Usenet Performance Art

From the files of W E B C E N T E R ...

MEOW MEOW Glossary

Cascade, weiner-doggy n. A type of cascade where an element is added to the sentence with each followup, making each succeeding entry longer and longer:

>>>Weiner-doggy.
>>Neutered weiner-doggy.
>Syphlitic neutered weiner-doggy.
Syphlitic neutered weiner-doggy with worms.

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 16 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: MEOW!

Dumb Ass Jokes

Dumb-Ass Jokes as told by Harv E Roo.

Madfish Willie's is the #1 & #2 & #3 Google search result for: Dumb Ass Jokes!

Harv E Roo: I've just discovered a method for making wool out of milk!
Kang A Roo: But doesn't that make the cow feel a little sheepish?

Harv E Roo: Pa's being chased by a bull!
Kang A Roo: Well, what in tarnation do you want me to do about it?
Harv E Roo: Get me some film for my camera!

Harv E Roo: Name five things that contain milk.
Kang A Roo: Butter, cheese, ice cream ... and two cows!

Harv E Roo: That bull you sold me is a lazy good-for-nothing!
Kang A Roo: I told you he was a bum steer!

Harv E Roo: That tornado damage your cow barn any?
Kang A Roo: Dunno. Haven't found the durn thing yet!

Harv E Roo: What advice to cows give?
Kang A Roo: Turn the udder cheek and mooooove on!

Harv E Roo: What animals do you bring to bed?
Kang A Roo: Your calves.

Harv E Roo: What are cows favorite party games?
Kang A Roo: MOO-sical chairs!

Harv E Roo: What are the spots on black-and-white cows?
Kang A Roo: Holstaines

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 16 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Dumb Ass Jokes

Cool Images


LighthouseWaves.jpg


Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 16 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Images

Dumb Ass Jokes

Dumb-Ass Jokes as told by Harv E Roo.

Madfish Willie's is the #1 & #2 & #3 Google search result for: Dumb Ass Jokes!

Harv E Roo: If a bull is chasing you, what steps should you take?
Kang A Roo: The longest ones I could!

Harv E Roo: If you crossed a cow with a goat, what would you get?
Kang A Roo: Half and half!

Harv E Roo: If you crossed a cow with an insect, what would you get?
Kang A Roo: A moosquito!

Harv E Roo: If you crossed a cow with Michael Jackson, what song would you get?
Kang A Roo: "Beeflt!"

Harv E Roo: If you crossed two cows with a flock of ducks, what would you get?
Kang A Roo: Milk and quackers!

Harv E Roo: If you had a gun and you were being chased by a bull and a mountain lion, which one would you shoot first?
Kang A Roo: The mountain lion. You can always shoot the bull!

Harv E Roo: If you make a cow angry, how will she get even?
Kang A Roo: She'll cream you!

Harv E Roo: If you see a whole field of cows, what's a fast way to figure out how many cattle there are?
Kang A Roo: Count the hooves and divide by four!

Harv E Roo: In what state will you find the most cows?
Kang A Roo: Moo York!

Harv E Roo: Is there big money in the cattle business?
Kang A Roo: So I've herd!

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 15 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Dumb Ass Jokes

Cool Images


RockCliffCouple.jpg


Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 15 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Images

Daddies Long Legs

Being a Texan, this cracked me up:

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden.

He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.

"They're mating," her father replied.

"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.

"That's a Daddy Longlegs," Her father answered.

"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.

"No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."

The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat.

"That might be OK in Massachusetts & California, but we're not having any of that shit here in Texas."

~LCVeeshir
in the comments at this post over at The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 15 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Funny Stuff

Usenet Performance Art

Found in alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk, this one had me rolling in the floor:

Our guest tonight on alt.usenet.kooks is very special...
let's all give Dick Hertz (Hey, who's Dick Hertz?) a big hand!

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 15 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: MEOW!

Usenet Performance Art

Form the files of W E B C E N T E R ...

Sig Files: July Ford-McKenna - 1000 LINES! Longer than Kibo!

[...]

