What the Fuck?

What the fuck… don’t fuck with me… fuckin A… flying fuck… fuck off… fuck you… fuck….

A google search for historical origins of fuck yields Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon: Fuck You! as #5 result. Only #5?!? UPDATE: Well, now Madfish Willie's is the #2 & #3 result. In a couple of days, I should be #1! Woohoo!

Here's a recap of some of the top results and we'll all know where the fuck fuck came from.

Here's the fifth fucking day of fuck:

What the Fuck?

What the fuck… don’t fuck with me… fuckin A… flying fuck… fuck off… fuck you… fuck….

A google search for historical origins of fuck yields Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon: Fuck You! as #5 result. Only #5?!? Here's a recap of some of the top results and we'll all know where the fuck fuck came from.

Here's the fourth fucking day of fuck:

What the Fuck?

What the fuck… don’t fuck with me… fuckin A… flying fuck… fuck off… fuck you… fuck….

A google search for historical origins of fuck yields Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon: Fuck You! as #5 result. Only #5?!? Here's a recap of some of the top results and we'll all know where the fuck fuck came from.

Here's the third fucking day of fuck:

What the Fuck?

What the fuck… don’t fuck with me… fuckin A… flying fuck… fuck off… fuck you… fuck….

I was going through my referrers log and checking searches that yielded Madfish Willie's. A google search for historical origins of fuck yields Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon: Fuck You! as #5 result. Here is a recap of some of the top results and sonn we'll all know where the fuck fuck came from.

Here's the second fucking day of fuck:

What the Fuck?

What the fuck… don’t fuck with me… fuckin' A… flying fuck… fuck off… fuck you… fuck….

I was doing a check through my referrers yesterday and checking searches that pointed people to Madfish Willie's. A google search for historical origins of fuck yields Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon: Fuck You! as #5 result. Only #5?!? Well, we must do something about this. Therefore, I will do a recap of some of the top results and we'll all know where the fuck fuck came from.

Here's the first fucking day of fuck:

Above and Beyond...

Motto: “Fuck You!”

Nominated by Harvey from Bad Money

The bartenders at the little Dallas Club in San Antonio, in addition to being the fastest fucking bartenders that ever lived, were all a bunch of smart-ass, rude, fucking pricks! We were Dick's Last Resort bartenders before Dick's Last Resort was a wet dream. Hell, fuck Dick's, we would probably have been fired from Dick's for being to rude!

So, The Bartender accepts this medal on behalf of all my fellow bartenders from the Legendary Dallas Club at Fredericksburg / Wurzbach in San Antonio

What should our next award be and to whom shall it go?

After Your Fifth Drink....

Here is a list that tells you when you are have officially become a drunkard. It comes from Modern Drunkurd Magazine.

Which one are YOU today?

Numbers 181-207 of 207:

181. You have a born-on date tattooed on your beer gut.


182. You hold a bottle of hair spray and say, "Man, if you were ice cold."


183. You're addressed by three separate liquor store owners as "the guy who paid for my houseboat."


184. You often confuse the word breakfast with Bloody Marys, i.e., "What are we going to have for Bloody Marys this morning?"


185. You know that liquor is especially tasty when it comes from the secret hiding place in your roommates's closet.


186. You can, in a pinch, construct a fully-operational keg tap from a cigarette lighter, two clothespins and lots of love.


187. You get in a heated conversation with your barstool neighbor about the proper way to vomit from a moving vehicle.


188. At 2am you proclaim, "The party ain't over until the fat lady says no!"


189. You need a cosigner to open a bar tab.


190. The monkey on your back is in rehab.


191. You know that, with a bouncer's assistance, man in capable of short-term flight.


192. You have recurring dream you're hired by the Guinness\Playboy Research foundation to prove twenty pints a day improves your sex life.


193. You often take your lover for romantic strolls among the picturesque aisles of liquor superstores.


194. You will eat a bug for a shot.


195. You know wine is mentioned in the Bible over 250 times. Perrier? Not once!


196. You have strained cigarette-butt infested beer through your teeth.


197. You consider 3.2 beer on Sunday as Uncle Sam's cruel taunt.


198. You can hear someone whisper "free beer" from three blocks away.


199. You know the heartbreak of watching the bartender dump the spill tray.


200. You call the bartending academy, inquiring as to what they do with their mistakes.


201. You refer to your refrigerator as "the stand-up beer cooler."


202. You give directions with liquor stores and bars the the major landmarks, i.e., "You'll pass Argonaut's Liquors on the left and Scooter's on the right, then turn right on the street between the Satire Lounge and the Lion's Lair, then continue until you see the tree that looks like a huge martini glass."


203. You think vomiting is the body's way of making room for the next round.


204. The first thing you look for on a wine label is the alcohol content.


205. You consider Aqua Velvet a daring after-hours liqueur.


206. You recognize last call as a secret signal that all unattended drinks are fair game.


207. When someone says "expensive wine," you think "gallon jug."


208. Four years of research and three hours of writing went into your masterful college thesis, "MD 20\20: Self-Esteem Enhancer For the Leisure Classes, or Cancer Cure for the Working Masses?"

Tomorrow: A round-up and gratuitous LinkFest of past claimers of the numbers!

Jokes by Harv E Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Harv E Roo to Kang A. Roo

Madfish Willie's is the #3 & #4 & #10 Google search result for: another word for dumb ass!

Harv E Roo: Why did the toad become a lighthouse keeper ?
Kang A Roo: He had his own frog horn !

Harv E Roo: What did the bus conductor ay to the frog ?
Kang A Roo: Hop on !

Harv E Roo: What do you say to a hitchhiking frog ?
Kang A Roo: Hop in !

Harv E Roo: What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry ?
Kang A Roo: A hoppercraft !

Harv E Roo: What do you call a frog who wants to be a cowboy ?
Kang A Roo: Hoppalong Cassidy !

Harv E Roo: When is a car like a frog ?
Kang A Roo: When it's becing toad !

Harv E Roo: Why do frogs have webbed feet ?
Kang A Roo: To stamp out forest fires !

Harv E Roo: What do you say if you meet a toad ?
Kang A Roo: Wart's new !

Harv E Roo: Whats green and can jump a mile a minute ?
Kang A Roo: A frog with hiccups !

Harv E Roo: Why did the lizard go on a diet ?
Kang A Roo: It weighed too much for its scales !

Cheers!

Friday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Help beautify our dumps… throw away something pretty.

Simpsonspeak from Homer [D'oh!]
"Safety? But sir! If truth be known, I actually caused more accidents around here than any other employee, including a few doozies no one every found out about."

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"Mac, you ever been in love?" - "No, I've been a bartender all my life."
~Henry Fonda & J. Farrell MacDonald in My Darling Clementine

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Betty Crocker Moment #361: 2 tablespoons = 1 ounce; 3 teaspoons = 1 tablespoon.

Ultimate Insults
You are the poster boy for corporal punishment, not to mention retro-active abortion, just a random shit-sucker.

Movie Madness
Duck and Cover

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
hughgrect
hughgrekshon
hughgrekshyn
hughgshaft
hughjardon
hughjas
hughjassole
hughjaynus
hughjaz
hughjorgan

Cheers!

After Your Fifth Drink....

Here is a list that tells you when you are have officially become a drunkard. It comes from Modern Drunkurd Magazine.

Which one are YOU today?

Numbers 161-180 of 207:

161. You know that time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time.


162. You use Calvin Klien’s new aftershave, but don’t really care for the aftertaste.


163. You refer to your mouth as your "booze hole."


164. You wish bartenders would spend more time ‘tending’ and less time ‘barring.’


165. The first thing you say when you walk in a bar is, "I’m not still 86’d, am I?"


166. You’d go to Mass more often if they weren’t so stingy with the wine.


167. When you were in high school you had a poster of W.C. Fields on your bedroom wall.


168. You drank ten bottles of wine last week and didn’t need a corkscrew once.


169. You prefer Hamm’s and eggs for breakfast, minus the eggs.


170. The rotgut whiskey you buy is so disgusting you have to drink the first half the bottle just so you’ll be drunk enough to put up with the taste of the second half.


171. Whenever someone starts reading a bottle of Jack Daniels you say, "Quit cheating!"


172. You don’t sniff the cork, you chew it.


173. Your career is interfering with your drinking.


174. You get so drunk Bud Light starts tasting like beer.


175. You read this magazine until you fall asleep, then use it as a blanket.


176. You heard you get drunker at higher altitudes so you always drink on top of the dumpster.


177. Your alarm clock is a garbage truck.


178. You’ve worked out a devious plot to steal Einstein’s brain. So you can drink the alcohol it’s stored in.


179. You masturbate to the liquor ads in Playboy.


180. You show up at the flu clinic to investigate rumors of "free shots."

Above and Beyond...

Motto: “Alcohol above all!”

Steady employment, familial disdain and outraged spouses mean nothing to this fearless stalwart as he launches weeklong campaigns against liquor and liver alike..

[This medal is presented to: Darren the Colorado Conservative, who is currently on vacation!]

What should our next award be and to whom shall it go?

Jokes by Harv E Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Harv E Roo to Kang A. Roo

Madfish Willie's is the #3 & #4 & #10 Google search result for: another word for dumb ass!

Harv E Roo: What powerful reptile is found in the Sydney opera house ?
Kang A Roo: The Lizard of Oz !

