After Your Fifth Drink....

Here is a list that tells you when you are have officially become a drunkard. It comes from Modern Drunkurd Magazine.

Which one are YOU today?

Numbers 121-140 of 207:

121. Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you to forget the question.


122. You exist in a perfect Zen circle: you drink because your wife nags and she nags because you drink.


123. You got so drunk on St. Patrick’s day it seemed like every other day.


124. You must have a drink by eleven, it’s a deed that must be done. If you can’t have a drink by eleven, you must have eleven by one.


125. If a man gave you a fish and you’d eat for a day. If he taught you to fish you’d sit in a boat and drink beer all day.


126. If it weren’t for the olives in your martinis, you’d starve to death.


127. When your spirits get low, you use a straw.


128. You’d go on the wagon, but can’t find one with a bar.


129. You always cook with wine. Sometimes you even add it to the food.


130. You drink a bottle of wine everyday. Unless you’re sick. Then you drink two.


131. You refer to grapes as "wine eggs."


132. You can walk into a 7-11 at 2am, look at the cheese dog that’s been mutating on the grill since 8am and think, "Man, that looks tasty!"


133. You know liquor gets better with age, because the older you get the more you like it.


134. You only drink to steady your nerves. Sometimes you get so steady you have to be carried out.


135. You drink to make other people appear cool enough to hang out with you.


136. Quitting drinking is the easiest thing in the world. You’ve done it a thousand times.


137. You have a reserved parking space at four different liquor stores.


138. You woke up feeling really strange, then realized you didn’t have a hangover.


139. With a bottle of Passport Scotch and a suitcase of Stroh’s you can go on vacation without ever leaving your house.


140. You never drink anything stronger than vodka before breakfast.