Attention flonkers, nosers, altflamers, aunties, sig.bunnies,
dolphin-fishers, disneyites, frogs, kooks and other netizens

TIRED of reading fuckhead cascades?
FED UP TO THE BACK TEETH with "me too!!!"
BORED with downloading hundreds of HFW lames?
SICK of reading dozens of permutations of the "bitch" flame?
IF YOU SEE ONE MORE BLOODY "yer sig's too long" you'll KILL YOURSELF?


***THIS SPIFFY .SIG!! (tm) will revolutionize USENET!!!***


Killfile everyone but me. That's July Ford-McKenna. That's it -
*plonk* the lot of 'em. *PLONK* *PLONK* *PLONK*

Then read my .sig once a week.

THE SPIFFY .SIG!!(tm) There is NO substitute.

[...]

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 14 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: MEOW!

Dumb Ass Jokes

Dumb-Ass Jokes as told by Harv E Roo.

Madfish Willie's is the #1 & #2 & #3 Google search result for: Dumb Ass Jokes!

Harv E Roo: How did the calf s final exam turn out?
Kang A Roo: Grade A!

Harv E Roo: How did the cow feel when she couldn't give any milk?
Kang A Roo: Like an udder failure!

Harv E Roo: How did the farmer find his lost cow?
Kang A Roo: He tractor down

Harv E Roo: How do bulls drive their cars?
Kang A Roo: They steer them!

Harv E Roo: How do you make a milkshake?
Kang A Roo: Give a cow a pogo stick.

Harv E Roo: How does a cow do math?
Kang A Roo: With a cowculator!

Harv E Roo: How to you know that cows will be in heaven?
Kang A Roo: It's a place of udder delight.

Harv E Roo: I broke three wild bulls this morning.
Kang A Roo: How careless of you!

Harv E Roo: I can't decide whether to buy a bicycle or a cow for my farm.
Kang A Roo: Well, wouldn't you look silly riding a cow?
Harv E Roo: I'd look a darn sight sillier trying to milk a bicycle!

Harv E Roo:I hear you take milk baths.
Kang A Roo: That's right.
Harv E Roo: Why?
Kang A Roo: I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower!

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 14 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Dumb Ass Jokes

Dumb Ass Jokes

Dumb-Ass Jokes as told by Harv E Roo.

Madfish Willie's is the #1 & #2 & #3 Google search result for: Dumb Ass Jokes!

Harv E Roo: A man climbed over a fence into a field to pick some flowers. He noticed a bull nearby.
Kang A Roo: Say, farmer. Is that bull safe?
Harv E Roo: Well, he's a lot safer than you are right now!

Harv E Roo: A summer visitor asked the farmer how long cows should be milked.
Kang A Roo: "Oh, I reckon about the same as short ones!" the farmer answered.

Harv E Roo: Cow: Why don't you shoo those flies?
Kang A Roo: Bull: I'll let them go barefoot!

Harv E Roo: Did you hear about the farmer who lost control of his tractor in the cow pasture?
Kang A Roo: No! Did he hurt the cows?
Harv E Roo: No, he just grazed them!

Harv E Roo: Did you hear about the snobby cow?
Kang A Roo: She thought she was a cutlet above the rest!

Harv E Roo: Did you hear that Canada sold the U.S. a large herd of bison?
Kang A Roo: Did Canada send the U.S. a buffalo bill?

Harv E Roo: Did you know that I'm a dairy maid at a chocolate factory?
Kang A Roo: That's strange. What do you do?
Harv E Roo: I milk chocolates!

Harv E Roo: Does running out of a burning barn make a cow unusual?
Kang A Roo: No, only medium rare!

Harv E Roo: How did cows feel when the branding iron was invented?
Kang A Roo: They were very impressed!

Harv E Roo: How did that bullfight come out?
Kang A Roo: Oh, it was a toss-up!

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 13 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Dumb Ass Jokes

Designing Ideas!


Color codes... what are they... where do I find them... how do I use them... what about fonts...

Thse are some questions we ask when starting on a design for our site. I have compiled some links to answer these questions and presented them by groups in the extended entry.