Harv E Roo: What's the definition of a nervous breakdown ?
Kang A Roo: A chameleon on a tartan rug !

Harv E Roo: How do frogs manage to lay so many eggs ?
Kang A Roo: They sit eggsaminations !

Harv E Roo: What kind of tiles can't you stick on walls ?
Kang A Roo: Reptiles !

Harv E Roo: What do you call a rich frog ?
Kang A Roo: A golf blooded reptile !

Harv E Roo: What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common ?
Kang A Roo: Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth !

Harv E Roo: What kind of bull doesn't have horns ?
Kang A Roo: A bullfrog !

Harv E Roo: What jumps up and down in front of a car ?
Kang A Roo: Froglights !

Harv E Roo: Where do frogs keep their money ?
Kang A Roo: In a river bank !

Harv E Roo: What happened when a frog joined the cricket team ?
Kang A Roo: He bowled long hops !

Cheers!

Thursday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
My doors says, "Go ahead and knock, I'm already disturbed!"

Simpsonspeak from Homer [D'oh!]
"Unlike most of you, I am not a nut."

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"I'll admit I may have seen better days... but I'm still not to be had for the price of a cocktail, like a salted peanut."
~Bette Davis in All About Eve

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
If you strain your citrus juice, everything will be easier to clean.

Ultimate Insults
To make you feel better, maybe we can dub thee Sir Shit for Brains or the Earl of Asshats.

Movie Madness
Dogs

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
gook
hairyclamb: Helen
hitler:
honkey: Eric
hoochiemom: Linda
hughboobs: Lisa
hugherection: Harvey
hughgass:
hughgdlck:
hughgkoch:

Cheers!

After Your Fifth Drink....

Here is a list that tells you when you are have officially become a drunkard. It comes from Modern Drunkurd Magazine.

Which one are YOU today?

Numbers 141-160 of 207:

141. You make a point of never drinking before noon. Which is convenient, because you’re never up before three in the afternoon.


142. One of your hobbies is sitting down and calculating exactly how much liquor your next paycheck would buy at the liquormart. Just out of curiosity, of course.


143. Your co-workers start whispering with concern when you don’t come in with hangover.


144. Your boss tells you to "Shape up or ship out," and you reply, "You mean like a cruise ship? Are the drinks expensive on cruise ships?"


145. The whole terrorism deal became very clear to you when you found out muslims aren’t allowed to drink.


146. You wish you were closer to Jesus, especially when he’s doing his wine to water thing.


147. A cold cement floor looks comfortable and inviting.


148. You wish temperance leagues still sang anti-drinking religious hymns outside bars, because, you know, it’d be a very funny thing to watch while getting hammered.


149. You think alcohol-fueled automobiles are the wave of the future because, hey, it certainly works for you.


150. You think a wrong number is an adequate excuse to go on a bender.


151. "Going out for a beer or two" sometimes means waking up in Vegas three days later.


152. You hated Ted Kennedy until you realized he can probably outdrink you.


153. You always confuse the words picture and pitcher, especially when someone says, "Hey, take my picture."


154. You happen to share the same home town, ethnicity, lifestyle, opinions, occupation or whatever-the-hell of whoever happens to be buying the drinks.


155. You consider vodka a chaser.


156. Your roommates say good morning to you and you haven’t been to bed yet.


157. You volunteered to work for free for NASA when you heard about the gas clouds in space containing billions of gallons of alcohol.


158. You know a bottle of Jack under your bed is worth a million bottles in the liquor store after midnight.


159. You have told a bartender: "I didn’t hear anyone yell last call. How could I? I was in the bathroom, vomiting in your urinal."


160. Half the bouncers in town know exactly how much you weigh.

Above and Beyond...

Motto: “Alcohol above all!”

The most valuable ally any drunk can have, this heroic hooch head will distract, disempower and, yes, romantically engage the hideous sidekick so his pal may seize an alluring prize.

[This medal is presented to: Trey Givens]

Last One: Skill Badge: Bender Badge

What should our next award be and to whom shall it go?

Jokes by Harv E Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Harv E Roo to Kang A. Roo

Madfish Willie's is the #3 & #4 & #10 Google search result for: another word for dumb ass!

Harv E Roo: Whats green and goes round and round at 100 miles an hour ?
Kang A Roo: A frog in a blender !

Harv E Roo: Whats yellow and goes round and round at 100 miles an hour ?
Kang A Roo: A mouldy frog in a blender !

Harv E Roo: Why was the frog down in the mouth ?
Kang A Roo: He was un hoppy !

Harv E Roo: How do frogs die ?
Kang A Roo: They kermit suidide !

Harv E Roo: What's a frogs favourite flower ?
Kang A Roo: A croakus !

Harv E Roo: Whats a frogs favourite game ?
Kang A Roo: It's croak-et !

Harv E Roo: What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog ?
Kang A Roo: A croaker spaniel !

Harv E Roo: What do you get if cross a science fiction film with a toad ?
Kang A Roo: Star Warts !

Harv E Roo: What kind of shoes to frogs like ?
Kang A Roo: Open toad sandals !

Harv E Roo: What do you call the English Toad Prize giving cermony ?
Kang A Roo: The Brit Awarts !

Cheers!

Wednesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
There is absolutelu no subsititution for a genuine lack of preparation!

Simpsonspeak from Homer [D'oh!]
"If they think I'm going to stop at that stop sign, they're sadly mistaken!"

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?"
~Robert Benchley in The Major and the Minor

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Single-malt Scotch and soda: there oughtta be a law.

Ultimate Insults
You certainly are a dry and constipated little impacted turd.

Movie Madness
Mystery Celeb

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
fuxjoo: Power old supply, I have another one from the other one.
fuxkyou
fuxyou
fyuocuk
gangbang
gangrape
gayrape
gaywad: Trey
goatfuck: Pervey
goddam: Power supply went out yesterday

Cheers!

After Your Fifth Drink....

Here is a list that tells you when you are have officially become a drunkard. It comes from Modern Drunkurd Magazine.

Which one are YOU today?

Numbers 121-140 of 207:

121. Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you to forget the question.


122. You exist in a perfect Zen circle: you drink because your wife nags and she nags because you drink.


123. You got so drunk on St. Patrick’s day it seemed like every other day.


124. You must have a drink by eleven, it’s a deed that must be done. If you can’t have a drink by eleven, you must have eleven by one.


125. If a man gave you a fish and you’d eat for a day. If he taught you to fish you’d sit in a boat and drink beer all day.


126. If it weren’t for the olives in your martinis, you’d starve to death.


127. When your spirits get low, you use a straw.


128. You’d go on the wagon, but can’t find one with a bar.


129. You always cook with wine. Sometimes you even add it to the food.


130. You drink a bottle of wine everyday. Unless you’re sick. Then you drink two.


131. You refer to grapes as "wine eggs."


132. You can walk into a 7-11 at 2am, look at the cheese dog that’s been mutating on the grill since 8am and think, "Man, that looks tasty!"


133. You know liquor gets better with age, because the older you get the more you like it.


134. You only drink to steady your nerves. Sometimes you get so steady you have to be carried out.


135. You drink to make other people appear cool enough to hang out with you.


136. Quitting drinking is the easiest thing in the world. You’ve done it a thousand times.


137. You have a reserved parking space at four different liquor stores.


138. You woke up feeling really strange, then realized you didn’t have a hangover.


139. With a bottle of Passport Scotch and a suitcase of Stroh’s you can go on vacation without ever leaving your house.


140. You never drink anything stronger than vodka before breakfast.

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo to Harv E Roo

Kang A Roo: Why doesn't Kermit the Frog like elephants ?
Harv E Roo: They always want to play leap frog with him !

Kang A Roo: Why is a frog luckier than a cat ?
Harv E Roo: Because a frog croaks all the time but a cat only gets to croak nine times !

Kang A Roo: What's a toad's favourite ballet ?
Harv E Roo: Swamp Lake !

Kang A Roo: What do toads drink ?
Harv E Roo: Croaka-cola !

Kang A Roo: What do frogs drink ?
Harv E Roo: Hot croako !

Kang A Roo: What's green a slimy and found at the North Pole ?
Harv E Roo: A lost frog !

Kang A Roo: Where do frogs keep their treasure ?
Harv E Roo: In a croak of gold at the end of the rainbow !

Kang A Roo: What do you call a 100 year old frog ?
Harv E Roo: An old croak !

Kang A Roo: What do you get if cross a frog with some mist ?
Harv E Roo: Kermit the Fog !

Kang A Roo: What's a toads favourite sweet ?
Harv E Roo: Lollihops !

Cheers!

Tuesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
If you love something, set it free. If it doesn’t come back, hunt it down and kill it!

Simpsonspeak from Homer [D'oh!]
"Kill myself? Killing myself is the last thing I'd ever do. Now I have a purpose, a reason to live. I don't care who I have to face, I don't care who I have to fight, I will not rest until this street gets a stop sign!"

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"I got rid of all those reporters." - "What did you tell them?" - "We're out of scotch." - "What a gruesome idea."
~Myrna Loy & William Powell in Another Thin Man

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Despite its name, a cocktail should contain no chicken parts.

Ultimate Insults
You certainly are a dry and constipated little impacted turd.

Movie Madness
Retarded Animals

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
fuqew
fuqfugu
fuqnut
fuqoff
fuqu
fuque
futhermucker
futtbuck
fuvkmehard
fuvku

Cheers!

