouldn't be able to grasp it !

First Kangaroo: Why can't you trust snakes ?
Second Kangaroo: They speak with forked tongues !

First Kangaroo: What's a snakes favourite dance ?
Second Kangaroo: Snake, rattle & roll !

Cheers!

Wednesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Teamwork means... never having to take all the blame yourself!

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!"

Quotes on Drinking:
"A bottle of wine contains more philosophy that all the books in the world." ~Louis Pasteur~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Visiting the pub will be cheaper in the long run if you tip The Bartender regularly and more generously than is necessary.

Ultimate Insults
You have an IQ slightly above that of room-temperature butter which makes trying to hold a decent argument like kicking a cripple.

Movie Madness
End Of The World

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
fuckboy Eric
fuckcoons Frnak
fuckedsideway Helen
fuckedup Paige
fuckedupanddown Harvey
fuckedupndown Sir John
fuckface Robert
fuckgm Mystery
fuckhead Jim
fuckhole Frnak

Cheers!

Corner of the Bar Gang Present

Christmas Presents for the Corner of the Bar Gang!

pamibe, my partner in design crime, has come up with a fantastic new logo for the exalted Corner of the Bar Gang! Pam really does some nice work! Make sure you go over and tell her thanks!

Corner of the Bar Gang

If you see any of the Gang in the following list, tell them to get over here and get their present. [Look down in the extended entry for instructions]

Misha I: Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler
Sir John: Argghhh!!!
Pervey: Bad Money
Matt: Blackfive
Jeff: BigStick.US
Darren: Colorado Conservative
Galstaff: Finn the Viking
Phil: Flying Chair
Graumagus: Frizzen Sparks
Matthew: Matthew J Stinson
Mike: Mike the Marine
Paige: Paiges Page
The Geek: Physics Geek
SilverBlue: Ramblings of SilverBlue
Eric: Straight White Guy
The Commisar: The Politiburo Diktat
Tiger: Tiger: Raggin & Rantin
Pylorns: Wet Wired

If I left you off the list, fire off a nasty comment and I'll get you put in the sidebar as soon as I can!

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in non-consecutive day #31.

Frnak will receive no linkage except in the Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Today's Spnak Frnak is another Penis Cheek! Frnak is a non-stop, penis-cheek, dick-head!

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Also the #1, #2, #3, #4 Google search for Spnak!

Also the #4, #5 Google search for Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What did the mother snake say to her crying baby ?
Second Kangaroo: Stop crying and viper your nose !

First Kangaroo: What's the best thing about deadly snakes ?
Second Kangaroo: They've got poisonality !

First Kangaroo: Why did the python do national service ?
Second Kangaroo: He was coiled up !

First Kangaroo: What's a snakes favourite flower ?
Second Kangaroo: Coily-flowers !

First Kangaroo: What song to snakes like to sing ?
Second Kangaroo: Viva Aspana !

First Kangaroo: What happened when a deadly rattle snake bit a witch ?
Second Kangaroo: He died in agony !

First Kangaroo: Why did the viper, viper nose ?
Second Kangaroo: Because the adder, adder hankerchief !

First Kangaroo: What did the snake say when another asked him the time ?
Second Kangaroo: Don't asp me !

First Kangaroo: What do you give a sick snake ?
Second Kangaroo: Asp-rin !

First Kangaroo: What do you call a snake who works for the governement ?
Second Kangaroo: A civil serpent !

Cheers!

Tuesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Rality is a big nasty vicious dragon... but I don't believe in dragons.

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of blogging TV a day."

Quotes on Drinking:
"You can't drown yourself in drink. I've tried, you float." ~John Barrymore~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Never utter the words I and love and you if you've had more than three drinks.
If you're a lightweight, make that one drink.

Ultimate Insults
May you choke on the diseased dicks you slurp.

Movie Madness
Ghosts!

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
flameinghomo Trey
fock Frnak
fothermuck Frnak
fucayou Fleming
fuccer
don't fuccwitme Harvey
Frnak is fucd
Frnak is a fucface
Harvey is a fuchead
fuck

Cheers!

Construction Zone!

Sorry for the light no posting for the last couple of days.

I've been completing a couple of site re-designs for pamibe, She Who Will Be Obeyed, and Civilization Calls. Plus I tweaked a skin I did for Jim over at Snooze Button Dreams. Go check out all them when you have a chance.

While I was at it, I decided to re-work my sidebar. Now you may think this is a simple operation. In most cases, yes. But one week-end I had a brain fart and did some weird and wild stuff to my index site... basically I put everything in modules so I could include the modules in different pages and not have to recode every page when I wanted to change something. If you look at my archive pages and permalink pages, you can see what I did. Anyway, that's all fine and dandy, but if you ever decide to make major changes, it makes the job much more difficult than it has to be.

After much pulling of hair, gnashing of teeth, and drinking of beer, I'm still not finished! But it's to a point where I can leave it till next week-end.

Here's what I did:

Corner of the Bar Babes Present

Christmas Presents for the Corner of the Bar Babes!

pamibe, my partner in design crime, has come up with a fantastic new logo for the exalted Corner of the Bar Babes! Pam really does some nice work! Make sure you go over and tell her thanks!

Corner of the Bar Babe

If you see any of the Babes in the following list, tell them to get over here and get their present. [Look down in the extended entry for instructions]

Amy: Aimless
Margi: As I See It..
Candy: Candy Universe
Linda: Civilization Calls
Helen: Everyday Stranger
Emmie: I Don't Think
Momma: Mamamontezz
Dana: Note-It Posts
Pam: Pamibe
Susie: Practical Penumbra
Beth: She Who Will be Obeyed
LeeAnn: The Cheese Stands Alone
Kate: Venomous Kate
Denita: Who Tends The Fires
Erica: BigStick.US
Heather: Angleweave
Anna: Primal Purge

If I left you off the list, fire off a nasty comment and I'll get you put in the sidebar as soon as I can!

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in non-consecutive day #30.

Frnak will receive no linkage except in the Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Today's Spnak Frnak is another Penis Cheek! Frnak is a dickhead!

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Also the #1, #2, #3, #4 Google search for Spnak!

Also the #4, #5 Google search for Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: Why did the viper want to become a python ?
Second Kangaroo: He got the coiling !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food ?
Second Kangaroo: Snakes and Larders !

First Kangaroo: What do you call a python with a great bedside manner ?
Second Kangaroo: A snake charmer !

First Kangaroo: What do most people do when they see a python ?
Second Kangaroo: They re-coil !

First Kangaroo: What subject are snakes good at school ?
Second Kangaroo: Hiss-tory !

First Kangaroo: What did the snake say to the cornered rat ?
Second Kangaroo: Hiss is the end of the line for you !

First Kangaroo: What do snakes have on their bath towels ?
Second Kangaroo: Hiss and Hers !

First Kangaroo: What do you call a snake that informs the police ?
Second Kangaroo: A grass snake !

First Kangaroo: What did the python say to the viper ?
Second Kangaroo: I've got a crush on you !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell ?
Second Kangaroo: Addercadabra and abradacobra !

Cheers!

Monday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Never forget that 2+2=5 for extremely large values of 2!

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"Mmmm, free goo."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Give an Irishman lager for a month and he's a dead man. An Irishman's stomach is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him." ~Mark Twain~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Instead of ordering a shot of After Shock to cap off the evening, one could just walk calmly into the street, lie down, and wait.

Ultimate Insults
You syphilitic sow. You should be driven into a building, then blown up and buried under 50 ft. Of dirt, covered with pig shit. You shit sucking prick.

Movie Madness
ThunderCats

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
faggot Trey
fannybatter Frnak
fannycream Frnak
fannyfart Frnak
fannyhair Harvey
fannyjuice Eric
fatass Spatula
fcuk Frnak
fecalhead Frnak
fellatio

Cheers!

Tales From The Champagne Room

D'oh! No Tales From The Champagne Room this week due to lack of a sufficient quantity of material to do a decent roundup. I guess everyone was busy spanking the monkey to write about spanking the monkey!

I guess that just leaves a great big posting for next edition! Until then....

86 Rules of Boozing

Today: Rules 71-86

71. It's acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will understand. If they even notice. [hell, I do this all the time... when it's time to go, I go]


72. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you're hammered and they’re sober. It's akin to a precocious five-year-old arguing the super-string theory with a physicist. 99.9% of the time you're wrong and either way you're going to come off as a jackass. [pay fucking cash as you go next time dickhead]


73. If you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it. [if you sneak it to the bar, you deserve to have your ass kicked]


74. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you, you do not deserve a drink. [heh... you to the back of the fucking line]


75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious. [it all makes you stupider than you already are]


76. The greatest thing a drunkard can do is buy a round of drinks for a packed bar. [fuck the idiot who does this]


77. Never preface a conversation with a bartender with “I know this is going to be a hassle, but . . .” [so why the fuck are you asking for it?]