Design gurus will tell you that content is king and design presentation should not detract from the actual content of your post. I am not presenting this information to discuss the theories of content and presentation. I am presenting it as a set of tools for you to use and decide for yourself how you want to present your content to your corner of the the world.

I tend to favor a more bold approach to using color in my designs, whereas other designers prefer a more subtle approach. I've tried to give you enough information and reference sources so you would be able to make your own decisions and present your content how you want it to look for your readers. After all... it's your site... do what YOU want to do.

Last Call 

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 13 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: HammerHead
Ramblings of SilverBlue links with: Massive Link-Luv™

Last Call

Last Call for Alcohol!

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 13 :: Permalink :: Comments (312) :: Who Cares
DramaQueen links with: a good blogger, like a good bra, never lets you down
Note-It Posts links with: Second Quote of the Day
drowning at 2 feet sea level links with: Utter nonsense.
Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love links with: Wednesday Warp
Straight White Guy links with: Joke of the Day
Practical Penumbra links with: Monday Morning Blues....
drowning at 2 feet sea level links with: Sunday Roll Call
Straight White Guy links with: Zevon again...
Practical Penumbra links with: Idle blogs are the devil's playthings...
margilowry [dot] com links with: Madfish Willie announces Last Call
XSet links with: Party on dudes!
Practical Penumbra links with: With a little help from my friends...
dramaqueen .:. my horns are tangled in my halo links with: you flirt!
Straight White Guy links with: Blogger Sins....

Greatest Hitters Ever Comment Party

I'm starting a comment party about baseball in general and the Greatest Hitters Ever!

I'll post date it to October 1 [just in time to start a Play-offs comment party] so it will stay at the top, under the last call party.

So, if you are a baseball fan, jump in and let's hear your 2cents on the topic at hand!!

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 13 :: Permalink :: Comments (20) :: Baseball
BLATHER REVIEW links with: Aaah, the sweet smell of horse-hide

Scattershooting

Not much in the way of scattershooting this week... been busy helping move all the new MuNuvians set up their MT blogs and move their links and pics and stylesheets. It's not difficult, but it's real time consuming.

So far I've moved Key Issues, A Likely Story, Brain Fertilizer, There's One, Only (in process), Mamamontezz, Educated Beyond Her Intelligence, and there is someone else, but I can't remember... Oh yeah... it's Straight White Guy, who's moving off his current server/host due to some problems. We have so many new and excellent blogs at MuNuviana, it's getting hard to read them and everybody else I want to read everyday...

My new favorite blog is The Commissar! That guy cracks me up.

Hey, I'm flipping around the tube this weekend and I see The Blue Man Group on Direct TV's Freeview. Man... those guys KICK ASS!... a visual kaleidascope, an explosion of colors and textures, a veritable lighting and video extravaganza... if you like drums and percussion instruments, you won't want to miss this... they had four dudes working a colossal bank of drums just kicking ass the whole time... a unique auditory experience... the best part was Annette Strean from Venus Hum singing a cover of Donna Summer's I Feel Love! THAT ROCKED!!!! If you ever get the chance, don't miss the opportunity to experience the phenomenal Blue Man Group.

Check out this article about Google Bombing! Serves Kerry right... take A position... take ANY position... as long as it's only ONE postion. Google Bombs in USA Today... must have been a slow news day?

Kudos to Phil Mickelson on finally winning his first major golf tournament! The Masters, no less. And he's a lefty! Ya gotta like that.

Last Call 

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 12 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Other Crap

Usenet Performance Art

Found this one today at alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk...

what about this one? :

this was posted today at the computer forum where i like to hang out, by Tsaven Nava, so all credits should go to him. i hope it didn't hide in his bed to wait for revenge, hehe.

regards
Anja
mhm 36x5

Last Call 

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 11 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: MEOW!
She Who Will Be Obeyed! links with: Glad I'm not this kid's mom!

Usenet Performace Art

Here's a sig file [Author: Tim Weaver] that I stumbled across today:

To err is human. To bleat is ovine. To bark is canine.

To forgive is divine. To oink is porcine. To purr is feline.

To moo is bovine. To howl is lupine. This list is assinine.

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 11 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: MEOW!