Geek Beer 1.0

Duke Nukem aka Physics Geek - Madfish Willie's Official Brewmeister has oncorked his latest home brew creation upon Madfish Willie.

I recieved two bottles of Geek Beer last Wednesday. Put em in the frig to get nice and cold and wait for the sediment to settle. Ready to unleash on society on Friday night.

Now, I'm not the type of of guy who will tell you the flavor was bitter nutty with a fruity aftertaste and that you should let it breath a bit. It's not fucking wine... it's beer dammmit! I will tell you, however, that it was a full bodied beer with a nice taste. Better than most of those brew pub creations. Plus, I got a pretty good buzz started after finishing the two big bottles.

I think I may need more samples to really give you the nutty, fruity, breathy, review.

Good Stuff Maynard! Thanks Mr Geek!!!

The very worst system...

I don't do any poli-blogging over here, or anywhere else for that matter, but I an across something today that I have to comment on.

I followed a link over at Wizbang and came to Ben Hammersly's site. I liked the page design and the content of the post Kevin linked. So, I clicked home and browsed the rest of the site. Some interesting stuff...

I came to a post titled The very worst system, apart from all the others. Reading down through it was just regular old bullshit stuff... then came at the end...

...The other point to ponder is a mischievous one: given the US’s unique role on the international stage, is it morally right for its election to be decided, or even participated in, only by its own citizens?

I don't care what your political views views are, or whether or not I agree with them, this is absolutely unacceptable! Our elections are to be decided by us and us alone. This is NOT a one world government. The United States is a sovereign nation, governed by the consent of it's own citizens, not the citizens of the world. They have no right to participate in our electoral processes, moral or otherwise.

I hope that some of you poli-bloggers take up this particular issue, I would like to hear your thoughts and opinions on it.

Go read the post and make sure you take in the commentary also.

Hippo Dog Lion Sleeps Tonight

Damn... I must be the Google Monster King of the Blogsphere! Internet!

I bet I get 100 google search hits a day... people searching for all kinds of shit... go check out my sitemeter any time and you'll see pages of google and yahoo searches... but there is one in particular search term that I get all kinds of hits on:

Hippo Dog Lion Sleeps Tonight

I have always wondered just what the fuck that same person(s) keeps coming to my site like that... just bookmark it already. Freak!

Well, today I got a comment in an old post that reads:

Okay, The hippo and lion sleeps tonight thing... incase your still wondering you can see what the fuck everyone is searching it for...

http://pyer.3dvf.net/

It's from a french TV cartoon and is probably the best cga I've ever seen.

I haven't followed the link back yet but if it helps I'll post a link myself to the Hippo Dog Lion Sleeps Tonight for all those people searching for the Hippo Dog Lion Sleeps Tonight video thingy. That way when people enter Hippo Dog Lion Sleeps Tonight in google, I will be #1 search result for Hippo Dog Lion Sleeps Tonight and they can stop searching.

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo to Harv E Roo

Kang A Roo: What do you call a frog spy ?
Harv E Roo: A croak and dagger agent !

Kang A Roo: What do you call a girl with a frog in her hair ?
Harv E Roo: Lily !

Kang A Roo: What do Scottish toads play ?
Harv E Roo: Hop-scotch !

Kang A Roo: How did the toad die ?
Harv E Roo: He simply croaked !

Kang A Roo: What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak ?
Harv E Roo: Morse toad !

Kang A Roo: Whats the world weakest animal ?
Harv E Roo: A toad, he croaks if you even touch him !

Kang A Roo: Whats white on the outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions ?
Harv E Roo: A hot frog !

Kang A Roo: What happens if you eat a hot frog ?
Harv E Roo: You'll croak in no time !

Kang A Roo: Where do frogs leave their hats and coats ?
Harv E Roo: In the croakroom !

Kang A Roo: What's green and tough ?
Harv E Roo: A toad with a machine gun !

Cheers!

Monday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

Simpsonspeak from Homer [D'oh!]
"Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure...not even close."

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"Come on. Let's get something to eat. I'm thirsty."
~William Powell in After The Thin Man

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
If it doesn't have vermouth, it's not a Martini. If what you really want is iced gin (or vodka) straight up, order it that way.

Ultimate Insults
Strange that you hasn't blown his bitter little brains out by now, given your decidedly limited and amoral worldview.

Movie Madness
Beer Goggles

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
fukyew
fukyoass
fukyou
fukyouanddie
fukyouus
fumonkey
funkynegro
fuq
fuqbich
fuqbiotch

Cheers!

Tales From The Champagne Room

It's Sunday and time for another Madfish Willie's edition of Tales From The Champagne Room!

[Remember: There is no sex in The Champagne Room]

The title for my series is from an HBO special with Chris Rock. Check it out!

Madfish Willie's, the #1 Yahoo search for The Champagne Room!

As you are Wrestling Your John Thomas:

The Bloggers that e-mailed their Tales From The Champagne Room links to me get posted "above the fold" with gratuitous linkage in their post description. The others that I gleaned from my browsing this week will be in the extended section. So, without further dealy....

Today we start off with that smuttiest of all not X rated blogs, Harvey Pervey from Bad Money. Pervey starts off with a little kiss & tell about Susie's tired jaw, then he tries to fix Susie's Reddi-Wip shortage. Next The Perv tells us of Evil Glenn's adventures in beastiality. That dumbshit Harv Perv can't tell the difference between a web
browser & a blowjob.

Next Dan K O'Leary of Pragmatic Conservatism gives us 50 Ways to Dump Your Lover. He says: "This is a little vulgar, but asking for a midget 3
way, or taking polaroids of you banging her sister are great ways be get single." Make sure to read the comments of his fucking cry-baby PC readers... unbelievable. And check out his hot babe!

"Better safe than sorry," Harvey Pervey always says. Here's some of his raunchy crap: Here's a riddle for you - what's the difference between a government lawyer and a whore? I discovered a new sexual position. The nastiness of Glenn Reynolds's bedroom. Poetry for Heather's ass - now that's poetry even I would read! Lesbian yoga (what the hell would he know about that?) and where did Trixie, the Times Square Wonder-Hooker get her training?

That's all for the mail in entries this week. The rest of the work I did and you'll have to click through to the expanded extry to read them.

After Your Fifth Drink....

For your entertainment today, I have a funny list of stuff that happens after your fifth drink. I can't remember where I grabbed this from, therefore I cannot give the proper credits. I think it is from Modern Drunkurd Magazine. If you've seen it somewhere else, let me know.

Which one are YOU today?

Numbers 101-120 of 207:

101. You know that vodka is tasteless going down, but memorable coming up.


102. You say when your drunk what you think when you’re sober.


103. You know the best beer in the world is the one in your hand.


104. Beer does not make you fat. It makes you lean— against bars, poles and tables.


105. You always drink Irish Coffee for breakfast because it contains all four adult food groups: fat, sugar, caffeine and alcohol.


106. You don't drink anymore . . . of course, you don't drink any less, either.


107. Your bartender never has to ask, "Do you want another?"


108. You recognize that vomiting is just the body’s way of making room for another round.


109. You distrust camels or anything else that can go a week without a drink.


110. You're favorite method of dieting is the "Slim Jim": Ultra Slim-Fast shakes made with Jim Beam.


111. Absolut wants to run an ad featuring a picture of your liver in the shape of a bottle.


112. You only drink to get rid of hangovers, and sometimes it takes all night.


113. You know if you give up drinking you won’t actually live longer — it’ll just seem like longer.


114. You spend ninety percent of your paycheck on drinking and waste the rest.


115. You fell down two flights of stairs and didn’t spill a drop.


116. You don’t mind blacking out because it makes Sunday confession much less embarrassing.


117. When you wake up hungover you’re afraid you’ll die. Half an hour later you’re afraid you’ll live.


118. You wonder why people need friends when you can just sit in a room and drink all day.


119. You believe the only Absolut(e) in life is vodka.


120. You went on a diet, swore off drinking and bar food, and in fourteen days you lost two weeks.

Above and Beyond...

Motto: “Alcohol above all!”

When lightweights have given up, this stout drunkard will lift the keg, slur, “It’s only half done,” vomit over his left shoulder, then singlehandedly do battle with his aluminum adversary until it floats empty and despondent in its icy tomb.

[This medal is presented to: Duke Nukem - Madfish Willie's Official Brewmeister!]

Next Time: ?????

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in non-consecutive day #45.

Today's Spnak Frnak is another Penis Cheek!

Madfish Willie's is the # 1, #2, #3, #4, #6 Google search for Spnak Frnak! The #5, #7, #8 Google search results refer back to Madfish Willie's!

Also the #1, #2, #3, #4 Google search for Spnak!

Also the #1, #2, #6, #7 Google search for Frnak!

Spnak Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo to Harv E Roo

Kang A Roo: Where do sheep go for their holidays in winter?
Harv E Roo: The Baahaamaas.

Kang A Roo: Where do sheep go for their holidays in England?
Harv E Roo: Ramsgate.

Kang A Roo: Where do sheep shop?
Harv E Roo: Woolworth's.

Kang A Roo: Where do Southern sheep come from?
Harv E Roo: Ewell.

Kang A Roo: Who is the sheep's favourite singer?
Harv E Roo: Baabara Streisand.