78. When you’re in a bar and drunk, your boss is just another guy begging for a fat lip. Unless he’s buying. [wait till buys all the drinks, then kick his ass]


79. If you are 86’d, do not return for at least three months. To come back sooner makes it appear no other bar wants you. [don't ficking come back at all, thjat's why you were kicked out]


80. Anyone with three or more drinks in his hands has the right of way. [why?]


81. If you’re going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It’s the no-tell liquor. [not true at all, it's just clear]


82. There’s nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if you’re supposed to be at work. [meh]


83. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call. [you are twice as drunk after midnight, dumbass]


84. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best gifts you can ever give. And make sure there’s something in it. [and it better not be some fucking fruity flavored schnapps]


85. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss. [depends on who you are sharing it with... abeautiful babe or some big smelly hairy bastard]


86. You will forget every one of these rules by your fifth drink. [no shit]

Next Time: The Complete List cragerized for your protection!

86 Rules of Boozing

Today: Rules 61-70

61. Never rest your head on a table or bar top. It is the equivalent of voluntarily putting your head on a chopping block. [a good way to get your ass thrown out too]


62. If you are trading rounds with a friend and he asks if you're ready for another, always say yes. Once you fall out of sync you will end up buying more drinks than him. [always say yes if the other guy is buying]


63. If you're going to hit on a member of the bar staff, make sure you tip well before and after, regardless of her response. [yeah right, that like trying to pick up a titty dancer, besides you ain't waiting around till 3am]


64. The people with the most money are rarely the best tippers. [no shit, how do you think they got all that money in the first place]


65. Before you die, single-handedly make one decent martini. [using Madfish Willie's Ultimate Martini Recipe]


66. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, “I'm an idiot.” [dip-shit]


67. Never ask a bartender “what's good tonight?” They do not fly in the scotch fresh from the coast every morning. [same fucking thing as last night]


68. If there is a line for drinks, get your goddamn drink and step the hell away from the bar. [sage advice - stay your ass out of the service well too]


69. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours. [the coldest beer is mine]


70. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your fathers and mothers, your brothers and sisters. Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you're really drunk, the mothers. [sounds like hillbilly Harvey is having a party!]

Next Time: Rules 71-86

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in non-consecutive day #29.

Frnak will receive no linkage except in the Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Today's Spnak Frnak is another Penis Cheek! Frnak is a dickhead!

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Also the #1, #2, #3, #4 Google search for Spnak!

Also the #4, #5 Google search for Frnak!

Dumb Ass Jokes

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: I'm so strong I could lift a reindeer with one hand.
Second Kangaroo: Yeah, but where are we going to find a one-handed reindeer?

First Kangaroo: Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer's gone missing again, put a 'Missing' advert in the local paper!
Second Kangaroo: Don't be daft. Reindeer can't read!

First Kangaroo: What has antlers and loves cheese?
Second Kangaroo: Mickey Moose!

First Kangaroo: How would you get four reindeer in a car?
Second Kangaroo: Two in the front and two in the back!

First Kangaroo: And how do you get four polar bears in a car?
Second Kangaroo: Take the reindeer out first

First Kangaroo: Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the beach ?
Second Kangaroo: Because he didn't want to be recognised !

First Kangaroo: Which reindeer have the shortest legs ?
Second Kangaroo: The smallest ones !

First Kangaroo: Where do you find reindeer ?
Second Kangaroo: It depends on where you leave them !

First Kangaroo: What's the difference between a reindeer and a snowball?
Second Kangaroo: They're both brown, except the snowball.

First Kangaroo: What do reindeer have that no other animals have ?
Second Kangaroo: Baby reindeer !

First Kangaroo: What reindeer can jump higher than a house?
Second Kangaroo: They all can! Houses can't jump!

Cheers!

Friday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
It's hard to be nostalgic if you can't remember anything.

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t."

Quotes on Drinking:
"The whole world is about three drinks behind." ~Humphrey Bogart~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Unless you are lounging on the Promenade Deck, do not drink from a fruit.

Ultimate Insults
You are one huge, corrupt, incestuous orgy of mutual masturbatory orgies.

Movie Madness
Angry Spam

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
dickwad Blackfive
dickweed Harvey
dicwad Pylorns
dik Frnak
dike Frnak
dildo Helen
doggystyle Vixie
douchebag Tom
dumbass Eric
fag Trey

Cheers!

Merpy Chriskwanzukkah

The Bartender at Madfish Willie's would like to wish all my readers a Merpy Chriskwanzukkah!

May the season find you and your loved ones healthy, wealthy, and wise!

Here's my gift for Frnak Pervey Harvey this Christmas because he's been such a jack-ass all year:

86 Rules of Boozing

Today: Rules 51-60

51. Never play more than three songs by the same artist in a row. [You aren't the DJ, but if he does that, he not very good]


52. Your songs will come on as you're leaving the bar. [or right after you've left]


53. Never yell out jukebox selections to someone you don't know. [put your own friggin money in if you want to hear something special]


54. Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and lean. [who thought that up.. everyone lies in the bar!]


55. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English. [If you think you may be slurring, then you are probably fucking drunk]


56. Screaming, “Someone buy me a drink!” has never worked. [you were likely to get your ass kicked in places I worked]


57. For every drink, there is a five percent better chance you will get in a fight. There is also a three percent better chance you will lose the fight. [3 percent?... more like 10 or 20 percent]


58. Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is hilarious. [no shit]


59. If you are broke and a friend is “sporting you”, you must laugh at all his jokes and play wingman when he makes his move. [fuck your friend.. don;t laugh if he's not funny, and he'son his own as far as wingmen]


60. If you are broke and a friend is “making sport of you”, you may steal any drink he leaves unattended. [if you are broke stay the fuck home, otherwise if your friend is "making sport of you" he needs an ass whuppin']

Next Time: Rules 61-70

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in non-consecutive day #28.

Frnak will receive no linkage except in the Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Today's Spnak Frnak is another Penis Cheek!

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Also the #1, #2, #3, #4 Google search for Spnak!

Also the #4, #5 Google search for Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: And as the reindeer say before they tell you jokes ....
Second Kangaroo: These jokes will sleigh you!

First Kangaroo: What do reindeer say before telling you a joke ?
Second Kangaroo: This one will sleigh you !

First Kangaroo: What game do reindeer play in their stalls?
Second Kangaroo: Stable-tennis!

First Kangaroo: Keep that reindeer out of the house! It's full of fleas!
Second Kangaroo: You'd better stay out of the house, Rudolph - it's full of fleas.

First Kangaroo: Why is a reindeer like a gossip ?
Second Kangaroo: Because they are both tail bearers !

First Kangaroo: Why do reindeer wear fur coats ?
Second Kangaroo: Because they would look silly in plastic macs !

First Kangaroo: How do you make a slow reindeer fast ?
Second Kangaroo: Don't feed it !

First Kangaroo: Why did the reindeer wear black boots ?
Second Kangaroo: Because his brown ones were all muddy !

First Kangaroo: Why are Father Christmas' reindeer like a cricket match?
Second Kangaroo: Because they're both stopped by the rein.

First Kangaroo: How long should a reindeer's legs be ?
Second Kangaroo: Just long enough to reach the ground !

Cheers!

Wednesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Life is like an onion... you peel layer after layer then you find there is nothing in it.

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"I'm in a place where I don't know where I am!"

Quotes on Drinking:
"If the headache would only precede the intoxication, alcoholism would be a virtue." ~Samuel Butler~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Ice. Lots and lots of ice.

Ultimate Insults
You are a howling, drunken, fat slob dancing about.

Movie Madness
Happy Tree Friends

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
cuntylip Frnak
dasskick Frnak
dicckweed Frnak
dicface Frnak
dichead Harvey
dick Frnak
dickbrain Eric
dickforabrain Frnak
dickhead John
dicklick Frnak

Cheers!

86 Rules of Boozing

Today: Rules 41-50

41. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking. [woohoo... bartender groupies]


42. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth. [you can tell how good a BJ a girl gives by how she lips her longneck]


43. A bar is a college, not a nursery. If you spill a beer, clean it up. If you break a glass, wait for a staff member to clean it up, then blame it on someone else. [if you puke on the bar, clean it up before you get kicked out]


44. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it. [being drunk is feeling good]


45. It's okay to drink alone. [I only drink when I'm by myself or with someone]


46. After three drinks, you will forget a woman's name two seconds after she tells you. The rest of the night you will call her “baby” or “darling”. [I can't remember anyone's name... you are known by what you drink]


47. Nothing screams Harvey 'nancy boy' louder than swirling an oversized brandy snifter. [pussy]


48. Men don't drink from straws. Unless you're doing a Mind or Face Eraser. [what the fuck is a face eraser other than asphalt pavement at 60 mph?]


