Greatest Hitters Ever

Madfish Willie's Greatest Hitter Ever - #9 Henry Aaron

Awards:
1957: National League Most Valuable Player
1958: National League Gold Glove at RF
1959: National League Gold Glove at RF
1960: National League Gold Glove at RF
1999: Named to All-Century Team (OF)

"Hammerin' Hank" Aaron earned his nickname by clubbing 755 roundtrippers over his 23-year career. Not only did he raise the bar for home runs, but he also established 12 other major league career records, including most games, at-bats, total bases and RBI. Aaron played the infield but gained recognition as an excellent outfielder, winning three Gold Glove awards. He earned National League Most Valuable Player honors in 1957, and appeared in a record 24 All-Star Games. A quiet and effective leader, Aaron is now an executive with the Braves.

Did you know
... that Hank Aaron, a former member of the Negro American League's Indianapolis Clowns, was the last Negro league player to also play in the major leagues?

Home Run Facts
: Aaron and brother Tommie rank first in homers by siblings (768); he combined with Eddie Mathews to hit most homers as teammates (863); he and Mathews are the only teammates to hit 400 homers each as teammates (442 for Hank, 421 for Eddie); hit 385 in home parks, 370 on the road; hit 185 homers in Milwaukee County Stadium as a Brave, 10 as a Brewer; hit 190 homers in Atlanta Fulton-County Stadium; he hit exactly 400 solo homers (53%); 242 two-run homers (32%); 97 three-run homers (13%); 16 grand slams; hit two homers in a game 61 times (3rd, behind Babe Ruth and Willie Mays); hit three homers in a game once (6/21/1959); hit 14 extra-inning homers; one inside-the-park home run (1967); three pinch-hit home runs (1962, 1966, 1973); hit 534 homers off right-handed pitchers (71%); 221 homers off left-handed pitchers (29%); victimized 310 pitchers in 32 ballparks; hit three homers in the World Series and three more in the 1969 National League Championship Series; blasted two All-Star game home runs.

Here are his complete career statistics
~ Check out the career rankings at the bottom of the table! WOW!

Here are his top 15 productive seasons according to the Madfish Willie Index:
~ Hammering Hank was the model of consistancy... check out the rank grouping and the year after year of similar stats.

aaron.gif

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on March 31 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Baseball

Dumb Ass Jokes

Dumb-Ass Jokes as told by Harv E Roo.

Madfish Willie's is the #1 & #2 & #3 Google search result for: Dumb Ass Jokes!

Harv E Roo: Who was the most powerful cat in China ?
Kang A Roo: Chairman Miaow !

Harv E Roo: What do you get if you cross a cat with a bottle of vinegar ?
Kang A Roo: A sourpuss !

Harv E Roo: What is cleverer than a talking cat ?
Kang A Roo: A spelling bee !

Harv E Roo: What do you get if you cross a cat with a canary ?
Kang A Roo: A peeping tom !

Harv E Roo: How do you know that cats are sensitive creatures?
Kang A Roo: They never cry over spilt milk !

Harv E Roo: What do you get if you cross a cat with Father Christmas ?
Kang A Roo: Santa Claws !

Harv E Roo: Why did the cat frown when she passed the hen house ?
Kang A Roo: Because she heard fowl language !

Harv E Roo: There were four cats in a boat, one jumped out. How many were left ?
Kang A Roo: None. They were all copy cats !

Harv E Roo: What is white, sugary, has whiskers and floats on the sea ?
Kang A Roo: A catameringue !

Harv E Roo: Why do tomcats fight ?
Kang A Roo: Because they like raising a stink !

Cheers!

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on March 31 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Dumb Ass Jokes

Usenet Performance Art

From the files of W E B C E N T E R ...

A short fisking style flame:

El Brujo gets medieval on a religious zealot.

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on March 30 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: MEOW!

Greatest Hitters Ever

Madfish Willie's Greatest Hitter Ever - #10 Willie Mays

Awards:
1951: National League Rookie of the Year
1954: National League Most Valuable Player
1957: Gold Glove at CF
1958: National League Gold Glove at CF
1959: National League Gold Glove at CF
1960: National League Gold Glove at CF
1961: National League Gold Glove at OF
1962: National League Gold Glove at OF
1963: National League Gold Glove at OF
1963: All-Star Game Most Valuable Player
1964: National League Gold Glove at OF
1965: National League Gold Glove at OF
1965: National League Most Valuable Player
1966: National League Gold Glove at OF
1967: National League Gold Glove at OF
1968: National League Gold Glove at OF
1968: All-Star Game Most Valuable Player
1999: Named to All-Century Team (OF)

"I never saw a fucking ball go out of a fucking ballpark so fucking fast in my fucking life." - Leo Durocher (1951)

"I don't make history. I catch fly balls."