Kang A Roo: Why did Bo Peep lose her sheep ?
Harv E Roo: She had a crook with her !

Kang A Roo: Why did the ram fall over the cliff ?
Harv E Roo: He didn't see the ewe turn !

Kang A Roo: Why did the sheep stay quiet all day?
Harv E Roo: He didn't believe in bleating between meals.

Kang A Roo: Why didn't the dozy farmer know how many sheep he had?
Harv E Roo: Whenever he tried to count them, he fell asleep!

Kang A Roo: Why do sheep like pubs?
Harv E Roo: Because they're full of baas.

Kang A Roo: Why don't sheep have much money?
Harv E Roo: Because they're always getting fleeced.

Kang A Roo: Why was the lamb told off for being rude ?
Harv E Roo: He would not say 'thank ewe' to his mum !

Kang A Roo: Why was the sheep arrested on the M1?
Harv E Roo: Because it did a ewe-turn.

Cheers!

Friday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
All great discoveries are made by mistakes.

Simpsonspeak from Homer [D'oh!]
"Beer. Now there's a temporary solution."

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"Will you bring me five more martinis, Leo? And line them right up here."
"What hit me?" - "The last Martini."
~Myrna Loy & William Powell in The Thin Man

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Almost never have more than three cocktails.

Ultimate Insults
You are like a spoiled teenager begging for attention. You are very boring, whiny and utterly unfunny.

Movie Madness
Fuck Shit Piss

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
fukuoka
fukup
fukuppl
fukusima
fukusuk
fukuup
fukuusuck
fukyah
fukyallmofo
fukyermom

Cheers!

After Your Fifth Drink....

For your entertainment today, I have a funny list of stuff that happens after your fifth drink. I can't remember where I grabbed this from, therefore I cannot give the proper credits. If you've seen it somewhere else, let me know.

Which one are YOU today?

Numbers 81-100 of 207:

81. You woke up on New Years Eve with the resolution of finding out which bars open earliest.


82. Get mad when your family calls you a
    wino because they know damn well you prefer whiskey.


83. You’re definition of a problem drinker is guy who won’t buy you a round.


84. You hate the person you become when you black out, because, you know, that fucker drinks all your beer.


85. You know hangovers only last a day, but a good drinking story lives on forever.


86. You don’t like to think of it as blacking out. You prefer to think of it as exercising the lizard brain.


87. The only useful thing you got out of an A.A. meeting was learning how to identify your enablers. Because, hey, those guys are most likely to buy you a drink.


88. You distrust any wine that doesn’t give you a decent hangover.


89. A good drinking buddy will bail you out of jail, but a great drinking buddy will be sitting in the cell beside you, saying, "Man, that was awesome!"


90. The last words you remember each night are, "Hold my beer and watch this!"


91. You’re disappointed when you go to a funeral and there’s no keg.


92. You refer to your mouth as your "booze hole."


93. You’ve told Jehovah’s Witnesses, "Of course, I want to go to Heaven. I’m sure it’s awesome. God does pick up the tab every night, right?"


94. You once got so drunk you dreamed you got fired and broke up with your girlfriend — and it all came true!


95. You regularly ask bartenders, "So, how are the spill mats looking tonight? Anything good in there?"


96. Someone tells you they don’t drink anymore, and you bravely respond, "Don’t worry about it, buddy, I’ll take up your slack!"


97. You prefer vodka that comes in the handy plastic squeeze-size bottles.


98. The bartender asks for your I.D. just to see how long it'll take you to find your pants.


99. Two weeks into the bender you found out "Drink Canada Dry" was a corporate slogan, not a challenge.


100. For the money you’ve spent on Thunderbird, you could have bought the car.

Above and Beyond...

Motto: “Alcohol above all!”

When the keg is dead and the vodka vanquished, this plucky lush will stare a bottle of vermouth in the fancy label and say, “Fuck it, it has alcohol in it, right?” And, vile shot after vile shot, he will take that bottle down.

[This is presented to: Trey Givens - who else would drink vermouth?]

Next Time: Skill Badge: Croix de Keg

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in non-consecutive day #44.

Today's Spnak Frnak is another Penis Cheek!

Madfish Willie's is the # 1, #2, #3, #4, #6 Google search for Spnak Frnak! #5, #7, #8 search results refer back to Madfish Willie's!

Also the #1, #2, #3, #4 Google search for Spnak!

Also the #1, #2, #6, #7 Google search for Frnak!

Spnak Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo to Harv E Roo

Kang A Roo: What is the sheep's favourite song?
Harv E Roo: I've got plenty of mutton.'

Kang A Roo: What keeps sheep warm at night?
Harv E Roo: Central bleating.

Kang A Roo: What lives under water and bleats at ships?
Harv E Roo: A ewe-boat

Kang A Roo: What sheep is strong enough to hold up the world?
Harv E Roo: Herc-ewe-les.

Kang A Roo: What side of a sheep has the most wool?
Harv E Roo: The outside.

Kang A Roo: Where are newborn lambs kept?
Harv E Roo: In an inc-ewe-bator.

Kang A Roo: Where do London sheep live?
Harv E Roo: Lambeth.

Kang A Roo: Where do Northern sheep come from?
Harv E Roo: Baarnard Castle.

Kang A Roo: Where do sheep get shorn ?
Harv E Roo: At the baa baas !

Kang A Roo: Where do sheep go for their holidays in summer?
Harv E Roo: Baali.

Cheers!

Thursday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
If you don’t know where you're going, any road will take you there.

Simpsonspeak from Homer
[D'oh!]
"I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he invented the light bulb."

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"I suppose I'll be able to get a drink there." - "I told the stewardess liquor for three." - "Who are the other two? - "Oh, there are no other two."
~Sean Connery & Cec Linder in Goldfinger

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
If you're the first in the group to arrive and you start a tab on your card, you deserve exactly what's coming to you.

Ultimate Insults
There's a special place in hell for ogres like you. I hope you get hit by a fucking train.

Movie Madness
Growl Karoake

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
fukuall
fukualso
fukuashole
fukubiatch
fukubizzach
fukubyatch
fukufuku
fukuinyour
fukumen
fukuo

Cheers!

After Your Fifth Drink....

For your entertainment today, I have a funny list of stuff that happens after your fifth drink. I can't remember where I grabbed this from, therefore I cannot give the proper credits. If you've seen it somewhere else, let me know.

Which one are YOU today?

Numbers 61-80 of 207:

61. You’ve discovered that teaching your dog to shoplift from liquor stores was not nearly as hard as teaching him to distinguish between Grey Goose and McCormick’s.


62. You were against going to war with Iraq until you found out those poor fuckers aren’t allowed to drink.


63. The first thing you thought when you woke up yesterday was, "Wow, look at all that gum stuck under the bar!"


64. Your girlfriend left you because you accidentally cried out "Glenfiddich" while making love.


65. Your beer back comes with a tap.


66. You conduct weekly "assisted short-term flight" experiments every weekend. With the help of various bouncers.


67. You’re regularly mobbed by autograph hungry alley winos.


68. You were the first person in line at the flu clinic because you heard they were giving away free shots.


69. You like tequila with a lime — or dirt, or a hamster or whatever, so long as there’s tequila involved.


70. You come home sober and your dog bites you.


71. The cafeteria in the detox center has a sandwich named after you.


72. You can’t recognize your best friend unless he’s leaning against a bar. With a drink in his hand. Drunk.


73. You like a splash of coffee in your morning whiskey.


74. You can blow a .08 BAC from twenty feet away.


75. You take swim trunks to brewery tours.


76. You’re kept awake at night by the sound of your liver crying.


77. You prefer cold showers because the ice in your drink doesn’t melt as fast.


78. You’re shocked and confounded to discover they actually sell Coke without Jack Daniels.


79. When a cop asks you to walk a straight line, you ask, "Which one?"


80. You tried getting out of a DUI by putting a beer label on your arm and telling the cop you’re off the booze and on the patch.

Above and Beyond...

Motto: “Alcohol above all!”

The highest award a drunkard can receive, this medal is given to those who have conducted a lifelong campaign against every manner of booze, hooch, brew and vino. No fortified wine is too vile, no rotgut too evil, no beer too green for this master of benders and barroom brawls. He is the flickering light that is the inspiration of common drunks the world over.

[This is presented to Matty O'Blackfive… what can I say?]

Next Time: Skill Badge: Vermouth Wings

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in non-consecutive day #43.

Today's Spnak Frnak is another Penis Cheek!

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Also the #1, #2, #3, #4 Google search for Spnak!

Also the #4, #5 Google search for Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo to Harv E Roo

Kang A Roo: What do you get if you cross a sheep with a goat and a cow?
Harv E Roo: The Milky Baa Kid.

Kang A Roo: What do you get if you cross a sheep with a hedgehog?
Harv E Roo: An animal that knits its own sweaters.

Kang A Roo: What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?
Harv E Roo: A woolly jumper.

Kang A Roo: What else?
Harv E Roo: A jumper with pockets.

Kang A Roo: What do you get if you cross a sheep with an elephant?
Harv E Roo: Enough wool to knit a skyscraper.

Kang A Roo: What do you get if you cross a sheep with an octopus?
Harv E Roo: A sweater with eight sleeves!

Kang A Roo: What has fleece and big muscles?
Harv E Roo: Rambo.