49. If you do a shot, finish it. If you don't plan to finish it, don't accept it. [don't waste my money, I could have bought ME another shot]


50. Never brood in a dance bar. Never dance in a dive bar. [dance on the bar if you think you can get away with it]

Next Time: Rules 51-60

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in non-consecutive day #27.

Frnak will receive no linkage except in the Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Today's Spnak Frnak is another Penis Cheek!

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Also the #1, #2, #3, #4 Google search for Spnak!

Also the #4, #5 Google search for Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: How does a poodle say hello in France?
Second Kangaroo: Bone-jour!

First Kangaroo: What does a French poodle say before each meal?
Second Kangaroo: Bone appetit!

First Kangaroo: What happened to the French poodle's new haircut when it rained?
Second Kangaroo: It got wet!

First Kangaroo: What dog rides a horse named Macaroni?
Second Kangaroo: Yankee poodle!

First Kangaroo: What dog loves to take bubble baths ?
Second Kangaroo: A shampoodle !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a rooster ?
Second Kangaroo: Cockerpoodledoo !

First Kangaroo: What happens when it rains cats and dogs ?
Second Kangaroo: You can step in a poodle !

Cheers!

Tuesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another ~Ambrose Bierce

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."

Quotes on Drinking:
"My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine. Fortunately, everybody drinks water." ~Mark Twain~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
The one foolproof hangover cure: Don't get drunk.

Ultimate Insults
You are a borderline cretin, a socially maladjusted parasite, an ill-mannered, undereducated piece of white trash maggot-infested butt-fucking bed-wetting asshat.

Movie Madness
Burger King

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
cunalingus Frnak
cungalingus Frank
cunnilingus Helen
cunningilus Harvey
cunny Frnak
cunt Frnak
cuntface Frnak
cunthead Frnak
cuntlick Harvey
cuntlip Frnak

Cheers!

Rules for YellowDog

Dog Rules for my buddy, YellowDog!

NEWSPAPERS:
If you have to go to the bathroom while playing in the front yard, always use the newspaper that's placed in the driveway every morning for that purpose.
[or go poop in Harvey's yard... that would be the best thing to do]

VISITORS:
Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge across the room, barking loudly and leap playfully on this person. If the human falls down on the floor and starts crying, lick its face and growl gently to show your concern.
[if Harvey comes over, you can lick your balls first]

BARKING:
Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark. So bark--- a lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their house. Especially late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the middle of the night and hearing your protective bark, bark, bark ...
[it's OK to wake Harvey up every night after pooping in his front yard]

LICKING:
Always take a BIG drink from your water dish immediately before licking your human. Humans prefer clean tongues. Be ready to fetch your human a towel.
[if it's Harvey, you can lick your butt first]

HOLES:
Rather than digging a BIG hole in the middle of the yard and upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all over the yard so they won't notice. If you arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of each hole, maybe they'll think it's gophers. There are never enough holes in the ground. Strive daily to do your part to help correct this problem.
[learn to dig a hole, poop in it, and then cover it up... or go poop in Harvey's front yard]

DOORS:
The area directly in front of a door is always reserved for the family dog to sleep.
[you can sleep there only after pooping in Harvey's front yard]

THE ART OF SNIFFING:
Humans like to be sniffed. Everywhere. It is your duty, as the family dog, to accommodate them.
[no sniffing of the new girlfriend's crotch - that's my job!]

DINING ETIQUETTE:
Always sit under the table at dinner, especially when there are guests, so you can clean up any food that falls on the floor. It's also a good time to practice your sniffing.
[stay away from Harvey's rotten crotch or you'll be sorry]

HOUSEBREAKING:
Housebreaking is very important to humans, so break as much of the house as possible.
[make sure to pee on the corner of Harvey's recliner first thing every day]

GOING FOR WALKS:
Rules of the road: When out for a walk with your human, never go to the bathroom on your own lawn.
[the only acceptable place to poop is on Harvey's front lawn]

COUCHES:
It is perfectly permissible to lie on the new couch after all your humans have gone to bed.
[or you can go poop in Harvey's front yard]

PLAYING:
If you lose your footing while chasing a ball or stick, use the flower bed to absorb your fall so you don't injure yourself.
[if you are in Harvey's front yard, watch out for the poop]

CHASING CATS:
When chasing cats, make sure you never --- quite --- catch them. It spoils all the fun.
[chasing is not near as fun as pooping in Harvey's front yard]

CHEWING:
Make a contribution to the fashion industry. ...Eat a shoe
[or you could poop in Harvey's shoes and call it doggie art]

86 Rules of Boozing

Today: Rules 31-40

31. If you have been roommates with someone more than six months, you may drink all their beer, even if it's hidden, as long as you leave them one [If there's not at least one left, someone's gettin an ass-whuppin].


32. You can have a shot of their hard liquor only if the cap has been cracked and the bottle goes for less than $25 [what does cost have to do with it?].


33. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor [theiving bastard shoot be shot].


34. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least two cans before you start drinking the imported beer in the fridge [you better drink all of it you cheap asshole].


35. Learn to appreciate hangovers [fuck you]. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it .


36. If you ever feel depressed, get out a bartender’s guide and browse through all the drinks you’ve never tried [don't be such a pussy... go get drunk].


37. Try one new drink each week [only if you are a rookie].


38. If you are the bar's sole customer, you are obliged to make small talk with the bartender until he stops acknowledging you [or tells you to shut the fuck up]. Then you're off the hook. The same goes for him [just don't let him tell you any dumbass jokes].


39. Never tip with coins that have touched you. If your change is $1.50, you can tell the barmaid to keep the change [always], but once she has handed it to you, you cannot give it back [bullshit] . To a bartender or cocktail waitress, small change has no value [another fucking lie].


40. If you have ever told a bartender, “Hey, it all spends the same,” then you are Harvey a cheap ass.

Next Time: Rules 41-50

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in non-consecutive day #26.

Frnak will receive no linkage except in the Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Today's Spnak Frnak!

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Also the #1, #2, #3, #4 Google search for Spnak!

Also the #4, #5 Google search for Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What has twelve legs and runs but can hardly be seen?
Second Kangaroo: A bulldog on a jog in the fog with its friends, the hog and the frog.

First Kangaroo: What do you call an injured dog leaving town for Madrid?
Second Kangaroo: A Great Dane with a cane on its way to a plane to get to Spain!

First Kangaroo: What do you call a dizzy dog at an amusement park?
Second Kangaroo: A bloodhound on the ground not making a sound after riding a fast merry-go-round!

First Kangaroo: What do you call a dog in a hurry that falls in a puddle on the way to the post office?
Second Kangaroo: An Irish setter that is a go-getter that got wetter while mailing a letter!

First Kangaroo: What do you call a dog that was shopping for pasta but stopped to draw, instead?
Second Kangaroo: A poodle who was looking to buy a noodle but decided to doodle.

First Kangaroo: What dog has an excellent memory for music?
Second Kangaroo: A whippet is a pet that will never forget how to play a duet on a clarinet!

First Kangaroo: What dog lives in a small house surrounded by holes in the ground?
Second Kangaroo: A mutt that lives in a hut near where people putt!

First Kangaroo: What talks a lot, has fourteen legs, and speeds through traffic?
Second Kangaroo: A blabbing Lab and a crab sharing a cab!

First Kangaroo: What dog is a friend to cozy insects?
Second Kangaroo: A pug giving a warm tug and a hug to a bug that's snug in a rug!

First Kangaroo: What is purple, blows a whistle, and sits in a high chair?
Second Kangaroo: A Saint Bernard working hard as a lifeguard wearing a leotard!

Cheers!

Monday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Tell your little voices to shut up! I can't hear mine!

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!"

Quotes on Drinking:
"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her." ~W.C. Fields~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Pick up your drinks before moving the table.

Ultimate Insults
You were a crack baby, severely retarded, hardly a looker.

Movie Madness
Hedgehogs

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
cumofsomeguy Trey
cumonme Spork
cumonmytummy Vixie
cumonu Rob
cumquat Anna
cumsalot Don Harvey
cumshot Eric
cumslut Helen
cumstain Frnak
cumswallow Helen

Cheers!

Tales From The Champagne Room

It's Sunday and time for another Madfish Willie's edition of Tales From The Champagne Room!

[Remember: There is no sex in The Champagne Room]

The title for my series is from an HBO special with Chris Rock. Check it out!

Madfish Willie's, the #1 Yahoo search for The Champagne Room!

As we are Booting up the dick fish into the gene pool:

The Bloggers that e-mailed their Tales From The Champagne Room links to me get posted "above the fold" with gratuitous linkage in their post description. The others that I gleaned from my browsing this week will be in the extended section. So, without further dealy....

My friend Margi from As I See It.. tells us where to find our Nude Friends. While you are over there, check out Merpy Chriskwanzukkah - it's not nasty... just funny!