Usenet Performance Art

From the files of W E B C E N T E R ...

FEAR OF A MEOW PLANET by The King of Rock

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 9 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: MEOW!

Greatest Hitters Ever

Madfish Willie's Greatest Hitter Ever - #4 Stan Musial

Awards:
1943: National League Most Valuable Player
1946: National League Most Valuable Player
1948: National League Most Valuable Player
1999: Named to All-Century Team (OF)

After 22 years as a Cardinal, Stan Musial ranked at or near the top of Baseball's all-time lists in almost every batting category. The dead-armed Class C pitcher became a slugging outfielder who topped the .300 mark 17 times and won seven National League batting titles with his famed corkscrew stance and ringing line drives. A three-time MVP, he played in 24 All-Star Games. He was nicknamed "The Man" by Dodger fans for the havoc he wrought at Ebbets Field, and is still renowned for his skilled harmonica playing.


Did you know...
... that on May 2, 1954, Stan Musial hit a record five home runs in a doubleheader against the Giants, including two round-trippers off future Hall of Fame pitcher Hoyt Wilhelm?

Here are his complete career statistics.

Here are his top 15 productive seasons according to the Madfish Willie Index:

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 9 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Baseball

Dumb Ass Jokes

Dumb-Ass Jokes as told by Harv E Roo.

Madfish Willie's is the #1 & #2 & #3 Google search result for: Dumb Ass Jokes!

Harv E Roo: Why did the chicken cross the road half way ?
Kang A Roo: He wanted to lay it on the line !

Harv E Roo: What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
Kang A Roo: They go on peck-nics !

Harv E Roo: What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy ?
Kang A Roo: "You scratch my beak and I'll scratch yours!"

Harv E Roo: Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
Kang A Roo: He wasn't what he was cracked up to be !

Harv E Roo: Is chicken soup good for your health ?
Kang A Roo: Not if you're the chicken !

Harv E Roo: What do chickens serve at birthday parties ?
Kang A Roo: Coop-cakes !

Harv E Roo: What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn ?
Kang A Roo: An eggroll !

Harv E Roo: What do you call the outside of a hand gren-egg ?
Kang A Roo: The bombshell !

Harv E Roo: Which day of the week do chickens hate most ?
Kang A Roo: Fry-day !

Harv E Roo: What happens when you drop a hand gren-egg ?
Kang A Roo: It eggs-plodes !

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 8 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Dumb Ass Jokes

Around The Horn...

Opening Day! WooHoo!!!

The real Opening Day where everybody plays, not the piece of shit exhibition baseball in Japan and Mexico and everywhere else! I have to say that all that other stuff really dilutes the impact and excitment of what used to be a special day every year. The Boys of Summer... enternally young... playing the game we love so much... one more time!

Kaz Matsui hits his first HR in the ML... in his first AB... leading off the game... on Opening Day. How many times has that ever been done? Wave the magic wand ---> This is only the second time in Major League history !

Bonds parks one and is one away from tying Willie Mays at 660 for #3 All Time Home Run list.

Randy Johnson is being weird because he thinks he is tipping his pitches. Damn... you throw the ball 100 MPH... just blaze away... they can't hit THAT heater even of they KNOW it's coming.

Todd Helton, my candidate for the Hitter's Triple Crown this year, went 4 for 4 in the Colorado Rockies opener! Who was the last Major Leaguer to hit for the Triple Crown, you ask? Carl Yaztremski, Boston Red Sox, 1968 !

In other Sports news:

The University of Connecticutt won both the Men's College Basketball Title & the Women's College Basketball Title this year. How many times has that ever happened? This is the first time ever !

The women's team just completed back-to-back-to-back championship seasons!

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 7 :: Permalink :: Comments (3) :: Baseball

Greatest Hitters Ever

Madfish Willie's Greatest Hitter Ever - #5 Joe Dimaggio

Awards:
1939: American League Most Valuable Player
1941: American League Most Valuable Player
1947: American League Most Valuable Player
1999: Named to All-Century Team (OF)

Joe DiMaggio is remembered as one of the game's most graceful athletes — a "picture player" both at bat and in center field. Many rate his 56-consecutive-game hitting streak in 1941 as the top baseball feat of all time. "The Yankee Clipper" used an unusually wide stance in winning two batting championships and three MVP awards. In 13 seasons he amassed 361 homers, averaged 118 RBI annually and compiled a .325 lifetime batting mark. At Baseball's 1969 Centennial Celebration, he was named the game's greatest living player.