Actually, Willie Mays did both. When Willie Mays joined the New York Giants in 1951, black players were still a rarity in the major leagues. Before Willie Mays, the typical baseball scout's report on a talented black player would mention the player's color first, his ability second. When scouts described young Willie Mays, they mentioned his remarkable skills first.

For 22 seasons, Mays astonished fans and fellow players with his hitting, his running and his unsurpassed fielding. As sportswriter Arthur Daley put it, he "could do everything and do it better than anyone else, (and) with a joyous grace." In the 1950s and '60s, fans couldn't get enough of Willie Mays. In the first flush of his fame and popularity, he would get up early to play stickball in the street with the worshipful children who gathered in front of his Harlem boarding house.

"Willie Mays and his glove. Where triples go to die." - Los Angeles Dodgers Executive Fresco Thompson

Fans argue to this day about which was the greatest of his many spectacular catches. One thing all baseball lovers agree on: Willie Mays was one of the most versatile, virtuosic players of all time.

Did you know... that Willie Mays was the on-deck batter when Bobby Thomson hit his famous pennant-winning home run, "The Shot Heard 'Round the World," on October 3, 1951?

Here are his complete career statistics

Here are his top 15 productive seasons according to the Madfish Willie Index:

mAYS.gif

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on March 30 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Baseball

Dumb Ass Jokes

Dumb-Ass Jokes as told by Harv E Roo.

Madfish Willie's is the #1 & #2 & #3 Google search result for: Dumb Ass Jokes!

Harv E Roo: Why did the cat put the letter "M" into the fridge ?
Kang A Roo: Because it turns "ice" into "mice" !

Harv E Roo: When the cat's away.....?
Kang A Roo: The house smells better !

Harv E Roo: Why was the cat so small ?
Kang A Roo: Because it only ate condensed milk !

Harv E Roo: Why did the cat cross the road ?
Kang A Roo: It was the chicken's day off !

Harv E Roo: What works in a circus, walks a tightrope and has claws ?
Kang A Roo: An acrocat !

Harv E Roo: What do you call a cat wearing shoes ?
Kang A Roo: Puss in boots !

Harv E Roo: What does a cat call a bowl of mice ?
Kang A Roo: A purrfect meal !

Harv E Roo: What is another way to describe a cat ?
Kang A Roo: A heat seeking missile !

Harv E Roo: What did the cat do when he swallowed some cheese ?
Kang A Roo: He waited by the mouse hole with baited breath !

Harv E Roo: Why are cars longer in the evening than they are in the morning?
Kang A Roo: Because they're let out in the evening and taking in in the morning !

Cheers!

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on March 30 :: Permalink :: Comments (7) :: Dumb Ass Jokes

Usenet Performance Art

From the files of W E B C E N T E R...

Here's a nice little 50 line cascade:

Subject: Re: What's the "T" in Bilbert T. Smellivan's name stand for anyway?

MEOWers did NOT like Gilbert T Sullivan at all. They made him their bitch!

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on March 29 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: MEOW!

Greatest Hitters Ever

Madfish Willie's Greatest Hitter Ever - #11 Mickey Mantle

Awards:
1956: American League Triple Crown
1956: American League Most Valuable Player
1957: American League Most Valuable Player
1962: American League Gold Glove at OF
1962: American League Most Valuable Player
1999: Named to All-Century Team (OF)

Mickey Mantle ranks among the leading home run hitters in baseball history. Mantle hit 536 home runs, as a switch hitter, in regular season play. He spent his entire major league career with the New York Yankees, from 1951 through 1968, and played center field for most of his career. Towards the end of his career, he played first base.

Mantle led the American League in home runs four times. He was named the most valuable player in the American League three times. Mantle hit 18 World Series home runs, which is probably a record that will never be broken. Unlike most sluggers, he had great speed. However, various leg injuries reduced Mantle's base running effectiveness during the 1960's.

Did you know... that Mickey Mantle was named after future Hall of Fame catcher Gordon "Mickey" Cochrane?