It looks like little Susie Q from Practical Penumbra has been hanging out with Harvey Pervey too long. Now she's sending me picture of guys out of the shower clad in only their underwear!

Harvey Pervey was late last week so he's madeup by sending in a whole shitload of linked innuendo and nastiness. I wonder if his site should have one of those rating thingys on it to warn the unsuspecting? Anyway, he starts off... looking for Susie... gargle the Holy Water, before Jessica sticks her ass in it... bony chicks are out, we want a full figured gal... love notes (aka pimping his wife)... whipping cream on Susie to cheer her up... hM's bra size... the breasts of Mt Rushmore... spank the monkey... dia-a-slut... kinky Alliance B&D... Harvey's Long Blogroll... Susie like's em young... obsessing over sex with Evil Glenn... Man, this guy needs to get some pussy pretty fast or he's going to blow up!

That's all for the mail in entries this week. The rest of the work I did and you'll have to click through to the expanded extry to read them.

HOLA!

Hola, everybody!

I'm baaaaack! Sorry for the no posting zone here for the last week as I know many of you have come to depend on the sage drinking advice and really dumb-ass jokes from the The Bartender, Madfish et al!

Before you start fucking with me Harvey, I have a good excuse. I was at an out of town job, in the field, with no internet access (that I cared to pay for anyway) and my laptop was at home. Anyway, just got back in and need to answer all my e-mails etc.

Regular blogging will begin again starting with Sunday's Tales From The Champagne Room.

Until then, have a couple of ice cold ones on the house!

Tales From The Champagne Room

It's Sunday and time for another Madfish Willie's edition of Tales From The Champagne Room!

[Remember: There is no sex in The Champagne Room]

I got the title for my series from an HBO special with Chris Rock. Check it out!

Madfish Willie's, the #1 Yahoo search for The Champagne Room!

As we are Dancing with the pink torpedo:

The Bloggers that e-mailed their Tales From The Champagne Room links to me get posted "above the fold" with gratuitous linkage in their post description. The others that I gleaned from my browsing this week will be in the extended section. So, without further dealy....

Our bonnie Heather from Angleweave sends us The Grinning Masturbator. Wipe that smile off your face!

Helen from DramaQueen from has some Hot Pussy.

Helen, hottest babe in the blogosphere, from Everyday Stranger wants her Shake To Go, Please!

Susie from Practical Penumbra send us Alice Interviews My Penis About the Economy from Bloviating Inanities.

Trey Givens from TreyGivens.com wishes us a Very Merry Adult Christmas.

Eric from Straight White Guy Beds a Virgin!

That's all for the mail in entries this week. The rest of the work I did and you'll have to click through to the expanded extry to read them.

86 Rules of Boozing

Today: Rules 21-30

21. Our parents were better drinkers than we are.


22. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you're doing the same thing—urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands.


23. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not.


24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.


25. It is only permissible to shout 'woo-hoo!' if you are doing a shot with four or more people.


26. If there is a DJ you can request a song only once per night. If he doesn't play it within half an hour, do not approach him again. If he does play it, do not approach him again.


27. Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin. You'll be surprised how well it works.


28. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store. [This means you, Harvey!]


29. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back in beer.


30. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink.

Tomorrow: Rules 31-40

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #26. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Today's Spnak Frnak is a Penis Cheek!

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Also the #1, #2, #3, #4 Google search for Spnak!

Also the #4, #5 Google search for Frnak!

86 Rules of Boozing

Today: Rules 11-20

11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: Great, now I’m going to get drunk. I hate shots. It’s coming back up.


12. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.


13. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He'll get the message.


14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.


15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.


16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.


17. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor preference.


18. Always have a corkscrew in your house.


19. If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.


20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as Harvey the guy who drinks girly drinks.

Tomorrow: Rules 21-30

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #25. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Today's Spnak Frnak is Penis Cheek III - Mr PotatoHead!

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Also the #1, #2, #3, #4 Google search for Spnak!

Also the #4, #5 Google search for Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

Kang Blegs You! Folks we need some help here. The Ecosystem has us listed as a Slithering Reptile and we know for sure we are Marauding Marsupials. So go over to Abject Apathetic Procrastination and look at all my beautiful friends and send all your friends over. Then blogroll us so you can see us everyday!

~Kang A Roo~

First Kangaroo: How does a poodle say hello in France?
Second Kangaroo: Bone-jour!

First Kangaroo: What does a French poodle say before each meal?
Second Kangaroo: Bone appetit!

First Kangaroo: What happened to the French poodle's new haircut when it rained?
Second Kangaroo: It got wet!

First Kangaroo: What dog rides a horse named Macaroni?
Second Kangaroo: Yankee poodle!

First Kangaroo: What dog loves to take bubble baths ?
Second Kangaroo: A shampoodle !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a rooster ?
Second Kangaroo: Cockerpoodledoo !

First Kangaroo: What happens when it rains cats and dogs ?
Second Kangaroo: You can step in a poodle !

Cheers!

Friday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book... they all have phones!

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"Your lives are in the hands of men no smarter than you or I, many of them incompetent boobs. I know this because I worked alongside them, gone bowling with them, watched them pass me over for promotions time and again. And I say... This stinks!"

Quotes on Drinking:
Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth." ~George Burns~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
A lime yields about an ounce of juice, a lemon a little more.

ClueBat Insults
Thou spongy, doghearted varlet Frnak!

Movie Madness
Laibach Littens

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
cuckmysock Frnak
cum Frnak
cumbubble Frnak
cumbucket Frnak
cumburp Frnak
cumgargle Frnak
cumguzzle Frnak
cumindabum Frnak
cumlick Frnak
cummbubble Frnak

Cheers!

86 Rules of Boozing

Today: Rules 1-10

1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.


2. Always toast before doing a shot.


3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.


4. Change your toast at least once a month.


5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.


6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.


7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.


8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.


9. Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile.


10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.

Tomorrow: Rules 11-20

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #24. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Today's Spnak Frnak is Penis Cheek II !!1!

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Also the #1, #2, #3, #4 Google search for Spnak!

Also the #4, #5 Google search for Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

Kang Blegs You! Folks we need some help here. The Ecosystem has us listed as a Slithering Reptile and we know for sure we are Marauding Marsupials. So go over to Abject Apathetic Procrastination and look at all my beautiful friends and send all your friends over. Then blogroll us so you can see us everyday!

~Kang A Roo~

First Kangaroo: What dog is a cousin to the Dalmatian?
Second Kangaroo: A spot-weiler!

First Kangaroo: Dad, I spotted a Dalmatian!
Second Kangaroo: No need to, it already has its own spots!

First Kangaroo: What do you call a boring dog?
Second Kangaroo: A dull-mation!

First Kangaroo: What is black and white and red all over?
Second Kangaroo: A Dalmatian with a bad sunburn.

First Kangaroo: What did the hungry Dalmatian say when he had a meal ?
Second Kangaroo: That hit the spots !

First Kangaroo: What kind of dog is a person's best friend?
Second Kangaroo: A palmatian!

Cheers!

Thursday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: Why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness?

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"I know what you're saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight."

Quotes on Drinking:
"I drink because she nags, she said I nag because he drinks. But if the truth be known to you, He's a lush and she's a shrew." ~Ogden Nash~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Acceptable drinks for women: whatever they want, except a certain few.
A certain few: the grasshopper, the Long Island iced tea, the pink lady, and any variety of spritzer.
All of that said, never question a woman's drink choice.

ClueBat Insults
Thou artless, tickle-brained haggard Frnak!

Movie Madness
Bananas

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
coochie Susie
coonfuck Frnak
crackwhore Frnak
crazychink Frnak
crazyjap Frnak
creamycunt Helen
creamyknick Frnak
creamypants Harvey
crotchsniff Frnak
crotchwatch Frnak

Cheers!

Healthy Drinking Tips

Updated: 12.10 1:15am

Shaping Up Your Inner Child
Your girlfriend says it, your parents say it, and everyone at the court-mandated A.A. meetings say it: “You need therapy to discover the deep-seated motivations that make you drink so much.”

If they don’t buy your answer of “My competitive spirit,” then you may feel compelled to seek out and interrogate your inner child. And I’m going to help you.

Why? Because you cannot have a sound body unless you possess a sound mind. They go together like Jack and Coke, like blackouts and bruises.

In the spirit of that fine understanding, I will generously share a secret Swedish regression technique that will enable you to find your inner child and discover what makes you the drunk that you are.

Secrets of the Backa Genom Sprit
It is common knowledge among the village wisemen who live in the shadow of Kebnekaise, Sweden’s tallest mountain, that it is quite easy to delve inside your psyche using a powerful tool called Backa Genom Sprit. Which roughly translates into Regression Through Drinking.

While this sounds too easy and delightful too be true, I can readily assure you it is a highly effective technique. Ever since I became a practicing Spritist, I’ve had a much better relationship with my family.