Kang A Roo: What has fleece and fangs?
Harv E Roo: Drac-ewe-la.

Kang A Roo: What is the sheep's favourite musician?
Harv E Roo: Chris Baaber.

Kang A Roo: What is the sheep's favourite pop group?
Harv E Roo: The Pet Sheep Boys.

Cheers!

Wednesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Don't you just hate it when life throws you a curveball and you forget to duck?

Simpsonspeak from Homer [D'oh!]
"Now go on, boy, and pay attention. Because if you do, someday, you may achieve something that we Simpsons have dreamed about for generations: You may outsmart someone!"

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"Give me a whiskey, ginger ale on the side...and don't be stingy, baby."
~Greta Garbo in Anna Christie

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Instead of trying to remember whether it's "beer before liquor" or the other way around, just be an adult and stick to one or the other.

Ultimate Insults
You are lots of burps and fart noises, signifying nothing.

Movie Madness
The Smurfs

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
fuknmonke
fukntheif
fuknthief
fuknurmom
fuknut
fukoff
fukslut
fuksuckblow
fukter
fuku

Cheers!

After Your Fifth Drink....

For your entertainment today, I have a funny list of stuff that happens after your fifth drink. I can't remember where I grabbed this from, therefore I cannot give the proper credits. If you've seen it somewhere else, let me know.

Which one is Harvey today?

Numbers 41-60 of 207:

41. You’re stalked by alcoholic vampires.


42. You have never screwed a cap back onto a liquor bottle.


43. Your friends pretend to be bartenders, just so you’ll pay attention to them.


44. Your personal mantra is, "Where there’s a swill, there’s a sway."


45. You suffer from barthritis— every night you get stiff in another joint.


46. You don’t recognize the difference between "waking up" and "coming to."


47. You donate a pint of blood and the hospital has to card the patient they give it to.


48. Your liver enters itself in a Tough Man competition.


49. You wear Hawaiian shirts because it’s tougher to see vomit stains on them.


50. Going out drinking with you is covered by your friends’ insurance.


51. As a child your dad helped you learn math by first explaining a four-count.


52. Your personal math system is based on the number six, i.e.: "I’ll take a twelver of Big Macs, with a sixer of those without cheese."


53. You use visualization techniques to master beer bongs.


54. In high school, you were voted most likely to drink in grade school.


55. 2 for 1 is your lucky number.


56. A perfect date is soft music, a bottle of wine and moi.


57. A couple times a year you go on a "non-bender."


58. Before you go out each night you consult a psychic hotline to determine which bartenders will be pouring strong.


59. Peeling the label off a beer bottle arouses you.


60. You feel a tinge of pride when someone refers to you as a "shameless alcoholic."

Above and Beyond...

Motto: “I see you down there, you little bastard.”

No snooty agave grub can daunt the likes of these mescal warriors. Locked in mortal combat with a bottle of the most monstrous of liquors, this liquor legionnaire will guzzle his way through hellish and murky depths and, seizing his rival in his teeth, will announce, “Tastes like chick bllllaaaaaakakak!”

[This is presented to GlennRio - who taugt me how to tend bar and how to drink Cuervo gold striaght up with a coke back! Ack!!]

Next Time: The Bukowski Award

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in non-consecutive day #42.

Today's Spnak Frnak is another Penis Cheek!

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Also the #1, #2, #3, #4 Google search for Spnak!

Also the #4, #5 Google search for Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo to Harv E Roo

Kang A Roo: What do sheep like to listen to at discos?
Harv E Roo: Ewe 2 and Ewe B 40.

Kang A Roo: What do sheep wear for work?
Harv E Roo: Ewe-niforms.

Kang A Roo: What do you call a sheep in the rain?
Harv E Roo: A wet blanket.

Kang A Roo: What do you call a sheep who tells sheep jokes?
Harv E Roo: A ewe-morist

Kang A Roo: What do you call a sheep with no legs or head ?
Harv E Roo: A cloud !

Kang A Roo: What do you call sheep that live together ?
Harv E Roo: Pen friends !

Kang A Roo: What do you get if a sheep walks under a cloud ?
Harv E Roo: A sheep that's under the weather !

Kang A Roo: What do you get if you cross a lamb with a penguin?
Harv E Roo: A sheepskin dinner jacket.

Kang A Roo: What do you get if you cross a sheep with a banana?
Harv E Roo: A baanaanaa!

Kang A Roo: What do you get if you cross a sheep with a gnu?
Harv E Roo: A new ewe.

Cheers!

Tuesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.

Simpsonspeak from Homer [D'oh!]
"What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts."

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"I envy people who drink. At least they know what to blame everything on." - "If it's so simple, why don't you drink?" - "Me? I have no character."
~Oscar Levant & Joan Crawford in Humoresque

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
And drinks that are named after supposedly cute body parts, like navels, which are actually disgusting repositories for sebaceous grime: No.

Ultimate Insults
You are like watching old ladies at the casino, working the slot machines for the big score but instead of using up their quarters, they're using up their credibility.

Movie Madness
Where's Waldo?

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
fukkyou
fukme
fukmegood
fukmerun
fukmyass
fuknclown
fukndork
fukngruv
fukngrv
fuknklown
Cheers!

After Your Fifth Drink....

For your entertainment today, I have a funny list of stuff that happens after your fifth drink. I can't remember where I grabbed this from, therefore I cannot give the proper credits. If you've seen it somewhere else, let me know.

Which one is Harvey today?

Numbers 21-40 of 207:

21. The glass isn’t half empty or half full. It just needs to be topped off.


22. You don’t fall off the wagon—you leap off it while chugging a bottle of cheap bourbon.


23. You have two personalities: Mr. Responsibility and Mr. I-Think-I’ll-Call-All-My-Old-Girlfriends-While-I'm-Blacked-Out.


24. The word "rent" loses all meaning after your fifth drink.


25. You’re so good at "drinking to forget" that you sometimes forget how to walk.


26. Whenever someone in a suit spills your well bourbon it magically transforms into top shelf scotch on the way to the floor.


27. You laugh at funerals but weep like a baby whenever you hear about a beer truck overturning.


28. You’d rather be a bus driver than an astronaut because, hey, there ain’t no beer where they’re going.


29. You don’t mind when your wife finds you stinking drunk in a bar, because then you can hit her up for a free drink.


30. Pink elephants get drunk and they see you.


31. You can get drunk on Scotch tape.


32. You’re not a hard drinker. It’s the easiest thing you do.


33. You like to have a drink between drinks.


34. You’d join AA but your always too drunk too memorize the pledge.


35. Your sleep number is 151 . . . proof.


36. You quit drinking once, and it was the worst afternoon of your life.


37. You won’t eat an olive unless it’s sterilized in gin.


38. You think Beethoven’s Fifth is a bottle of schnapps.


39. You’re living a champagne lifestyle on a beer budget. Except you don’t like champagne so you just drink lots and lots of beer.


40. Gin rummy sounded like a fun game.

Above and Beyond...

Motto: “Yamudderrfuckincopeyeainevendrunkyet.”

“These goddamn handcuffs are too tight,” are the watch-words of this gritty class of drunkard. For even the slyest of boozeheads are sometimes captured by the enemy and forced to endure the hardships of inedible box lunches, malodorous cellmates and mind-numbing counseling sessions common to detox centers and longer-term facilities. With even greater courage, he will call friends who can barely make rent and ask, “Dude, can you post bail?”

[This is presented to Mike the Marine.]

Next Time: Legion of the Worm

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in non-consecutive day #41.

Today's Spnak Frnak is another Penis Cheek!

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Also the #1, #2, #3, #4 Google search for Spnak!

Also the #4, #5 Google search for Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo to Harv E Roo

Kang A Roo: Did you hear about the daft farmer who took up sheep farming?
Harv E Roo: He failed because he planted them too close together!

Kang A Roo: Did you hear about the accountant who counted sheep in bed?
Harv E Roo: He made a mistake in the first hour, and lay awake all night trying to figure it out!

Kang A Roo: 'Doctor, doctor, I can't sleep a wink.'
Harv E Roo: 'Have you tried counting sheep? '
Kang A Roo: 'Yes, I counted 842,511 - and then it was time to get up!'

Kang A Roo: 'Doctor, doctor, I've just swallowed a sheep!'
Harv E Roo: 'How do you feel? '
Kang A Roo: "Very baad!'

Kang A Roo: How do sheep get to sleep?
Harv E Roo: By counting people.

Kang A Roo: How do sheep keep warm in winter ?
Harv E Roo: Central bleating !

Kang A Roo: If dogs have fleas, what do sheep have?
Harv E Roo: Fleece.

Kang A Roo: What did one sheep say to the other?
Harv E Roo: I love ewe.

Kang A Roo: What did the well mannered sheep say to his friend at the field gate ?
Harv E Roo: Afer ewe !

Kang A Roo: What do sheep find there?
Harv E Roo: Baagains.

Cheers!

Monday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"Lord help me, I'm just not that bright."

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"My nerves could use a drink."
~Grace Kelly - To Catch a Thief

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Unacceptable: drinks whose names mimic critical medical conditions or copulative acts and their secretions.

Ultimate Insults
You are neurally-deficient, morally challenged colon polyp. You are like some cheesy advertizement jingle you can't get out of your head. Ack!