Did you know...
... that in 1933, eight years before his famed 56-game hitting streak, Joe DiMaggio fashioned a 61-game hitting streak with the San Francisco Seals of the Pacific Coast League?

Here are his complete career statistics.

Here are his top 15 productive seasons according to the Madfish Willie Index:

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 7 :: Permalink :: Comments (5) :: Baseball

Dumb Ass Jokes

Dumb-Ass Jokes as told by Harv E Roo.

Madfish Willie's is the #1 & #2 & #3 Google search result for: Dumb Ass Jokes!

Harv E Roo: Why did the cow cross the road ?
Kang A Roo: To get to the udder side !

Harv E Roo: Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
Kang A Roo: Because it was stuck to the chicken !

Harv E Roo: Why did the chicken cross the "net" ?
Kang A Roo: It wanted to get to the other site !

Harv E Roo: What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning ?
Kang A Roo: An alarm cluck !

Harv E Roo: What does an alarm cluck say ?
Kang A Roo: "Tick-tock-a-doodle-doo !"

Harv E Roo: Why does a chicken coop have two doors ?
Kang A Roo: Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!

Harv E Roo: How long do chickens work ?
Kang A Roo: Around the cluck !

Harv E Roo: Why did the chicken cross the road ?
Kang A Roo: To prove to the possum that it could be done !

Harv E Roo: Why did the chicken end up in the soup ?
Kang A Roo: Because it ran out of cluck !

Harv E Roo: Why did the cow cross the road ?
Kang A Roo: To go to the moooooovies !

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 7 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Dumb Ass Jokes

Usenet Performance Art

From the files of W E B C E N T E R ...

Someone's Forging Glennie Webb: a poem-cascade.

This one ended up with The 2-Belo! Check out his header files for some additional silliness.

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 7 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: MEOW!

Usenet Performance Art

From the files of W E B C E N T E R ...

El Brujo explains to a hapless Canadian about the possibility of fellatio with 220 million people.

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 6 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: MEOW!

Dumb Ass Jokes

Dumb-Ass Jokes as told by Harv E Roo.

Madfish Willie's is the #1 & #2 & #3 Google search result for: Dumb Ass Jokes!

Harv E Roo: Why did the chicken cross the road ?
Kang A Roo: To get to the other side

Harv E Roo: Why did the rooster cross the road ?
Kang A Roo: To cockadoodle dooo something

Harv E Roo: Why did the chicken cross the basketball court ?
Kang A Roo: He heard the referee calling fowls

Harv E Roo: Why did the turkey cross the road ?
Kang A Roo: To prove he wasn't chicken

Harv E Roo: Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud and cross the road again ?
Kang A Roo: Because he was a dirty double-crosser

Harv E Roo: Why didn't the chicken skeleton cross the road ?
Kang A Roo: Because he didn't have enough guts

Harv E Roo: Why did the chicken cross the playground ?
Kang A Roo: To get to the other slide

Harv E Roo: Why did the dinosaur cross the road ?
Kang A Roo: Because chickens hadn't evolved yet

Harv E Roo: Why did the turtle cross the road ?
Kang A Roo: To get to the shell station

Harv E Roo: Why did the horse cross the road ?
Kang A Roo: Because the chicken needed a day off

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 6 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Dumb Ass Jokes

Usenet Performance Art

From the files of W E B C E N T E R ...

All Bound for Meow Meow Land by posterkid.

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 5 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: MEOW!