What follows is a basic guideline to becoming a Spritist based on someone of average age, weight, and drinking ability. Modify your levels accordingly. It is best to do this alone or with a group of strangers you will never see again.

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #23. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Today's Spnak Frnak is Penis Cheek I !!1!

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Also the #1, #2, #3, #4 Google search for Spnak!

Also the #4, #5 Google search for Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

Kang Blegs You! Folks we need some help here. The Ecosystem has us listed as a Slithering Reptile and we know for sure we are Marauding Marsupials. So go over to Abject Apathetic Procrastination and look at all my beautiful friends and send all your friends over. Then blogroll us so you can see us everyday!

~Kang A Roo~

First Kangaroo: What did the elephant say when it saw the Chihuahuas coming down the road?
Second Kangaroo: Look out for the mice!

First Kangaroo: What did the tangerine say when it saw the Chihuahua?
Second Kangaroo: Nothing. Tangerines can't talk!

First Kangaroo: What do you get when you cross a Chihuahua with a brave giraffe?
Second Kangaroo: A Chihuahua that is not afraid to stick its neck out!

First Kangaroo: Why can't Chihuahuas run marathons?
Second Kangaroo: They're short of breath!

First Kangaroo: What is a favorite vacation spot for Chihuahuas?
Second Kangaroo: Boneos Aires, Argentina!

First Kangaroo: What is black and white and red all over?
Second Kangaroo: A Chihuahua in a tuxedo that tripped into a jar of salsa!

First Kangaroo: What kind of pants do you buy for your pet Chihuahua?
Second Kangaroo: Shorts!

First Kangaroo: What do you do when a Chihuahua sneezes?
Second Kangaroo: Get a small hankie!

First Kangaroo: Where do you take a Chihuahua that has fallen into a lake?
Second Kangaroo: To a weterinarian!

First Kangaroo: What is the best kind of dog to ask for directions?
Second Kangaroo: A Chihuahua, because it knows all the shortcuts!

Cheers!

Wednesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
when I was born, I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half!

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me."
~Winston Churchill~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Grain alcohol and purple Kool-Aid do not a punch make.

ClueBat Insults
Thou wayward, folly-fallen ratsbane Frnak!

Movie Madness
George

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
cocknballs Harvey
cocksmoke Frnak
cocksniff Frnak
cocksuck Helen
cocktease Helen
coksuck Helen
condomeat Frnak
condomlick Frnak
condommunch Frnak
condomsniff Frnak

Cheers!

The Mozilla Monster Sucks!

Oowwwwch! I hurt my arm today... twisted the crap out of my shoulder... the one with old football injury... patting myself on the back!

I had to leave some stuff out that I had on the sidebar because i couldn't get it through the certifier today: Mary Ann v. Ginger Poll, Guest Map, Random Toasts, NZ Bear's Ecosystem script, and some other little things that I took out because I was tired of them.

I guess this means my site is totally compliant with all browsers out there. Even the dreaded Mozilla Monsters should be able to see this exactly as I have it laid out. After I clean out my hard drive and transfer some files over to my laptop, I'll download Mozilla so I can see if I'm right. In the mean time, you Mozilla Monsters tell me if it looks any different if ya would!

I'd like to apologize {Susie} for all the pingage today. I didn't know forgot that I could turn the pings off. D'oh!

To make up for it, I'll have a massive linkfest tomorrow with a really good cragerization of something I found today. Too late tonight, but make sure to drop back by on Wednesday!

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #22. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Here is the next installment of: Spnak Frnak.

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Also the #1, #2, #3, #4 Google search for Spnak!

Also the #4, #5 Google search for Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

Kang Blegs You! Folks we need some help here. The Ecosystem has us listed as a Slithering Reptile and we know for sure we are Marauding Marsupials. So go over to Abject Apathetic Procrastination and look at all my beautiful friends and send all your friends over. Then blogroll us so you can see us everyday!

~Kang A Roo~

First Kangaroo: What was the most vicious and meanest dinosaur of them all?
Second Kangaroo: The Chihuahuasaurus Rex!

First Kangaroo: Alsation: How come you are always so well behaved when you go on a walk with your master?
Second Kangaroo: Chihuahua: It's the leash I can do!

First Kangaroo: How does a Chihuahua hide in the desert?
Second Kangaroo: It uses camel-flage!

First Kangaroo: How did the Chihuahua disappear on the road?
Second Kangaroo: It was using a hide-'n-go-seekle!

First Kangaroo: What do you say to a Chihuahua that is running away?
Second Kangaroo: Adios!

First Kangaroo: What do Chihuahuas have that no other dogs have?
Second Kangaroo: Baby Chihuahuas!

First Kangaroo: Why was the Chihuahua glad it wasn't an eagle?
Second Kangaroo: It can't fly!

First Kangaroo: What is the difference between a hippopotamus and a Chihuahua?
Second Kangaroo: About 2,200 pounds!

First Kangaroo: What do you call twelve Chihuahuas?
Second Kangaroo: A dozen!

First Kangaroo: Why do Chihuahuas have such short necks?
Second Kangaroo: Because their heads are so close to their bodies!

Cheers!

Tuesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Why are they all called buildings when thay are already finised? Shouldn't they be called builts?

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!"

Quotes on Drinking:
"I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy." ~Tom Waits~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Don't eat the worm.

ClueBat Insults
Thou reeky, toad-spotted boar-pig Frnak!

Movie Madness
Grease

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
clitoral Helen
clitorious Very Helen
clitoris Helen
cock Stright White Guy
cockandball Harvey
cockbite Frnak
cockboy Frnak
cockface Frnak
cockhead Frnak
cocklick Frnak Helen

Cheers!

Ping Slaught!

Please excuse today's ping slaught! I am very sorry for all the pings today.

I've been running my site through an XHTML validator and trying to get rid of any bad coding I have in my index and posts. I'll be working on this tonight till I get it completed, so please bear with me. I have some kind of bug in the Champagne Room entries that I can't figure out and I'm having to use brute force to work it out.

Susie... yeah... I know... I'm a rotten bastard. But I'm trying to get this to where it reads OK for every browser so that means validated XHTML and CSS! That way you Mozilla Monsters can see my site without having to change browsers.

Thank you for understanding that I'm doing this so everyone can see my site the way it is intended to be seen.

Official Brewmeister News

Duke Nukem, better known as Physics Geek, Madfish Willie's Official Brewmeister, has good news for you beer connoisseurs out there.

The beer is in the secondary and will be bottled next Sunday. It'll be ready for drinking/shipping about 10 days after that. Time to belly up to the bar.

Go over to the Geeks place and ask him whassup wid da brew?

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #21. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Here is the next installment of: Spnak Frnak.

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Also the #1, #2, #3, #4 Google search for Spnak!

Also the #4, #5 Google search for Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

Kang Blegs You! Folks we need some help here. The Ecosystem has us listed as a Slithering Reptile and we know for sure we are Marauding Marsupials. So go over to Abject Apathetic Procrastination and look at all my beautiful friends and send all your friends over. Then blogroll us so you can see us everyday!

~Kang A Roo~

First Kangaroo: Alsation: What is your favorite holiday?
Second Kangaroo: Chihuahua: Howloween!

First Kangaroo: Alsation: Why do you like to go on camping trips?
Second Kangaroo: Chihuahua: I like to "ruff it!

First Kangaroo: Why does a Chihuahua have four legs?
Second Kangaroo: So it can count past three!

First Kangaroo: Alsation: What did you do in art class today?
Second Kangaroo: Chihuahua: Panting on paper!

First Kangaroo: I just spotted a Chihuahua!
Second Kangaroo: That wasn't very nice, you shouldn't draw on dogs!

First Kangaroo: Why did the Chihuahua bark when it heard a song on the radio?
Second Kangaroo: It didn't know the words!

First Kangaroo: Why are Chihuahuas such good bedtime storytellers?
Second Kangaroo: They have short tales!

First Kangaroo: What does a Chihuahua call its mom and dad?
Second Kangaroo: Chimama and Chipapa!

First Kangaroo: Alsation: I'll see you shortly.
Second Kangaroo: Chihuahua: Okay, but don't call me "Shortly!"

First Kangaroo: How do you spell "Chihuahua?"
Second Kangaroo: "C-h-i-w-o-w-a."
First Kangaroo: That's not even close!
Second Kangaroo: But you asked me how I spelled it!

Cheers!

Monday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Being superstitious brings bad luck!

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"The strong must protect the sweet"

Quotes on Drinking:
"In the Bowling Alley of Tomorrow, there will even be machines that wear rental shoes and throw the ball for you. Your sole function will be to drink beer." ~Dave Barry~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Shun novelty. Suspect innovation.

ClueBat Insults
Thou puny, urchin-snouted horn-beast Frnak!

