Episode 0006824377

Next Up on Random Munuviana...

Airing Wednesday on Kosher Zombie TV at full moon:
Random Munuviana Episode 0006824377.

Touch prefrontal lobes for another half hard space drama. Tonight's episode. Ted hallucinates when a floating fat man molests a box of amusing artifacts.

Later on, Doctor Jennifer goes to a highspeed shuttle to find the enemy base. Tiger feels empowered when Tim disfigures The Borg Queen at a rare photo opportunity. Meanwhile, Victor (Oh my g-d, they killed Dead Meat)'s lice-infested flying pigs escape from confining religious delusion, causing nightmares for Leann.

You'll love the bloodshed when Chuck's energy relay station is attacked by black Nazi Burger Queen in a living alien transit device. Pixy Misa blasts the hostile forces into withdrawl after dodging inside a dense metallic asteroid, saving Susie's badly designed transport vehicle from certain destruction.

Finally, after a generous slew of ads for Cherry's aging phone sluts, Don's monkey glands, and Jim's ant farms, some electricians and a couple of the Munuvian body doubles stand around the secret mirror and look at Jennifer's fetish vinyl, everyone has a hearty laugh and they roll the credits next to a teaser for the Donald Trump execution.

After the show, the model makers go to Helen's for corn dogs and a blow job. Everyone is growing extra sets of arms and Mookie Riffic's blue planet is a great place.

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What do you call a big irish spider ?
Second Kangaroo: Paddy long legs !

First Kangaroo: What is a spiders favourite TV show ?
Second Kangaroo: The newly web game !

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a spider and an elephant ?
Second Kangaroo: I'm not sure, but if you see one walking across the ceiling then run before it collapses !

First Kangaroo: What do you call a 100 spiders on a tyre ?
Second Kangaroo: A spinning wheel !

First Kangaroo: What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses ?
Second Kangaroo: If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital !

First Kangaroo: What kind of doctors are like spiders ?
Second Kangaroo: Spin doctors !

First Kangaroo: Why are spiders like tops ?
Second Kangaroo: They are always spinning !

First Kangaroo: What has 8 legs and likes living in trees ?
Second Kangaroo: Four anti road protesters ?

First Kangaroo: What did the wife spider say to her husband when he tried to explain why he was late ?
Second Kangaroo: Your spinning me a yarn here !

Cheers!

Friday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"Friendship is the wine of life,
Let's drink of it, and to it."

Yogism
After seeing the opera Tosca, Yogi remarked, "I really liked it, even the music was nice."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Work is the curse of the drinking class." Oscar Wilde

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Women have to pay more for their haircuts, dry cleaning, and shoes, and this upsets them.

ClueBat Insults
Thou warped, tickle-brained varlet!

Movie Madness
Mr Stabby

Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Hindi (click thru for the really good stuff)
gaandu: asshole
tatti: shit
Chutiya choo-tia: Fucker
Gaand gaa-nd: Ass
Lund luh-nd: Cock
Mammey mumm-aye: Breasts
Jhaant ke juye: Pubic hair lice
Tatta fry: deep fried Balls

Cheers!

You Asked, Harvey Answers

You asked and Harvey, my Blogfather, from Bad Money answered - all your questions.

The latest heart-stopping, thrilling interview is posted at Jennifer's History & Stuff.

Harvey did a great job answering with both a touch of humor and slight bit of intelligence. However [blaming it on MS Outlook] he neglects to send links with the questions. He does make it up by posting site links on his page.

Go over to Jennifer's now and read Harvey's interview, and then go over to Harvey's and kick his ass for not doing the linky thingy right!

Episode 0006821512

Next Up on Random Munuviana...

Airing Monday on Channel Gone at Bottle Time:
Random Munuviana Episode 0006821512.

Tune in for Random Munuviana. Yet another reason you should go buy a Writers Noose. Your hacker stupor clears as Jennifer learns to hate space when an insane scientist lies to try and get several dangerous telekinetic midgets from the M4 cluster.

Later on, Mookie goes to neutral space to find some batteries. The Borg Queen feels weak at the knees when Helen sucks Don at a kinky sex encounter. Meanwhile, corrupt executives escape from dead end careers, causing crossed eyes and hair loss for Cherry.

Feel the terror of a near collision when an inhabited mining complex is attacked by doped-up xenophobic mercenary warriors, led by Pixy Misa, in a pair of time skipping battleships. Tuning Spork blasts the ignorant invaders into withdrawal while reciting the Iliad and drinking Scotch, saving LeAnn from becoming Ensign Dead Meat.

Finally, after several insultingly vapid ads for weight loss clinics, disposable diapers and Thorazine crisps, Simon and Jim stand around the hidden peephole and look at Space Babe Helen's naked curves, everyone has a hearty laugh and they roll the credits next to a teaser for Tom's Nap Room.

After the show, the camera crew goes to The Practical Penumbra for a Dew and a little abuse. Everyone is fat an' fucked up and the eleventh Michigander dimensional universe is a great place.

The Adventures of Madfish Willie

The Romantic Life of a Sailor

I'll start this story off like every other Navy sea story with the proverbial; "This is a no-shitter!"

My submarine pulled into Hong Kong back in '91 for a week and the first night we all headed out to a neat club called Madfish Willies. We had been underway [spanking the monkey] for about a month and were ready to get drunk and chase hot wild young good-looking women [Corner of the Bar Babes] - we have to live up to that submariner stereotype, don't we?

I got to the bar and edged in between two big hairy bastards and ordered six beers. I started talking with them and found out they were Viking Sailors. I only remember one of their names, Finn the Viking, because after he told me his name he turned his bottom lip out to show me the "Fuck You" tattoo. They were really plastered and after a few shots of B-52's they returned the favor and insisted on buying us Americans a drink. I never refuse a free one and before I knew it Finn the Viking leans over and yells to the barkeep, Linda: "Two shots of Johnny Walker Black!" I love J W Black and water but have to be really smashed to drink it straight. I have since then remedied that obstacle.

I protested to Finn the Viking but it didn't matter. The shot was shoved in my hand and he leaned over me and said "Drink it, Yank." Afraid of what would happen if I didn't I tossed it back. It got about 3/4 of the way down my esophagus before making a U-turn. I put my hand over my mouth but it was too late. I spewed the Johnny Black and some of my dinner across the bar and onto Linda who had returned with Finn the Viking's change. She cussed me and pointed to the bathroom. Finn the Viking picked my up by the collar, knocking my cowboy hat off in the process, and walked me the 10 feet to the shitter. He kicks open a stall door and shoves my head into the shitter. "Git to it, mate."

A little more came up and I was fine but embarrassed and pissed off since my last vomitous happened more than 2 years prior. I started to get up off the floor but Finn the Viking put his hand on my shoulder and pushed me back down. "You're not done yet, mate." I assured him I was but it didn't matter. Being a good shipmate, Finn the Viking pushes me to the side and says, "Here, we'll do it together." He shoves half his hand down his throat and after a few seconds of gagging and a sound I cannot even attempt to describe, he puked into the shitter.

I was so disgusted seeing our puke swirling around in that shitter that I lost it. What was left of my dinner came up in a matter of seconds. I was exhausted and couldn't keep from thinking about what just happened and I started to laugh. Finn the Viking tore off some shit paper and started to wipe my face off. He picked me up and we went back to the bar where my cold beer is now warm beer (with only two sips taken from it), and my hat, laying crushed to a pancake beside my barstool, waited for me. Linda gave me a dirty look and threw a bar rag in front of me and pointed to the puke on the counter. "Dammit, wipe that nastry crap up before you do another fucking thing." I wiped it up, thanked my new Viking friends, grabbed my crushed cowboy hat and my warm beer and went to the far side of the bar to start hitting on the Corner of the Bar Babes and Chinese girls with British accents.

Signed Matt O'Blackfive

[Ed Note: Blackfive wasn't in the Navy, but it's still a good dinking story]

Cheers

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What do you call a frog spy ?

Second Kangaroo: A croak and dagger agent !

First Kangaroo: What do you call a girl with a frog in her hair ?
Second Kangaroo: Lily !

First Kangaroo: What do Scottish toads play ?
Second Kangaroo: Hop-scotch !

First Kangaroo: How did the toad die ?
Second Kangaroo: He simply croaked !

First Kangaroo: What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak ?
Second Kangaroo: Morse toad !

First Kangaroo: What's the world's weakest animal ?
Second Kangaroo: A toad, he croaks if you even touch him !

First Kangaroo: Whats white on the outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions ?
Second Kangaroo: A hot frog !

First Kangaroo: What happens if you eat a hot frog ?
Second Kangaroo: You'll croak in no time !

First Kangaroo: Where do frogs leave their hats and coats ?
Second Kangaroo: In the croakroom !

First Kangaroo: What's green and tough ?
Second Kangaroo: A toad with a machine gun !

Cheers!

Thursday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"May we never see an old friend with a new face."

Yogism
"Yogi met George Bush during a election campaign. Bush said Texas was important. Yogi said "Yexas has a lot of electrical votes."

Quotes on Drinking:
"Were I to prescribe a rule for drinking, it should be formed upon a saying quoted by Sir William Temple: the first glass for myself, the second for my friends, the third for good humor, and the fourth for mine enemies." Joseph Addison

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Women, much like men, are human, and thus appreciate it when you ask them questions about themselves.

ClueBat Insults
Thou infectious, full-gorged haggard!

Movie Madness
Mark

Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Chinese (click thru for the really good stuff)
hum kah chan: death to your family!
lok chat: dick
hamsap: horny person
gai: whore
lun-yeung, lun tao: dick face and dick head
jhew lun dou: Pig cock scrotum

Cheers!

New Blog Showcase

The Alliance calls us to vote and we answer.

The New Blog Showcase this week has three entries I like:

The first one I linked over to from Linda, at Civilization Calls. It is called Legalizing Illegals and is from Peripheral Mind.

The second entry I liked is Compliments Wanted from Dipped in Chocolate.

The third entry I liked was a new blog from Daniel, a Munuvianan. He new blog is named Bsurot Tovot and his post is called Our Mission.

Go over to The Bear's and support these new bloggers - read their stuff, and if its not your bottle of beer, you don't have to tip.

Well, I'm finally making the

Well, I'm finally making the move to MT with the Munuviana group. This will be my final post at this site.

My new address will be http://MadishWillies.mu.nu/ or Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon.

While I personally never had any problems here with Blogger and Blog*Spot, there is just a more robust feature set to not make the move. My file archives will still be here for the time being until Pixy Misa or someone over at Munuviana can assist me in moving them to the new server. I guess I'll keep this address for backup and emergencies - whatever that might be.

Cheers!

Warning!!! Warning!!! Warning!!! Output

Airing Tuesday on Psychic-Net at 'Bout Zero Hour:
Random Madfish Episode 0006815992.

Get ready for another exciting episode. This time, our hero Tuning Spork gets the space clap when an intolerant nine hundred pound military dictator takes possesion of a jar of defective human brains.

Later on, Mr Green goes to Tom's Nap Room to get the orbital parking validated. Pixy Misa feels discorporate when Jennifer eats Tim at a sentient nanophysics class. Meanwhile, photonic life forms escape from the vortex, causing nightmares for Jim.

Action builds to a climax when a remote fuel depot is attacked by malfunctioning Borg warriors in a living alien machine. Don talks the destructive space pirates into withdrawl while threatening self destruction, saving a refugee barge from slow death.

Finally, after a generous slew of ads for infanticide, ass waxing and fabric softener, some dorky technicians stand around the secret mirror and look at Susie's naked breasts, everyone has a hearty laugh and they roll the credits next to a teaser for the Bill Clinton Execution.

After the show, the actors go to Munuviana for fine cookin' and a bit of fun. Everyone is morphing into giant insects and the future is a great place.

Episode 0006815992

Airing Tuesday on Psychic-Net at 'Bout Zero Hour:
Random Munuviana Episode 0006815992.

Get ready for another exciting episode. This time, our hero Tuning Spork gets the space clap when an intolerant nine hundred pound military dictator takes possesion of a jar of defective human brains.

Later on, Mr Green goes to Tom's Nap Room to get the orbital parking validated. Pixy Misa feels discorporate when Jennifer eats Tim at a sentient nanophysics class. Meanwhile, photonic life forms escape from the vortex, causing nightmares for Jim.

Action builds to a climax when a remote fuel depot is attacked by malfunctioning Borg warriors in a living alien machine. Don talks the destructive space pirates into withdrawl while threatening self destruction, saving a refugee barge from slow death.

Finally, after a generous slew of ads for infanticide, ass waxing and fabric softener, some dorky technicians stand around the secret mirror and look at Susie's naked breasts, everyone has a hearty laugh and they roll the credits next to a teaser for the Bill Clinton Execution.

After the show, the actors go to Munuviana for fine cookin' and a bit of fun. Everyone is morphing into giant insects and the future is a great place.

I have a horrible habit

I have a horrible habit that I cannot seem to break. I cuss worse than a sailor. As a matter of fact, sailors run the other way when they hear me coming. Shit, crap, piss, bitch, prick, cock-sucker, muther-fucker, asshole, fuck, dick,...

When I ran across this article, it was too good not to share with everyone, that is unless Jennifer hasn't already done it.

The Historical Origin Of The Middle Finger

by Rich Dunn

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger, it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore be incapable of fighting in the future.

This famous weapon was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as "plucking the yew." Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French,saying, "See, we can still pluck yew! PLUCK YEW!"

Over the years, some 'folk etymologies' have grown up around this symbolic gesture. Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say (like "pleasant mother pheasant plucker", which is who you had to go to for the feathers used on the arrows for the longbow), the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodental fricative 'F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute are mistakenly thought to have something to do with an intimate encounter.

It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows that the symbolic gesture is known as "giving the bird."

Fuck You! and Fuck You!

Cheers!

Fuck You!

I have a horrible habit that I cannot seem to break. I cuss worse than a sailor. As a matter of fact, sailors run the other way when they hear me coming. Shit, crap, piss, bitch, prick, cock-sucker, muther-fucker, asshole, fuck, dick,...

When I ran across this article, it was too good not to share with everyone, that is unless Jennifer hasn't already done it.

The Historical Origin Of The Middle Finger

by Rich Dunn

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger, it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore be incapable of fighting in the future.

This famous weapon was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as "plucking the yew." Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French,saying, "See, we can still pluck yew! PLUCK YEW!"

Over the years, some 'folk etymologies' have grown up around this symbolic gesture. Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say (like "pleasant mother pheasant plucker", which is who you had to go to for the feathers used on the arrows for the longbow), the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodental fricative 'F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute are mistakenly thought to have something to do with an intimate encounter.

It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows that the symbolic gesture is known as "giving the bird."

Fuck You! and Fuck You!

Rock n Hurl We, the

Rock n Hurl

We, the Corner of the Bar Babes from Madfish Willie's, were on our merry way to this big concert. Dana, Susie, Candy and I were very excited so in order to relax we decided to drop by Madfish Willieâ€(tm)s to have a few beers.....Well a few beers turned into 2 cases between Dana, Susie, Linda, Kate, Serenity, LeAnn and I. By the time we had gotten to the parking lot to drive to the concert, we were pretty toasted. Harvey and Blackfive told us we shouldnâ€(tm)t be driving, but we held our ground. We loaded up in the panel bus, with Finn the Viking designated driving for us. Upon entrance to the concert to our dismay we learned that alcohol sales stopped at 9:30. Oh the inhumanity! Even worse the beers were near $6.00 each. But this did not stop our mission to get plastered. Since each vendor will only sell you 1 beer at a time we found some fast food drink holders and went around and got 8 beers each! On our way to our seats, Susie and Dana were stumbling and sloshing beers and being belligerent all around. Linda, Jennifer and Kate met some protestors (what they were protesting we will never know!) but Linda took their sign and tore it up, threw it on the ground, and stomped on it. "Goddam, hippy protesters!", she yelled at them. They started to give us a bunch of shit, but Finn the Viking came up behind us, and they ran away like a bunch of wimps. Then, we went to the show. To make a long story short, I drank all of my beer (I am a 120 lb female), passed out before the show was over and then started throwing up in public during the final act of Rage Against The Machine (quite gracefully I must add). Serenity almost went to detox because she was so wasted but managed to summon the strength to stagger past the cops to the bus, then passed out. Meanwhile, Finn the Viking was taking digital pics of everyone passed out and throwing up so he could post on the Madfish Willieâ€(tm)s web page...not cool.....I was konked out the whole way home and to this day have never lived this show down!!!

Heather

Cheers!

Calling Shotgun!

You may have asked yourself: "Self, just what are the rules of calling shotgun?" Well, Let me tell you, there are many rules. I am here now to give you a primer on Calling Shotgun.

[Shit, I didn't know this was such a complicated affair. When I was growing up, it didn't matter if you called shotgun, you got the crap beat out of you by the the toughest kid and had to ride bitch.]

Introduction

The calling of Shotgun is a time-honored tradition. In today's world, it is the act of reserving the front passenger seat in the automobile that caller is about to ride in. The activity has become fairly complex and an important activity. Hence these rules have been created to govern this activity and to explain the responsibilities of this position. In actual practice, the rules of the owner/driver of the vehicle applies.

The Adventures of Madfish Willie

Rock n Hurl

We, the Corner of the Bar Babes from Madfish Willie's, were on our merry way to this big concert. Dana, Susie, Candy and I were very excited so in order to relax we decided to drop by Madfish Willie’s to have a few beers.....Well a few beers turned into 2 cases between Dana, Susie, Linda, Kate, Serenity, LeAnn and I. By the time we had gotten to the parking lot to drive to the concert, we were pretty toasted. Harvey and Blackfive told us we shouldn’t be driving, but we held our ground. We loaded up in the panel bus, with Finn the Viking designated driving for us. Upon entrance to the concert to our dismay we learned that alcohol sales stopped at 9:30. Oh the inhumanity! Even worse the beers were near $6.00 each. But this did not stop our mission to get plastered. Since each vendor will only sell you 1 beer at a time we found some fast food drink holders and went around and got 8 beers each! On our way to our seats, Susie and Dana were stumbling and sloshing beers and being belligerent all around. Linda, Jennifer and Kate met some protestors (what they were protesting we will never know!) but Linda took their sign and tore it up, threw it on the ground, and stomped on it. "Goddam, hippy protesters!", she yelled at them. They started to give us a bunch of shit, but Finn the Viking came up behind us, and they ran away like a bunch of wimps. Then, we went to the show. To make a long story short, I drank all of my beer (I am a 120 lb female), passed out before the show was over and then started throwing up in public during the final act of Rage Against The Machine (quite gracefully I must add). Serenity almost went to detox because she was so wasted but managed to summon the strength to stagger past the cops to the bus, then passed out. Meanwhile, Finn the Viking was taking digital pics of everyone passed out and throwing up so he could post on the Madfish Willie’s web page...not cool.....I was konked out the whole way home and to this day have never lived this show down!!!

Heather

Cheers!

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo:What is a parrot?
Second Kangaroo:A wordy birdy!

First Kangaroo:Whose parrot sits on his shoulder shouting "Pieces of four"?
Second Kangaroo:Short John Silver!

First Kangaroo:Why wouldn't the parrot talk to the Frenchman?
Second Kangaroo:Because he only spoke pigeon English!

First Kangaroo:My parrot lays square eggs but can only say one word.
Second Kangaroo:What's that?
First Kangaroo:Ouch!

First Kangaroo:How do you know you are haunted by a parrot?
Second Kangaroo:He keeps saying "Oooooo's a pretty boy then?"