Here are his complete career statistics

Here are his top 15 productive seasons according to the Madfish Willie Index:

Mantle1.gif

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on March 29 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Baseball

Dumb Ass Jokes

Dumb-Ass Jokes as told by Harv E Roo.

Madfish Willie's is the #1 & #2 & #3 Google search result for: Dumb Ass Jokes!

Kang A Roo: Whats green and goes round and round at 100 miles an hour ?
Harv E Roo: A frog in a blender !

Kang A Roo: Whats yellow and goes round and round at 100 miles an hour ?
Harv E Roo: A mouldy frog in a blender !

Kang A Roo: Why was the frog down in the mouth ?
Harv E Roo: He was un hoppy !

Kang A Roo: How do frogs die ?
Harv E Roo: They kermit suicide !

Kang A Roo: What's a frogs favorite flower ?
Harv E Roo: A croakus !

Kang A Roo: Whats a frogs favorite game ?
Harv E Roo: It's croak-et !

Kang A Roo: What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog ?
Harv E Roo: A croaker spaniel !

Kang A Roo: What do you get if cross a science fiction film with a toad ?
Harv E Roo: Star Warts !

Kang A Roo: What kind of shoes to frogs like ?
Harv E Roo: Open toad sandals !

Kang A Roo: What do you call the English Toad Prize giving cermony ?
Harv E Roo: The Brit Awarts !

Cheers!

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on March 29 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Dumb Ass Jokes

Scattershooting...

How do dogs remember where the hell they have buried all the shit they bury? Some type of doggie-radar? YellowDog can find shit she has buried months ago - tennis balls, etc - when the one she was playing with got bounced over the fence or rolls under the frig. Fucking weird.

Speaking of dogs... Go check out Two Nervous Dogs. I like her writing style and subject matter. And her pictures of her chocolate dog. Plus, I don't know if she knows this, she is a Corner of The Bar Babe!

Flashback... Atom Ant/Secret Squirrel... The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle... I hated Sesame Street... Never watched Mr Rogers... Popeye - now that guy was always kicking some ass... Bugs Bunny - did anyone ever fuck him up, EVER?...

I was born in the wrong cenutry. I would have loved living in the "old west", except maybe for all them wild fucking Indians trying to scalp you all the damn time. Other than that, if someone was giving you a bunch of shit or they fucked you over, it was a lot easier to settle the arguement. You blew their head off or they blew your head off. Case closed!

Flashback... Maverick (James Garner)... Rawhide (Duh! Clint Eastwood)... Gunsmoke (longest running series in TV history)... Have Gun Will Travel (that guy was cool in his black outfit, plus he always kicked some dickhead's ass)... The Big Valley (a young and beautiful Linda Evans), there are some more but I can't remember the names of them right now. All in black & white too. ...Alias Smith & Jones

Last Call 

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on March 28 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Other Crap

Baseball Quotes

Bob Uecker

  • "Anybody with ability can play in the big leagues. But to be able to trick people year in and year out the way I did, I think that was a much greater feat."

  • "If a guy hits .300 every year, what does he have to look forward to? I always tried to stay around .190, with three or four RBI. And I tried to get them all in September. That way I always had something to talk about during the winter."

  • "In 1962 I was named Minor League Player of the Year. It was my second season in the Bigs."

  • "I signed with the Milwaukee Braves for $3,000. That bothered my dad at the time because he didn't have that kind of dough. But he eventually scraped it up."

  • "People don't know this but I helped the Cardinals win the pennant. I came down with hepatitis. The trainer injected me with it."

  • "The biggest thrill a ballplayer can have is when your son takes after you. That happened when my Bobby was in his championship Little League game. He really showed me something. Struck out three times. Made an error that lost the game. Parents were throwing things at our car and swearing at us as we drove off. Gosh, I was proud."

  • "I had slumps that lasted into the winter."

  • "I led the league in 'Go get 'em next time.'"

  • "I set records that will never be equaled. In fact, I hope 90% of them don't even get printed."

  • "Career highlights? I had two. I got an intentional walk from Sandy Koufax and I got out of a rundown against the Mets."

  • "When I came up to bat with three men on and two outs in the ninth, I looked in the other team's dugout and they were already in street clothes."
  • "When I looked at the third base coach, he turned his back on me."

  • "Wait until it stops rolling and pick it up." On how to catch a knuckleball.

  • "I hit a grand slam off Ron Herbel and when his manager Herman Franks came out to get him, he was bringing Herbel's suitcase."