Movie Madness
American Girls

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
fukkyou
fukme
fukmegood
fukmerun
fukmyass
fuknclown
fukndork
fukngruv
fukngrv
fuknklown

Cheers!

After Your Fifth Drink....

For your entertainment today, I have a funny list of stuff that happens after your fifth drink. I can't remember where I grabbed this from, therefore I cannot give the proper credits. If you've seen it somewhere else, let me know.

See if you can pick which one is Harvey!

Numbers 1-20 of 207:

1. After your fifth drink, you’re like Don Juan with the ladies: They Don Juan nothing to do with you.


2. You suspect that water, taken in small quantities, isn’t all that dangerous.


3. You occasionally have meals with your wine.


4. You wake up every morning at the crack of ice.


5. You drink to forget you drink.


6. You distrust camels, or anyone else who can go a week without a drink.


7. People get drunk by shaking your hand.


8. You never eat breakfast on an empty stomach.


9. Beer is the reason you get up every afternoon.


10. The only drinking problem you have is the two-hands/one-mouth thing.


11. Your house is so messy because it spins like a top every time you lie down.


12. You drink to steady yourself, and sometimes you get so steady you can’t move.


13. You never walk, you just occasionally stagger in a straight line.


14. You get angry because there’s always so much booze left at the end of your money.


15. You think that drunks are a lot like chess players, only drunk.
16. You forgot your fishing pole on your fishing trip and didn’t notice.


17. You’ve been laid out on more floors than Johnson’s Wax.


18. Your liver has hired an attorney.


19. You wish all the world’s parking lots could be somehow turned into lush rain forests, because, you know, it’s hard to hide from cops in a parking lot.


20. Your favorite bar installed a seat belt on your barstool.

Above and Beyond...

Motto: “I’m so hungry I could eat a gallon of whiskey.”

When dire finances dictate a full belly or a fullbore night of drinking, this lionhearted lush never teeters between Top Ramen and twelvers of cheap beer. Keenly aware that food is temporary but memories of debauchery last a lifetime, he will ignore his growling stomach and ask the grocery clerk, “Where’s the beer section?"

[This is presented to me, in my youth, when I did some serious drinking on a nightly basis.]

Next Time: Prisoner of War Award

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in non-consecutive day #40.

Today's Spnak Frnak is another Penis Cheek!

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Also the #1, #2, #3, #4 Google search for Spnak!

Also the #4, #5 Google search for Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo to Harv E Roo

Kang A Roo: What did the squirrel say to his girl-friend?
Harv E Roo: I'm nuts about you.

Kang A Roo: What did the girl squirrel answer back?
Harv E Roo: "You're nuts so bad yourself."

Kang A Roo: Doctor, doctor, I'm frightened of squirrels.
Harv E Roo: You must be nuts,

Kang A Roo: How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden ?
Harv E Roo: Hide the ball, it drives them nuts !

Kang A Roo: If you're crazy about chess, why should you keep away from squirrels?
Harv E Roo: Because squirrels eat chestnuts (chess nuts).

Kang A Roo: What animals use nutcrackers?
Harv E Roo: Toothless squirrels.

Kang A Roo: What do squirrels give each other on Valentine's Day?
Harv E Roo: Forget-me-nuts.

Kang A Roo: What do you get if you cross a squirrel with a kangaroo?
Harv E Roo: An animal that keeps its nuts in its pockets.

Kang A Roo: What do you get if you cross a squirrel with an elephant?
Harv E Roo: An animal that remembers where it hid its nuts.

Kang A Roo: What's the best way to catch a squirrel?
Harv E Roo: Climb a tree and act like a nut.

Kang A Roo: Where do squirrels go when they have a nervous breakdown?
Harv E Roo: To the nut-house.

Kang A Roo: Why do squirrels like to sit on telephone poles?
Harv E Roo: To stay away from the nuts on the ground!

Cheers!

Friday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
You can never successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"Good drink... good meat... good God, let's eat!"

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine."
~Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
If The Bartender makes you flail your arms or beg for service, well, obviously, leave.

Ultimate Insults
Don't you have a razor blade that you can drag along your wrist and end your pathetic existence? And have the decency to do it in a bathtub so your mother doesn't have to mop up the floor.

Movie Madness
Happy Man

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
fukingroovin
fukingulg
fukinlag
fukiniger
fukinpimp
fukinrapist
fukit
fukjap
fukhead
fukknut

Cheers!

Tales From The Champagne Room

OK, you guys and gals! get up off your ass and get some real easy LinkLuv. I've seen some stuff out there this week... Lisa's setting the house on fire and giving head, Harvey's just a FREAK, I'm sure Trey is up to some sex related scandal of some sort, and then there's always... Helen!

Don't forget to send your bestest, dirtiest, nastiest, suggestivest posts to Madfish Willie for his "send me your posts" LinkLoveFest!

Tales From The Champagne Room!
[Remember: There is no sex in The Champagne Room!]

Read through these previous posts of The Champagne Room to get an idea of what I'm looking for.

To be linked in The Champagne Room post just e-mail the link(s) to your post(s) by Saturday 12:00 noon and I'll include you in the weekly LinkLoveFest on Sunday. If you don't make it in time for this week's festivities, I'll put up front for next week's party!

Thanks to everyone who have sent me links in the past and I'll be looking forward to more of your Tales From The Champagne Room!

Above and Beyond...

Motto: “This drink belong to anybody?”

No cocktail or pint need ever fear being callously dumped into spill buckets while this intrepid inebriate is on hand. His ears endlessly tuned to the melting of ice in a neglected cocktail and the dying carbonation of a forgotten pitcher, he will swoop down like a chivalrous Valkyrie or creep up like a stealthy commando to rescue and deliver the orphan to its rightful home—his belly.

[This is presented to Finn the Viking, because he swoops down like a chivalrous Valkyrie]

Next Time: Beer Not Bread Award

Nominations for this award??

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in non-consecutive day #39.

Today's Spnak Frnak is another Penis Cheek!

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Also the #1, #2, #3, #4 Google search for Spnak!

Also the #4, #5 Google search for Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a skunk and a horse?
Second Kangaroo: Whinny The Pooh!

First Kangaroo: Did you hear about the argumentative skunk?
Second Kangaroo: He always liked to make a stink!

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a skunk and a balloon?
Second Kangaroo: A creature that stinks to high heaven!

First Kangaroo: What did the judge say when the skunk was on trial?
Second Kangaroo: Odour in court!

First Kangaroo: What is the feeling that you've smelled a certain skunk before?
Second Kangaroo: Deja phew!

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a skunk and an owl?
Second Kangaroo: A bird that stinks but doesn’t give a hoot!

First Kangaroo: What do you call a flying skunk?
A smellicopter!

First Kangaroo: What happened to the skunk who failed his swimming lesson?
He stank to the bottom of the pool!

First Kangaroo: What did one skunk say to another?
Second Kangaroo: And so do you!

First Kangaroo: Why can't skunks keep secrets?
Second Kangaroo: Because someone is always getting wind of them!

Cheers!

Thursday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Not one shred of evidence support the notion that life is serious.

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"Relax. What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind!"

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"Let's all drink gin and make wry faces."
~Bob Hope in The Cat and the Canary

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Two singles are better than one double.

Ultimate Insults
You have the creative abilities of a bucket of okra.

Movie Madness
Honda Ad

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
fukengruven: Straight White Guy
fukengruvin: SilverBlue
fukface: Harvey
fukfest: Champagne Room
fukhole: [Fill in the blank]
fukinbad: Lisa
fukingfisher: Blackfive
fukinggayman: Trey Givens
fukinggook: [Need a little help]
fukingjap: Jeff

Cheers!

Above and Beyond...

Motto: “The liver is evil and must be punished.”

No amount of blinding pain and visible swelling will sway the recipients of this medal from wholeheartedly attacking that most haughty and insolent of internal organs. “Take that, you bastard, and here comes another!” he will shout at his sworn enemy as he tests its will with jolt after jolt of rotgut tequila.

[This is presented to Matty O'Blackfive from Blackfive- The Paratrooper of Love!. Anyone that drinks 6 beers at a time has just GOT to have a Purple Liver!]

Next Time: Abandoned Drink Rescue Commedation

I'll be taking nominations for this award in the comments!

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in non-consecutive day #38.

Today's Spnak Frnak is another Penis Cheek!

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Also the #1, #2, #3, #4 Google search for Spnak!

Also the #4, #5 Google search for Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: Why did the skunk buy four boxes of tissues?
Second Kangaroo: Because he had a stinking cold!

First Kangaroo: Two skunks were being chased by a bear. As the bear got closer, one of the skunks said “Whatever shall we do?”
Second Kangaroo: “Let us spray!” replied the other.

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a chicken and a skunk?
Second Kangaroo: A fowl smell!

First Kangaroo: Why was the skunk angry?
Second Kangaroo: He was incensed!

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a skunk and a wasp?
Second Kangaroo: Something that stinks and stings!

First Kangaroo: How are skunks able to avoid danger?
Second Kangaroo: By using their instinks and common scents!

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a skunk and a cartoon penguin?
Second Kangaroo: Pingu-Pong!

First Kangaroo: When should you feel sorry for a skunk?
Second Kangaroo: When its spray pump is out of order!

First Kangaroo: What's black and white and red all over?
Second Kangaroo: A skunk with sunburn!