First Kangaroo:Teacher: Why do we put a hyphen in a bird-cage?
Second Kangaroo:Pupil: For a parrot to perch on, miss.

First Kangaroo:Where do the cleverest parrots live?
Second Kangaroo:In the brain tree forests!

First Kangaroo:What do you get if you cross a bee with a parrot?
Second Kangaroo:An animal that's always telling you how busy it is!

First Kangaroo:What do you get if you cross a centipede with a parrot?
Second Kangaroo:A walkie-talkie.

First Kangaroo:Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Second Kangaroo:The parrots eat em all (Paracetamol)
Cheers!

Jokes by Kang A Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What is a parrot?
Second Kangaroo: A wordy birdy!

First Kangaroo: Whose parrot sits on his shoulder shouting "Pieces of four"? Second Kangaroo: Short John Silver!

First Kangaroo: Why wouldn't the parrot talk to the Frenchman?
Second Kangaroo: Because he only spoke pigeon English!

First Kangaroo: My parrot lays square eggs but can only say one word.
Second Kangaroo: What's that?
First Kangaroo:Ouch!

First Kangaroo: How do you know you are haunted by a parrot?
Second Kangaroo: He keeps saying "Oooooo's a pretty boy then?"

First Kangaroo: Teacher: Why do we put a hyphen in a bird-cage?
Second Kangaroo: Pupil: For a parrot to perch on, miss.

First Kangaroo: Where do the cleverest parrots live?
Second Kangaroo: In the brain tree forests!

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a bee with a parrot?
Second Kangaroo: An animal that's always telling you how busy it is!

First Kangaroo: What do you get if you cross a centipede with a parrot?
Second Kangaroo: A walkie-talkie.

First Kangaroo: Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Second Kangaroo: The parrots eat em all (Paracetamol)

Cheers!

Moe's Toast..."My heart is as

Moe's Toast..."My heart is as full as my glass,
When I drink to you, old friend!"
Bart's Call to MoeThat's all of Bart's prank phone calls to Moe!

Here is a soundbite of several prank calls.

Here is a complete list:

• Phone call for Al...Al Coholic...is there an Al Coholic here?


• Oliver Clothesoff! Call for Oliver Clothesoff!


• Uh, is I.P. Freely here? Hey, everybody, I.P. Freely!


• Uh, Jacques Strap! Hey guys, I'm looking for a Jacques Strap!


• Hey, is there a Butz here? Seymour Butz? Hey, everybody, I wanna Seymour Butz!


• Uh, Homer Sexual? Aw, come on, come on, one of you guys has gotta be Homer Sexual!


• Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch! Hey, has anybody seen Mike Rotch lately?


• Uh, hey, everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt


• Uh, Hugh Jass? Oh, somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass!


• Bea O'Problem! Bea O'Problem! Come on, guys, do I have a Bea O'Problem here?


• Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss? Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss! Ah, why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss?


• Ivana Tinkle? Ivana Tinkle? All right, everybody, put down your glasses, Ivana Tinkle!


• All right, settle down. Anita Bath here?


• All right, fine, fine. Maya Buttreeks!


• Telegram for Heywood U. Cuddleme! Heywood U. Cuddleme? Big guy in the back, Heywood U. Cuddleme?

Yogism"You have to give 100% in the first half of the game. If that isn't enough, in the second half, you have to give what is left."
Things A Man Should Know: About Women:Know that while Rhett Butler can get away with telling Scarlett O'Hara that she "should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how," you cannot.
ClueBat InsultsThou spleeny, rough-hewn pigeon egg!
Movie MadnessJamie and The Magic Todger
Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Slovenian (click thru for the really good stuff)cepec: moron
kurba: whore
kmet: peasant, farmer
pirnièan: really stupid person
vosu: idiot
Cheers!

Bullshit so far »



---

« Shut your pie-hole!


» by Madfish Willie on October 29 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Happy Hour Party

Wednesday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"My heart is as full as my glass,
When I drink to you, old friend!"

Bart's Call to Moe
That's all of Bart's prank phone calls to Moe!

Here is a soundbite of several prank calls.

Here is a complete list:

• Phone call for Al...Al Coholic...is there an Al Coholic here?


• Oliver Clothesoff! Call for Oliver Clothesoff!


• Uh, is I.P. Freely here? Hey, everybody, I.P. Freely!


• Uh, Jacques Strap! Hey guys, I'm looking for a Jacques Strap!


• Hey, is there a Butz here? Seymour Butz? Hey, everybody, I wanna Seymour Butz!


• Uh, Homer Sexual? Aw, come on, come on, one of you guys has gotta be Homer Sexual!


• Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch! Hey, has anybody seen Mike Rotch lately?


• Uh, hey, everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt


• Uh, Hugh Jass? Oh, somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass!


• Bea O'Problem! Bea O'Problem! Come on, guys, do I have a Bea O'Problem here?


• Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss? Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss! Ah, why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss?


• Ivana Tinkle? Ivana Tinkle? All right, everybody, put down your glasses, Ivana Tinkle!


• All right, settle down. Anita Bath here?


• All right, fine, fine. Maya Buttreeks!


• Telegram for Heywood U. Cuddleme! Heywood U. Cuddleme? Big guy in the back, Heywood U. Cuddleme?

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Know that while Rhett Butler can get away with telling Scarlett O'Hara that she "should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how," you cannot.

ClueBat Insults
Thou spleeny, rough-hewn pigeon egg!

Movie Madness
Jamie and The Magic Todger

Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Slovenian (click thru for the really good stuff)
cepec: moron
kurba: whore
kmet: peasant, farmer
pirnièan: really stupid person
vosu: idiot

Cheers!

Harvey at Bad Money has

Harvey at Bad Money has compiled all of the Evil Glenn Reynolds Quotes posted by Alliance members on their blogs as a requirement of memebership. They are posted over at The Alliance HQ page.

My favorite is, of course, mine.

Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon - "If I were half the mixologist that The Bartender is, I wouldn't be blogging" -- Glenn Reynolds

Next, I like these:

Physicsgeek - "The Physics Geek is a nerdy fellow with absolutely no socially redeeming qualities. It's like I'm looking in a mirror." - Glenn Reynolds

The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler - "The Emperor's unstoppable might is the reason that no puppy blender can feel secure." - Glenn Reynolds.

There are many more to laugh at... Go on over and check it out!

Cheers!

Evil Glenn Quotes

Harvey at Bad Money has compiled all of the Evil Glenn Reynolds Quotes posted by Alliance members on their blogs as a requirement of membership. They are posted over at The Alliance HQ page.

My favorite is, of course, mine.

Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon - "If I were half the mixologist that The Bartender is, I wouldn't be blogging" -- Glenn Reynolds

Next, I like these:

Physicsgeek - "The Physics Geek is a nerdy fellow with absolutely no socially redeeming qualities. It's like I'm looking in a mirror." - Glenn Reynolds

The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler - "The Emperor's unstoppable might is the reason that no puppy blender can feel secure." - Glenn Reynolds.

There are many more to laugh at... Go on over and check it out!

Cheers!

The Alliance wants to know

The Alliance wants to know what life lessons I have learned from Ted Kennedy? Well, he taught me several things, some of which have come in very handy in dealing with life's everyday problems. He's given me lessons on everyday skills, lessons for personal safety and well-being, lessons that I should ignore and lessons that I never intend to forget.

First, he taught me how to drive.

Then, he taught me how to swim.

Then, he taught me how to lie.

Then, he taught me how to get away with stuff.

Then, he taught me how to be fat pig.

Then, he taught me that he knows what's better for me than I do myself.

Last, but not least, he taught me to order doubles!
Cheers

Comments? We don't leave no

Comments? We don't leave no stinkin comments!

What's the deal with people never leaving comments to my stuff? It's not funny? You don't like it? You hate my guts?

Maybe I'm just weird, but when I go to a site and browse around and read stuff, I leave a footprint so the blogger knew that I was there. Shit, say something... anything... hi... bye... good morning... fuck you! I expect the usual suspects to follow up on this and leave me the obligatory FY in the comments and I have a comment for you: Bite Me!

Just wonderin, s'all!

Cheers!

It looks like The Nanopundit

It looks like The Nanopundit has turned the tables and interviewed the lovely Jennifer.

These blogger interviews are a really good idea and Jennifer's execution of it is outstanding.

My interview is in the que over at Jennifer's History & Stuff. I hope I can be as funny as Bad Money, my Blogfather or Blackfive, my Blog Uncle.

Cheers!

Lessons From Teddy

The Alliance wants to know what life lessons I have learned from Ted Kennedy? Well, he taught me several things, some of which have come in very handy in dealing with life's everyday problems. He's given me lessons on everyday skills, lessons for personal safety and well-being, lessons that I should ignore and lessons that I never intend to forget.

First, he taught me how to drive.

Then, he taught me how to swim.

Then, he taught me how to lie.

Then, he taught me how to get away with stuff.

Then, he taught me how to be fat pig.

Then, he taught me that he knows what's better for me than I do myself.

Last, but not least, he taught me to order doubles!

Venomous Kate leaps tall buildings

Venomous Kate leaps tall buildings and overcomes sickness and all other obstacles to give us another edition of The Hunting Of The Snark.

I've been working on my move over to MT at Munuviana this week-end, and I haven't had time to read most of them, but I saw some familiar tracks over there: Bad Money, Blackfive, Madfish Willie, Paige's Page, Snooze Button Dreams are on my regular reading lists.

I don't know about anybody else, but I get all giddy when I see my site mentioned by one of the Mortal Humans. Plus I get a shitload of traffic (which is slightly less than a buttload of traffic). I love getting a Kate-alanche or a Rumble-lanche.

Cheers!

Comments?

Comments? We don't leave no stinkin comments!

What's the deal with people never leaving comments to my stuff? It's not funny? You don't like it? You hate my guts?

Maybe I'm just weird, but when I go to a site and browse around and read stuff, I leave a footprint so the blogger knew that I was there. Shit, say something... anything... hi... bye... good morning... fuck you! I expect the usual suspects to follow up on this and leave me the obligatory FY in the comments and I have a comment for you: Bite Me!

Just wonderin, s'all!

Cheers!

You Asked, Jen Answers

It looks like The Nanopundit has turned the tables and interviewed the lovely Jennifer.

These blogger interviews are a really good idea and Jennifer's execution of it is outstanding.

My interview is in the que over at Jennifer's History & Stuff. I hope I can be as funny as Bad Money, my Blogfather or Blackfive, my Blog Uncle.

Cheers!

Venomous Kate

Venomous Kate leaps tall buildings and overcomes sickness and all other obstacles to give us another edition of The Hunting Of The Snark.

I've been working on my move over to MT at Munuviana this week-end, and I haven't had time to read most of them, but I saw some familiar tracks over there: Bad Money, Blackfive, Madfish Willie, Paige's Page, Snooze Button Dreams are on my regular reading lists.

I don't know about anybody else, but I get all giddy when I see my site mentioned by one of the Mortal Humans. Plus I get a shitload of traffic (which is slightly less than a buttload of traffic). I love getting a Kate-alanche or a Rumble-lanche.

Cheers!

Warning!!! Warning!!! Warning!!! Output

Airing Monday on PoNet at Closing Time:
Random Madfish Episode 0006812860.

Stop that snoring, hoser. It's time for painfully predictable space melodrama. Watch in horror as Grand Nagus Frank J talks smack when an expendable bit player bids on some infected alien undies.

Later on, Dok Russia goes to the ice planet to get some privacy. Romulus feels seriously hungover when Doctor Who flogs Dana at a lesbian sushifest. Meanwhile, some fatassed crack smoking politicians escape from lockdown, making a mess for Serenity.

Stay around for jiggly camera work when Madfish Willie's is attacked by black Nazis in an organic battle craft. Harvey confuses the dangerous aggressors into withdrawl by threatening castration and endless torture for the attackers, saving a drifting space station from curvy space and air sickness.

Finally, after a few gazillion ads for home lyposuction kits, disposable diapers and pepper spray, a bunch of dykes from engineering stand around the video console and look at a kinky bimbo's tattooed boobs, everyone has a hearty laugh and they roll the credits next to a teaser for Class of Nuke 'em High.

After the show, the camera crew goes to the Mamamontezz' place for a nice apple pie and a little abuse. Everyone is brushing and flossing and the planet Houston is a great place.

Random Madfish TV

Airing Monday on PoNet at Closing Time:
Random Madfish Episode 0006812860.

Stop that snoring, hoser. It's time for painfully predictable space melodrama. Watch in horror as Grand Nagus Frank J talks smack when an expendable bit player, aka the guy in the red shirt, bids on some infected alien undies.

Later on, Doc Russia goes to the ice planet to get some privacy. Romulas feels seriously hungover when Doctor Who flogs Dana at a lesbian sushifest. Meanwhile, some fatassed crack smoking politicians escape from lockdown, making a mess for Serenity.

Stay around for jiggly camera work when Madfish Willie's is attacked by black Nazis in an organic battle craft. Harvey confuses the dangerous aggressors into withdrawl by threatening castration and endless torture for the attackers, saving a drifting space station from curvy space and air sickness.

Finally, after a few gazillion ads for home lyposuction kits, disposable diapers and pepper spray, a bunch of dykes from engineering stand around the video console and look at a kinky bimbo's tattooed boobs, everyone has a hearty laugh and they roll the credits next to a teaser for Class of Nuke 'em High.

After the show, the camera crew goes to the Mamamontezz' place for a nice apple pie and a little abuse. Everyone is brushing and flossing and the planet Houston is a great place.

Going Down Good This story

Going Down Good

This story took place a few years ago when in was illegal to buy beer after 11 P.M. or on Sunday. So it was late one Sunday night and Harvey, Blackfive, Eric, Steve, Finn, the Viking and I were feeling a little thirsty. It was difficult to buy beer during off-hours but not impossible if you had the right connections - which they did. So we made the trip to a store which would sell us beer after hours, at nearly double the regular price, and they picked up a couple of dozen and went on home to watch some TV. The first beer Harvey opened seemed like the best beer he ever had. He drank it in a matter of seconds - and so did Blackfive - so did I. We all reached down for our second beer at the same time and chugged that one just as fast and thenwe had another and another. We were all looking at each other and grinning but trying to keep quiet about how fast we were drinking. This went on for about a half-hour or so without Eric, Steve and Finn, the Viking noticing. By the time they finished their third beer Harvey, Blackfive and I had the rest of the 2 dozen gone. At first they thought we hid the beer but then they saw we were half cut. We thought Finn, The Viking was gonna kill us all! He was cussin' and yellin' and raisin' all kinds of hell. Just as he was going for his mighty nordic killing sword, Steve and Eric tackled him and held him down until we could all pile on top. With a mighty heave, he threw us all off - just like one of those Popeye cartoons. Luckily, this made him too tired to kill us. Well, they were all pretty pissed at us but there's no use crying over chugged beer, so we went back to the store and got a few more cases. Harvey made Blackfive buy cause he always tries to get out of paying at the bar. After we got back to Madfish Willie's, Harvey made some cheese sandwiches and everything was back to normal.

Cheers!

The Adventures of Madfish Willie

Going Down Good

This story took place a few years ago when in was illegal to buy beer after 11 P.M. or on Sunday. So it was late one Sunday night and Harvey, Blackfive, Eric, Steve, Finn, the Viking and I were feeling a little thirsty. It was difficult to buy beer during off-hours but not impossible if you had the right connections - which they did. So we made the trip to a store which would sell us beer after hours, at nearly double the regular price, and they picked up a couple of dozen and went on home to watch some TV. The first beer Harvey opened seemed like the best beer he ever had. He drank it in a matter of seconds - and so did Blackfive - so did I. We all reached down for our second beer at the same time and chugged that one just as fast and thenwe had another and another. We were all looking at each other and grinning but trying to keep quiet about how fast we were drinking. This went on for about a half-hour or so without Eric, Steve and Finn, the Viking noticing. By the time they finished their third beer Harvey, Blackfive and I had the rest of the 2 dozen gone. At first they thought we hid the beer but then they saw we were half cut. We thought Finn, The Viking was gonna kill us all! He was cussin' and yellin' and raisin' all kinds of hell. Just as he was going for his mighty nordic killing sword, Steve and Eric tackled him and held him down until we could all pile on top. With a mighty heave, he threw us all off - just like one of those Popeye cartoons. Luckily, this made him too tired to kill us. Well, they were all pretty pissed at us but there's no use crying over chugged beer, so we went back to the store and got a few more cases. Harvey mad Blackfive buy cause he always tries to get out of paying at the bar. After we got back to Madfish Willie's, Harvey made some cheese sandwiches and everything was back to normal.

Cheers!

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: Why did the chicken cross the road ?
Second Kangaroo: To get to the other side

First Kangaroo: Why did the rooster cross the road ?
Second Kangaroo: To cockadoodle dooo something

First Kangaroo: Why did the chicken cross the basketball court ?
Second Kangaroo: He heard the referee calling fowls

First Kangaroo: Why did the turkey cross the road ?
Second Kangaroo: To prove he wasn't chicken

First Kangaroo: Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud and cross the road again ?
Second Kangaroo: Because he was a dirty double-crosser

First Kangaroo: Why didn't the chicken skeleton cross the road ?
Second Kangaroo: Because he didn't have enough guts

First Kangaroo: Why did the chicken cross the playground ?
Second Kangaroo: To get to the other slide

First Kangaroo: Why did the dinosaur cross the road ?
Second Kangaroo: Because chickens hadn't evolved yet

First Kangaroo: Why did the turtle cross the road ?
Second Kangaroo: To get to the shell station

First Kangaroo: Why did the horse cross the road ?
Second Kangaroo: Because the chicken needed a day off.
Cheers!

Jokes by Kang A. Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: Why did the chicken cross the road ?
Second Kangaroo: To get to the other side

First Kangaroo: Why did the rooster cross the road ?
Second Kangaroo: To cockadoodle dooo something

First Kangaroo: Why did the chicken cross the basketball court ?
Second Kangaroo: He heard the referee calling fowls

First Kangaroo: Why did the turkey cross the road ?
Second Kangaroo: To prove he wasn't chicken

First Kangaroo: Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud and cross the road again ?
Second Kangaroo: Because he was a dirty double-crosser

First Kangaroo: Why didn't the chicken skeleton cross the road ?
Second Kangaroo: Because he didn't have enough guts

First Kangaroo: Why did the chicken cross the playground ?
Second Kangaroo: To get to the other slide

First Kangaroo: Why did the dinosaur cross the road ?
Second Kangaroo: Because chickens hadn't evolved yet

First Kangaroo: Why did the turtle cross the road ?
Second Kangaroo: To get to the shell station

First Kangaroo: Why did the horse cross the road ?
Second Kangaroo: Because the chicken needed a day off.

Cheers!

Moe's Toast..."May we never want

Moe's Toast..."May we never want a friend,
Or a bottle to give him."
Bart's Call to Moe[Bart, sending a telegraph message to Moe's]
Telegram for Heywood U. Cuddleme! Heywood U. Cuddleme? Big guy in the back, Heywood U. Cuddleme?
A large man turns and stares at Moe as Lenny and Carl laugh
Oh, do, that little, ooh...
I'm gonna drive a golden spike where your Union meets your Central Pacific!
Bart laughs
YogismYogi ordered a pizza, the waitress asked "How many pieces do you want your pie cut?" Yogi responded, "4, I don't think I could eat 8."
Things A Man Should Know: About Women: Women who come from big families are more fun.
ClueBat InsultsThou puny, milk-livered mammet!
Movie Madnesshttp://www.rathergood.com/giantbee/
Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Welsh (click thru for the really good stuff)Cachau bant: Fuck Off
Cach: Shit
Pigyn: Penis, dick, cock
Pen pidyn: Dickhead
Wyneb cach: Shit face
Mwnci: Monkey
Cheers!