  • "Sporting goods companies pay me not to endorse their products."

  • "Baseball hasn't forgotten me. I go to a lot of Old-Timers games and I haven't lost a thing. I sit in the bullpen and let people throw things at me. Just like old times."

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on March 26 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Baseball :: Baseball

Usenet Performance Art

A little SPANK cascade ending with The 2-Belo

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on March 25 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: MEOW!
Technicalities links with: Catching Up on Blog Reading

Stengelese

Former New YOrk Yankee and New York Mets manager, Casel Stengel, became known as "The Ol' Perfesser," holding forth in bars until all hours of the night with what he called "my writers." The key to his charm was the highly developed art form that came to be known as Stengelese, a personal jabberwocky of rambling double-talk, gibberish, non sequiturs, and catch phrases that left his audience alternately amused, bewildered and mildly better informed.

Famous Casey Stengel Quotes About Drinking & Baseball

steng8.jpg

  • "The trouble is not that players have sex the night before a game. It's that they stay out all night looking for it."
  • "We are in such a slump that even the ones that are drinkin' aren't hittin'."
  • "They say some of my stars drink whiskey, but I have found that ones who drink milkshakes don't win many ball games."
  • "Look at him (Bobby Richardson) - he doesn't drink, he doesn't smoke, he doesn't chew, he doesn't stay out late, and he still can't hit .250."
  • "I got players with bad watches - they can't tell midnight from noon."
  • "I came in here and a fella asked me to have a drink. I said I don't drink. Then another fella said hear you and Joe DiMaggio aren't speaking and I said I'll take that drink."
  • "Don't drink in the hotel bar, that's where I do my drinking."
  • "Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player. It's staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in."
Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on March 25 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Baseball

Notable Quotables

Don't break your arm patting yourself on the back...

I really lack the words to compliment myself today.
- Alberto Tomba

I'll always be Number 1 to myself.
- Moses Malone

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on March 25 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Funny Stuff

Really Big Sigfile Collection

Here is a really cool collection of sigfile headers and Usenet Performance Art.

A nice little poem:

alt dot fucking flame
---------------------
(with apologies to John Cooper Clarke)

I'm fucking sick of "AnalfaCe"
He's just a waste of fucking space.
That fucking Krapout's fucking shite
Can't fucking spell, can't fucking write.
And fucking Doom's as fucking bad
As he was last year - it's fucking sad.
And fucking Zoos claims fucking spanks
And fucking Biil just fucking wanks.
"I'm fucking rich", "you're fucking poor"
"You racist fuck, I'm fucking sure"
"Your fucking wife's a fucking slag"
"You're fucking gay you fucking fag"
"I fucked your mom, ten fucking bucks"
"Your fucking website fucking sucks"
"It fucking is", "it's fucking not"
Who fucking cares you fucking 'bots?
I might as well just fucking quit,
I'm sick and fucking tired of it.
When every day's the fucking same,
Right here on alt dot fucking flame.

I wanted to do a sample of some cool ASCII art, but it is all in a monospaced font and won't display properly. Go check it out... there are some really talented people that had a lot of time on their hands to create wonderful images using nothing but letters, numbers, and symbols.

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on March 24 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: MEOW!

Greatest Hitters Ever

I've completed my analysis for the title of Greatest Hitter Ever.

UPDATE:
I've updated my list of suspects to include Joe DiMaggio, Mickey Mantle, Jimmy Foxx, Manny Ramirez, Alex Rodiguez. Let me know if you think anyone else deserves to be added to the list.

To determine the winner of this title, I used the formula described below and used the top 15 productive years of each hitter's career.

Here are some interesting tidbits from my research...

Top 10 best hitting seasons ever:

  1. Ted Williams, 1941, 37 HR, 120 RBI, .406 BA, 145 BB, 27 SO [681]

  2. Barry Bonds, 2002, 46 HR, 110 RBI, .370 BA, 198 BB, 47 SO [677]

  3. Babe Ruth, 1921, 59 HR, 171 RBI, .378 BA, 145 BB, 81 SO [672]

  4. Ted Williams, 1949, 43 HR, 159 RBI, .343 BA, 162 BB, 48 SO [659]

  5. Babe Ruth, 1931, 46 HR, 163 RBI, .373 BA, 128 BB, 51 SO [659]

  6. Lou Gehrig, 1934, 49 HR, 165 RBI, .363 BA, 109 BB, 31 SO [655]

  7. Babe Ruth, 1923, 41 HR, 131 RBI, .393 BA, 170 BB, 93 SO [642]

  8. Lou Gehring, 1936, 49 HR, 152 RBI, .354 BA, 130 BB, 46 SO [639]

  9. Babe Ruth, 1920, 54 HR, 137 RBI, .376 BA, 150 BB, 80 SO [637]

  10. Babe Ruth, 1930, 49 HR, 153 RBI, .359 BA, 136 BB, 61 SO [636]

Top 10 Seasons:
Babe Ruth: 5
Lou Gehring: 2
Ted Williams: 2
Barry Bonds: 1

Top 25 Seasons:
Babe Ruth: 8
Lou Gehring: 6
Ted Williams: 4
Rogers Hornsby: 2
Barry Bonds: 2
Jimmy Foxx: 2

Top 50 Seasons:
Babe Ruth: 11
Lou Gehring: 9
Ted Williams: 9
Rogers Hornsby: 6
Barry Bonds: 3
Jimmy Foxx: 3
Joe DiMaggio: 3
Todd Helton: 3
Stan Musial: 2
Mickey Mantle: 1

Last Call 

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on March 23 :: Permalink :: Comments (5) :: Baseball

Greater Hitters Ever

I've been doing some research on who is the greatest hitter in baseball history. I started my quest after looking at Rogers Hornsby's batting averages. Damn... that man could hit!

Well, how would you go about determining who is the greatest hitter? Not some long drawn out mathematical equation that only a fucking rocket surgeon could understand... a straight-forward approach that the everyday fan can understand.

Here's my thinking...

The greatest hitter would have to hit Home Runs.
The greatest hitter would have to have a lot of RBIs.
The greatest hitter would have to hit for a high Batting Averages.
The greatest hitter would have to accumulate a lot of Bases on Balls.
The greatest hitter would have to have very few Strike Outs.

My formula is add HR, RBI, BA, BB, subtract SO to arrive at a total number. Rank the hitter's totals by year.

Count the number of times the hitters placed in the top 50 and the hitters' placement in those rankings.

I was thinking about adding Runs Scored, but that is not a function of pure hitting. Also, by adding that stat to the equation, it would skew the results in favor of the Home Run hitter. The HR would be counted as a Run, HR, RBI. I'll leave Runs Scored out of the equation unless anyone has any other ideas about modifying the formula. [The only adjustment would be to maybe do RBI less HR for a true RBI total - that way the HR totals aren't weighted]

Also, I didn't really want to include the down-side of the careers where someone has diminished skills, hanging on too long, etc. I wanted the comparisons to be based on their outstanding seasons over a period of at least 15 years.

I have several candidates on my list that meet the requirements for power and average: Ruth, Gehrig, Hornsby, Mays, Williams, Aaron, Bonds, Musial.

Starting tomorrow, I will profile the stats of the sixth greatest hitter of all time and shine a spotlight on some of the more outstanding features of that player's career.

Each day I will profile another player until we reach Madfish Willie's Greatest Hitter of All Time!

Last Call 

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on March 22 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Baseball

Alt.Fan.Karl-Malden.Nose

The Orginal afk-mn Newsgroup Control Message from 1993!

Whence the Nose?

From news@use.net Mon May 3 23:57:12 1993
Control: newgroup alt.fan.karl-malden.nose
Newsgroups: alt.fan.karl-malden.nose.ctl
Path: unet!uchinews!linac!pacific.mps.ohio-state.edu!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!sdd.hp.com!decwrl!decwrl!usenet.coe.montana.edunetnews.nwnet.net!news.u.washington.edu!raven.alaska.edu!use.net!news
From: news@use.net (The Gh0D of Usenet)
Subject: newgroup alt.fan.karl-malden.nose
Message-ID:
Sender: news@use.net (The Gh0D of Usenet)
Nntp-Posting-Host: Gh0D.use.net
Organization: net.gods 'r us
Date: Mon, 3 May 1993 18:43:34 GMT
Approved: news@use.net
Lines: 1
Xref: uunet control:621349

Don't leave home without it.

Make sure you scroll down the page and read the Kitty pornography post; read the headers, especially the "Old-Approved" line.

Next time we'll have some Usenet Performance Art for you to review!!

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on March 22 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: MEOW!
Technicalities links with: Catching Up on Blog Reading

Scattershooting...