Greatest Hitters Ever

Madfish Willie's Greatest Hitter Ever - #6 Rogers Hornsby

Awards:
1922: National League Triple Crown
1925: National League Triple Crown
1925: National League Most Valuable Player
1929: National League Most Valuable Player
1999: Named to All-Century Team (2B)

Perhaps the game's most consistent right-handed hitter, Rogers Hornsby captured seven batting titles — including six in a row — averaging better than .400 three times. A complete player whose passion for the game was shown both on and off the field, Hornsby's .424 mark in 1924 is a National League record for the 20th century and his career average of .359 is the highest ever in the National League. "The Rajah," a two-time MVP and Triple Crown winner, was the player-manager of the Cardinals' first World Championship team in 1926.


Did you know...
that on September 13, 1931, Rogers Hornsby became the first big leaguer to connect for an extra-inning, pinch-hit grand slam, as the Cubs defeated the Braves in 11 innings, 11-7?

Here are his complete career statistics.

Here are his top 15 productive seasons according to the Madfish Willie Index:

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 5 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Baseball

Dumb Ass Jokes

Dumb-Ass Jokes as told by Harv E Roo.

Madfish Willie's is the #1 & #2 & #3 Google search result for: Dumb Ass Jokes!

Harv E Roo: What do you call a crazy chicken ?
Kang A Roo: A cuckoo cluck !

Harv E Roo: What happened to the chicken whose feathers were all pointing the wrong way ?
Kang A Roo: She was tickled to death !

Harv E Roo: What do you get when you cross a chicken with a duck?
Kang A Roo: A bird that lays down !

Harv E Roo: Why don't chickens like people ?
Kang A Roo: They beat eggs !

Harv E Roo: Why did the rooster run away ?
Kang A Roo: He was chicken !

Harv E Roo: What do chickens grow on ?
Kang A Roo: Eggplants !

Harv E Roo: Why is it easy for chicks to talk ?
Kang A Roo: Because talk is cheep !

Harv E Roo: What happens when a hen eats gunpowder ?
Kang A Roo: She lays hand gren-eggs !

Harv E Roo: What happened when the chicken ate cement ?
Kang A Roo: She laid a sidewalk !

Harv E Roo: What did the chicken do when he saw a bucket of fried chicken ?
Kang A Roo: She kicked the bucket !

Cheers!

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 4 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Dumb Ass Jokes

Scattershooting...

My cat Harold is housebroken. He runs outside to make a poop. No nasty litter boxes to clean up. How cool is that? He looks like a holstein milk cow - black spots on white body. Except his nose... that has a little brown patch on it... it looks like he has been out burying a bone or something in the dirt like a dog and then covering it up with his nose.

Has anybody beside me ever seen the movie Evil Roy Slade? I saw that when I was in high school. I laughed my ass off. As a baby, his family was headed west in a wagon train. The wagon train was attacked by Indians and everyone killed or taken away or something. The only one left was this baby in a diaper. The Indians took one look at the baby and ran away. Next, the wolves came. They took one look at the baby and ran away. So, he grows up all alone out on the prairie in his diaper. Cut to several years later... Evil Roy Slade, fully grown and still wearing his diaper, is wondering around in the fields, stumbles over something, walks up to a big bunch of prickley pear cactus and KICKS it! Bwahahaha!

Go over and check SithMonkey's new blog. Me and Darth Monkeybone grew up in the same boys home... he was there a couple of years after I graduated... but we share a common "heritage". We were over at the Misha's chatroom on week-end night several months ago and through the course of discussion, figured out what we had in common. It's a small world after all.

Hehe... don't buy any shit from these dumbfucks! Be sure to read the comments, too. I wonder why they did initial caps on all but the last word?

Has anyone heard of any others bloggers in San Antonio? I know a bunch in Houston and Dallas and a couple in Austin... what about the rest of Texas? Just wondering is all.

Looky here! I found this picture of Harvey!

Something I've noticed on some TV series, they never have any lights on... I mean no one works in the dark like that. Check SCI, CSI:Miami, there are some others but I can't remember them off the top of my head. Those CSI people are always working in the fucking dark... every indoor crime scene is investigated with the lights off... even in the office they don't have any lights... how much crap do they miss because they won't flip a fucking light switch?

Last Call 

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 4 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Other Crap

Usenet Performance Art

From the files of W E B C E N T E R ...