Movie Madness
Groovy Crab

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:
chinesewhore Frnak
chingachgook Frnak
chink Frnak
chinkill Frnak
chinkslope Frnak
chinksrgay Frnak
chinkssuckFrnak
chokingthechicken Frnak
clit Frnak
clitlick Harvey

Cheers!

Contest & Post Roundup

Congratulations to e-TALKINGHEAD on winning the first King of the Blogs contest! He now moves on to the second round to defend the tilte against all comers.

The Alliance voting requirements for The New Blog Showcase at NZ Bear's:

Susie I enjoyed this post at Blown Fuse and this one at Ripe Bananas

In the sparcer political division, this fisking of Al Franken at Dangerous Liberty appealed to Susie me.

the ultimate Strawberry Daiquiri

Although the name of this recipe post is The Ultimate Daiquiri, I'm going to break it down into two separate posts: Frozen Strawberry Daiquiri and Frozen Banana Daiquiri.

The Ultimate Frozen Strawberry Daiquiri

Ingredients:
1 Packet Frozen Strawberries
1 oz Bacardi Rum
2 oz Creme de Almond
Sweet 'n Sour Cocktail Mix
Crushed Ice
1 lg Fresh Strawberry
1 sprig Fresh Mint
Kool-Whip Dessert Topping

Preparation:
Place crushed ice into a beverage blender - about 3/4 full. Fill remander of blender with thawed frozen strawberries. Pour rum and creme de almond into blender. Fill with sour mix. Blend until thick and smooth. Remember, the longer you blend the mixture, the thinner it will become.

Presentation:
Pour frozen mixture into a tall, stemmed cocktail glass. Fill to 3/4 full. Spray a line whipping cream around the outside of the glass. Pouring mixture into the center, fill remainder of glass with frozen mixture. Do Not Overfill Glass! Spray a spot of whipping cream onto the center of mixture. Garnish with a large fresh strawberry pressed on the rim of the glass, and a spring of mint leaf placed stem down by the rim, beside the strawberry. The strawberry will look better with the stem still attached.

Cheers!

Tales From The Champagne Room

It's Sunday and time for another Madfish Willie's edition of Tales From The Champagne Room!

[Remember: There is no sex in The Champagne Room]

I got the title for my series from an HBO special with Chris Rock. Check it out!

Madfish Willie's, the #1 Yahoo search for The Champagne Room!

As we are Shaking coconuts from the knob:

The Bloggers that e-mailed their Tales From The Champagne Room links to me get posted "above the fold" with gratuitous linkage in their post description. The others that I gleaned from my browsing this week will be in the extended section. So, without further dealy....

Susie at Practical Penumbra has the quintessential picture of a Madfish Willie's Corner of the Bar Babe! Nice!!

Eric at Straight White Guy send us a picture of a nice rack! He's kinda a sick-o.

Mr Green at Mr Green sends us this endorsement by our bonnie Heather.

That FREAK from Bad Money sends us these beauties. First, it's bug love. Then he tries to lend Susie a helping hand. Next, he wonders what it takes to make Dana, America's #1 Pin Up Girl happy. After that, he tells us he likes rough sex. This guy is a fucking perve. He follows these with Boobie Pride, he proposititons Susie and Dana, he says I Want This Woman!, has a Flesh Fantasy, and finally peters out after giving the girls some support! He's a veritable machine, I tells ya!

That's all for the mail in entries this week. The rest of the work I did and you'll have to click through to the expanded extry to read them.

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #20. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Here is the next installment of: Spnak Frnak.

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Tales From The Champagne Room

Don't forget to send you bestest dirtiest nastiest suggestivest posts to Madfish Willie for his "send me your posts" LinkLoveFest!

Tales From The Champagne Room!
[Remember: There is no sex in The Champagne Room!]

Read through these previous posts of The Champagne Room to get an idea of what I'm looking for.

To be linked in The Champagne Room post just e-mail the link(s) to your post(s) by Saturday 12:00 noon and I'll include you in the weekly LinkLoveFest on Sunday.

Thanks to everyone who have sent me links in the past and I'll be looking forward to more of your Tales From The Champagne Room!

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #19. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

We all know how much Frnak hates clowns, so here is yet another clown installment of: Spnak Frnak.

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

Folks we need some help here. The Ecosystem has us listed as a Slithering Reptile and we know for sure we are Marauding Marsupial. So go over to Abject Apathetic Procrastination and look at all my beautiful friends and send all your friends over. Then blogroll us so you can see us everyday!

~Kang A Roo~

First Kangaroo: What do you get when you cross a Chihuahua with an English sheepdog?
Second Kangaroo: Small wool sweaters!

First Kangaroo: What side of a Chihuahua has the most hair?
Second Kangaroo: The outside!

First Kangaroo: When do Chihuahuas smell?
Second Kangaroo: When they don't take a bath!

First Kangaroo: How do Chihuahuas smell?
Second Kangaroo: With their nose!

First Kangaroo: How do you take a Chihuahua's temperature?
Second Kangaroo: With a small thermometer!

First Kangaroo: What's the best way to measure a Chihuahua?
Second Kangaroo: With a ruler!

First Kangaroo: How do Chihuahuas eat so much?
Second Kangaroo: They make a lot go a little way!

First Kangaroo: Why did the Chihuahua ask the bloodhound to take it to a restaurant?
Second Kangaroo: Because the bloodhound just found a lot of scents!

First Kangaroo: How can you tell if a Chihuahua has been in the refrigerator?
Second Kangaroo: Paw prints in the butter!

First Kangaroo: How did your Chihuahua break its leg?
Second Kangaroo: I dropped some dog food on it by accident.
First Kangaroo: But that couldn't have broken its leg.
Second Kangaroo: The dog food was still in the can!

Cheers!

Google Bombs R US

OK. I usually stay away from politics in the bar, but goddammit they shouldn't had done it.

Seems like there is a concerted blogger effort on someone's part to have President George W Bush associated with the term: miserable failure on google searches. Well fuck that!

Tim at An Englishman's Castle [via Susie, via Blackfive] has had enough too. He started a Google Bomb of his own and I'm more than happy to assist him in his quest for equality of Googling.

So, here goes the big one: Miserable Failure

WooHoo!

OK.. Look how cool this is... watch the banner/logo thingy... press [F5]... presto-chango a new banner/logo thingy! Isn't that the tits!

I like neat little doohickey thingamabob whachamcallit chingaderas!

I'd really like to credit where much credit is really due. Pam from Pamibe did all the banner designs at the top, one at the bottom of the sidebar, the banners on the comments and trackback pages, and the banners on the archive pages. She even re-worked them for me after I gave her the wrong sizes because she didn't like the way they looked stretched out. And didn't complain a single time!

They are simply fantastic looking, don't you think? She also designed the logo for Dana's Bloggers With Boobies cult little group. She sure has a lot of talent for this type of thing.

Over my many years in the nightclub business, I opened 18 locations and had to deal with a bunch of graphic artists. A good 90% of them were complete assholes. They did what they wanted and thought looked good and fuck me, and they will get the work done when the spirit moved them. Well, Pam is as good as the best of them were and better than most. I am really just too impressed with the quality of her designs, the speed at which she did them, and her attitude about the whole project. I cannot thank her enough for what she did.

Well, with so many cool banner/logo thingys, I needed to show them off to both of my regular readers. I remembered that Jeff at BigStick.US has some rotating banners. So, I bribed confered and cajoled and trashed some of his trolls and he sold shared his code with me. He walked me through the install and a sizing issue while we were on an IM session. Presto-chango coding 101! Jeff also has a neat skinning script in his sidebar with some pretty good stylesheets. He even has one as a tribute to Frnak!

Anyway, I just wanted to thank you to both of them for helping me out. Now go over to their sites and tell them how cool they are!! Tell them Willie sent ya!

Test Ping

Test ping to Robust Enthusiast Porn!

Go check it out!

You don't want to miss this!

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #18. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

We all know how much Frnak hates clowns, so here is yet another clown installment of: Spnak Frnak.

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What position is the best for a Chihuahua to play in baseball?
Second Kangaroo: Shortstop!

First Kangaroo: How do you know which Chihuahua can ride a bike?
Second Kangaroo: It's the one wearing a helmet!

First Kangaroo: What kind of leash should you buy for a Chihuahua?
Second Kangaroo: A short one!

First Kangaroo: A Chihuahua was shopping in a mall when another shopper walked up to it and started talking.
Second Kangaroo: Didn't I see you on a TV commercial?
First Kangaroo: How am I supposed to know what you watch on TV?

First Kangaroo: Where did the Chihuahua sign its contract for its TV commercials?
Second Kangaroo: On the bottom!

First Kangaroo: Do Chihuahuas have horns?
Second Kangaroo: Many have violins but very few have horns!

First Kangaroo: Why should you never watch a video with a Chihuahua?
Second Kangaroo: It always plays with the "paws" button on the VCR.

First Kangaroo: How do you say "Chihuahua" in Spanish?
Second Kangaroo: Chihuahua!