My thoughts on the steriods/illegal drug testing issue in professional sports? They are all a bunch of pussies! Let 'em try the IOC testing program or the one the the bicyclists have to go through. Then they would know what testing is all about. The penalties dealt out in those programs would effectively terminate most professional careers. Imagine having to sit out two years of your multi-million dollar a year career.

Allen Iverson is a spoiled brat troublemaker. Why is he too good to come off the bench? Why is he too good to play by the rules the rest of his teammates have to play by? I don't recall any titles on his collegiate or professional resume. Until then, I think he should just shut the fuck up and do what the coach tells him to do.

Terrell [There is no I in team, but there is a M and a E and that spells ME] Owens is a bad person to have on your football team. He is a great talent, no doubt about it, but his ME-first attitude is poison. My predictions are the Ravens will be better off without him, the Eagles will wish they had never seen him by the middle of the year, and the Eagles won't make it to the Conference Title Game this year.

First Starky & Hutch, and now Walking Tall? What's next... Billy Jack? I like The Rock, but remaking Walking Tall is a bad move. It seems to me The Rock is good in an action/comedy movie. I may be wrong, but I don't think so.

Remember when a multiplex theatre was the Cinema I & II.

Did you know that The Flintstones was the longest running prime time animated series ever until it was eclipsed by The Simpsons?

I think The Flintstones was based on The Honeymooners with Jackie Gleason and Art Carney... think about that.

I think Star Trek was Gunsmoke in outer space. Think about the how the characters correlate to each other.

I met Ken Curtis who played Deputy Festus Haggen at the boys home where I grew up. He came to do a little show... in his Gunsmoke costume and everything... he was really sick but "the show must go on"... then he stuck around to talk to some of the kids... a really cool guy!

You know when Star Trek first came out on TV... and we thought those flip open communicators were really cool... today we call them cell phones!

What ever happened to Sandy Koufax? Check out his stats from 1963 to 1966... won the pitching Triple Crown 3 out of 4 years... the most dominate pitcher EVER!

Joe DiMaggio always insisted on being introduced as "The Greatest Living Baseball Player". Although I agree he was one of the best to ever play the game, how fucking arrogant was that?

Who is the greatest living baseball player today? Stan Musial, Willie Mays, Henry Aaron, Barry "S" Bonds?

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on March 21 :: Permalink :: Comments (10) :: Other Crap

Fistful of Penis!

From the files of W E B C E N T E R:

Cascade 1) n. A form of visual post-art. Cascades are formed through followups of followups of followups etc. of posts, usually with one-word or one-sentence replies each time. The resulting triangle-shaped post can be hundreds of lines long, and can make for quite entertaining reading as well as just being cool-looking word art. Cascades also have the added effect, when used during a flamewar, of pissing off those who do not like them (see "fuckhead cascade"). 2) v. To participate in, or instigate, a cascade.

It is with great pleasure and much laughter that I direct you to The Movie Penis Cascade

Including but not limited to:

  • Twenty Thousand Penises Under The Sea.

  • Bill and Ted's Penis Adventure.

  • Alice Adventures in Penisland.

  • A Penis Full of Dollars.

If you have any movie titles you would like to add that are not on the list, let 'er rip in the comments!

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on March 20 :: Permalink :: Comments (3) :: MEOW!
Technicalities links with: Catching Up on Blog Reading

Empire of Meow

The One True History of MEOW!

The Meow Wars The largest flame war in Usenet history, involving hundreds of people from over 80 newsgroups, lasting over forty-five weeks. It was the Usenet equivalent of World War II. It was The Flamewar to End All Flamewars.

It was the best of times. The Meow Wars It all began innocently enough: a small group of students at Harvard University - a band of future bloodsucking ambulance-chasing lawyers, medical specialists who phone in diagnoses from mobile phones on yachts, and caffeine-crazed computer programmers with way too much time on their hands - began to use Usenet as a local dorm room bulletin board/gossip clique area.

The newsgroup they chose, apparently at random from among the hundreds of empty Usenet joke-newsgroup wastelands: alt.fan.karl-malden.nose. The circumstances surrounding the birth of this newsgroup can now be told, thanks to the location of the original newgroup control message.
[...]

Last Call 

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on March 19 :: Permalink :: Comments (4) :: MEOW!
Welcome to Castle Argghhh! The Home Of One Of Jonah's Military Guys. links with: This is post #1000. Therefore, it is only appropriate...
Blog o'RAM links with: Cat-astrophy
Technicalities links with: Catching Up on Blog Reading

Scattershooting...

