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"Ich habe einen riesig Eisenpenis.
I have an immense iron penis."

I need to bookmark that for a detailed reading later.

posted by Harvey at April 15, 2004 09:30 AM

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okay so i'm standing in front of my toilet just as i'm starting to take a whiz, and all of the sudden i feel this tickling on my foot (i was barefoot). So i look down to see this GODDAMN HUGE FUCKING SPIDER that had just crawled over my foot and was heading right for my other foot! Seriously, this thing was almost the size of a tarantula! it had to be almost 1.5-2 inches big, IT WAS FUCKING HUGE!!!! I like FLIPED out and jumped back against the wall to try and not let that thing get at my damn foot! keep in mind i had just started to pee and one you start, you KNOW you can't stop, so pee is now going all over the place as i do this fucked up little dance to stay away from this spider, who now starts to panic and running around at this crazy hyper speed! then the goddamn thing starts running for the door, unfortunetly, i am between the door at it! Maybe two seconds have elapsed now, so i've got a LONG way to go in this pee still, i'm trying to aim it somewhere at the toilet (it's missing), and now i've got this huge spider chargeing me! I don't know WHY i did next, but i had to use the ONLY weapon that i had at my disposal, so i aimed my pee-stream right at the spider! i hit the fucker DEAD ON, and he didn't like that one bit, and made a direct 90 degree turn and headed VERY quickly straight for the wall with the radiator! I don't know what i was thinking, but i did my best to keep peeing after the thing, and then the thing pops out from the radiator RIGHT NEXT TO ME and tries to bolt out the door, and i'm like PANICING so i try and pee on him, but he like SHOOTS by me intot he hall and i twirl around, for some fucked up reason, and TRY AND FOLLOW THE FUCKER!. So i'm like hobbleing after this spider with my jeans now around my ankles, hobbleing into the hallway with pee going ALL OVER THE PLACE and still trying to piss on this huge damn spider! this took all of about 7 seconds, from first tickle to me running into the hallway peeing all over the place, and then the baster runs down the stairs! it's about now that i finally ask myself WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING, standing in the hallway with my pants around my ankles holding my dick and aiming a stream of urin down the stairs, so i quickly hop back to the bathroom and finish what was left into the sink (it was closer then the toilet).

So now, with my pants soaked in pee, i'm standing there in front of the sink wondering WHAT THE FUCK I JUST DID! Now there is pee on EVERY SINGLE SURFACE of the bathroom, all over all the magazines, on EVERY wall, the floor is one big pool of pee, there's pee in the sink, on the mirror, probably on the ceiling, the whole basket of extra TP is now useless becasue of pee on it, my pants and undies are SOAKED in pee, the lower half of the front part of my shirt is soaked in pee, there's pee ALL OVER THE DAMN HALLWAY AND DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS, and now the whole place reeks of pee AND THERE IS STILL SOME HUGE PEE-SPIDER ROAMING THE HOUSE SOMEWHERE!

So i just threw my cloaths in the wash, and i'm gonna take a really fast shower, then try to clean up this huge damn mess as i wonder HOW THE HELL AM I GONNA EXPLAIN THIS ONE TO MY MOM.

I'm fucked. And i smell like pee.

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That story might have been a lot funnier if I wasn't groaning over his horrible spelling errors.

posted by michele at April 12, 2004 06:42 AM

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ROTFLMAO!

Sorry Michele, I was too busy visualizing this idiot kid doing this to notice how bad the spelling was. You're right, it's bad. Then again, what do you expect from someone who would try to attack a spider with pee?

posted by Harvey at April 12, 2004 06:47 AM

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To meow is just fine :-)

posted by Harvey at April 11, 2004 12:38 PM

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Heh, gonna have to bookmark that one in the troll-bashing armory.

posted by Harvey at April 7, 2004 09:49 AM

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was there a particular tune that that was supposed to go to?

posted by Harvey at April 6, 2004 09:33 AM

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Usually it's pretty easy to tell, but I haven't been able to figure this one out yet.

posted by Madfish Willie at April 6, 2004 10:52 AM

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In-fucking-credible!

posted by Harvey at April 4, 2004 10:39 PM

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Willie,

That was one of the most perverted, disgusting, and demeaning thing I've read in awhile. It's Brilliant! Thank you very much for sharing that, and your bandwidth.

Johnny

posted by Johnny - Oh at March 30, 2004 09:05 PM

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LOL! Good one.

posted by Teresa at March 25, 2004 08:31 PM

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And kids these days say "what's Usenet?"

posted by Pixy Misa at March 22, 2004 11:11 AM

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OMG - too funny! Once I was cleaning up a name and address list for mailing purposes and came across a name...