First Kangaroo: How do you say "Chihuahua" in Italy?
Second Kangaroo: Chihuahua!

First Kangaroo: What is brown and gray, has eight legs, and is carrying a large trunk and a small trunk?
Second Kangaroo: A Chihuahua on vacation with an elephant.

Cheers!

Friday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Due to financial restaints, the light at the end of the tunnel has been extinguished!

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done."

Quotes on Drinking:
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~Henny Youngman~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Grappa is to lighter fluid as ouzo is to lighter fluid.

ClueBat Insults
Thou villianous, dismal-dreaming foot-licker Frnak!

Movie Madness
Knightrider

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing: buttsmack Frnak
buttsniff Frnak
buttstain Frnak
buttsuck Frnak
buttwhore Frnak
buttwipe Frnak
cameljockey Frnak
castrate Frnak
charliesnif Frnak
cherrypop Frnak

Cheers!

Welcome to My World!

Long time lurker and commentor supreme, Mike the Marine, he of the fictitous e-mail address somewhere out in BFE, has just moved into bloggerville.

A hearty welcome to Mike the Marine from Madfish Willie and the Corner of the Bar Gang and the Corner of the Bar Babes!

As a matter of fact, Madfish has just been waitin to honor you with a membership to the Gang. So now you are duly initiated into the Corner of the Bar Gang with cold beers and free pretzels all night long. [Remember, there is NO SEX in The Champagne Room]

Now, everybody go over there and harass Mike the Marine for a change!! We look forward to his wit and expert commentary.

In case you need to blogroll him real quick:

[http://hallsofmontezumashoresoftripoli.blogspot.com/]

Evil Glenn Part Time Job

From the Alliance HQ answering machine as Evil Glenn was on hold waiting to talk to Harvey:

I don't know about you, but my neighborhood is overrun with squirrels. However, unlike most people who feel that these pests are nothing more than a major nuisance, I say if it wasn't for those furry little friends I never would have been able to learn the art of taxidermy, prepare gourmet rodent delicacies or design fur-lined vests with matching bushy-tailed hats...

Gaddamn, that Evil Glenn is truly one evil son-of-a-bitch. Now he fucking the squirrels! Is nothing safe in this world from the vileness of Evil Glenn? Apparantly not...

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #17. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

We all know how much Frnak hates clowns, so here is another clown installment of: Spnak Frnak.

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: Why is it hard for Chihuahuas to type on a keyboard?
Second Kangaroo: They're all paws.

First Kangaroo: How are you going to pay the Chihuahua who helped you to set up your computer?
Second Kangaroo: With dog diskettes!

First Kangaroo: Alsation: What kind of computer do you want to buy?
Second Kangaroo: Chihuahua: One with a small byte!

First Kangaroo: What kind of computers do chihuahuas like best?
Second Kangaroo: Lap-top!

First Kangaroo: What does a Chihuahua play basketball with?
Second Kangaroo: A tennis ball!

First Kangaroo: Why did the Chihuahua take the bus to the TV studio to make a commercial?
Second Kangaroo: It was too far to walk!

First Kangaroo: What does a Chihuahua wear to play basketball?
Second Kangaroo: Small basketball shoes!

First Kangaroo: Why couldn't the Chihuahua play basketball?
Second Kangaroo: Because its basketball shoes were in the wash and a tennis player needed the ball!

First Kangaroo: Alsation: Was your master playing catch with you?
Second Kangaroo: Chihuahua: No, I was playing throw with her!

First Kangaroo: What is a Chihuahua's favorite sport?
Second Kangaroo: Miniature golf!

Cheers!

Thursday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Some mornings it's just not worth chewing through the leather strap ~Emo Phillips~

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"Unfortunately, son, we Simpsons sometimes have to bend the rules a little in order to hold our own."

Quotes on Drinking:
"The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober." ~William Butler Yeats~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Drinks that give you bad breath: beer, anything sweet, anything with milk.
Drinks that give you good breath: gin and tonic, gimlet, vodka and cranberry, anything with citrus.

ClueBat Insults
Thou paunchy, ill-breeding lout Frnak!

Movie Madness
Queen Mum

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:
buttnugget Frnak
buttnut Frnak
buttpick Frnak
buttpirate Frnak
buttplug Frnak
buttpoop Frnak
buttrape Frnak
buttsex Frnak
buttslam Frnak
buttslut Frnak

Cheers!

Bestofme Symphony

Jim from Snooze Button Dreams is doing a Best Of... compilation for old posts from bloggers and blogerettes.

Here is the lowdown:

This post compilation meme is structured like the Carnival of the Vanities but concentrates on the best posts from the history of weblogs. Post submission criteria are very simple. The post must be at least 2 months old and the submitter must think it is a very good post. How easy is that?


jrpeacock@charter.net is the address for submissions. Submissions should include the following:

Post Title
Post Permalink
Author's Name (or handle)
Weblog Name (if not obvious from the link)
Submitter's Name/Handle (if different from Author)
Description of post and/or why this post is being submitted (That is, what about this post makes you think it is one of the best from the weblog).

The only absolutely required item is the permalink. Other items may be left blank on the Bestofme Symphony post if they aren't provided with the submission. That could mean less people will go to read the post so submitters are encouraged to include as much of the info as possible.

Note that submissions do not have to come from the author so readers and lurkers with or without their own weblogs may contribute.

Deadline for submissions for each week's Symphony are Sunday at midnight (Eastern Standard Time) and a new Symphony will be posted each Monday. Submissions are accepted 24 x 7 so any that come in after the cutoff will appear in the next week's symphony.

So get with the program and send Jim your best posts of the past.

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #16. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

We all know how much Frnak hates clowns, so here is another clown installment of: Spnak Frnak.

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: Why does a dinosaur have cracks between his toes?
Second Kangaroo: To carry his library card.

First Kangaroo: What's the difference between a lemon, a dinosaur and a tube of glue?Second Kangaroo: I give up.
First Kangaroo: You can squeeze a lemon, but you can't squeeze a dinosaur.
Second Kangaroo: What about the glue ?
First Kangaroo: That's where you get stuck.

First Kangaroo: Why don't more dinosaurs join the police force?
Second Kangaroo: They can't hide behind billboards.

First Kangaroo: Why did the dinosaur walk on two legs?
Second Kangaroo: To give the ants a chance.

First Kangaroo: Why is it dangerous to go into the jungle between two and four in the afternoon?
Second Kangaroo: That's when dinosaurs are jumping out of palm trees.

First Kangaroo: Why does a dinosaur climb a tree?
Second Kangaroo: To get in his nest.

First Kangaroo: What weighs two pounds, is grey and flies?
Second Kangaroo: A two pound dinosaur bird.

First Kangaroo: Why do dinosaurs have long toenails on Friday?
Second Kangaroo: Because their manicurist doesn't come until Saturday.

First Kangaroo: What did the man say when he saw the dinosaurs coming down the path wearing sunglasses?
Second Kangaroo: Nothing! He didn't recognise them.

First Kangaroo: Why don't dinosaurs take ballet lessons?
Second Kangaroo: They outgrew their leotards.

Cheers!

Wednesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"Here's to you!" in other cultures...
British - Cheers!
Chinese - Wen Lie!
French - A votre sante!
German - Prosit!
Greek - Yasas!
Hebrew - L'Chayim!
Hungarian - Ege'sze'ge're!
Irish - Slainte!
Italian - Alla Salute!
Japanese - Kanpai!
Polish - Na Zdrowie!
Russian - Za vashe zdorovye!
Spanish - Salud!
Swedish - Skal!

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!"

Quotes on Drinking:
"Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony." ~Robert Benchley~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Hungarian proverb: If three men tell you that your are drunk, lie down.

ClueBat Insults
Thou craven, common-kissing cnaker-blossom Frnak!

Movie Madness
Adventures of Dead Dog and Friends

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing: buttknock Frnak
buttlick Frnak
buttliquor Frnak
buttlord Frnak
buttlove Frnak
buttluv Frnak
buttman Frnak
buttmonkey Frnak
buttmunch Frnak
buttnaked Frnak

Cheers!

Evil Glenn Part Time Job

From Alliance HQ:

Sure, Evil Glenn's got all kinds of cash rolling in from his law practice, his poetry anthology, and his celebrity endorsements, but that new girl of his is SERIOUSLY high maintenance (not to mention high mass). So it looks like Glenn's got to find yet another method of bringing in the green. We need to find out what it is. Your assignment this week is to answer the question:

What is Evil Glenn's part-time job?

Evil Glenn is a Statue Molester, and I have the photographic proof. I don't know how much he gets paid, but he sure looks like he gets off on it!

Actually, that looks a lot like Frnak!. Maybe they have some sort of weirdo man-love statue molesting thing going on that we don't know about? Kinda makes you wonder, doesn't it.