You want to see something that will make you laugh your ass off?

Check this out: The 1000 Fighting Styles of Rumsfeld

Via Sir Banagor via Emperor Darth Misha I

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on March 18 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Funny Stuff

Baseball Quotes

Today's baseball quotes: Statistics

My favorites from this list are:

"Statistics are the lifeblood of baseball. In no other sport are so many available and studied so assiduously by participants and fans. Much of the game's appeal, as a conversation piece, lies in the opportunity the fan gets to back up opinions and arguments with convincing figures, and it is entirely possible that more American boys have mastered long division by dealing with batting averages than in any other way."
~Leonard Koppert in A Thinking Mans Guide to Baseball (1967)

"They both (statistics & bikinis) show a lot, but not everything."
~Toby Harrah [Infielder]

"When I negotiated Bob Stanley's contract with the Red Sox, we had statistics demonstrating he was the third-best pitcher in the league. They had a chart showing he was the sixtieth-best pitcher on the Red Sox!"
~Bob Woolf [Agent]

Go check out the rest!

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on March 18 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Baseball

Triple Crown

The hitting Triple Crown has only been achieved 16 times in MLB history. Two players, Rogers Hornsby & Ted Williams, completed the feat twice. So, only 14 players have ever won the hitting Triple Crown!

Carl Yastrzemski of the Boston Red Sox, was the last triple crown winner in Major League Baseball in 1967.

This guy has some interesting ideas about changing the current requirements for the Triple Crown. I can tell he is not a die-in-the-wool baseball fan. He's full of shit! Don't believe a word he has to say!

Every year I follow the stats with interest to see if anyone has a shot a being a triple crown winner. Last year Albert Pujols gave it a hellava run, finishing with 43 (T4), 124 (T4), .359 (1) after petering out a little at the end of the season.

Of current players, it looks to me like Pujols has the best shot at achieving the feat. He hits for average and power and is good with men on base.

Todd Helton has a shot too. If Colorado were in the AL, he would have 2 [6] seasons: 2000 at 4,1,1 and 2001 at 2,1,3. He plays in a hitters' park and gets lots of at bats. His main malfunction is that he is in the same league as Pujols, Bonds, Sosa, Walker.

Bonds won't do it because his RBI totals will always be affected by the number of walks, intentional or not, he accumulates.

A-Rod won't do it because he hasn't hit for high average since 96 when he led the league with a .358 BA. Also, he's moving out of a hitter's park at Texas and into Yankee Stadium, not known for being friendly to right-handed pull hitters. He will have a tougher time hitting his usual 40 HR this year because of that.

Is there anyone else in the AL that is capable of the Triple Crown? I can't think of anyone right off the top of my head. Carlos Delgado perhaps?

Other past near misses in the past with top 5 finishes in the stats in their league:

Last Call 

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on March 17 :: Permalink :: Comments (4) :: Baseball

Astronomy?

In honor of the discovery of a new planet in our solar system, here are some jokes:

  1. What does an astronomer use to hold up his pants?
  2. Where does an astronomer go for a higher education?
  3. Did you hear the joke about astronomy?
  4. How do you keep astronomers clean?

Answer the questions in the comments if you think you are clever enough... I'll acknowledge the correct answers as posted or post the correct answers tomorrow pm in the comments.

Some miscellaneous facts:

Last Call 

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on March 16 :: Permalink :: Comments (8) :: Funny Stuff

Who's On First?

Anybody know anythiong about Fantasy Baseball and setting up a league?

I'm gonna start up blogging again in a couple of weeeks... around the start of baseball season. I was thinking about running a fantasy league. If you have any info or links that I could look at, ket me know.

Also, I'll be tracking a couple of teams all year... maybe one or two in each league... Texas Rangers (or maybe not) because I used to live about three miles from the stadium, although they have shit for pitching every year... you give me some of your favorite teams and I'll let you know what I think.

I'll also track some individual players: Albert Pujols, Todd Helton, A-Rod... Need some interesting pitchers... maybe Rocket Man, Schilling, Maddox on the way to 300, Pedro's ERA.

I also like to look at the all time stats and try to predict when someone might break a record and compare todays stars to those of yesteryear.

Anyway, someone give me some input and ideas for a league name.

See ya later...

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on March 12 :: Permalink :: Comments (6) :: Baseball