The infamous "BARNEY RAPED MY FAMILY!!!n!" cascade. Fully restored. The largest, most widely crossposted cascade of the last two years, eclipsing the 'Nose's 2nd Anniversary Cascade in sheer volume.

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 3 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: MEOW!

Greatest Hitters Ever

Madfish Willie's Greatest Hitter Ever - #7 Barry Bonds

Awards:
1990: National League Most Valuable Player
1990: National League Gold Glove at OF
1991: National League Gold Glove at OF
1992: National League Gold Glove at OF
1992: National League Most Valuable Player
1993: National League Most Valuable Player
1993: National League Gold Glove at OF
1994: National League Gold Glove at OF
1994 ESPY: Outstanding Baseball Performer
1994 ESPY: Male Athlete of the Year
1996: National League Gold Glove at OF
1997: National League Gold Glove at OF
1998: National League Gold Glove at OF
2001: National League Most Valuable Player
2002 ESPY: Moment of the Year
2002: National League Most Valuable Player
2002 ESPY: Outstanding Baseball Performer
2003: National League Most Valuable Player

Scouting Report

2003 Season
Though he again posted amazing numbers while winning his sixth National League MVP Award, it was a difficult season for Barry Bonds, who played most of the season knowing his father, Bobby, was dying of cancer. Bonds was on the bereavement list twice, including a second time when his father passed away on August 23. When he returned, Bonds openly talked about the tough times he was experiencing, saying he was having trouble sleeping. Bonds stayed overnight in a Phoenix hospital with a rapid heartbeat in early September.

Hitting
Although Bonds is approaching 40 years old, he has the bat speed of a man much younger. With his short, quick swing, he's still able to turn on inside pitches and drive them out of the park. As the years have progressed he's become an even more disciplined hitter, drawing an astonishing 523 walks the past three seasons. There was a time when Bonds' weakness was hitting against lefthanders, but that's no longer the case.

Baserunning & Defense
Bonds' days as a Gold Glove left fielder are over. He's bulked up over the years and has lost his agility and foot speed. However, he still can keep runners from taking the extra base with a quick release and intelligent positioning. He also cut his errors from the previous season from eight to two. Bonds no longer is an elite basestealer, but he was 7-for-7 last season, including the 500th of his career.

2004 Outlook
There seems no reason to believe Bonds can't continue his astounding pace, even though he'll turn 40 on July 24. He needs two homers to tie his godfather, Willie Mays, for third place on the all-time list. Bonds has to continue to remain patient at the plate; at times, it appeared he grew frustrated with the walks he constantly received, going into mini-slumps when teams did pitch to him.

Here are his complete career statistics.

Here are his top 15 productive seasons according to the Madfish Willie Index:

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 3 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Baseball

Dumb Ass Jokes

Dumb-Ass Jokes as told by Harv E Roo.

Madfish Willie's is the #1 & #2 & #3 Google search result for: Dumb Ass Jokes!

Wave the magic wand over Kang's answers too see them!!! Magic!

Harv E Roo: What looks like half a cat ?
Kang A Roo: The other half !

Harv E Roo: What happened when the cat ate a ball of wool ?
Kang A Roo: She had mittens !

Harv E Roo: What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot ?
Kang A Roo: A carrot !

Harv E Roo: How do cats eat spaghetti ?
Kang A Roo: The same as everyone else - they put it in their mouths!

Harv E Roo: What is a French cat's favourite pudding ?
Kang A Roo: Chocolate mousse !

Harv E Roo: What do cat actors say on stage ?
Kang A Roo: Tabby or not tabby !

Harv E Roo: What did the cat say when he lost all his money ?
Kang A Roo: I'm paw !

Harv E Roo: How do you know if you cat's got a bad cold ?
Kang A Roo: He has cat-arrh !

Harv E Roo: How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling ?
Kang A Roo: She's got that down in the mouth look !

Harv E Roo: What do you get if you cross a cat and a gorilla ?
Kang A Roo: An animal that puts you out a night !

Harv E Roo: Why happened when the cat swallowed a coin ?
Kang A Roo: There was some money in the kitty !

Harv E Roo: Why did the cat sleep under the car ?
Kang A Roo: Because she wanted to wake up oily !