Tueday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"May we never want a friend,
Or a bottle to give him."

Bart's Call to Moe
[Bart, sending a telegraph message to Moe's]
Telegram for Heywood U. Cuddleme! Heywood U. Cuddleme? Big guy in the back, Heywood U. Cuddleme?
A large man turns and stares at Moe as Lenny and Carl laugh
Oh, do, that little, ooh...
I'm gonna drive a golden spike where your Union meets your Central Pacific!
Bart laughs

Yogism
Yogi ordered a pizza, the waitress asked "How many pieces do you want your pie cut?" Yogi responded, "4, I don't think I could eat 8."

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Women who come from big families are more fun.

ClueBat Insults
Thou puny, milk-livered mammet!

Movie Madness
Giant Bee

Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Welsh (click thru for the really good stuff)
Cachau bant: Fuck Off
Cach: Shit
Pigyn: Penis, dick, cock
Pen pidyn: Dickhead
Wyneb cach: Shit face
Mwnci: Monkey

Cheers!

G's New Name

Go over to Snooze Button Dreams right now and vote for G's new nickname. The poll is a drop down poll in the siderbar.

Now.Go.Vote.For.Moondoggie! (Moondoggie was my entry and he's tied for first!)

Cheers!

Random Madfish TV

Airing Sunday on your Brain Implant TV at Midnight:
Random Madfish pisode 0006811505.

Stay tuned for Random Madfish. With yet another formulaic cheeseball space based thriller. Today's episode. Lord Spatula I joins a cult when an expendable bit player has crazy ideas about modified human body parts.

Later on, Straight White Guy goes to the Continuum to beat the snot out of an old enemy. Linda K feels strangely invincible when The Borg Queen eats Serenity at a weird little vacation planet. Meanwhile, Jem'Hadar killers escape from Borg space, causing angst and loathing for Harvey and Rocket Jones.

See guts and brains on the walls when a subspace communications facility is attacked by doped up gangsters in a living alien machine. Blackfive phasers the violent cretins into withdrawl through sheer luck and brinksmanship, saving a struggling NCC 1701 from bad hibbidy-jibbidy and vampires.

Finally, after several aesthetically deafening ads for moldy oldie CD collections, disposable diapers and personal trainers, Harvey and Rocket Jones stand around the remote viewscreen and look at a FINE bimbo's sleeping quarters, everyone has a hearty laugh and they roll the credits next to a teaser for Insomniac Cannibal Theater.

After the show, the crew goes to the Champagne Room for sizzlin' hog jowls and a little leather. Everyone is insured for millions and the boundless void is a great place.

Cheers!

Go over to Snooze Button

Go over to Snooze Button Dreams right now and vote for G's new nickname. The poll is a drop down poll in the siderbar. Go.Now.Vote.For.Moondoggie! (Moondoggie was my entry and he's tied for first!)

Cheers!

Every year for Halloween, we

Every year for Halloween, we decorate the joint real scary-like, put on some ghoulish costumes and try to scare the crap out of everybody that walks in the door. I'll be posting about Halloween ralated stuff all week - Jack-O-Lanterns, costumes, trick or treats, and all that kind of neat crap. Here is the first frightnening installment of hell week!

Starting the week off, SilverBlue wants to know how you spend your Halloween.

Psycho Dad at Psychtic Rants found some cool Jack-O-Lanterns that were involved somehow in an Evil Glenn Filthy Lie. Apparently, Evil Glenn was playing grab ass of some sort and this is the end result.

Candy, a Corner of the Bar Babe, from Candy Universe has a really cool looking poll thingy in her sidebar. Go vote and check out Evil Glenn's Halloween pics!

Simon of Simon's World explains the Australian traditions of Halloween.

Still hunting for that fantastic costume idea so you can win the big prize? SilverBlue has some great costume ideas and links to some better ideas at CostumeIdeaZone. He then proceeeds to tell us why you won't win. What an asshole! He makes up by suppling us with this cartoon and this Wonder Womanphoto.

Physics Geek, Madfish Willie's Official Brewmeister, pours us a double strength post with 15 reasons Halloween is better than sex and 10 things that sound dirty but aren't.

Captain Awesome at Boat Drinks has candy, costumes, horror movie marathions, special halloween episodes and everything else going on this year.

Caleb at Caleb Walker has a link to HellStop.

Then there's candy: Happy Hulk Halloween, Heather of Angleweave has a diet alternative, and Jennifer from Jennifer's History & Stuff has a yummy recipe for Caramel Apple Cheesecake!

To decorate your site, you can download this really cool script of flying ghosts!!!

That's it for this scary edition of Halloween posts. Tomorrow we'll get in to extreme pumpkin carving and tips from the pros!

Cheers!

Madfish Willie's Halloween Party!

Every year for Halloween, we decorate the joint real scary-like, put on some ghoulish costumes and try to scare the crap out of everybody that walks in the door. I'll be posting about Halloween ralated stuff all week - Jack-O-Lanterns, costumes, trick or treats, and all that kind of neat crap. Here is the first frightnening installment of hell week!

Starting the week off, SilverBlue wants to know how you spend your Halloween.

Psycho Dad at Psychtic Rants found some cool Jack-O-Lanterns that were involved somehow in an Evil Glenn Filthy Lie. Apparently, Evil Glenn was playing grab ass of some sort and this is the end result.

Candy, a Corner of the Bar Babe, from Candy Universe has a really cool looking poll thingy in her sidebar. Go vote and check out Evil Glenn's Halloween pics!

Simon of Simon's World explains the Australian traditions of Halloween.

Still hunting for that fantastic costume idea so you can win the big prize? SilverBlue has some great costume ideas and links to some better ideas at CostumeIdeaZone. He then proceeeds to tell us why you won't win. What an asshole! He makes up by suppling us with this cartoon and this Wonder Woman photo.

Physics Geek, Madfish Willie's Official Brewmeister, pours us a double strength post with 15 reasons Halloween is better than sex and 10 things that sound dirty but aren't.

Captain Awesome at Boat Drinks has candy, costumes, horror movie marathions, special halloween episodes and everything else going on this year.

Caleb at Caleb Walker has a link to HellStop.

Then there's candy: Happy Hulk Halloween, Heather of Angleweave has a diet alternative, and Jennifer from Jennifer's History & Stuff has a yummy recipe for Caramel Apple Cheesecake!

To decorate your site, you can download this really cool script of flying ghosts!!!

That's it for this scary edition of Halloween posts. Tomorrow we'll get in to extreme pumpkin carving and tips from the pros!

Cheers!

Party Girl The other day,

Party Girl

The other day, I was interviewing LeAnn. She's a pretty young thing from from The Cheese Stands Alone. She was applying for a barmaid position at Madfish Willie's. She looked familiar... I thought I had seen her somewhere before... but where? I asked her to tell me a little about herself and about her qualifications. So she goes into this little rant.

OK, I've made an idiot of myself here at Madfish Willies many times, but the last time takes the cake. A couple of weeks ago at a birthday party for Susie, my friend, we had more than enough to drink at the hall where the party was held. Nevertheless, Susie decided we should go to Madfish Willie's clubbing with the others. She insisted I join in the drinking competition. Of course, being female and having drunk too much already, I was unable to walk properly pretty quickly. I was carried out of the club by Lord Spatula, Sir John of Argghhh!!! and Finn, the Viking. They chucked us in a cab, where I got sick. The cab also cost me 25 bucks. When Susie got me got home, I couldn't find my house keys. So, she had to try to wake up my mom. It was 2:30am and we couldn't wake her up. So, Susie left me in the entryway, which is where I woke up the next morning with no memory of the night before. I missed two days of college - one cause I was still drunk and the next day cause thats when I got the mother of all hangovers!

There have also been times when I got so hot at a Madfish Willie parties that I took my shirt off. Well, if the guys can do it, so can I, was my thinking at the time. Then I realized I was flashing my boobs at everyone and someone had called the police. Eric and Serenity made me put me shirt back on so I wouldn't get thrown in jail.

I've been greeted by cheers at work the mornings after Ive been out because of my adventures. To say I go a little wild would be fair. However, I would like to say I dont make a habit of getting completely hammered. The amount of times Ive been like that are few, honestly!

Well, after that little story, I finally remembered Harvey, Misha and Blackfive telling me some story about what happened on my day off.

So, what do you think? Should I hire a girl who takes her shirt off at parties and get shit-faced drunk at Madfish Willie's?

You tell me!

Cheers!

The Adventures of Madfish Willie

Party Girl

The other day, I was interviewing LeAnn. She's a pretty young thing from from The Cheese Stands Alone. She was applying for a barmaid position at Madfish Willie's. She looked familiar... I thought I had seen her somewhere before... but where? I asked her to tell me a little about herself and about her qualifications. So she goes into this little rant.

OK, I've made an idiot of myself here at Madfish Willies many times, but the last time takes the cake. A couple of weeks ago at a birthday party for Susie, my friend, we had more than enough to drink at the hall where the party was held. Nevertheless, Susie decided we should go to Madfish Willie's clubbing with the others. She insisted I join in the drinking competition. Of course, being female and having drunk too much already, I was unable to walk properly pretty quickly. I was carried out of the club by Lord Spatula, Sir John of Argghhh!!! and Finn, the Viking. They chucked us in a cab, where I got sick. The cab also cost me 25 bucks. When Susie got me got home, I couldn't find my house keys. So, she had to try to wake up my mom. It was 2:30am and we couldn't wake her up. So, Susie left me in the entryway, which is where I woke up the next morning with no memory of the night before. I missed two days of college - one cause I was still drunk and the next day cause thats when I got the mother of all hangovers!

There have also been times when I got so hot at a Madfish Willie parties that I took my shirt off. Well, if the guys can do it, so can I, was my thinking at the time. Then I realized I was flashing my boobs at everyone and someone had called the police. Eric and Serenity mad me put me shirt back on so I wouldn't get thrown in jail.

I've been greeted by cheers at work the mornings after Ive been out because of my adventures. To say I go a little wild would be fair. However, I would like to say I dont make a habit of getting completely hammered. The amount of times Ive been like that are few, honestly!

Well, after that little story, I finally remembered Harvey, Misha and Blackfive telling me some story about what happened on my day off.

So, what do you think? Should I hire a girl who takes her shirt off at parties and get shit-faced drunk at Madfish Willie's?

You tell me!

Cheers!

Jokes by Kang A. Roo

Dumb-Ass Jokes told by Kang A. Roo

First Kangaroo: What has feathers and writes?
Second Kangaroo: A ballpoint hen.

First Kangaroo: Which is the bossiest ant?
Second Kangaroo: Tyrant!

First Kangaroo: What do moose do at a concert?
Second Kangaroo: Make moosic.

First Kangaroo: What do you call it when giraffes moving one way get mixed up with giraffes moving another way?
Second Kangaroo: A giraffic jam.

First Kangaroo: If you were surrounded by 30 lions, 25 elephants and 10 hippos, how would you get away from them?
Second Kangaroo: Step off the merry-go-round.

First Kangaroo: Which ant is an army officer?
Second Kangaroo: Sergeant!

First Kangaroo: What do monkeys eat for dessert?
Second Kangaroo: Chocolate chimp cookies.

Cheers!

Moe's Toast..."Here's to you as

Moe's Toast..."Here's to you as good as you are
Here's to me as bad as I am
But as good as you are
And as bad as I am
I'm just as good as you are
As bad as I am!"
Bart's Call to Moe[Bart is calling Homer, who is minding Moe's]
(Bart) Uh, yeah, I'd like to speak to a Mr. Tabooger, first name Ollie
(Homer) (excited) Ooh, Bart, my first prank call! What do I do?
(Bart) Just ask if anyone knows Ollie Tabooger
(Homer) I don't get it
(Bart) Yell out "I'll eat a booger"
(Homer) What's the gag?
(Bart) Oh, forget it...
Yogism"If you come to a fork in the road take it."
Things A Man Should Know: About Women: Women dislike men who are liars.
ClueBat InsultsThou gorbellied, folly-fallen giglet!
Movie MadnessA Frightened Boy
Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Persian (click thru for the really good stuff)kosskesh: pimp
kesafat: you dirty piece of shit
beshoor: no brained
an: diarhhea
kos-khol: sex crazy
amale: dirty piece of shit labor worker
khar: idiot
Cheers!

Monday Happy Hour

Moe's Toast...
"Here's to you as good as you are
Here's to me as bad as I am
But as good as you are
And as bad as I am
I'm just as good as you are
As bad as I am!"

Bart's Call to Moe
[Bart is calling Homer, who is minding Moe's]
(Bart) Uh, yeah, I'd like to speak to a Mr. Tabooger, first name Ollie
(Homer) (excited) Ooh, Bart, my first prank call! What do I do?
(Bart) Just ask if anyone knows Ollie Tabooger
(Homer) I don't get it
(Bart) Yell out "I'll eat a booger"
(Homer) What's the gag?
(Bart) Oh, forget it...

Yogism
"If you come to a fork in the road take it."

Things A Man Should Know: About Women:
Women dislike men who are liars.

ClueBat Insults
Thou gorbellied, folly-fallen giglet!

Movie Madness
A Frightened Boy

Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Persian (click thru for the really good stuff)
kosskesh: pimp
kesafat: you dirty piece of shit
beshoor: no brained
an: diarhhea
kos-khol: sex crazy
amale: dirty piece of shit labor worker
khar: idiot

Cheers!

Ultimate Blogger Recipe Contest Finalists

These are the top ten recipes for The Ultimate Blogger Recipe Contest:

Harvey at Bad Money for Moneytov Cashtail

Matt at Blackfive for Black Martini

Kate at Electric Venom for Venom & Blight

Linda at Civlization Calls for Fire Water

Denita at Who Tends The Fires for Malpractice

Jeff at BigStick.US for Big Stick Whack!

Acidman at Gut Rumbles for Gut Rumble

SilverBlue at Ramblings of SilverBlue for Moonlight on Water

Eric at Straight White Guy for Antarctic Cosmopolitan

Darren at Colorado Conservative for Cool Colorado Conservative

The voting poll is now open on the sidebar with a link to the actual recipes. The voting parameters are set to 24 hours, so vote the Chicago Way - early and often. Polls close at midnight on October 31, Central Standard Time.

Thanks to everyone that entered a recipe... it was difficult to pick out only 10 for the poll.

I'm gonna have to try some of these out!!

Cheers!

The Champagne Room

Remember: There is no sex in The Champagne Room!

I don't care if this link gets worn out - I love having an On-line Orgasm!

Don't go drinking with Donnie, from Ain't Done It's, friend Charlie, he'll get you all fucked up!

Russ at Tac Jammer thinks Karaoke is like nudity?

SilverBlue's final thoughts are that Sex Is Bad?

Bejus from Ain't Done It learnt 7 thangs from neekid movies.

The Lovely Helen from Everyday Stranger would like some breasts to go please!

Helen also needs some feedback on how to shape her minge!

Finn, the Viking from Casting Magic Missile got me all dressed and then gave me nowhere to go. Dickhead!

Acidman from Gut Rumbles discusses the difference between the p0rn industry and playing in a band.

Mamamontezz from the Mental Rumpus Room is giving schoolboys Viagra? Like those horny little bastards need any.

James at Outside the Beltway has pics of your favorite blogger babes!

Jfielek at Quibbles-n-Bits is a Love Retard!

SilverBlue's friend PoloRandy discovers how condoms are really made.

Eric at Straight White Guy has a list of pick-up lines. I wonder how many times he got the shit slapped out of him?

Sugarcoated at Sugarmama's reveals a sexual revolution of sorts.

MCSE at The Kingdom of the Geeks father is an exotic dancer in a homosexual cabaret. Not really, but go read anyway.

Eric at Straight White Guy has an echo in Snow White's Fairy Tale.

Read My Boobs - a short movie.

LeAnn at the Cheese Stands Alone has a Pubic Service Announcement.

Margi at www[dot]margilowry[dot]com tell us Where Things Went Terribly Wrong (scroll down the page).

Harvey at Bad Money nominates Susie, a Corner of the Bar Babe for Pet of The Month. I'm pretty sure that he's stepping on his dick here.

Geoffrey at Dog Snot Diaries says Ass Jockey?

Acidman strikes again with dont Bite Me!

Acidman also tells us all about chicken sex.

Jennifer from Jennifer's History & Things should probably have skipped this one.

LeAnn has Cheesy Joke #875. Anyone need a baseball glove and bat?

And to wrap it up, Acidman presents "Dr Acidman's Sex Clinic".

That'll be all that kind of talk for this week!

Cheers!

The Ultimate Blogger Recipe Contestants

These were all the entries in the contest. I will pick the top ten recipes and post a PollHost.com poll in the sidebar until Halloween. The entry with the most votes wins! Voting can be done once every 24 hours, so vote the Chicago Way - early and often! The winner will be announced on November 1.

Moneytov Cashtail
Equal portions of:
Blue Raspberry Vodka
190 Vodka
Peach Pucker
Combine ingredients in a glass, aiming for a nice money-green color.
Garnish with a dollar-bill-bowtie:
Harvey: Bad Money

Black Martini
5 oz Johnny Walker Black
Over ice, shaken, not stirred
Strain into chilled Martini Glass [It better be a big one!]
Marichino cherry
Matt: Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love

Remember: There is no sex

Remember: There is no sex in The Champagne Room!

I don't care if this link gets worn out - I love having an On-line Orgasm!

Don't go drinking with Donnie, from Ain't Done It's, friend Charlie, he'll get you all fucked up!

Russ at Tac Jammer thinks Karaoke is like nudity?

SilverBlue's final thoughts are that Sex Is Bad?

Bejus from Ain't Done It learnt 7 thangs from neekid movies.

The Lovely Helen from Everyday Stranger would like some breasts to go please!

Helen also needs some feedback on how to shape her minge!

Finn, the Viking from Casting Magic Missile got me all dressed and then gave me nowhere to go. Dickhead!

Acidman from Gut Rumbles discusses the difference between the p0rn industry and playing in a band.

Mamamontezz from the Mental Rumpus Room is giving schoolboys Viagra? Like those horny little bastards need any.

James at Outside the Beltway has pics of your favorite blogger babes!

Jfielek at Quibbles-n-Bits is a Love Retard!

SilverBlue's friend PoloRandy discovers how condoms are really made.

Eric at Straight White Guy has a list of pick-up lines. I wonder how many times he got the shit slapped out of him?

Sugarcoated at Sugarmama's reveals a sexual revolution of sorts.

MCSE at The Kingdom of the Geeks father is an exotic dancer in a homosexual cabaret. Not really, but go read anyway.

Eric at Straight White Guy has an echo in Snow White's Fairy Tale.

Read My Boobs - a short movie.

LeAnn at the Cheese Stands Alone has a Pubic Service Announcement.

Margi at www[dot]margilowry[dot]com tell us Where Things Went Terribly Wrong (scroll down the page).

Harvey at Bad Money nominates Susie, a Corner of the Bar Babe for Pet of The Month. I'm pretty sure that he's stepping on his dick here.

Geoffrey at Dog Snot Diaries says Ass Jockey?

Acidman strikes again with dont Bite Me!

Acidman also tells us all about chicken sex.

Jennifer from Jennifer's History & Things should probably have skipped this one.