Kitty Cat
1 Meow Lane
Cattown... etc etc

It must've been one of these people and I didn't even know it!

posted by Teresa at March 23, 2004 11:03 PM

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Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Penis
The Godpenis
Beauty and the Penis
The Penis Bride
The Lion Penis
Star Trek: The Motion Penis

posted by Harvey at March 20, 2004 09:02 AM

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The Penis of Zorro
Judge Penis
A Bronx Penis
A Penis Tale
Scent of a Penis
Penis of a Woman
A Penis Action
A Civil Penis
The Sixth Penis
Penis Recall
Total Penis
The Penis File
The Ipcress Penis
Penis Dogs
The Penis of War
The Art of Penis
Austin Powers: Internat'l Penis of Mystery

posted by Madfish Willie at March 20, 2004 03:00 PM

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Penis Instinct

"Penis & Me"

Dude, where's my penis???

This is so fucking gay...

posted by Marty looking thirsty... at March 22, 2004 10:03 PM

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Apparently as a result of the Ivy-League uppity belief that all the world should be like them (and also as a result of trying to avoid studying for exams), one of the posters suggested that they "invade" a real, populated newsgroup and "rile up the stupid people". When Matt Bruce, another of the Harvard band, heard this, he wrote this response:

"I suggest that we start either posting or crossposting to alt.tv.beavis-n-butthead. I also suggest that we use big words and perfect grammar, and refuse to write as the young ruffians in question speak.

"This could lead to some interesting 'dialogue.' "

This article was posted directly to alt.tv.beavis-n-butthead. The regulars at that group, wondering what the world was coming to, scoffed at the notion of a couple of stuck-up geeks from Harvard calling them "ruffians", and a few unpleasantries were exchanged. This crosspost-tossing attracted the attention of an unknown poster going by the name of Dontonio Wingfield. He/she discovered that one of the Harvard posters, Chuck Truesdell, placed "meow meow" (a reference to Henrietta Pussycat of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood fame) in many of his posts as a sort of calling card, as his initials spell "C.A.T.". Matt Bruce picked up on this practice for one post (the quote at the top of this page), and someone, for some reason, took that article out of afk-mn, crossposting it to a dozen newsgroups as a troll against the "Nosers" (as the Harvard students called themselves).
[...]
The posters in the targeted groups, noting the "meow meow" elements, began to retaliate against the supposed original crossposter, Matt Bruce. These posters entered the 'Nose and found it full of other Harvard students like Matt, and the counter-invaders flamed and spewed "meow" with vigor, In time, flames containing the word "meow" would start popping up all over the place, aimed mostly at areas where the high-class uppity Ivy-League snots were known to congregate, such as alt.college.college-bowl. Other flames targeted snobbish college kids who regularly huffed their freckled noses in newsgroups such as alt.music.nin. Some of the more daring souls decided to forge articles in Bruce's name, spreading the "meow" attacks to more and more groups, including afk-mn, to add to the onslaught against him and his "intellectually elite" cohorts.
[...]
When this only fanned the flames further, he [Matt Bruce] threatened to cancel all articles containing the word "meow", and to netcop all the "meow" article forgers. This "Cancellation Notice", posted about a month and a half after the first "meow" troll, was apparently the proverbial last straw. A person crossposting into 12 newsgroups, then claiming it a "joke", when he obviously had no sense of humor? This pissed off the Usenet Performance Artists to no end. it was time to teach Matt Bruce - and the rest of his gang of snots - a lesson. Suddenly, afk-mn, alt.college.college-bowl, and scores of other groups were flooded to the gills and beyond with hundreds upon hundreds of huge meow articles from all corners of Usenet. Cascades, ASCII cats, hundred-line "meow" hello-world-type flood posts, and more were posted, reposted, munged, pureed, and regurgitated all over the servers of the world. The Harvard kids' protests were quickly lost in the feline tidal wave. Every post by a Harvard snot would result in fifty cascade follow-ups. alt.college.college-bowl, a known regular haunt of Matt Bruce, was reduced to a smoldering crater, so inundated with meows that its regulars could no longer use it. After a couple of weeks of this, Usenet in general looked like Chernobyl, or the Marina district of San Francisco after the 1989 earthquake, or downtown Nagasaki the day after the fall of the Fat Man.
[...]

Go read The One True History of MEOW!

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Excellent! Thanks for posting this. I never got into Usenet at all, but I love the story!

posted by Teresa at March 19, 2004 05:21 PM

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Emperor Darth Misha pointed me over there a long time ago. The were roasting a troll -Barney- and MEOW kept appearing. When I asked him what it meant he took the time to send me a really long e-mail expaining it and gave me the link. When ever I need a laugh, I go through the archives and look at some of the absolutely brilliant silly shit these guys did. I'm thinking of posting a little of this silliness every day for your entertainment... what do you think?

posted by Madfish Willie at March 19, 2004 06:00 PM

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Go for it! Usenet was the conceptual Godfather of comment and cross-blog conversations that we enjoy today. A little cyber-history lesson would do us all some good.

posted by Harvey at March 20, 2004 09:05 AM

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That would be fabulous. There has been so much really terrific stuff on Usenet that I've never had time to go read! Now I could come here and let you do the work for me - LOL.

posted by Teresa at March 20, 2004 12:34 PM

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