Cheers!

Last Call 

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 3 :: Permalink :: Comments (4) :: Dumb Ass Jokes

Greatest Hitters Ever

Madfish Willie's Greatest Hitter Ever - #8 Jimmie Foxx

Awards:
1932: American League Triple Crown
1932: American League Most Valuable Player
1933: American League Most Valuable Player
1933: American League Triple Crown
1938: American League Most Valuable Player

A fearsome power hitter whose strength earned him the moniker "The Beast," Jimmie Foxx was the anchor of an intimidating Philadelphia Athletics lineup that produced pennant winners from 1929 to 1931. The second batter in history to top 500 home runs, Foxx belted 30 or more homers in a record 12 consecutive seasons and drove in more than 100 runs 13 consecutive years, including a career-best 175 with Boston in 1938. He won back-to-back MVP awards in 1932 and 1933, capturing the Triple Crown the latter year.


Did you know...
that Jimmie Foxx holds the record for most walks in a big league game with six on June 16, 1938?

Here are his complete career statistics.

Here are his top 15 productive seasons according to the Madfish Willie Index:

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 2 :: Permalink :: Comments (6) :: Baseball

Usenet Performance Art

From the files of W E B C E N T E R ...

A Fuckhead is Born: Narrative Flame.

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 2 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: MEOW!

Dumb Ass Jokes

To learn the answer to the funny joke, wave your magic wand over Kang A Roo's space! Not that wand, Pervey!

Harv E Roo: Why is a crazy marmalade cat like a biscuit ?
Kang A Roo: They are both ginger nuts !

Harv E Roo: What do you call a cat that has just eaten a whole duck ?
Kang A Roo: A duck filled fatty puss !

Harv E Roo: What kind of cat should you take into the desert ?
Kang A Roo: A first aid kitty !

Harv E Roo: Why do cats chase birds ?
Kang A Roo: For a lark !

Harv E Roo: What do cats read in the morning ?
Kang A Roo: Mewspapers !

Harv E Roo: On what should you mount a statue of your cat ?
Kang A Roo: A caterpillar !

Harv E Roo: How is a cat laying down like a coin ?
Kang A Roo: Because he has his head on one side and his tail on the other !

Harv E Roo: What cat purrs more than any other ?
Kang A Roo: Purrsians !

Harv E Roo: How do you spell mousetrap in just three letters ?
Kang A Roo: C-A-T !

Harv E Roo: What do you get if cross a Tomcat with a Pekingese?
Kang A Roo: A Peking Tom !

Cheers!

Last Call 

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 2 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Dumb Ass Jokes

Usenet Performance Art

From the files of W E B C E N T E R ...

This is a little ditty from Fluffy, Ruler of All Usenet:

Stan, I Am!

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 1 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: MEOW!

Dumb Ass Jokes

Dumb-Ass Jokes as told by Harv E Roo.

Madfish Willie's is the #1 & #2 & #3 Google search result for: Dumb Ass Jokes!

Harv E Roo: What do you do with a blue Burmese ?
Kang A Roo: Try and cheer it up a bit !

Harv E Roo: What is the cat's favourite TV show ?
Kang A Roo: The evening mews !

Harv E Roo: What's worse than raining cats and dogs ?
Kang A Roo: Hailing taxi cabs !

Harv E Roo: How is cat food sold ?
Kang A Roo: Usually purr can !

Harv E Roo: What noise does a cat make going down the highway ?
Kang A Roo: Miaooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow !

Harv E Roo: What do you get if cross a cat with a canary ?
Kang A Roo: Shredded tweet !

Harv E Roo: What's the unluckiest kind of cat to have ?
Kang A Roo: A catastrophe !

Harv E Roo: What do you get if you cross a cat with a tree ?
Kang A Roo: A cat-a-logue !

Harv E Roo: What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim ?
Kang A Roo: An octopuss !

Harv E Roo: Why did the cat join the Red Cross ?
Kang A Roo: Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit !

Cheers!

Bullshit so far 

by Madfish Willie on April 1 :: Permalink :: Comments (2) :: Dumb Ass Jokes