LeAnn has Cheesy Joke #875. Anyone need a baseball glove and bat?

And to wrap it up, Acidman presents "Dr Acidman's Sex Clinic".

That'll be all that kind of talk for this week!

Cheers!

These are the top ten

These are the top ten recipes for The Ultimate Blogger Recipe Contest:

Harvey at Bad Money for Moneytov Cashtail

Matt at Blackfive for Black Martini

Kate at Electric Venom for Venom & Blight

Linda at Civlization Calls for Fire Water

Denita at Who Tends The Fires for Malpractice

Jeff at BigStick.US for Big Stick Whack!

Acidman at Gut Rumbles for Gut Rumble

SilverBlue at Ramblings of SilverBlue for Moonlight on Water

Eric at Straight White Guy for Antarctic Cosmopolitan

Darren at Colorado Conservative for Cool Colorado Conservative

The voting poll is now open on the sidebar with a link to the actual recipes. The voting parameters are set to 24 hours, so vote the Chicago Way - early and often. Polls close at midnight on October 31, Central Standard Time.

Thanks to everyone that entered a recipe... it was difficult to pick out only 10 for the poll.

I'm gonna have to try some of these out!!

Cheers!

Linda from Civilization Calls, one

Linda from Civilization Calls, one of The Corner of the Bar Babe's, Husband, hereinafter referred to as Finn, the Viking, has a new blog called:

Casting Magic Missile at the darkness
Or sometimes throwing fireballs
from behind the frontline troops

I have found the perfect theme video for Finn, the Viking called Viking Kittens with songtrack by Led Zepplin. Don't let the name fool you. Just because they're kittens, doesn't mean these aren't some Bad-Ass Kittens!

Thios is what Linda tells us about him:

Gamer, Mac initiated, writer, poet, philosopher, impish wag, descendent of Vikings, and so much more... Stop by and say "howdy" to "Galstaff" when you get a chance.

Cheers!

These were all the entries

These were all the entries in the contest. I will pick the top ten recipes and post a PollHost.com poll in the sidebar until Halloween. The entry with the most votes wins! Voting can be done once every 24 hours, so vote the Chicago Way - early and often! The winner will be announced on November 1.

Moneytov Cashtail
Equal portions of:
Blue Raspberry Vodka
190 Vodka
Peach Pucker
Combine ingredients in a glass, aiming for a nice money-green color.
Garnish with a dollar-bill-bowtie:
Harvey: Bad Money

Candy's After-Work Sipping Tonic
2 oz. Amaretto
8 oz. ginger ale
twist of lime
just enough alcohol to relax with!
Candy: Candy Universe

Perfect Rocks Margarita
Cut a lime in half, then cut each half into three equal slices.
Use one slice to moisten the rim of a tall glass, then dip into a shallow bowl of sea salt to rim glass.
Squeeze the juice from the lime wedge into the glass, and drop remainder of into glass.
Add 1-1/2 ounces of good aged tequila - Soto
Mix in 3/4 ounce of Citronage an orange-based liquor from Mexico
1/2 ounce of Hpnotiq â€" â€" a blend of vodka, cognac and tropical fruits.
Top off with 4-1/2 ounces of Dr. Swami and Bone Daddyâ€(tm)s Gourmet Margarita mix
Top off with ice, and serve
Pops: Two Hour Lunch

BC Rock
1 part Kahlua
1 part Bailey's Irish Cream
2 parts Cream or Milk
1/2 part Malibu Rum
Shaken over ice
Poured on the Rocks
BC: VRWC

Evil Glenn's PETA Margarita
2 cups Jose Cuervo Gold
1/2 cup Grand Marnier
2 large / 3 small Chihuahuas
Remove tails & ears.
Discard tails and set ears aside.
Water and ice to fill blender.
Sugar to taste.
Mix in a standard blender.
Serve in margarita glasses.
Garnish with ears.
Persnickety: Ordinary Galoot

FireWater
Layer a shot of Fire Water (or at least 80 proof cinnamon schnapps)
On top of a shot of Ice (at least 80 proof peppermint schnapps)
Slam it.
It's best if both bottles have been in the freezer for a while.
There are friends of mine who are still hung over after a night spent drinking these.
Linda: Civilization Calls

Gut Rumble
Make your own moonshine.
Distill it on the back porch and catch it in Mason jars.
Put a quart of that skullbuster in the freezer for a day or two.
Remove jar and pour two fingers of that cold likker into a clear glass.
Drink it down all at once.
Enjoy the fire in the belly, the tingle in the toes and the feeling of your hair standing on end.
Repeat as necessary until you are face-down on the floor,
or arrested for running around nekkid and howling at the moon.
Acidman: Gut Rumbles

Cool Galoot
Vodka
ice
iced tea
lemon
mint
Good stuff on a hot day!
However, this one may be disqualified because it's hardly original.
I've seen it called Ice Pick and Summer Hummer, only they didn't have the mint.
I don't either half the time, whatever, it's good with or without.
Persnickety: Ordinary Galoot

Galoot's Grog
Captain Morgan's spiced rum
Ginger Ale
ice, of course
It tastes much better than it sounds.
Jean next door introduced me to this one, but it has no other name besides Capn Morgan & Ginger Ale.
Persnickety: Ordinary Galoot

Grandma's Cold Remedy
Whiskey
Hot tea
Honey
Lemon
mmmmm. It'll take care of that sore throat right quick!
My grandmother was a GREAT woman!
Used to irritate my mom, though, sometimes.
I find this tastes better if you let the tea steep in whiskey,
at the bottom of the teapot while waiting for the water to boil.
Persnickety: Ordinary Galoot

I don't use measurements.
I just splash some in and adjust if my throat catches on fire.

The Big Stick "Whack!"
1 part Jagermeister
1 part Southern Comfort (100 proof)
4 parts Pineapple Juice
Best served in a plastic cup,
Preferably in a sleazy college student house,
Whilst watching something akin to Ronco infomercials at 3:42 AM.
Jeff: BigStick.US

The Venom & Blight
1 oz. Malibu rum
1 oz. vodka
2 oz. pineapple juice
2 oz. cranberry juice
1 oz. Midori liqueur
Shake the rum, vodka and juices with ice.
Strain into an ice-filled glass.
Float Midori on top.
Garnish with cherries or pineapple slices
Think of us when you're snockered.
Venomous Kate: Electric Venom

Snake Bite
3 oz. vodka that has been chilled in the freezer overnight
1 oz. Malibu Rum
0.5 oz. Triple Sec
1 T. Creme de Menth
1 t. sugar
3 mint leaves, one mint sprig
1/2 c. ice
Place ice in shaker and add Triple Sec.
Swirl (not shake), then discard liquor, leaving the ice in the shaker.
Muddle 3 mint leaves and sugar in a cup or bowl by pressing with the back of a spoon.
Remove crushed leaves and place sugar in chilled shaker with the ice.
Add remaining liquids and shake, slowly, around 30 times.
Strain into martini glass and garnish with mint sprig.
I warn you, these will sneak up on you.
Venomous Kate: Electric Venom

Star Trek Geek Romulan Ale

Heather, one of The Corner

Heather, one of The Corner of The Bar Babes, sent me a bar poem. This poem is where the name of her blog came from. It is a really neat poem and Madfish Willie most humbly thanks bonnie Heather for her grace and generosity!

Here is the poem reproduced in full.

angelweave

Bullshit so far »

---

« Shut your pie-hole!

» by Madfish Willie on October 25 :: Permalink :: Comments (0)

We all know Murphy's Law

We all know Murphy's Law as: "Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong!" Well Murphy has some other laws, too!

MURPHY'S OTHER LAWS

1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

4. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

5. Back up my hard drive ? How do I put it in reverse ?

6. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

7. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

8. Seen it all, done it all. Can't remember most of it.

9. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

10. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

11. He's not dead. He's electroencephalographically challenged.

12. She's always late. In fact, her ancestors arrived on the "Juneflower."

13. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

14. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges ?

15. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

16. Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.

17. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular ?

18. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

19. It is hard to understand how a cemetery can raise its burial costs and blame it on the higher cost of living.

20. Just remember if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

21. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

22. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

23. You can't have everything. Where would you put it ?

24. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world population.

25. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

26. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

27. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking.

28. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

29. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture.

30. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

31. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

32. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

33. I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

34. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

35. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

36. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Actually, I think we should all get together and beat the crap out of Murphy for even bringing this shit up!

Cheers!

Beer Prayer

>The Beer Prayer comes to Madfish Willie's via SilverBlue. Before we pour the first beer and start the Happy Hour Party every day, we pause for a moment of peace and recite this prayer:

Our Lager, which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk (I will be drunk),
At home as it is in the Pub.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not into incarceration,
But deliver us from hangover.
For thine is the Beer, the Bitter and the Lager,
For ever and ever.
Barmen!

Blackfive's Interview with Jennifer is

Blackfive's Interview with Jennifer is up! Go over and find what drives Madfish Willie's blog uncle and Charter Member of The Corner of the Bar Gang!

So run, don't walk, over there right now, and check it out. See if you tell what what question(s) Madfish Willie had for him!

Cheers!

Stop whatever it is that

Stop whatever it is that you are doing, go grab a cold brewski and a bag of pretzels, then, get you ass over to Civilization Calls!

I usually do all my posting after midnight, but the tale that Linda tells cannot wait until then. So, I am calling an emergency meeting of The Corner of The Bar Gang and The Corner of The Bar Babes to discuss a truly unique event.

Linda has penned an incredible chapter in The Adventures of Madfish Willie. It's a story, not a poem so you'd better get two or three brewskis (and one for me while you're at it).

Quit fucking around over over here. The action is over at Linda's place. Hurry up!

Cheers!

As Madfish Willie wonders around

As Madfish Willie wonders around lost throught the blogosphere in a drunken stupor, he runs across some interesting things:

Harvey at Bad Money breaks into Michael Moore's has to admire his trophy collection. And he Schwings!

Jim at Snooze Button Dreams has concluded the first part of the name the G contest. Go over and vote in the sidebar pool and vote for Moondoggie (my entry)! Remember vote early and vote often.

That damn Ted at Rocket Jones used a fake ID to buy beer! He's barred!

Our bonnie Heather, (a Corner of the Bar Babe) at Angelweave has her eye on a cool bicycle. Personally, I prefer the one with the spokeless tires.

Acidman at Gut Rumbles had a lunch date. The first time I read about it I just glanced at it and thought it said something else. If I told you what I thought it said Acidman would probable hunt me down with a venegence, so we'll just leave it at that. Did he get laid? Did he pay (for lunch)?

Dana, America's #1 Pin Up Girl and a Corner of The Bar Babe, has a worn out finger? Which one and how? Follow the linkage to find out the whole story.

What the hell is a Flirtini? Drinking, Flirting, Mingling! Allana Baroni has the scoop!

Jim at Snooze Button Dreams has a new on-line writing project called The Lady of the Lake and wants his regulat readership to help him out. Sounds like an interesting experiment, go find out what it' all about.

Ross at Rocket Penguin has his list of 100 things up. It's a little short on one end!

Ross also wants to be the next Pope and outlines his program!

Phelps at the Everlasting Phelps tells us why the televison ratings suck. He's right.

We've all heard the asshole morning radio DJs always jacking with people. Phelps tells us about the Upstart Hayseed, who shuts one of em down good.

Tom at Tom's Nap Room tell us the difference between theory and practice from his new digs at munuviana.

Paul at Sanity's Edge invents gunpowder and take an ass-whippin'

Eric at Straight White Guy tells us why arguing with a Scotsman over an egg is not the smartest thing to do.

Venomous Kate is winding her vacation time with her buddy down and posts some pics.

Cheers!

The Star Wars Drinking Game

The Star Wars Drinking Game

Madfish Willie has a huge repertoire of drinking games! Some of them suck, and some of them are pretty good. Some of them are new and some of them you already know. I'll post the best one's around, starting with this one with a Star Wars theme. I'm kinda of a Sci-Fi fan and everybody likes the original Star Wars trilogy, so here goes:

To play the Star Wars Drinking Game, you will need:
The Star Wars Trilogy on tape (one movie for a short game).
An ample supply of your favorite beverage.
A really good sound system, so the explosions seem to happen all around you. Kapow! (optional)
Begin by inserting your weatherbeaten "Star Wars" videotape into the big slot on your VCR. Dim the lights for dramatic effect, and play the tape. The game begins right as "20th Century Fox" appears on the screen.

Once the game has begun, you watch the movie for the listed events. Every time one of them occurs, everybody takes a sip of their drink.

Drink when:
-Someone has a bad feeling about this.
-It's their only hope.
-An entire planet is described as having one climate.
-Somebody gets choked.
-A woman other than Leia is on screen
-An old Jedi starts to ramble about the Force. (Vader counts.)
-Somebody's hand gets cut off.
-A gigantic technological marvel explodes in a single blast.
-There is a tremor in the Force.
-It's not someone's fault
-One or more heroes are almost eaten by a Thing
-A Jedi is much more powerful than he looks
-Someone exclaims "No!"
-Someone does something apparently suicidal that turns out to be a good idea
-Twice if it's not Han
-Someone wears the same outfit in all three movies--it counts if they change at the end
-Someone is mind-controled using the Force
-People kiss
-A good guy wears white or a bad guy wears black
-Twice if a bad guy wears white and a good guy wears black (for uniforms, only the first person on screen counts)
-Three times if someone hovering in between wears gray
-Every time you find yourself talking to the people on screen
-An elaborately made up alien has no lines
-Someone or something tries to get money from Han
-Some ship crashes into something after being hit.
-Someone has a light saber duel (includes just using light saber)
-An Ewok dies, and the camera lingers longer than it did when the Death Star exploded, killing billions of people. -(Fourteen seconds. Count'em.)
-It is Luke's destiny.
-Luke whines.
-Luke discovers a long-lost relative.
-Luke fights monsters or savages.
-Luke does some nifty acrobatic flip.
-Luke teeters on the brink of a chasm.
-Luke is upside-down
-Luke and Lando are in the same place at the same time
-Twice if they speak to each other
-Luke's parentage is Foreshadowed
-Luke refuses to take someone's advice
-Luke yells "Artooooo!"
-Leia insults somebody.
-Leia wears an outfit that covers everything except her face and hands
-Twice if it covers her neck
-Three times if she's almost totally nude
-Obi-Wan Kenobi materializes for a guest appearance.
-Obi-Wan Kenobi plays detective. ("...Only Imperial Stormtroopers are so precise.")
-Han brags about the Millenium Falcon.
-Anybody insults the Millenium Falcon.
-Something doesn't work on the Falcon
-Twice if it's the hyperdrive
-Yoda uses bad grammar.
-Yoda talks like a fortune cookie.
-R2-D2 gets thrashed.
-R2-D2 plugs into the wrong socket and his head spins around.
-C-3PO loses a body part. (Take two drinks if he is completely dismembered.)
-C-3PO informs us of just how many forms of communication he's familiar with
-A Rebel pilot is of a race other than white
-Twice if they're non human (co-pilots count)
-A Rebel Pilot says "Nice Shot..."
-A Rebel Pilot says "I've been hit..."
-Tarkin brags about the Death Star.
Now, if you aren't drunk at the end of this game - you are one sick sunuvabitch and need to get some serious help!

Cheers!

I have seen these goofy

I have seen these goofy quizzes all the place. There are a couple that relate to the Madfish Willie's good time charlie atmosphere.

What Drink Are You?

Which 80's Song Fits You?

If you take one of these in the next week, leave a comment, drop me an e-mail, or if you're on my daily blogroll reads, post on your site and I'll compile a comprehensive listing full of gratuitous linkage next Friday.

The reason I want to do this is that I took these tests and came out a little strange. So, maybe I can lose my results among yours! Mwahaha!

Cheers!

My google search results on

My google search results on 10.16.2003 weren't exactly what I expected.

Listed in the top 40:
1 Madfish Willie
1 Ultimate Dacquiri
1 Adventures of Madfish Willie
2 Imperial Mixer of Poisons
10 Venomous Martini
17 Ultimate Blogger Recipe
19 Precision Guided Humor
37 Evil Glenn Puppy Jokes

Nowhere to be found:
The Bartender
Ultimate Martini
Ultimate Bloody Mary
Ultimate Margarita
Ultimate Salsa
Ultimate Queso
Ultimate Pizza

What the hell does any of this mean? Don't ask me - I don't know.

Cheers!

Quotes on Drinking - Part

Quotes on Drinking - Part II

"My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine. Fortunately, everybody drinks water." Mark Twain

"If the headache would only precede the intoxication, alcoholism would be a virtue." Samuel Butler

"The whole world is about three drinks behind." Humphrey Bogart

"Give an Irishman lager for a month and he's a dead man. An Irishman's stomach is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him." Mark Twain

"The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid." Richard Braunstein

"Candy, is dandy, but liquor, is quicker." Ogden Nash

"Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow they may cancel your VISA." Unknown

"We drink and we die and continue to drink." Dennis Leary

"A bottle of wine contains more philosophy that all the books in the world." Louis Pasteur

"Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony." Robert Benchley

"The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober." William Butler Yeats

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." Henny Youngman

"In the Bowling Alley of Tomorrow, there will even be machines that wear rental shoes and throw the ball for you. Your sole function will be to drink beer." Dave Barry

"I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy." Tom Waits

"Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me." Winston Churchill

"I drink because she nags, she said I nag because he drinks. But if the truth be known to you, He's a lush and she's a shrew." Ogden Nash

"Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth." George Burns

Cheers!

Moe's Toast..."Old wood to burn,

Moe's Toast..."Old wood to burn,
Old books to read,
Old wine to drink,
Old friends to trust."
Bart's Call to Moe[Bart on the road]
(Homer) Hello, I'd like to speak with a Mr. Snotball, first name Eura
(Moe) Eura Snotball?
(Homer) What? How dare you! If I find out who this is, I'll staple a flag to your butt and mail you to Iran!
Today's Drinking Story http://internettrash.com/users/drinking_stories/funny_drinking_stories_027.htm
Yogism"You can see a lot by observing."
Things A Man Should Know: About Women: Never ask a woman why she's mad at you, as she will only get madder at your not knowing.
ClueBat InsultsThou currish, crook-pated clack dish!
Movie MadnessWe Like The Moon
Dumb-Ass Snake JokesWhy did the viper want to become a python ?
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food ?
What do you call a python with a great bedside manner ?
What do most people do when they see a python ?
What subject are snakes good at school ?
What did the snake say to the cornered rat ?
What do snakes have on their bath towels ?
What do you call a snake that informs the police ?
What did the python say to the viper ?
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell ?

Answers in the Comments
Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Russian (click thru for the really good stuff) Sooka: Bitch/traitor
tebya ne ebut, ti ne podmakhivai: mind your own fucking business
K Chortoo: go to hell
kooshite govno ee oomeeite: eat shit and die
mudak: an asshole
govniuk: shithead
Cheers!

Drinking Beer Makes Your Smarter!

In Madfish Willie's never-ending quest to bring you good news, he often stumbles across something so mind-numbingly obvious, that he hits himself upside the head and says: "Damn, I knew that!"

In this article gleemed from Forbes Magazine, he finds just such news:

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole is maintained or even improved by the regular culling of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can operate only as fast as the slowest brain cells through which the electrical signals pass. Recent epidemiological studies have shown that while excessive intake of alcohol kills off brain cells, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

Thus, regular consumption of beer, wine etc., helps eliminate the weaker cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. The result of this in-depth study verifies and validates the causal link between all-weekend parties and job related performance. It also explains why, after a few short years of leaving a university and getting married, most professionals cannot keep up with the performance of the new graduates. Only those few that stick to the strict regimen of voracious alcoholic consumption can maintain the intellectual levels that they achieve during their college years.