First Kangaroo: Did you hear about the skunk who sat on a fan?
Second Kangaroo: He got cut off without a scent!

Cheers!

Wednesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it - Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!"

Famous Cocktail Movie Quotes:
"I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for."
~W. C. Fields - Never Give a Sucker an Even Break

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
If you don't smoke and you're in a bar, don't complain about other people who happen to be smoking, because, virtuous friend, you are in a bar. [fuckin smoking Nazis]

Ultimate Insults
You sperm-guzzling turd burglar.

Movie Madness
Peanut Beutter Jelly Time

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
fukayouho: ?
fukc: ?
fukchop: ?
fukdabitch: ?
fukdabtch: ?
fukdischit: ?
fukead: ?
fukedatbirth: ?
fukedup: ?
fukedyomom: ?

Cheers!

Above and Beyond...

Motto: “Just one more and I’ll go, honest.”

Unflinchingly ignoring the dire threats and hoarse shouting of bartenders and bouncers alike, these elite drinkers will boldly demand just one more drink, just five more minutes. With their backs against the cold, black night and empty liquor cabinets, they will fight like tigers the dying of the light and the closing of the taps, until, finally they are tossed haplessly into the frightful maw of impending sobriety.

[This is presented to Jeff from BigStick.US Although he's not of legal age yet, I just know this is how he's gonna turn out]

Next Time: The Purple Liver
and I'll be taking nominations in the comments!

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in non-consecutive day #37.

Frnak will receive no linkage except in the Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Today's Spnak Frnak is another Penis Cheek!

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Also the #1, #2, #3, #4 Google search for Spnak!

Also the #4, #5 Google search for Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: Did you hear the joke about the skunk?
Second Kangaroo: Never mind, it stinks!

First Kangaroo: How many skunks do you need to make a house really smelly?
Second Kangaroo: Just a phew!

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a skunk and a dinosaur?
Second Kangaroo: A stinkasaurus!

First Kangaroo: How can you tell when a skunk is angry?
Second Kangaroo: It raises a stink!

First Kangaroo: How can you tell a rabbit from a skunk?
Second Kangaroo: A skunk uses a cheaper deodorant!

First Kangaroo: What's a skunk's favourite game in school?
Second Kangaroo: Show and smell!

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a skunk and a boomerang?
Second Kangaroo: A smell that keeps coming back!

First Kangaroo: What did the forgetful skunk say when the wind changed direction?
Second Kangaroo: It’s all coming back to me now!

First Kangaroo: What did the baby skunk want to be when he grew up?
Second Kangaroo: A big stinker!

First Kangaroo: What's a skunk's philosophy of life?
Second Kangaroo: Eat, stink and be merry!

Cheers!

Tuesday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Happiness is merely the remission of pain!

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"

Quotes on Drinking:
"Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth." ~George Burns~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Shun novelty. Suspect innovation.

Ultimate Insults
You syphlitic neutered weiner-doggy with worms.

Movie Madness
Trippy Mirror

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
You tell me who these words are!
fudgepack - ?
fudpuck - ?
fugm - ?
fugmpuke - ?
fuhq - ?
fuk - ?
fukad - ?
fukaduck - ?
fukahire - ?
fukallyou - ?

Cheers!

Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon

Well, now I've went and done it....

I've noticed my blog has been loading really slooooooow, here since lately. So after I finished Eric's new design today, I did some more housekeeping over here.

I determined several things were making my site load slow. Here's what I did:

Above and Beyond...

Motto: “I shall never drink again. Never.”

Prized by functional alcoholics, this commendation is awarded to those who rise at ungodly hours with horrific headwounds and gallantly sally forth to hateful jobs to stoically suffer the slings and arrows of suspicious bosses and clanging telephones. Dauntless, they tremor their way through the workday and rally at the bar to extract a cruel revenge on the evil dog that bit them.

[This is presented to Eric the Straight White Guy for beating me up all last week on his new design!]

Next Time: Last Call Commendation

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in non-consecutive day #36.

Frnak will receive no linkage except in the Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Today's Spnak Frnak is another Penis Cheek!

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Also the #1, #2, #3, #4 Google search for Spnak!

Also the #4, #5 Google search for Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What do baby pythons play with ?
Second Kangaroo: Rattle snakes !

First Kangaroo: What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers ?
Second Kangaroo: Fang letters !

First Kangaroo: What's long, green and goes hith ?
Second Kangaroo: A snake with a lisp !

First Kangaroo: "So glad to meet you" said the Hindu politely ?
Second Kangaroo: "Charmed I'm sure ", replied the snake !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if crossed a new born snake with a basketball ?
Second Kangaroo: A bouncing baby boa !

First Kangaroo: What snakes are found on cars ?
Second Kangaroo: Windscreen vipers !

First Kangaroo: Why did some snakes disobey Noah when he said "Go forth and multiply" ?
Second Kangaroo: They couldn't, they were adders !

Cheers!

Monday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
I'm an enigma... or am I?

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"Don't mess with the dead, boy, they have eerie powers."

Quotes on Drinking:
"In the Bowling Alley of Tomorrow, there will even be machines that wear rental shoes and throw the ball for you. Your sole function will be to drink beer." ~Dave Barry~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Measure, measure, measure. [that's what she says]

Ultimate Insults
Anybody can bitch and moan but few really have the answers so go ahead and shove that gerbil up your Hilter kissing buttfucking skinhead licking sheepfucking small impaired desperatly seeking real contact grasping stupid ass!

Movie Madness
Mario Splat

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
fucq=Rocket Jones' opinions on successful blog design
fucqdat=Rocket Jones' opinions on successful blog design
fucqu=Rocket Jones' opinions on successful blog design
fuct=Rocket Jones' opinions on successful blog design
fuctup=Rocket Jones' opinons on successful blog design
fucxyou=Rocket Jones' opinons on successful blog design
fucya=Rocket Jones' opinions on successful blog design
fucyou=Rocket Jones' opinions on successful blog design
fucyoubich=Rocket Jones' opinions on successful blog design
fudgehole=Rocket Jones' opinions on successful blog design

Get the fuckingpoint yet? I don't much care for Rocket Jones' opinons on successful blog design. Here endeth the lesson! Maybe....

Cheers!

HammerHead Blog Design

HammerHead Blog Designs is proud to announce the birth of a new baby boy!

Eric, the Straight White Guy now has a brand new custom designed look! Go over and check it out and buy Eric a cigar... or a grilling Apron!

Pamibe over at Drowning at 2 Feet Sea Level did all the banners and graphics and buttons for the site [more than once, I might add]. I just can't describe how well she responds to what the site owner wants and comes out with something unique for each individual project. Just a marvelous talent as far as I'm concerned.

Madfish Willie had to pull out the big hammer and do some serious beating about Eric's head and shoulders for extended periods of time. Just kidding... actually it was probably the other way around, although we did run into some unique design challenges to make the site operational for his readers viewing exclusively with 800x600 resolution.

Eric decided it was time for a change and decided he wanted a three column design. So we did the three layout and put it up on his main site. Needless to say, there was much knashing of teeth and raising of hell! So, we decided to take the site down, put up his old site and direct everyone over the HammerHead design studio at MadLab. Eric did a post directing his readers to come by the site and leave comments on what they were seeing with what browser at what resolution. We left it up there for a couple of days and worked out each problem as it came up.

Tales From The Champagne Room

It's Sunday and time for another Madfish Willie's edition of Tales From The Champagne Room!

[Remember: There is no sex in The Champagne Room]

The title for my series is from an HBO special with Chris Rock. Check it out!

Madfish Willie's, the #1 Yahoo search for The Champagne Room!

As we are Shaking hands with our pole:

The Bloggers that e-mailed their Tales From The Champagne Room links to me get posted "above the fold" with gratuitous linkage in their post description. The others that I gleaned from my browsing this week will be in the extended section. So, without further delay....

Darren, the Cool Colorado Conservative and member of Madfish Willie's Corner of the Bar Gang, finds A Link Between Internet Use and Syphilis Infection. His advice... wash those hands!

Eric, the Straight White Guy and also a member of Madfish Willie's Corner of the Bar Gang, tells us how to tell if a girl is dating a pussy. Then he he starts lying again with The sweetest piece of lovin' any girl ever had.

Kilgore Trout at Chaotic and Random really likes Meredith Baxter-Birney's breasts, the left one anyway. The he gives us a list of essentials when the terror thjreat is raised to orange. Finally he gives us this movie review.

Next, it's time for that fucking Harvey Pervey charter member of Madfish Willie's Corner of the Bar Gang, from Bad Money. First it's a little fantasy role-playing game action with Susie, then perverted car wash tokens, then lava lamps for voyeurism, then his wife explains the correct answer to "does this dress make me look fat?", then it's books for blowjobs, a reading list.

Trey Givens from Trey Givens.com forwards some spam to us with this commentary... "It’s only spam, but I figured if it turned ME on, it probably works on straight dudes, too." I like this guy... need to stick him in the Corner of the Bar Gang!

Harvey Pervey comes back with this weeks list of nasties: using bad pick-up lines on my wife, gives us handy advice on sexual positions, is seduced by toe porn, and has one that is not completely smut, but it DOES feature perky nipples, jiggly breasts in a leather cat suit, and a too-hot-for-TV girl-on-girl catfight video.