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #15. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

We all know how much Frnak hates clowns, so here is another installment of: Spnak Frnak.

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: Why do dinosaurs have wrinkles in their knees??
Second Kangaroo: They stayed in the swimming pool too long.

First Kangaroo: Why do dinosaurs climb trees?
Second Kangaroo: There's nothing else to climb in the jungle.

First Kangaroo: How can you tell a male dinosaur from a female dinosaur?
Second Kangaroo: Ask it a question. If he answers, it's a male; if she answers, it's female.

First Kangaroo: Why did the dinosaur fall out of a palm tree?
Second Kangaroo: A hippopotamus pushed him out.

First Kangaroo: Why do dinosaurs have flat feet?
Second Kangaroo: They don't wear sneakers.

First Kangaroo: How can you tell if a dinosaur is visiting your house?
Second Kangaroo: His tricycle will be parked outside.

First Kangaroo: Why did the dinosaur lie on his back in the water and stick his feet up?
Second Kangaroo: So you could tell he wasn't a bar of soap.

First Kangaroo: Why do dinosaurs wear glasses?
Second Kangaroo: To make sure they don't step on other dinosaurs.

First Kangaroo: What do you know when you see three dinosaurs walking down the street wearing pink sweatshirts?
Second Kangaroo: You need help. Whoever heard of three dinosaurs walking down the street wearing pink sweatshirts?

First Kangaroo: What's red on the outside and green on the inside?
Second Kangaroo: A dinosaur wearing red pajamas.

Cheers!

Tuesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
Observe, when Mother Earth is dry
She drinks the dropping of the sky,
And then the dewy cordial gives
To every thirsty plant that lives.
The vapors which at evening weep
Are beverage to the swelling deep;
And when the rosy sun appears
He drinks the ocean's misty tears.
The moon too quaffs her paly stream
Of luster from the solar beam.
Then hence with your sober thinking!
Since nature's holy law is drinking,
I'll make the law of Nature mine,
And pledge the Universe in wine.

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES."

Quotes on Drinking:
"A bottle of wine contains more philosophy that all the books in the world." ~Louis Pasteur~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Avoid bars that use plastic cups, bars whose bathrooms consist solely of a trough-style urinal, bars with chicken wire protecting the band, bars where Patrick Swayze is the bouncer.

ClueBat Insults
Thou dissembling, dizzy-eyed coxcomb Frnak!

Movie Madness
Crab Palette

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing: butholenginer Frnak
buttholesurfer Frnak
buttholio Frnak
butthymen Frnak
buttitch Frnak
buttjuice Frnak
buttkice Frnak
buttkick Frnak
buttkik Frnak
buttkiss Frnak

Cheers!

Evil Glenn Restaurant Menu

Mad Dog Bad Money Harvey dropped by over at Evil Glenn's crappy little joint called Blender's the other day. Evil Glenn just added on a little "gourmet" restaurant, so Harvey swiped a menu. I sure hope he didn't order anything off of it, although with Harvey, ya never know!

Here are 21 Personal Favorite Foods items on Evil Glenn's restaurant menu:

• Sautéed Guadalupe Fur Seal grilled to perfection in a Musk-Ox Oil


• Boneless Marinated Numbfish simmered in an Endospore Swill


• Stir-Fried Screech Owl


• Steamed Mud Eel Wedges wrapped in Untanned Rawhide


• Caramelized Neck of Whooping Crane


• Barbecued Pygmy Hippo Riblets


• Breaded Filet-o-Bottle-Nosed Dolphin seasoned in a Salt Marsh Brine Broth


• Batter-Dipped Segmented Earthworms


• Char-Grilled Pandaburger with a side order of Cartilage Chips and Pond Scum Slaw


• Crispy Bollweevil Skins served with a liquefied Elm Bark Beetle Dipping Sauce


• Smoked Tenderloin Mule Shank in a tangy Cactus Gravy


• Boiled Camel Hump... a la mode


• Stewed Dorsal Fin garnished with Shedded Scales


• Minced Otter Pelt over a bed of mashed, fleshy Tuberous Root


• Glazed Walrus Blubber Loaf


• Kentucky Fried Pigeon


• Creamed Gastropod Surprise


• Poached Bald Eaglet Yoke-Sac sprinkled with Ragwort and topped with a zesty Duckweed Dressing


• Extra-Chewy Tadpole Taffy


• Prairie Dog-kabob


• Fermented Chum Shake

That fucking Evil Glenn! He will kill and eat anything - endangered species, exotic species, it doesn't matter. And the nastier the better... I mean... segmented earthworms?

Tomorrow, I'll tell you about Evil Glenn's newest part-time job!

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in day #14. I will Spnak Frnak every day on this site. Frnak will receive no linkage except in the ClueBat Insults and Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

We all know how much Frnak hates clowns, so here is the next installment of: Spnak Frnak.

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What did the maggot say to his friend when he got stuck in an apple ?
Second Kangaroo: Worm your way out of that one !

First Kangaroo: Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple ?
Second Kangaroo: Because everyone had to go on in pairs !

First Kangaroo: What is worse than finding a maggot in your apple ?
Second Kangaroo: Finding half an apple !

First Kangaroo: How can you tell which end of a worm is which ?
Second Kangaroo: Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs !

First Kangaroo: How do you make a glow worm happy ?
Second Kangaroo: Cut off his tail, he'll be de-lighted !

First Kangaroo: What's a glow worms favourite song ?
Second Kangaroo: Wake me up before you glow glow !

First Kangaroo: Why was the glow worm unhappy ?
Second Kangaroo: Because her children weren't that bright !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a glow worm with some beer ?
Second Kangaroo: Light ale !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat ?
Second Kangaroo: A dirty kid !

First Kangaroo: What do worms leave round their baths ?
Second Kangaroo: The scum of the earth !

Cheers!

Monday Happy Hour

Madfish's Toast...
"May the frost never afflict your spuds.
May the outside leaves of your cabbage always be free from worms.
May the crows never pick your haystack,
And may your donkey always be in foal."

Yogism
"If you can't imitate them, don't copy them."

Quotes on Drinking:
"We drink and we die and continue to drink." ~Dennis Leary~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Acceptable drinks for men: beer, wine, whiskey, cocktails that are neither sweet nor made with dairy or fruit other than lime or lemon or orange.

ClueBat Insults
Thou vain, spur-galled scut Frnak!

Movie Madness
Device

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words presents the next 10 jewels of swearing:

• bitchslap Frnak


• bitchwhore Frnak


• bitemyass Frnak


• bitemyprick Frnak


• biyotch Frnak


• blowjob Frnak


• bltch Frnak


• boner Frnak


• bumfuck Frnak


• bumhole Frnak

King of The Blogs

Here are the First Round Winners at the King of the Blogs Tournament:

Adrian Warnock

eTALKINGHEAD

and

Evangelical Outpost

Congratulations to you all, and good luck in the final round!

King of The Blogs

As a judge in the King of The Blogs blogging contest, I have read all the entries and judged. So let it be written, so let it be done!

I thought all the writing was very good. A great mix of political and humor. Precise, articulate, well thought out positions on political issues. Well writen humor with ironic twists. It was tough to "judge" one writer above another, since I'm not a very good extemporaneous writer. For the purposes of scoring, I compared each post to the others and assigned a ranking. Site design is a little easieer for me to judge, but not much going on in that area except at eTALKINGHEAD. Nice design layout, clean, visually appealing. The other sites were pretty standard fare and Anger Managment has a nice logo graphic.

Adrian Warnock: Stuck in the Middle
Nice post with an articluate viewpoint, well thought out and lots of supporting linkage. Really going after the Host Challenge. Blog design standard with some rotating quotes of the day.
Scores: 6/9/4

Anger Management: Finally, I'm Funny
Humorous, as usual; About Don, as usual; Good writing, as usual. No entry in the Host Challenge. Blog desgin standard, good logo, needs some color and stuff. Scores:
7/0/5

Clarified: Express Delivery
Letter to Grey Davis as Al Gore. Ok writing style. Host Challenge was fair. Site design is standard blogspot template. Scores:
6/3/2

eTALKINGHEAD: Conservatives Debate Medicare
I liked his writing style, subject matter, point of view and reasoning. Host Challenge was middle of pack. Site design was best of bunch, appealing and well laid out.
Scores: 8/5/9

Evangelical Outpost: How to Handle a Divorce
Nice style and presentation of material with ironic twists. Host Challenge was about the same as others. Site design standard MT with some slight modifications.
Scores:8/5/4

Random Fate: It's Our Government, Let's Take it Back
Really good analysis of politicians, today and founding fathers. Host Challenge was middle of the pack. Site design standard MT template.
Scores: 8/4/4

Final Thoughts:
Damn. That was tough. I'll be glad to do my little gig over here and leave the real writing to more talented people. But, none of 'em can touch me behind a bar!