So, this is a call to arms. As our country is losing its technological edge, we cannot shudder in our homes. Get back into the bars. Quaff that pint. Your company and country need you to be at your peak, and you shouldn't deny yourself the career that you could have. Take life by the bottle and be all that you can be. Forward this to all of your friends, acquaintances and co-workers that may be in danger of losing their edge.

Cheers!

In this weeks New Blog

In this weeks New Blog Showcase at The Truth Laid Bear, I'm voting for:

Irreconcilable Musings' post Defending the Blogosphere Front in the War on Terrorism about... you guessed it, defending the blogosphere's front in the war on terrorism.

All Alliance members are required to vote early and vote often in order to beat the new pretenders to our thone!

Cheers!

Washington's Whiskey Recipe

I'm gonna owe Linda at Civilization Calls a few cold ones at Madfish Willie's for the heads up on this article about George Washington's whiskey recipe:

Washington's Whiskey Recipe

The recipe, or "mash bill," calls for 65 percent rye, 30 percent corn and 5 percent malted barley.

First, grind the grains into a coarse meal. Then, mix the rye and corn in a wood vessel called a "hog's head." Add hot and cold water. Stick your hand in the mash to make sure it isn't too hot. If it doesn't burn, the temperature is just right. Add barley and stir.

Cool the mixture down a bit more, and add yeast. Let the mixture ferment for a few days.

Pour the mixture into a copper still, and let it boil. The alcohol will vaporize and condense, flowing out of a tube, also known as a worm.

Collect the liquid and run it through the copper still one more time. Now you have finished whiskey.

Washington barreled his whiskey and sold it immediately. These days, distillers age it for a few years to improve its taste.

Source: Jim Beam master distiller Jerry Dalton / The Associated Press

Thanks again, Linda, and bring Finn, the Viking along on the next Adventure of Madfish Willie!

Cheers!

A reminder: Only two more

A reminder: Only two more days to enter the Madfish Willie's Ultimate Bloggers Cocktail Recipe Contest! Here are the entries so far.

The First Time Contests:

Remember the first drink you ever took? (With your parents doesn't count - sneaking out is where it's at!)

How about the first time you got drunk?...

The first bar you were ever in?...

The first bar you ever got thrown out of?...

Check it out and who cares if the stories are true, only if they are funny. This is a friggin' bar after all, we lie to each other all night long!

Cheers!

I'm gonna owe Linda at

I'm gonna owe Linda at Civilization Calls a few cold ones at Madfsih Willie's for the heads up on this article about George Washington's whiskey recipe:

Washington's Whiskey Recipe

The recipe, or "mash bill," calls for 65 percent rye, 30 percent corn and 5 percent malted barley.

First, grind the grains into a coarse meal. Then, mix the rye and corn in a wood vessel called a "hog's head." Add hot and cold water. Stick your hand in the mash to make sure it isn't too hot. If it doesn't burn, the temperature is just right. Add barley and stir.

Cool the mixture down a bit more, and add yeast. Let the mixture ferment for a few days.

Pour the mixture into a copper still, and let it boil. The alcohol will vaporize and condense, flowing out of a tube, also known as a worm.

Collect the liquid and run it through the copper still one more time. Now you have finished whiskey.

Washington barreled his whiskey and sold it immediately. These days, distillers age it for a few years to improve its taste.

Source: Jim Beam master distiller Jerry Dalton / The Associated Press

Thanks again, Linda, and bring Finn, the Viking along on the next Adventure of Madfish Willie!

Cheers!

In Madfish Willie's never-ending quest

In Madfish Willie's never-ending quest to bring you good news, he often stumbles across something so mind-numbingly obvious, that he hits himself upside the head and says: "Damn, I knew that!"

In this article gleemed from Forbes Magazine, he finds just such news:

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole is maintained or even improved by the regular culling of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can operate only as fast as the slowest brain cells through which the electrical signals pass. Recent epidemiological studies have shown that while excessive intake of alcohol kills off brain cells, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

Thus, regular consumption of beer, wine etc., helps eliminate the weaker cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. The result of this in-depth study verifies and validates the causal link between all-weekend parties and job related performance. It also explains why, after a few short years of leaving a university and getting married, most professionals cannot keep up with the performance of the new graduates. Only those few that stick to the strict regimen of voracious alcoholic consumption can maintain the intellectual levels that they achieve during their college years.

So, this is a call to arms. As our country is losing its technological edge, we cannot shudder in our homes. Get back into the bars. Quaff that pint. Your company and country need you to be at your peak, and you shouldn't deny yourself the career that you could have. Take life by the bottle and be all that you can be. Forward this to all of your friends, acquaintances and co-workers that may be in danger of losing their edge.

Cheers!

The Beer Prayer comes to

The Beer Prayer comes to Madfish Willie's via SilverBlue. Before we pour the first beer and start the Happy Hour Party every day, we pause for a moment of peace and recite this prayer:

Our Lager, which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk (I will be drunk),
At home as it is in the Pub.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not into incarceration,
But deliver us from hangover.
For thine is the Beer, the Bitter and the Lager,
For ever and ever.
Barmen!

Madfish Willie's tries cater to

Madfish Willie's tries cater to a broad range of tastes and clientele. To that end, I would like to introduce a new line of beers being brewed up by Madfish Willie's Official Brewmeister: Physics Geek. This particular line of beer will be for the Geeks among us who truly deserve their own special brand of brewski's! Here's what Physics Geek has in the oven:

DOS Beer:
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz can, but now comes in a 16-oz can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2-oz each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.

MAC Beer:
At first, came only in a 16-oz can, but now comes in a 32-oz can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the wastebin.

Windows 95 Beer:
The world's most popular beer. Comes in a 16-oz can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for no apparent reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.

Windows 98 Beer:
See Windows 95 beer above. About the same but Windows 98 beer creates less gas and makes you crash less.

Windows 2000 Beer:
A new beer on the market. A lot of people have taste tested it and claim it's wonderful. The can looks like Mac and OS/2 Beer's can, but tastes like Windows 95/98 Beer. It comes in 32-oz cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16-oz of beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking Windows 95/98 Beer until their friends try Windows 2000 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS and Mac Beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.

Windows NT Beer:
Comes in 32-oz cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This causes most people to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The can looks just like Windows 95 Beer's, but the company promises to change the can to look like Windows 2000 Beer's, after Windows 2000 Beer starts shipping well. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and suggested only for use in bars.

Unix Beer:
Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8-oz to 64-oz. Drinkers on Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have to have your own can opener around for these occasions, in which case you either need a complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been drinking Unix Beer for several years...

AmigaOS Beer:
The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been picked up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an import. This beer never really sold very well, because the original manufacturer didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer fans are an extremely loyal and loud group. It originally came in a 16-oz can, but now comes in 32-oz cans too. When this can was originally introduced, it appeared flashy and colourful, but the design hasn't changed much over the years, so it appears dated now. Critics of this beer claim that it is only meant for watching TV anyway.

Let's all raise a cold draught beer to the Physics Geek for these fine brews!

Cheers!

Moe's Toast..."Here's to every man

Moe's Toast..."Here's to every man here,
May he be what he thinks himself to be."
Bart's Call to Moe[Mr. Burns says]
"I'm looking for a Mr. Smithers, first name Wayland"
Oh, so, you're looking for a Mr. Smithers, eh? First name Wayland, is it? Listen to me, you; when I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes and stick 'em down your pants, so you can watch me kick the crap outta you, okay? Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!
Today's Drinking Story Next Stop - First Floor
Yogism"I always thought that record would stand until it was broken."
Things A Man Should Know: About Women: Men always overestimate the size of their wives' or girlfriends' chests even as they underestimate the size of their wives' or girlfriends' hips.
ClueBat InsultsThou paunchy, ill-breeding lout!
Movie MadnessTales of The Blode - Episode 1
Dumb-Ass Skunk JokesDid you hear the joke about the skunk?
How many skunks do you need to make a house really smelly?
What do you get if you cross a skunk and a dinosaur?
How can you tell when a skunk is angry?
How can you tell a rabbit from a skunk?
What's a skunk's favourite game in school?
What do you get if you cross a skunk and a boomerang?
What did the forgetful skunk say when the wind changed direction?
What did the baby skunk want to be when he grew up?
What's a skunk's philosophy of life?

Answers in the Comments
Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Estonian (click thru for the really good stuff) kurat, saatan: devil
mine vittu: fuck off
munn: penis
piss/kusi: piss
raisk: rotted
Cheers!

Geek Beer

>Madfish Willie's tries cater to a broad range of tastes and clientele. To that end, I would like to introduce a new line of beers being brewed up by Madfish Willie's Official Brewmeister: Physics Geek. This particular line of beer will be for the Geeks among us who truly deserve their own special brand of brewski's! Here's what Physics Geek has in the oven:

DOS Beer:
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz can, but now comes in a 16-oz can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2-oz each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.

MAC Beer:
At first, came only in a 16-oz can, but now comes in a 32-oz can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the wastebin.

Windows 95 Beer:
The world's most popular beer. Comes in a 16-oz can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for no apparent reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.

Windows 98 Beer:
See Windows 95 beer above. About the same but Windows 98 beer creates less gas and makes you crash less.

Windows 2000 Beer:
A new beer on the market. A lot of people have taste tested it and claim it's wonderful. The can looks like Mac and OS/2 Beer's can, but tastes like Windows 95/98 Beer. It comes in 32-oz cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16-oz of beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking Windows 95/98 Beer until their friends try Windows 2000 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS and Mac Beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.

Windows NT Beer:
Comes in 32-oz cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This causes most people to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The can looks just like Windows 95 Beer's, but the company promises to change the can to look like Windows 2000 Beer's, after Windows 2000 Beer starts shipping well. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and suggested only for use in bars.

Unix Beer:
Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8-oz to 64-oz. Drinkers on Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have to have your own can opener around for these occasions, in which case you either need a complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been drinking Unix Beer for several years...

AmigaOS Beer:
The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been picked up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an import. This beer never really sold very well, because the original manufacturer didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer fans are an extremely loyal and loud group. It originally came in a 16-oz can, but now comes in 32-oz cans too. When this can was originally introduced, it appeared flashy and colourful, but the design hasn't changed much over the years, so it appears dated now. Critics of this beer claim that it is only meant for watching TV anyway.

Let's all raise a cold draught beer to the Physics Geek for these fine brews!

Cheers!

The Ultimate Blogger Cocktail Recipe

The Ultimate Blogger Cocktail Recipe Contest:

• Contest is open to anyone (prefer you to have a blog - but will consider all entries).


• You may enter as many times as you wish.


• Send me your favorite cocktail recipe (either in comments or e-mail me)


• Give it a name relating to your blog.


• All recipes posted on Friday, October 24.


• Style points for recipe originality.


• Style points for drink title originality.


• I will determine top 10 recipes.


• My decision for top 10 is final.


• I will post a Poll Host poll at the top of my blog for 1 week.


• Vote 1x per day till Thursday, October 30.


• Winner is entry with most votes posted on Poll Host by blog readers.


• Winner announced on Friday, October 31.

Winner will recieve a 1 liter bottle of your preferred liquor (within reason - don't be an asshole!).
I'll keep these instructions at the top of the page throughout the contest. Good Luck!
Update: Check the links under The Ultimate Blogger Recipes for all submissions to-date.

Update: There are some good new entries today, so go check it out!

Bullshit so far »



---

« Shut your pie-hole!


» by Madfish Willie on October 22 :: Permalink :: Comments (0)

Harvey has been saving up

Harvey has been saving up his money so he can stuff the Tip Jar properly. He's been doing some weird things in the mean time like running arould with Counterfeiter Carl, Wayne & Garth, and a bunch of Hillbillies! No wonder he has a big wad o' cash stuffed in his back pocket!

Jen had a crazy day yesterday and reminds us the Blackfive interview is to be posted on Friday. You won't want to miss this event!!

Jim from Snooze Button Dreams is convinced that the EU has taken steps to lure Helen back to Sweden.

James at Parkway Rest Stop tries to explain what a blog is to the unitiated. Tough job!

Piss on this guy and his joke

Acidman at Gut Rumbles tells us about his favorite Heavies!

Eric at Straight White Guy knows how to stock a frig... and a freezer... and around a computer! Maybe he should listen to Ernest Hemingway.

SilverBlue issues an all points virus alert! Don't ignore this warning or you may become a victim of a deleted hard drive!!

Ted at Rocket Jones tells a tale about RippleFire.

Don at Anger Managment has "One More Before I Go" and then tells us why Cops Are Stupid!

For Sale: One Slightly Used Camera - contact the Physics Geek!

Cheers!

Tonight's playlist is from SilverBlue,

Tonight's playlist is from SilverBlue, Madfish Willie's very own Virtual Disc Jockey. It is titled: The Cheating Time

Tonight's playlist, includes:

Eagles - Lyin' Eyes
Lorrie Morgan - I Guess You Had To Be There
Eurythmics - Who's That Girl?
Roxette - What's She Like?
Garth Brooks - The Thunder Rolls
Reba McEntire - Ring On Her Finger (Time On Her Hands)
Randy Travis - Reasons I Cheat
Shania Twain - Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under?
Cathy Dennis - You Lied To Me
Timi Yuro - Something Bad On My Mind
Maureen McGregor - Torn Between Two Lovers
Bananarama - Last Thing On My Mind
Lara Fabian or Josh Groban - Broken Vow
Samantha Fox - Another Woman (Too Many People)
Crystal Gayle - Talking In Your Sleep
Barbara Mandrell - If Loving You Is Wrong (I Don't Wanna Be Right)

Cheers!

Remember the first drink you

Remember the first drink you ever took? (With your parents doesn't count - sneaking out is where it's at!)

How about the first time you got drunk?...

The first bar you were ever in?...

The first bar you ever got thrown out of?...

Madfish Willie remembers all of that stuff! And he wants to hear your stories of "The First Time". Post your stories and send me a link via e-mail and Madfish Willie's will distribute some Drinky Links and he will tell you Tales of The First Time from his own adventures!

He has four tall tales to tell and will tell a tale when he gets some posts to link to!

He is particularly interested in tales from The Corner of The Bar Gang and The Corner of The Bar Babes!!

Maybe we'll even make a contest on who has the funniest tales! If Madfish Willie gets five posts on a particular First Time, we'll post all the links and let the readers decide who was funniest!

What does the winner get? Winner gets to be the featured star of a one of The Continuing Adventures of Madfish Willie stories, with gratuitous linkage and multiple posts!

Cheers!

Quotes on Drinking - Part

Quotes on Drinking - Part I
"Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts. Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more." Proverbs 31: 6-7

"Were I to prescribe a rule for drinking, it should be formed upon a saying quoted by Sir William Temple: the first glass for myself, the second for my friends, the third for good humor, and the fourth for mine enemies." Joseph Addison

"Work is the curse of the drinking class." Oscar Wilde

"He that drinks fast, pays slow." Benjamin Franklin

"When I have one martini, I feel bigger, wiser, taller. When I have the second, I feel superlative. When I have more, there's no holding me." William Faulkner

"One martini is alright, two is too many, three is not enough." James Thurber

"Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth." Steve Allen

"I envy people who drink, at least they know what to blame everything on." Oscar Levant

"Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say, "I'm thirsty, not dirty". Joe E. Lewis

"I drink no more than a sponge". Francis Rabelais

"Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; The best of life is but intoxication." Lord Byron

"Drink to me." Pablo Picasso's last words

"One can drink too much, but one never drinks enough." Edward Burke

"Now is the time for drinking, now the time to beat the earth with unfettered foot." Horace

"Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink." Unknown

"If all be true that I do think, There are five reasons we should drink: Good wine - a friend - or being dry - Or lest we should be by and by - Or any other reason why." Henry Aldrich

"The three-martini lunch is the epitome of American efficiency. Where else can you get an earful, a bellyful, and a snootful at the same time?" Gerald R. Ford
Cheers!

Moe's Toast..."Here's to the ladies,

Moe's Toast..."Here's to the ladies,
They need no praise...
They speak for themselves!"
Bart's Call to Moe[This isn't at Moe's; Moe is taking over as the substitute teacher for Mrs. Krabappel's class during the strike]
OK, when I call your name, uh, you say "present" or "here". Er, no, say "present". Ahem, Anita Bath?
The students in the classroom laugh
All right, settle down. Anita Bath here?
More laughs
All right, fine, fine. Maya Buttreeks!
Still more laughs
Hey, what are you laughing at? What? Oh, oh, I get it, I get it. It's my big ears, isn't it, kids? Isn't it? Well, children, I can't help that!
Moe runs out of the classroom crying as Bart crosses Moe's name off of a list of what are now former substitute teachers
Today's Drinking Story Pub Crawling
Yogism"Baseball is 90% mental. The other half is physical."
Things A Man Should Know: About Women: If you're single, the tango will do the trick. If you're married, the tango will also do the trick.
Possibly even with your wife.

ClueBat InsultsThou bawdy, bat-fowling giglet!
Movie MadnessTales of The Blode - Episode 2: A Trip to the Seaside
Dumb-Ass Kangaroo JokesFirst Kangaroo: Why did the little girl take hay to bed?
First Kangaroo: Why did the rabbit go to the doctor?
First Kangaroo: What happened to the two bedbugs who fell in love?
First Kangaroo: Why can't you tell secrets on a farm?
First Kangaroo: What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?
First Kangaroo: What's smarter than a talking horse?
First Kangaroo: What did the duck say when it laid a square egg?
First Kangaroo: When is it socially correct to serve milk in a saucer?
First Kangaroo: How do you tell the difference between an elephant and a rhinoceros?
First Kangaroo: What does a frog say when it washes car windows?

Answers in the Comments
Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Surinam (click thru for the really good stuff) yu kao'lo: your ass
krasi: horny
tongo: french kiss
ie de wang viestie dagoe: you're a vilty dog
Sako webo: ball sack
Cheers!

Virtual Music

Tonight's playlist is from SilverBlue, Madfish Willie's very own Virtual Disc Jockey. It is titled: The Cheating Time

Tonight's playlist, includes:

Eagles - Lyin' Eyes
Lorrie Morgan - I Guess You Had To Be There
Eurythmics - Who's That Girl?
Roxette - What's She Like?
Garth Brooks - The Thunder Rolls
Reba McEntire - Ring On Her Finger (Time On Her Hands)
Randy Travis - Reasons I Cheat
Shania Twain - Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under?
Cathy Dennis - You Lied To Me
Timi Yuro - Something Bad On My Mind
Maureen McGregor - Torn Between Two Lovers
Bananarama - Last Thing On My Mind
Lara Fabian or Josh Groban - Broken Vow
Samantha Fox - Another Woman (Too Many People)
Crystal Gayle - Talking In Your Sleep
Barbara Mandrell - If Loving You Is Wrong (I Don't Wanna Be Right)

Cheers!

We are proud to announce

We are proud to announce the addition of The Physics Geek as Madfish Willie's Official Brewmeister.

Mmm... Beer! [drool runs out the side of mouth]

In his first annoucement since taking office, The Physics Geek lays out the brewing schedule for the first batch of Madfish Beer.

The beer in question will be a strong (based on past experience) dunkel weizen. I'm still convincing the chief that I need to brew another batch. She's sympathetic to the needs of my hobby but she hates the smell of boiling wort. I'm looking to brew the weekend of November 8th and bottling the 22nd. Should be ready to drink by mid-December.