Harvey Pervey then submits a couple of other bloggers for your viewing pleasure. Harvey Pervey likes the top 5 places Venomous Kate, a Madfish Willie's Corner of the Bar Babe, misplaced her vibrator [Damn... I gotta go read this...] and she enlightens us with tidbit of information: husbands don't mind if you max out the credit card, as long as you distract them with sex. [listen up girls!]

HammerHead Blog Designs

HammerHead Blog Designs has just completed a new custom, 3-column, blog design for Linda at Civilization Calls. I did a complete custom job including the main page, comment listing template, comment preview template, trackback template, individual entry archives, category archives and monthly archives. I also added some scripts for better functionality. Go by and take a look when you have some time.

HammerHead Blog Designs also just did a little stylesheet tweak over at Susie's Practical Penumbra because we love her so much.

The next project is for Eric at Straight White Guy. It is in the HammerHead testing facility, better known as the MadLab! It's in the beta testing stage right now. Go over there and wonder through the site... it's not very long, only four or five test posts. Leave comments on what you find in the way of bugs and formatting errors. Don't forget to tell me what your browser is and what resolution your are viewing in.

After that project is complete, HammerHead Blog Designs will be working on putting skins on the site over at MuNuviana for our group blog. that should prove to be an interesting project, for me anyway.

When you have time, go check out the other designs HammerHead Blog Designs has completed. They are all listed and linked in the sidebar. Let me know what you find that needs corrected. Sometimes by the end of the project I get kind of weirded out and miss stuff that I should have caught. That's why I'm leaving Eric's site up at MadLab for a couple of days... to find the little stuff while I still have access to all the files.

Tales From The Champagne Room

Don't forget to send your bestest dirtiest nastiest suggestivest posts to Madfish Willie for his "send me your posts" LinkLoveFest!

Tales From The Champagne Room!
[Remember: There is no sex in The Champagne Room!]

Read through these previous posts of The Champagne Room to get an idea of what I'm looking for.

To be linked in The Champagne Room post just e-mail the link(s) to your post(s) by Saturday 12:00 noon and I'll include you in the weekly LinkLoveFest on Sunday. If you don't make it in time for this week's festivities, I'll put up front for next week's party!

Thanks to everyone who have sent me links in the past and I'll be looking forward to more of your Tales From The Champagne Room!

Above and Beyond...

Motto: “That’s my stool.”

The first line of defense against winos, tourists, weekend-warriors and slumming yuppies, the recipients of this medal man the barstools that are the trenches of every pub. With snide remarks, inside jokes and sidelong glares, these hardened veterans tenaciously defend the bar’s television from subversive programming and prevent thirsty strangers from overwhelming the bartender.

[Shit, it would have taken an Army of these fuckers to keep me from being overwhelmed... I was the fastest bartender that ever lived!]

Next Time: Bruised Brain Award

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in non-consecutive day #35.

Frnak will receive no linkage except in the Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Today's Spnak Frnak is another Penis Cheek! Frnak is a non-stop, penis-cheek, dick-head, jack-off, butt-face, fuck-pirate!

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Also the #1, #2, #3, #4 Google search for Spnak!

Also the #4, #5 Google search for Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a gun dog with a telephone ?
Second Kangaroo: A golden receiver !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a Beatle and an Australian dog ?
Second Kangaroo: Dingo Starr !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a dog and a skunk ?
Second Kangaroo: Rid of the dog !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a computer and a Rottweiller ?
Second Kangaroo: A computer with a lot of bites !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a dog with a kangaroo?
Second Kangaroo: A dog that has somewhere to put its own lead !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a dog and a sheep ?
Second Kangaroo: A sheep that can round itself up !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a dog and a lion ?
Second Kangaroo: A terrified postman !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if cross two young dogs with a pair of headphones ?
Second Kangaroo: Hush puppies !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a dog with a frog ?
Second Kangaroo: A dog that can lick you from the other side of the road!

First Kangaroo: What would you get if you crossed a chicken with a dog?
Second Kangaroo: A hen that lays pooched eggs.

Cheers!

Above and Beyond...

Motto: “No way that’s the same chick!”

In the face of facial warts, extreme obesity, general hideousness and severe damage to their reputations, the recipients of this award bravely advance into public makeout sessions and dark bedrooms to grapple with creatures the sober wouldn’t shake hands with, never mind share bodily fluids.

[That's what Harvey says after spending the night with Fatty Sue!]

Next Time: Tavern Defense Campain Medal

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in non-consecutive day #34.

Frnak will receive no linkage except in the Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Today's Spnak Frnak is another Penis Cheek! Frnak is a non-stop, penis-cheek, dick-head, jack-off, butt-face!

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Also the #1, #2, #3, #4 Google search for Spnak!

Also the #4, #5 Google search for Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What should you do if you find a snake sleeping in your bed ?
Second Kangaroo: Sleep in the wardrobe !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a snake and a hotdog ?
Second Kangaroo: A fangfurter !

First Kangaroo: What's a snakes second favourite dance?
Second Kangaroo: The mamba !

First Kangaroo: What did one snake say to another ?
Second Kangaroo: Hiss off !

First Kangaroo: Why did the two boa constrictors get married ?
Second Kangaroo: Because they had a crush on each other !

First Kangaroo: What's the difference between a headmaster and a poisonous snake ?
Second Kangaroo: You can make a pet out of a snake !

First Kangaroo: What kind of snake is useful on your windscreen ?
Second Kangaroo: A viper !

First Kangaroo: Why are snakes hard to fool ?
Second Kangaroo: They have no legs to pull !

First Kangaroo: What's a python's favourite pop group ?
Second Kangaroo: Squeeze !

First Kangaroo: What sort of perfume do snakes prefer?
Second Kangaroo: Poison by Christian Dior !

Cheers!

Friday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
Sure the truth hurts, but so does a machete!

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"Ha ha! Look at this country! ? U R Gay!? Ha ha!" (looking at Uruguay on the globe).

Quotes on Drinking:
"The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober." ~William Butler Yeats~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Adopt a favorite cocktail on a seasonal basis. [yeah, right... you fruit loop]

Ultimate Insults
You despicable, depraved, amoral slug.

Movie Madness
Schfiftyfive

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
fucku Frnak
fuckubitch Frnak
fuckup Eric
fuckymamma Frnak
fuckyou Harvey
fuckyoucock Frnak [?]
fuckyoucunt Frnak [?]
fuckyougm Frnak
fuckyouii Frnak
fucoff Frnak

Cheers!

Above And Beyond...

Motto: “I won’t remember you.”

Long after lesser drunks have staggered off to bed, these valorous boozers shout: “Yes, I will have another double shot of tequila!” and gallantly lurch into the inky blackness of oblivion. Fully aware that memories and public respectability are for the timid, they will barely cringe under the whipcrack of the cruel, latter-day revelations of erstwhile friends, missing credit cards and the hateful glares of apparent strangers.

[Sounds just like Matty O'Blackfive after a long night at Madfish Willie's!]

Next Time: Beer Goggles of Gallantry

Spnak Frnak

Madfish Willie's one man crusade to have Frank J blogroll every single member of The Alliance is in non-consecutive day #33.

Frnak will receive no linkage except in the Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words of the Happy Hour Party.

Today's Spnak Frnak is another Penis Cheek! Frnak is a non-stop, penis-cheek, dick-head, jack-off!

Madfish Willie's is the # 1 Google search for Spnak Frnak!

Also the #1, #2, #3, #4 Google search for Spnak!

Also the #4, #5 Google search for Frnak!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a snake and a lego set ?
Second Kangaroo: A boa constructor !

First Kangaroo: What's a snake's favourite food ?
Second Kangaroo: Hiss Cakes !

First Kangaroo: Why do babies like cobras ?
Second Kangaroo: Because they come with their own rattle !

First Kangaroo: Why wouldn't the snake go on the weighing maching ?
Second Kangaroo: Because he had his own scales !

First Kangaroo: What do snakeswrite at the bottom of their letters ?
Second Kangaroo: With Love and Hisses !

First Kangaroo: How can you tell if a snake is a baby ?
Second Kangaroo: It has a rattle !

First Kangaroo: What did the snake say when offered a piece of cheese ?
Second Kangaroo: Thanks, I'll just have a sliver !

First Kangaroo: What is another word for a python ?
Second Kangaroo: A mega-bite !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig ?
Second Kangaroo: A boar constrictor !

First Kangaroo: What's a snakes favourite TV program ?
Second Kangaroo: Monty Python!

Cheers!

Thursday Happy Hour

Madfish's Random Wisdom ...
If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done!

Quotes from Homer [D'oh!]
"Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!"

Quotes on Drinking:
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony." ~Robert Benchley~

Things A Man Should Know: About Drinking:
Every man should know how to make at least one drink from a foreign country, preferably one taught to him by a local female with whom he has had a complicated, unresolved, and quite possibly dangerous dalliance.

Ultimate Insults
You Motherfucking cowardly cocksucking troll - I hope you fucking die, no, better yet, I hope you go to jail and get gang-fucked up the a$$!

Movie Madness
End of the World!

Madfish Willie's Daily Cuss Words :
fuckinstoned Goathead
fuckman Harvey
fuckme Don
fuckmehard Helen
fuckmyass Frnak
fuckmonkey Frnak
fuckpirate Matty
fucknut Geek
fuckoff Pervey
fuckshit Frnak

Cheers!