Just in time for the holiday drinking festivities!

Update: We need an Official Name for this batch of beer!

Cheers!

Official Brewmeister

We are proud to announce the addition of The Physics Geek as Madfish Willie's Official Brewmeister.

Mmm... Beer! [drool runs out the side of mouth]

In his first annoucement since taking office, The Physics Geek lays out the brewing schedule for the first batch of Madfish Beer.

The beer in question will be a strong (based on past experience) dunkel weizen. I'm still convincing the chief that I need to brew another batch. She's sympathetic to the needs of my hobby but she hates the smell of boiling wort. I'm looking to brew the weekend of November 8th and bottling the 22nd. Should be ready to drink by mid-December.

Just in time for the holiday drinking festivities!

Update: We need an Official Name for this batch of beer!

Cheers!

I asked Madfish Willie's Virtual

I asked Madfish Willie's Virtual DJ, Silver Blue, to compile a list of songs that have drinking or something related to drinking in the song title.

He came up with this list that I want to post and then add-on for one big definitive list that I can post via a link on the sidebar. So here is the starting list:

Toby Keith / Willie Nelson: Whiskey for my Men, Beer for my Horses!
AC/DC: Have a Drink On Me
Loretta Lynn: Don't Come Home-A Drinkin' With Lovin On Your Mind
David Frizell : I'm Gonna Hire A Wino
Jimmy Buffett: Why Don't We Get Drunk
Garth Brooks: Two Pina Coladas
Johnny Paycheck: Colorado Cool Aid
Roy Carrier & the Night Rockers: Whiskey Drinkin' Man
George Jones: If Drinkin' Don't Kill Me (Her Memory Will)
Eddie Rabbitt: Drinkin' My Baby (Off My Mind)
George Thorogood & The Destroyers: If You Don't Start Drinkin' (I'm Gonna Leave)
American Dog: I Keep Drinkin' (You're Still Ugly)
Tracey Byrd: 10 Rounds with Jose Cuervo
Grace Knight: Drinkin Again
Chris DeBurgh: Moonlight and Vodka

Virtual Music

I asked Madfish Willie's Virtual DJ, Silver Blue, to compile a list of songs that have drinking or something related to drinking in the song title.

He came up with this list that I want to post and then add-on for one big definitive list that I can post via a link on the sidebar. So here is the starting list:

Toby Keith / Willie Nelson: Whiskey for my Men, Beer for my Horses!
AC/DC: Have a Drink On Me
Loretta Lynn: Don't Come Home-A Drinkin' With Lovin On Your Mind
David Frizell : I'm Gonna Hire A Wino
Jimmy Buffett: Why Don't We Get Drunk
Garth Brooks: Two Pina Coladas
Johnny Paycheck: Colorado Cool Aid
Roy Carrier & the Night Rockers: Whiskey Drinkin' Man
George Jones: If Drinkin' Don't Kill Me (Her Memory Will)
Eddie Rabbitt: Drinkin' My Baby (Off My Mind)
George Thorogood & The Destroyers: If You Don't Start Drinkin' (I'm Gonna Leave)
American Dog: I Keep Drinkin' (You're Still Ugly)
Tracey Byrd: 10 Rounds with Jose Cuervo
Grace Knight: Drinkin Again
Chris DeBurgh: Moonlight and Vodka

7Nations - Whiskey in the Jar
Great Big Sea - Old Black Rum

George Thorogood & The Destoyers - I Drink Alone

George Thorogood & The Destroyers - One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer
Jimmy Buffett - Margaritaville

Charlie Daniels - Drinkin' My Baby Goodbye
Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb

Big Bad Voodoo Daddy - You and Me and the Bottle make Three (tonight)

Maria McKee - Drinking in My Sunday Dress

Garth Brooks & George Jones - Beerrun

unknown - Jose Cuervo
Allanah Myles - Black Velvet
Jimmy Buffet - The Wino & I Know
John Michael Montgomery - Beer & Bones
Brooks & Dunn - Whiskey Under the Bridge
Neil Diamond - Love On The Rocks
Jim Croce - Time in a Bottle
Willie Nelson - Whiskey River
Carlos Santana /w Rob Thomas - Smooth
John Anderson - Straight Tequila Night
Jerry Jeff Walker - Sangria Wine
Jerry Jeff Walker - Backsliders Wine
Rupert Everett - The Pina Coloda Song
Jimmy Buffet - Boat Drinks
Jimmy Buffet - God's Own Drunk

Well, crap... I guess I

Well, crap... I guess I really messed up. I left a name off of the Corner of The Bar Babes list. I knew I was gonna leave someone off, and then get into a world of shit for being so stupid.

So, Two-Dragons of Who Tends The Fires, Imperial Tender of the Fires, Keeper of Useless Trivia, Glorious Lady of the Rott and now, Corner of The Bar Babe, please accept my most humble apologies for my oversight.

Now that the kissing of the ass is completed, Two-Dragons may help us design a logo for Madfish Willie's. I understand she is a very talented artist; we look forward to finalizing what we are looking for so she can help us out with a beautiful, hand-drawn logo, with pretty colors and everything.
[No pressure to perform there.]

Cheers!

Remember: There is no sex

Remember: There is no sex in The Champagne Room!

I don't care if this link gets worn out - I love having an On-line Orgasm!

Harvey shows the little guy where to get help!

The Tenth Muse as an interesting post title: Nightime Sniffling Sneezing Coughing Aching Fuck Me In the Ass Medicine

Check out this Jack-off Idiot over at Straight White Guy

Straight White Guy tells us how to have Lesbian Quickie Sex.

Mexicans are getting naked at Straight White Guy - He gets a lot of these kind of posts.

Dawn has a message for us via SilverBlue.

This asian beauty leaves Eric at a total loss for words.

Kids Say the Darndest Things according to Jim at Snooze Button Dreams

Jim also reports on a Confessional while wondering Since 'nude' means naked...

Acidman likes itty bitty titties!

Bill Cimino at Bloviating Insanties wakes up naked after a Family Reunion.

Vicky, Don's new blogging partner at Anger Management... doesn't swallow?

What Champagne Room discussion can be complete without Helen from Everyday Stranger? She deals with Jealousy.

Finally, the Top 10 List of reasons to go to work naked:

10. No one ever steals your chair.
9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.
8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work late.
7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.
6. You want to see if it's like the dream.
5. To stop those creepy programmer guys next door from looking down your blouse.
4. "I'd love to chip in... but I left my wallet in my pants."
3. Inventive way to finally meet that 'special' person in Human Resources.
2. Can take advantage of your computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

And...[drum roll]...the Number One reason to go to work naked :

1. The boss will never say, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!" ever again.

Cheers!

The Coner of the Bar Babes

Well, crap... I guess I really messed up. I left a name off of the Corner of The Bar Babes list. I knew I was gonna leave someone off, and then get into a world of shit for being so stupid.

So, Two-Dragons of Who Tends The Fires, Imperial Tender of the Fires, Keeper of Useless Trivia, Glorious Lady of the Rott and now, Corner of The Bar Babe, please accept my most humble apologies for my oversight.

Now that the kissing of the ass is completed, Two-Dragons may help us design a logo for Madfish Willie's. I understand she is a very talented artist; we look forward to finalizing what we are looking for so she can help us out with a beautiful, hand-drawn logo, with pretty colors and everything.
[No pressure to perform there.]

Cheers!

Moe's Toast..."Here's to the man

Moe's Toast..."Here's to the man who loves his wife,
And loves his wife alone;
For many a man loves another man's wife,
When he ought to be loving his own." - Burns
Bart's Call to Moe[Laura Powers with Bart]
Ivana Tinkle? Ivana Tinkle? All right, everybody, put down your glasses, Ivana Tinkle!
Laura and Bart laugh
Today's Drinking Story Puke-A-Hot-Ass
Yogism"Yogi's wife Carmen: "Yogi, you are from St Louis, we live in New Jersey, and you played in New York. If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried?" Yogi: "Surprise me."
Things A Man Should Know: About Women: Contrary to popular belief, an out-of-shape man is just as unappealing to a woman as an out-of-shape woman is to a man.

ClueBat InsultsThou beslobbering, full-gorged lewdster!
Movie MadnessTales of The Blode - Episode 3
Dumb-Ass Mouse JokesWhat is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face ?
What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside ?
What do you call a mouse who can pick up a horse ?
How do mice celebrate when they move home ?
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth ?
What is a mouse's favourite game ?
Why did the mouse eat a candle ?
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak ?
What do you get if cross a mouse woth a packet of washing up powder ?
What's a mouse's favourite record ?

Answers in the Comments
Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Welsh (click thru for the really good stuff) Yn fytyn: Fool
Pen pidyn: Dickhead
Wyneb cach: Shit face
Mwnci: Monkey
Ci: Dog
Ffwcia oma: Fuck off
Gotsan drewllyd: Smelly fanny
Haliwr: Wanker
Cheers!

Tales From The Champagne Room

>Remember: There is no sex in The Champagne Room!

I don't care if this link gets worn out - I love having an On-line Orgasm!

Harvey shows the little guy where to get help!

The Tenth Muse as an interesting post title: Nightime Sniffling Sneezing Coughing Aching Fuck Me In the Ass Medicine

Check out this Jack-off Idiot over at Straight White Guy

Straight White Guy tells us how to have Lesbian Quickie Sex.

Mexicans are getting naked at Straight White Guy - He gets a lot of these kind of posts.

Dawn has a message for us via SilverBlue.

This asian beauty leaves Eric at a total loss for words.

Kids Say the Darndest Things according to Jim at Snooze Button Dreams

Jim also reports on a Confessional while wondering Since 'nude' means naked...

Acidman likes itty bitty titties!

Bill Cimino at Bloviating Insanties wakes up naked after a Family Reunion.

Vicky, Don's new blogging partner at Anger Management... doesn't swallow?

What Champagne Room discussion can be complete without Helen from Everyday Stranger? She deals with Jealousy.

Finally, the Top 10 List of reasons to go to work naked:

10. No one ever steals your chair.
9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.
8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work late.
7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.
6. You want to see if it's like the dream.
5. To stop those creepy programmer guys next door from looking down your blouse.
4. "I'd love to chip in... but I left my wallet in my pants."
3. Inventive way to finally meet that 'special' person in Human Resources.
2. Can take advantage of your computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

And...[drum roll]...the Number One reason to go to work naked :

1. The boss will never say, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!" ever again.

Cheers!

How about some theme music

How about some theme music for Madfish Willie's to play as the soundtrack behind all advertising we have to do?

The Beer Drinkers Lament.

D'oh-Re-Mi-Beer by Homer J Simpson

Actually, I think the song by Homer is Blackfive's alma mater fight song!

Update 1: I like the new Toby Keith / Willie Nelson song: Whiskey for my Men, Beer for my Horses!

Update 2: I have it - the theme song for Madfish Willie's

Jimmy Buffet - God's Own Drunk

. PICKING UP THE PIECES

.

It's getting to be about the time that the joint really packs out. As we pull into the parking lot, I see the line snaking out the door. Good thing we have reserved parking spaces close to the door. As we jump out of the truck, Blackfive makes us repeat our oath not to tell. We repeat it (Harvey still has his fingers crossed) and head toward the club.

Shit, Susie is gonna kill us for being gone so long. St John of Argghh!!! is working the door, making sure we don't get overcrowded and have the Fire Marshall down here jacking with us. We squeeze by the people in line. They start raising hell.'Yaya ya ya ya' is all I hear.

A scream is heard that drowns out the sound system. It's Susie. "Damn you guys! Where the hell have you been? I told you 'no titty bars!' Blah, blah, blah, blah." She throws a glass at us. We all duck. I hear the sound of something whizzing by my ear as the glass hits the wall and shatters.

Lord Spatula I is behind the bar helping out our bartenders, Jennifer and Linda K, by washing dirty glasses and icing down the beer. All of a sudden, here comes a beer bottle - a full bottle! It misses us by a mile [smash!] Glass and foam fly everywhere.

"Assholes!" he shouts at us.

Blackfive: "Dammit, Spatula, at least you can throw the empties. That's good beer yer wastin' like that!"

"G-d-dammit. Quit throwin shit at me. It's all Blackfive and Harvey's fault. They drug me over there. Throw that shit at them, not me!"

Boy, it really pisses me off when people throw shit at me. I've been hit in the back with too many ashtrays during my bartending days. I guess I had it coming tonight, though. Tonight only, no more.

As we shuffle past the bar, Jennifer and Linda start hollering for change and more whiskey. Crap... I forgot to leave they keys to the liquor room with Susie. I flip my club keys to Jennifer and she heads to the back toward the liquor room. I help Spatula get the bartenders caught up. I guess I'm gonna have to buy Spatula's beer all night for helping the bar babes out while we were gone. There go the profits.

Blackfive walks up to Linda and orders his usual - 6 beers. And, he orders a triple shot of Tequila - to get the taste out of his mouth probably. Linda asks him if he's alright. Shaking his head no, he downs the tequila all in one gulp and shudders for a few seconds. You know what I mean. Then, instead of going over and hanging out with the Corner of the Bar Gang, he finds the lone empty table in the joint. Sitting down, in silence - for once in his life.

I look around the room to see what needs my attention. As the proprietor of this fine joint, I need to make sure everyone has what they need. I check the DJ booth - it looks like SilverBlue is up there. Spinning some fine tunes, volume cranked up to 11, mirror ball spinning spots around the room, fog machine spewing too much smog, and making announcements about something. I can't ever tell what he's saying - he mumbles too much. I gotta get him over to the titty joint to see how a real announcer works.

I walk up toward the front door through the aisle in front of the bar. Linda's at the end of the bar, giving some poor bastard a whole rash of shit. Apparently, he was messing with the tip jars. She's really beating this guy up - verbally, I mean! Damn, I wish I could do it like that! Hey, he's lucky that she's not on this side of the bar, kicking his dumb-ass all over the place - it's been known to happen. Lucky that Spatula is at the other end of the bar, working, or he would be getting Texas Style Ass Whoopin'. A good one, too! Don't fuck with the bartenders' money - ever!!!

Dana, America's #1 Pin Up Girl, is taking cover charge. Tonight we have a live band (as opposed to a dead one?) and we have to charge so we can cover the cost of the band and lights and all the other shit that goes with live music. She's hollering something about needing change for big bills. I bring her back a stack of fives from the office.

"The Beer Tub Babe called in. She isn't gonna' be here tonight" she informs me.

Well... Crap... Just what I need... another friggin problem... what to do...

Just then, Serenity struts through the door, brushing past St John without showing ID and strolling past Dana without paying the cover - one of the privileges of being one of Madfish Willie's Corner of The Bar Babes! WOW! Is she dressed to kill - what Blackfive likes to call a "Girl with a Short Skirt and Long Jacket". What an animal! [shaking my head in disbelief that she looks sooo... sooo... yummy!]

Serenity, you wanna' make a bunch of money tonight?

[slap] She smacks me across the face.

"What's that for? I just wanted to know if you want to be the Beer Tub Babe tonight? The regular girl called and can't make it tonight. She always make a ton of money and I thought maybe you would please help me out and at the same time have a little fun and make yourself some long green." I have a round-about way of asking for help. Actually, Serenity would be pulling my ass out of the fire by doing this - did I mention she will also make a fortune?

She reluctantly agrees, "Sure, why not? You did say I am going to make some serious cash, right?"

So, I get Spatula to help me set up the Beer Tub for Serenity. We are just about ready, and look up as she pushes her way through the crowd of guys that have been surrounding her. I go over everything with her, and she goes to work, pulling cold beers out of the ice, popping bottle tops, taking money, making money.

As I watch all the "hard-ons" order their beer, and tip her out more than they pay for the friggin beer, I realize "Shit she's gonna make more money than I am tonight - that's not fair!"

Straight White Guy, who's been standing there watching Serenity open beers with me (and everybody else in the place), tells me, "I really hate to tell you this, bro', but her dress rides up in the back when she bends over to get beer and shows off a lot of her... er... assets!"

I walk up beside her and talk into her ear, "Damn, Serenity, no wonder you're making so much money. Every time you reach over a get a beer, the guys in front of you look down your dress, and the guys in back of you look up your dress."

[slap] She smacks me across the face - again.

"What did I do? I was just trying to tell you, so you could... I don't know... do something... I thought... you should... be aware..."

"Get your ass out of here and let me make some money" she yells back.

Damn, I'm really taking an ass kicking tonight. I'm gotta put a stop to this shit!

I make my way back up to the bar. Sitting over in their Special Reserved Seats, under the plaques with their names on them nailed to the furr-down above their heads, are Emperor Misha and Frank J. They're laughing their asses off. Harvey is too! Oh, shit - Harvey told. That fucker. We gave our word to Blackfive, who has just stated his third round of 6 beers. We'll never hear the end of that crap now!

I set Spatula up with a bar tab for the rest of the night for helping us out. "Spatula, get your beers from Linda for the rest of night and she'll take care of it for you. Just don't forget to tip her!"

"Thanks, dude" he replies.

"No, Thank You for helping us out"

Finally, I have everything working smoothly - like a well oiled machine. Damn, I'm good! I'm standing over by the Corner of The Bar Gang, listening to them telling lies to anyone who'll stand still long enough. Sometimes, even the Corner of Bar Babes get tired of their gibberish and walk off. They're drinking like fish tonight - must have been a hard day at the office.

I finally notice. There's something going a little weird with the music. Something... well... not quit... on. Having been a bartender for so long and training myself to not hear the music, I have to really concentrate on listening to it. Otherwise, it's just background noise to me.

Anyway, have I told you about the Corner of the Bar Babes yet? I don't know if anyone would come in here if they weren't always hanging out. They are the best looking, hottest babes in town! Always dressed to the nines... smart too. It's fun to watch the guys hitting on 'em, trying to pick 'em up, and then get totally destroyed by someone they thought was a bimbo. They sure make the joint look better. Especially when they hang around with the Corner of The Bar Gang. The Corner of The Bar Gang is kinda' like their big brothers, watching over 'em, making sure no one messes with 'em in Madfish Willie's.

Meanwhile, Heather and Candy have finally shown up. They're hanging out by the end of the bar with The Gang.

Heather's wearing her trademark short black skirt, and why not? She has great legs... she just had them lengthened... now they go all the way to the top! Must be from all that competitive bicycling! And, she doesn't like me telling people this but, she has a great set of boobs! She always wears a baggy blouse so you can't see 'em, but I can tell.

Candy, meanwhile, is the prankster of The Babes. Plus she has this whole Southern Belle thing going on, kinda like Jodi Foster in Maverick. You know the scene where they are on the riverboat for the card game, Maverick leaves to scam the Russian dude, and when he comes back, she is surrounded by all those other guys - that's Candy. Candy is tall and rather er... busty! Lots of fun to look at (and talk to). Mmm... Candy.

Back to the music... I'm listening and I don't believe my ears. I mean, what the fuck is he playing?
Hound Dog... You're a Legend in Your Own Mind... Copacabana... Lola... Hobo's Blues... Papa Hobo... Hobo Humpin Slobo Babe...? Everybody, and I mean everybody, is looking around with that incredulous look on their faces wondering what is going on. I run over to the sound booth. That's not SilverBlue! That's Evil Glenn in a man-wig! In my DJ booth! [He must really like to play dress up] The Gang and The Babes see him at the same time I do. They all rush toward the booth. There is a mass of humanity flying everywhere. Ahead of me, I'm pushing people to the sides trying to make an aisle to get to Evil Glenn. Behind me, people are flying every-which-a-way as the freight train of regulars steam toward Evil Glenn. There is murder in the air. Evil Glenn sees all this out the corner of his eye and heads toward the emergency exit on the far side of the room. I'm right behind him and as I reached out to grab him some asshole trips me. As I fall to the ground, I reach out trying to catch my balance and take several other customers down. I'm lookiing at the guy who tripped me. It's Blackfive - drunk as a skunk! Now there is a pile of people on the ground and no one can get to Evil Glenn as he escapes into the dark night.

Blackfive: "Ssshorry... mannn, i wassssh jussst... tryinnnn to hhhrlp"

Harvey: "Get your ass up Matt, you drunken idiot!"

"We have to put a stop to this shit and right now!" I yell to no one in particular.

Frank J: "That's it. Time to break out the Ninjas."

Misha: "The Rott stays here at Willie's till we get that evil bastard! We don't want him in here fucking up the joint."

The Babes in unison: "Let's kick his ass real good!" Damn, they're tough!

"Shit... Evil Glenn manages to escape one more time. Well, we'll get him next time if it kills me!" I moan.

We do learn one more thing about the most evil and sinister blogger known to man. Evil Glenn wears bad man-wigs and plays really crappy music.

Cheers!

Tonight's playlist is from SilverBlue,

Tonight's playlist is from SilverBlue, Madfish Willie's very own Virtual Disc Jockey. It is titled The Drinking My Blues Away CD

Tonight's playlist, includes, but is not limited to:

1. Ring On My Finger, Time On My Hands - Reba McEntire
2. Promises - Randy Travis
3. The Chill of An Early Fall - George Strait
4. Watch Me - Lorrie Morgan
5. Maybe It Was Memphis - Pam Tillis
6. Strawberry Wine - Deanna Carter
7. If Loving You Is Wrong (I Don't Wanna Be Right) - Barbara Mandrell
8. Rocky Top - Osborne Brothers
9. Stranger In My House - Ronnie Milsap
10. Carolina Mountain Dewe - Alabama
11. His Greatest Need - Wynonna
12. Neon Moon - Brooks & Dunn
13. The Dance - Garth Brooks
14. Men - The Forester Sisters
15. Fist City - Loretta Lynn
16. Rose Garden - Lynn Anderson
17. Tear In My Beer - Hank Williams Jr.
18. If You Want To Find Love - Kenny Rogers
19. Always On My Mind - Willie Nelson
20. I Will Always Love You - Dolly Parton

Cheers!

How about some theme music for Madfish Willie's to play as the soundtrack behind all advertising we have to do?

The Beer Drinkers Lament.

D'oh-Re-Mi-Beer by Homer J Simpson

Actually, I think the song by Homer is Blackfive's alma mater fight song!

Update 1: I like the new Toby Keith / Willie Nelson song: Whiskey for my Men, Beer for my Horses!

Update 2: I have it - the theme song for Madfish Willie's

Jimmy Buffet - God's Own Drunk

Moe's Toast..."To the ladies, God

Moe's Toast..."To the ladies, God bless 'em,
May nothing distress them."
Bart's Call to Moe[Bart]
Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss? Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss! Ah, why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss?
Barney says "Maybe your standards are too high!"
You little S.O.B.! Why, when I find out who you are, I'm going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs in your butt!
Bart tells Moe his name is Jimbo Jones and gives his own address: Jimbo and Laura Powers are making out in Bart's living room
Today's Drinking Story Summer of Gary
Yogism"You should always go to other people's funerals, otherwise, they won't come to yours."
Things A Man Should Know: About Women:Sometimes women want it when you don't, and for you not to give in on such occasions sets a terrible precedent.
ClueBat InsultsThou unmuzzled, toad-spotted minnow!
Movie MadnessFood Feed Fury
Dumb-Ass Rabbit JokesA bumble bee was chasing a rabbit. Finally the bee turned around and flew away. Why?
A rabbit and a duck went to a restaurant for dinner. Who paid?
Baby Rabbit: Mommy, where did I come from?
Can you say "Richard and Robert had a rabbit" without using the "r" sound?
Did you hear about the rabbit who got a job in a watch factory?
Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges?
Did you hear about the pub owner who raised a baby rabbit?
Did you hear about the rabbit that bit it's owner?
Did you hear about the rich rabbit?
Do you feel like a glass of carrot juice?

Answers in the Comments
Today's Foreign Language Party Cookie is Serbian (click thru for the really good stuff) Crko dabogda stoko seljacka!: May you drop dead, you redneck ox.
Govno yedno: You piece of shit.
Sranje!: ohhh, shit!
Some!: you stupid ass.
Govedo!: Jerk.
Cheers!

Picking Up The Pieces

[Continued from The Titty Bar Debacle]

We get in our trucks and head back over to Madfish Willie's. This time, Harvey's driving. He won't let Blackfive drive in his current condition. He's a little easier for me to follow - but not much. He drives like a madman, too.

It's getting to be about the time that the joint really packs out. As we pull into the parking lot, I see the line snaking out the door. Good thing we have reserved parking spaces close to the door. As we jump out of the truck, Blackfive makes us repeat our oath not to tell. We repeat it (Harvey still has his fingers crossed) and head toward the club.

Shit, Susie is gonna kill us for being gone so long. St John of Argghh!!! is working the door, making sure we don't get overcrowded and have the Fire Marshall down here jacking with us. We squeeze by the people in line. They start raising hell.'Yaya ya ya ya' is all I hear.

A scream is heard that drowns out the sound system. It's Susie. "Damn you guys! Where the hell have you been? I told you 'no titty bars!' Blah, blah, blah, blah." She throws a glass at us. We all duck. I hear the sound of something whizzing by my ear as the glass hits the wall and shatters.

Lord Spatula I is behind the bar helping out our bartenders, Jennifer and Linda K, by washing dirty glasses and icing down the beer. All of a sudden, here comes a beer bottle - a full bottle! It misses us by a mile [smash!] Glass and foam fly everywhere.

"Assholes!" he shouts at us.

Blackfive: "Dammit, Spatula, at least you can throw the empties. That's good beer yer wastin' like that!"

"G-d-dammit. Quit throwin shit at me. It's all Blackfive and Harvey's fault. They drug me over there. Throw that shit at them, not me!"

Boy, it really pisses me off when people throw shit at me. I've been hit in the back with too many ashtrays during my bartending days. I guess I had it coming tonight, though. Tonight only, no more.

As we shuffle past the bar, Jennifer and Linda start hollering for change and more whiskey. Crap... I forgot to leave they keys to the liquor room with Susie. I flip my club keys to Jennifer and she heads to the back toward the liquor room. I help Spatula get the bartenders caught up. I guess I'm gonna have to buy Spatula's beer all night for helping the bar babes out while we were gone. There go the profits.

Blackfive walks up to Linda and orders his usual - 6 beers. And, he orders a triple shot of Tequila - to get the taste out of his mouth probably. Linda asks him if he's alright. Shaking his head no, he downs the tequila all in one gulp and shudders for a few seconds. You know what I mean. Then, instead of going over and hanging out with the Corner of the Bar Gang, he finds the lone empty table in the joint. Sitting down, in silence - for once in his life.

I look around the room to see what needs my attention. As the proprietor of this fine joint, I need to make sure everyone has what they need. I check the DJ booth - it looks like SilverBlue is up there. Spinning some fine tunes, volume cranked up to 11, mirror ball spinning spots around the room, fog machine spewing too much smog, and making announcements about something. I can't ever tell what he's saying - he mumbles too much. I gotta get him over to the titty joint to see how a real announcer works.

I walk up toward the front door through the aisle in front of the bar. Linda's at the end of the bar, giving some poor bastard a whole rash of shit. Apparently, he was messing with the tip jars. She's really beating this guy up - verbally, I mean! Damn, I wish I could do it like that! Hey, he's lucky that she's not on this side of the bar, kicking his dumb-ass all over the place - it's been known to happen. Lucky that Spatula is at the other end of the bar, working, or he would be getting Texas Style Ass Whoopin'. A good one, too! Don't fuck with the bartenders' money - ever!!!

Dana, America's #1 Pin Up Girl, is taking cover charge. Tonight we have a live band (as opposed to a dead one?) and we have to charge so we can cover the cost of the band and lights and all the other shit that goes with live music. She's hollering something about needing change for big bills. I bring her back a stack of fives from the office.

"The Beer Tub Babe called in. She isn't gonna' be here tonight" she informs me.

Well... Crap... Just what I need... another friggin problem... what to do...

Just then, Serenity struts through the door, brushing past St John without showing ID and strolling past Dana without paying the cover - one of the privileges of being one of Madfish Willie's Corner of The Bar Babes! WOW! Is she dressed to kill - what Blackfive likes to call a "Girl with a Short Skirt and Long Jacket". What an animal! [shaking my head in disbelief that she looks sooo... sooo... yummy!]

Serenity, you wanna' make a bunch of money tonight?

[slap] She smacks me across the face.

"What's that for? I just wanted to know if you want to be the Beer Tub Babe tonight? The regular girl called and can't make it tonight. She always make a ton of money and I thought maybe you would please help me out and at the same time have a little fun and make yourself some long green." I have a round-about way of asking for help. Actually, Serenity would be pulling my ass out of the fire by doing this - did I mention she will also make a fortune?

She reluctantly agrees, "Sure, why not? You did say I am going to make some serious cash, right?"

So, I get Spatula to help me set up the Beer Tub for Serenity. We are just about ready, and look up as she pushes her way through the crowd of guys that have been surrounding her. I go over everything with her, and she goes to work, pulling cold beers out of the ice, popping bottle tops, taking money, making money.

As I watch all the "hard-ons" order their beer, and tip her out more than they pay for the friggin beer, I realize "Shit she's gonna make more money than I am tonight - that's not fair!"

Straight White Guy, who's been standing there watching Serenity open beers with me (and everybody else in the place), tells me, "I really hate to tell you this, bro', but her dress rides up in the back when she bends over to get beer and shows off a lot of her... er... assets!"

I walk up beside her and talk into her ear, "Damn, Serenity, no wonder you're making so much money. Every time you reach over a get a beer, the guys in front of you look down your dress, and the guys in back of you look up your dress."

[slap] She smacks me across the face - again.

"What did I do? I was just trying to tell you, so you could... I don't know... do something... I thought... you should... be aware..."

"Get your ass out of here and let me make some money" she yells back.

Damn, I'm really taking an ass kicking tonight. I'm gotta put a stop to this shit!

I make my way back up to the bar. Sitting over in their Special Reserved Seats, under the plaques with their names on them nailed to the furr-down above their heads, are Emperor Misha and Frank J. They're laughing their asses off. Harvey is too! Oh, shit - Harvey told. That fucker. We gave our word to Blackfive, who has just stated his third round of 6 beers. We'll never hear the end of that crap now!

I set Spatula up with a bar tab for the rest of the night for helping us out. "Spatula, get your beers from Linda for the rest of night and she'll take care of it for you. Just don't forget to tip her!"

"Thanks, dude" he replies.

"No, Thank You for helping us out"

Finally, I have everything working smoothly - like a well oiled machine. Damn, I'm good! I'm standing over by the Corner of The Bar Gang, listening to them telling lies to anyone who'll stand still long enough. Sometimes, even the Corner of Bar Babes get tired of their gibberish and walk off. They're drinking like fish tonight - must have been a hard day at the office.

I finally notice. There's something going a little weird with the music. Something... well... not quit... on. Having been a bartender for so long and training myself to not hear the music, I have to really concentrate on listening to it. Otherwise, it's just background noise to me.

Anyway, have I told you about the Corner of the Bar Babes yet? I don't know if anyone would come in here if they weren't always hanging out. They are the best looking, hottest babes in town! Always dressed to the nines... smart too. It's fun to watch the guys hitting on 'em, trying to pick 'em up, and then get totally destroyed by someone they thought was a bimbo. They sure make the joint look better. Especially when they hang around with the Corner of The Bar Gang. The Corner of The Bar Gang is kinda' like their big brothers, watching over 'em, making sure no one messes with 'em in Madfish Willie's.

Meanwhile, Heather and Candy have finally shown up. They're hanging out by the end of the bar with The Gang.

Heather's wearing her trademark short black skirt, and why not? She has great legs... she just had them lengthened... now they go all the way to the top! Must be from all that competitive bicycling! And, she doesn't like me telling people this but, she has a great set of boobs! She always wears a baggy blouse so you can't see 'em, but I can tell.

Candy, meanwhile, is the prankster of The Babes. Plus she has this whole Southern Belle thing going on, kinda like Jodi Foster in Maverick. You know the scene where they are on the riverboat for the card game, Maverick leaves to scam the Russian dude, and when he comes back, she is surrounded by all those other guys - that's Candy. Candy is tall and rather er... busty! Lots of fun to look at (and talk to). Mmm... Candy.

Back to the music... I'm listening and I don't believe my ears. I mean, what the fuck is he playing?
Hound Dog... You're a Legend in Your Own Mind... Copacabana... Lola... Hobo's Blues... Papa Hobo... Hobo Humpin Slobo Babe...? Everybody, and I mean everybody, is looking around with that incredulous look on their faces wondering what is going on. I run over to the sound booth. That's not SilverBlue! That's Evil Glenn in a man-wig! In my DJ booth! [He must really like to play dress up] The Gang and The Babes see him at the same time I do. They all rush toward the booth. There is a mass of humanity flying everywhere. Ahead of me, I'm pushing people to the sides trying to make an aisle to get to Evil Glenn. Behind me, people are flying every-which-a-way as the freight train of regulars steam toward Evil Glenn. There is murder in the air. Evil Glenn sees all this out the corner of his eye and heads toward the emergency exit on the far side of the room. I'm right behind him and as I reached out to grab him some asshole trips me. As I fall to the ground, I reach out trying to catch my balance and take several other customers down. I'm lookiing at the guy who tripped me. It's Blackfive - drunk as a skunk! Now there is a pile of people on the ground and no one can get to Evil Glenn as he escapes into the dark night.

Blackfive: "Ssshorry... mannn, i wassssh jussst... tryinnnn to hhhrlp"

Harvey: "Get your ass up Matt, you drunken idiot!"

"We have to put a stop to this shit and right now!" I yell to no one in particular.

Frank J: "That's it. Time to break out the Ninjas."

Misha: "The Rott stays here at Willie's till we get that evil bastard! We don't want him in here fucking up the joint."

The Babes in unison: "Let's kick his ass real good!" Damn, they're tough!

"Shit... Evil Glenn manages to escape one more time. Well, we'll get him next time if it kills me!" I moan.

We do learn one more thing about the most evil and sinister blogger known to man. Evil Glenn wears bad man-wigs and plays really crappy music.

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »



---

« Shut your pie-hole!


» by Madfish Willie on October 20 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Corner of the Bar Gang

I'm sorry, but Madfish Willie's

I'm sorry, but Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon is closed on Sundays.

Come back tomorrow for more Dancin' Glancin' & Romancin'!

In the post below we've selected some music for your listening pleasure.

Plus, we will continue to take entries in The Ultimate Blogger Recipe Contest.

All you guys in the Corner of The Bar Gang and the girls in the Corner of The Bar Babes, get your rest. We have another chapter in The Continuing Adventures of Madfish Willie this week!

Cheers!

Tonight's playlist is from Madfish

Tonight's playlist is from Madfish Willie himself. Enjoy!

1. Have a Drink on Me - AC/DC 2. Rocky Raccoon - The Beatles 3. Eli's Coming - Three Dog Night 4. Gloria - Van Morrison 5. American Woman - Lenny Kravitz 6. Turn the Page - Bob Seger 7. Would I Lie to You? - Eurythmics 8. If You Don't Know Me by Now - Simply Red 9. Son of a Preacher Man - Dusty Springfield 10. I'd Have to Be Crazy - Willie Nelson

It's been brought to my

It's been brought to my attention that there are no girls in the Corner of The Bar Gang!

So, I aksed Harvey and Blackfive: "What about letting girls in the gang?"

Harvey: "Guys don't have girls in their gang!"

Blackfive: "Yeah, what the hell's the matter with you anyway?"

Well, that is a private club after all. So, let's start a private club for the babes that regularly visit Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon. We'll call it the Corner of The Bar Babes.

Benefits are the same as for the guys, except you can't go into the Champagne Room. We'll have to build you your own little clubhouse room where you can go to get away from the guys. That way you can smoke your cigars in peace, scratch your ass without anyone seeing you do it, play poker with the girls, and cuss like a sailor if you wanna. But no girlie stuff!

Members of Madfish Willie's Corner of The Bar Babes:
Linda at Civilization Calls
Serenity at Serenity's Journal
Susie at Practical Penumbra
Jennifer at Jennifer's History & Stuff
Dana at Note-It Posts
Candy at Candy Universe
Venomous Kate at Electric Venom
Heather at Angelweave
After all, we need to make sure the Corner of The Bar Gang makes it home safely!

Cheers!

The Blogroll Honor Roll is

The Blogroll Honor Roll is a weekly Thank You Very Much to people who have blogrolled me in the last week and people who I have blogrolled because I like their site for some reason. You may not agree with the sites I like - if not, Bite Me, I don't care. Plus, it's a chance to give them some gratuitous, free, Drinky Links.

The Blogrollees (Blogs I blogrolled)


• Hypocrasy & Hypothesis


• Argghhh!!!


• Physics Geek


• Big Stick US


• Civilization Calls


• Note-It Posts


• Straight White Guy


• Sneakeasy's Joint


• As I See It..


• Tenth Muse


• On-Line Orgasm


• Gut Rumbles

The Blogrollers (Blogs that blogrolled me)

• Physics Geek


• Straight White Guy


• Candy's Universe


• Tom's Nap Room


• Big Stick US

If I missed any bloggers that blogrolled me this week, just drop me an e-mail and I'll put you in next week's list!

Thanks again to everyone!

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »



---

« Shut your pie-hole!


» by Madfish Willie on October 18 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Who Cares

Tonight's playlist is from SilverBlue,

Tonight's playlist is from SilverBlue, Madfish Willie's very own Virtual Disc Jockey.

SilverBlue sometimes records a CD for his personal enjoyment and he posts his music selections to his blog. From what I can tell, the man has an eclectic taste in music - a little bit of the best of everything - all for our listening pleasure.

Tonight's playlist, includes, but is not limited to:

1. The Hideway - Fifth Dimension
2. What Kind of Fool - Barbra Streisand & Barry Gibb
3. On The Radio - Donna Summer
4. Money Changes Everything - Cyndi Lauper
5. Union of the Snake - Duran Duran
6. Missionary Man - Eurythmics
7. Make A Move On Me - Olivia Newton-John
8. How Am I Supposed To Live Without You - Laura Branigan
9. I'll Be Here Where The Heart Is - Kim Carnes
10. Every Time You Go Away - Paul Young
11. What Have I Done To Deserve This? - Pet Shop Boys & Dusty Springfield
12. What's Love Got To Do With It (Second Hand Emotion Mix) - Tina Turner
13. Everything She Wants (Everything! mix) - Wham!
14. Twilight World (Radio Edit) - Swing Out Sister
15. When Doves Cry - Prince & The Revolution
16. Sugar Don't Bite - Sam Harris
17. True (Stretching The Truth mix) - Spandau Ballet

The Alliance entry into this

The Alliance entry into this week's New Blog Showcase is:

Hypocrisy and Hypotheses: Same Thing Every Year....

I've actually read the post. It is a humorous piece that would have made the cut for a link via Moe Syzslak Says:

Also a nice site design - neat tiled background graphic, understated elegance, nice color scheme.

I think a site has to have a good visual element to it in as well as amusing, informative, or educational content for it to be worth going back to repeatedly. Some site are just too jumbled and crammed together and have too much graphical crap that makes them eyesores and not inviting. Anyway...

Alex also has a live comment preview feature that is really cool - I'm gonna have to get one like that when I grow up!

Go over read the link and peruse the rest of the site!

I also liked She Who Will Be Obeyed: Life, the Universe, and Everything.... She is exactly right on this particular issue.

Cheers!

The Coner of the Bar Babes

It's been brought to my attention that there are no girls in the Corner of The Bar Gang!

So, I aksed Harvey and Blackfive: "What about letting girls in the gang?"

Harvey: "Guys don't have girls in their gang!"

Blackfive: "Yeah, what the hell's the matter with you anyway?"

Well, that is a private club after all. So, let's start a private club for the babes that regularly visit Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon. We'll call it the Corner of The Bar Babes.

Benefits are the same as for the guys, except you can't go into the Champagne Room. We'll have to build you your own little clubhouse room where you can go to get away from the guys. That way you can smoke your cigars in peace, scratch your ass without anyone seeing you do it, play poker with the girls, and cuss like a sailor if you wanna. But no girlie stuff!

Members of Madfish Willie's Corner of The Bar Babes:

Linda at Civilization Calls
Serenity at Serenity's Journal
Susie at Practical Penumbra
Jennifer at Jennifer's History & Stuff
Dana at Note-It Posts
Candy at Candy Universe
Venomous Kate at Electric Venom
Heather at Angelweave

Cheers!

The history of beer is

The history of beer is a five-part series documenting... well, the history of beer.
1. The History of Beer
2. The Story of Beer
3. The Brewing of Beer
4. Styles of Beer
5. Beer Today

Styles of Beer

The American Homebrewer's Association recognizes seventy styles of beer. Here is a description of the most common styles:

• Dark beer: Beer becomes darker when the barley is kilned for a longer period of time. This also creates richer, deeper flavors from the roasted grain.
• Lager: Two different types of yeast can be used to create alcohol. Yeast that ferments slowly at a low temperature creates a smoother, more mellow beer.
• Ale: The other type of yeast, which ferments more rapidly and at a higher temperature, results in a more aromatic and fruity product.
• Amber: Malty, hoppy beers with a rich golden color.
• Bitter: A British style, highly hopped for a more dry and aromatic beer, pale in color but strong in alcohol content.
• Fruit Beer: Fruit may be added either during the primary fermentation or later. Usually made with berries, although other fruits can be used.



• India Pale Ale: The name is often shortened to IPA. This ale was originally brewed in England for export to India. The large quantities of hops added were intended as a preservative and to mask potential off-flavors that might develop during the long voyage.
• Pilsner: This is the term for the classic lager originally developed in Czechoslovakia, a pale, golden-hued, light beer after which many mass-produced American beers are modeled.
• Porter: Very bitter, very dark, this beer was developed in England as a "nourishing" drink for manual laborers such as porters.
• Stout: Very dark and heavy, with roasted unmalted barley and, often, caramel malt or sugar. Invented by Guinness as a variation on traditional porter.
• Wheat beer (Weizen): Malted wheat, in addition to barley, is used for this German style beer. Hefeweizen is a variation.

Tomorrow: Beer Today

Cheers!

Bullshit so far »



---

« Shut your pie-hole!


» by Madfish Willie on October 18 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Beer Stuff

The History of Beer - Part IV

The history of beer is a five-part series documenting... well, the history of beer.

1. The History of Beer
2. The Story of Beer
3. The Brewing of Beer
4. Styles of Beer
5. Beer Today

Styles of Beer

The American Homebrewer's Association recognizes seventy styles of beer. Here is a description of the most common styles:

• Dark beer: Beer becomes darker when the barley is kilned for a longer period of time. This also creates richer, deeper flavors from the roasted grain.
• Lager: Two different types of yeast can be used to create alcohol. Yeast that ferments slowly at a low temperature creates a smoother, more mellow beer.
• Ale: The other type of yeast, which ferments more rapidly and at a higher temperature, results in a more aromatic and fruity product.
• Amber: Malty, hoppy beers with a rich golden color.
• Bitter: A British style, highly hopped for a more dry and aromatic beer, pale in color but strong in alcohol content.
• Fruit Beer: Fruit may be added either during the primary fermentation or later. Usually made with berries, although other fruits can be used.



• India Pale Ale: The name is often shortened to IPA. This ale was originally brewed in England for export to India. The large quantities of hops added were intended as a preservative and to mask potential off-flavors that might develop during the long voyage.
• Pilsner: This is the term for the classic lager originally developed in Czechoslovakia, a pale, golden-hued, light beer after which many mass-produced American beers are modeled.
• Porter: Very bitter, very dark, this beer was developed in England as a "nourishing" drink for manual laborers such as porters.
• Stout: Very dark and heavy, with roasted unmalted barley and, often, caramel malt or sugar. Invented by Guinness as a variation on traditional porter.
• Wheat beer (Weizen): Malted wheat, in addition to barley, is used for this German style beer. Hefeweizen is a variation.

Tomorrow: Beer Today

Cheers!

Wedding Toasts

Wedding toasts: A toast to the newlyweds may be proposed by the best man or maid of honor, or anyone else wishing to do so. (as long as the MC has been advised beforehand).

Love and Marriage Toasts

"Here's to love,
The only fire against which there is no insurance."

"May we kiss whom we please,
And please whom we kiss."

"Here's to the wings of love,
May they never moult a feather
Till your little shoes and my big boots
Are under the bed together."

"I have known many,
Liked a few,
Loved one,
Here's to you!"

"Here's to one and only one,
And may that one be thee
Who loves but one and only one,
And may that one be me."

"Here's to matrimony...
The high sea for which no compass has yet been invented."

"If the ocean were a goblet
And all its salt seas wine,
I would drink it to you darlin',
Ere you cross the foamy brine;
For then you couldn't cross it,
But would have to stay on land
Till the walkin' should get better,
And we'd cross it hand in hand."

"Here's to a kiss:
Give me a kiss, and to that kiss add a score,
Then to that add a hundred more;
A thousand to that hundred, and so kiss on,
To make that thousand quite a million.
Treble that million, and when that is done,
Let's kiss afresh as though we'd just begun."

"May we have those in our arms
That we love in our hearts."

"Here's to those that love us,
And here's to those that don't,
A smile for those who are willing to,
And a tear for those who won't."

Wedding toasts: A toast to

Wedding toasts: A toast to the newlyweds may be proposed by the best man or maid of honor, or anyone else wishing to do so. (as long as the MC has been advised beforehand).

Love and Marriage Toasts
"Here's to love,
The only fire against which there is no insurance."

"May we kiss whom we please,
And please whom we kiss."

"Here's to the wings of love,
May they never moult a feather
Till your little shoes and my big boots
Are under the bed together."

"I have known many,
Liked a few,
Loved one,
Here's to you!"

"Here's to one and only one,
And may that one be thee
Who loves but one and only one,
And may that one be me."

"Here's to matrimony...
The high sea for which no compass has yet been invented."

"If the ocean were a goblet
And all its salt seas wine,
I would drink it to you darlin',
Ere you cross the foamy brine;
For then you couldn't cross it,
But would have to stay on land
Till the walkin' should get better,
And we'd cross it hand in hand."

"Here's to a kiss:
Give me a kiss, and to that kiss add a score,
Then to that add a hundred more;
A thousand to that hundred, and so kiss on,
To make that thousand quite a million.
Treble that million, and when that is done,
Let's kiss afresh as though we'd just begun."

"May we have those in our arms
That we love in our hearts."

"Here's to those that love us,
And here's to those that don't,
A smile for those who are willing to,
And a tear for those who won't."
Cheers!

Exactly what is The Corner

Exactly what is The Corner of The Bar Gang?
The original Corner of The Bar Gang was at the legendary, little Dallas club in San Antonio around '81 - '90.

They were a group of about 25 guys. At any one time, there would be at least 1 of them sitting at the corner of the bar, drinking. From open to close, there was always one of them sitting on those stools. Rain, snow, shit or shine! Usually a group of three to five. Damn, we make a lot of money off those guys over the years. They paid our rents, bought our cars, paid for our girlfriends, everything.

But, we had to put up with a lot shit from them too. They got away with stuff I have thrown people in jail for doing when I managed places. And they would always dog the crap out of the new bartenders! Way too funny! They would dog 'em until the new guy nearly cried.

On his first day, during Happy Hour, Sid, my roommate and the fastest bartender I ever saw or worked with, was getting the treatment. He came up to me and asked, "What the fuck's with them guys?" I told him, "Just go over there and tell them to Fuck Off and they'll leave you alone." Sid went straight over to the corner and the next time they said anything to him, Sid unloaded! You've never heard such loud laughing in a bar ever! They drowned out the sound system. They were laughing so hard, they were crying! Hey, and I was laughing and crying with them. Needless to say, Sid became their number one bartender.

How do I get into Madfish Willie's Corner of The Bar Gang?
I don't know for sure, ask Harvey and Blackfive - they're in charge of it. But, I'm pretty sure it involves heavy drinking and lots of laughing.

What are the benefits of being a member of Madfish Willie's Corner of The Bar Gang?

A couple of drinks every time you drop by, free pretzels all night, and cookies while they last.

Remember: There is no sex in "The Champagne Room". [nudge]*[nudge]*[wink]*[wink]

Plus you're linked from this post, there's a COBG header in my sidebar, and you get to be part of
The Continuing Adventures of Madfish Willie!

Members of Madfish Willie's Corner of The Bar Gang

Harvey at Bad Money
Matt at Blackfive
Emperor Misha I at The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler
Frank J at IMAO
Steve at Lord Spatula's BBS
Eric at Straight White Guy
Cheers!

I guess The Beer Store

I guess The Beer Store Caper wore poor old Harvey out last night. He didn't drop a tip in today! However, Owen from Lex Libertas warns us about the new fake $20's going around! He also has a funny California flag you need to check out!

Margi from As I See It! shows us where to have an On-line Orgasm. [Drink Alert!]

Adam from A Single Southern Guy gets even with an EX.

Amazing Drinking Stories has a pic of Blackfive's Well Stocked Frig! How the hell did they get into Blackfive's garage to take this pic? Security... anyone...?

Eric at Straight White Guy is Dean Martin, too and he's got some lyrics to prove it! Then, he tells us the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?" Lastly, he explains why Only hookers drink Cosmos. [Hey, he was on a roll, and I thought he was funny.]

SilverBlue reminds us why you don't let the dog lick your face!

Finally, a bad joke provided by Oyesuare

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign over the bar which reads :

Cheese sandwich $2 Ham sandwich $3 Hand-job $10

He checks his wallet, then approaches the gorgeous barmaid.

"Are you the one who gives the hand-jobs" he asks.

"Yes" she says with a smile.

"Well wash your fucking hands and make me a cheese sandwich"
Cheers!

.THE TITTY BAR DEBACLE After

.

Blackfive: "I'm drivin'"

Harvey: "Shotgun!"

"Crap, I ain't riding between you two jack-offs. I'll take my own truck. That way, when I get tired of listenin' to all ya'lls bullshit, I can go back to work. I'll follow you, Blackfive, let's HA (haul ass)."

Blackfive: "Don't be drivin' like an old man, you turd! Stay up with us big boys this time!"

"Bite me."

With that, Blackfive peels out into the traffic, fish-tailing and sliding everywhere, in a dark gray cloud of rubber smoke.

"Shit, I'm gonna get a ticket following this idiot."

I just remember... Susie is watching the bar and she told us not to go to the titty bars. Man, I know that Blackfive is taking us to a nasty ol' strip joint. I pick up the cell phone laying on the seat beside me. Trying to dial Harvey's cell number and keep up with Blackfive's driving is a death defying act. Holy crap, Batman! I'm bobbin' and weavin' all over the place trying to keep them in sight.

Ring... Ring... Ring... Ring... Ring... I get Harvey's dumb-ass message that he can't answer the phone right now and to leave a message. "Yeah, here's a message for you... answer your damn phone." I hang up and press re-dial.

Ring... Ring...

"Pick up the phone, yo-yo"

Ring... Ring... Harvey answers: "Now what do you want?"

"Well, Susie is watching the joint and she's gonna' be pissed if we don't get back soon."

Harvey: "She'll be OK. Frank and Misha will be back soon and they'll help her out if she get's in trouble."

"OK - it's your ass. I'm blaming everything on you and Blackfive." That's how I get out of everything - blame it on Harvey and Blackfive. "Later, dude."

Blackfive pulls into the parking lot at the local Gentleman's Club. Man, I just know we'll never get out of here. Good thing I brought my own truck. I think to myself "I'll have one beer and then go back to Madfish Willie's. Maybe Susie won't be too mad at me."

We pay the outrageous cover charge - shouldn't that be an un-cover charge? "Damn, I only want to get inside not buy the place!"

Blackfive: "Quit bitchin, you cheap asshole."

As we walk into the blackhole room full of nekked dancin' girls, it takes our eyes a bit to adjust. I hope there's no one here that I've kicked out of Madfish Willie's, cause they could really kick my ass right now and I'd never see it coming or who did it.

Our eyes adjusted, we walk up to the bar and order some longnecks. "$5 for a fuckin' beer? That's way too high! I hope that includes your tip, you greedy bastard, because I'm not giving you one!"

I look on the center stage at the featured "dancer". That has got to be the ugliest dancing girl twisting around a brass pole in the history of nekked dancin' girls - Oohhh, me eyes! Blackfive must still be blinded because he's already standing at the stage waving crisp new $1 bills around. Either that or he's blind drunk. The ugly dancin' girl wiggles over to him and does the little squat thing that all strippers do. She/it whispers something in his ear, takes his money and stuffs in her/its' G-string. Then, she/it gives Blackfive a little peck.

All of a sudden, she/it breaks out in this funky dance. Hey, I've seen that dance somewhere before! She/it is doing the Robot Dance! And she/it looks kind of like Evil Glenn's twin sister or twin cousin or something - Evil Glenn is a FREAK after all, ya know!

"I gotta get out here. You guys can watch this if you wanna. I gots to get back to work", I tell Harvey and Blackfive.

Just then the DJ annouces in his best deep announcer voice that all titty bar DJs have, "And on the center stage... our featured guest dancer for the week... Evil Glennda"

Blackfive's eyes must have adjusted, 'cause now they're poppin' out of his head! "Run awaaaaayyy!"

We all drop our beers on the floor and run out the door as fast as we can screaming and rubbing our eyes and spitting out the beer we were drinking.

Blackfive rushes over to the bushes and heaves. Spewing chunks everywhere, he annouces, "We'll never step a foot back in this place again." "Take me home, daddy" he cries.

Harvey: "That's what you get for draggin' us down to this dump anyway, you freak!"

That's how we found out... Evil Glenn has a twin sister or twin cousin name Evil Glennda that does the Robot Dance - OR Evil Glenn is a transvestite titty dancer!

Blackfive made us take a solemn oath not to tell anyone what we have just witnessed, then we all load up and head back to Madfish Willie's.

[Note: Harvey had his fingers crossed when he took the oath.]

To be continued...

SilverBlue posts this warning (via

SilverBlue posts this warning (via Moonglow) at my expense. [He's Fired!]

ALCOHOL WARNING
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

Bullshit so far »

---

« Shut your pie-hole!

» by Madfish Willie on October 17 :: Permalink :: Comments (0)

A check-in over at

A check-in over at Straight White Guy brought this gem to my attention:

Quizilla Test: Which Rat Pack Member Are You?

My favorite question was this one, and which blogger I thought would best fit each answer:

If you worked in a nightclub, you'd function best as the:

• Bouncer: You don't like trouble, but you've got the skills to flatten the foolish.
[Blackfive]

• Bartender: Because that's were the money's at.
[Jennifer]

• D.J.: You find people notice you best when you're standing in the middle of a spotlight.
[Frank J]

• Manager: You'd run the show like a snake-oiled machine.
[Bad Money]
Cheers!
Bullshit so far »



---

« Shut your pie-hole!


» by Madfish Willie on October 17 :: Permalink :: Comments (0)

Well, I guess we need

Well, I guess we need to start playing some tunes over here, before everyone goes down the street!

I'm looking for a list of songs to play on our state of the art virtual sound system. After Happy Hour, we'll crank the volumn up to 11 and have a party!

Post a list of 10 or 15 songs on your site, notify me via e-mail sending the permalink to your post, and I'll post your playlist with credit and links back to your site. Then, I'll add your playlist to the Madfish Willie's Master Playlist linked in the sidebar at the top of the page!

Here is a playlist from SilverBlue as a sample for all you aspiring DJs.

1. You Opened My Eyes (1:20 Sample) - Bosson
2. Slow (Radio Transcription) - Kylie
3. I Can't Go For That (No Can Do) - Hall & Oates
4. Sunrise - Simply Red
5. Hard To Say I'm Sorry - Chicago
6. While You See A Chance - Steve Winwood
7. Toy Soldiers - Markita
8. Million Miles Away - Kim Wilde
9. I Love You Like A Ball & Chain - Eurythmics
10. Right Here, Right Now - Jesus Jones
11. Walk Away - Donna Summer
12. Heart of Stone - Cher
13. Seasons Change - Expose
14. Fantasy (remix) - BlackBox
15. All Fired Up - Pat Benatar
16. I Still Believe - Harajuku
17. Heaven's What I Feel - Gloria Estefan
18. The Flame - Erin Hamilton
19. How Can Heaven Love Me (Video Mix) - Sarah Brightman & Cris Williamson

The Corner of the Bar Gang

>Exactly what is The Corner of The Bar Gang?

The original Corner of The Bar Gang was at the legendary, little Dallas club in San Antonio around '81 - '90.

They were a group of about 25 guys. At any one time, there would be at least 1 of them sitting at the corner of the bar, drinking. From open to close, there was always one of them sitting on those stools. Rain, snow, shit or shine! Usually a group of three to five. Damn, we make a lot of money off those guys over the years. They paid our rents, bought our cars, paid for our girlfriends, everything.

But, we had to put up with a lot shit from them too. They got away with stuff I have thrown people in jail for doing when I managed places. And they would always dog the crap out of the new bartenders! Way too funny! They would dog 'em until the new guy nearly cried.

On his first day, during Happy Hour, Sid, my roommate and the fastest bartender I ever saw or worked with, was getting the treatment. He came up to me and asked, "What the fuck's with them guys?" I told him, "Just go over there and tell them to Fuck Off and they'll leave you alone." Sid went straight over to the corner and the next time they said anything to him, Sid unloaded! You've never heard such loud laughing in a bar ever! They drowned out the sound system. They were laughing so hard, they were crying! Hey, and I was laughing and crying with them. Needless to say, Sid became their number one bartender.

How do I get into Madfish Willie's Corner of The Bar Gang?

I don't know for sure, ask Harvey and Blackfive - they're in charge of it. But, I'm pretty sure it involves heavy drinking and lots of laughing.

What are the benefits of being a member of Madfish Willie's Corner of The Bar Gang?

A couple of drinks every time you drop by, free pretzels all night, and cookies while they last.

Remember: There is no sex in "The Champagne Room". [nudge]*[nudge]*[wink]*[wink]

Plus you're linked from this post, there's a COBG header in my sidebar, and you get to be part of
The Continuing Adventures of Madfish Willie!

Members of Madfish Willie's Corner of The Bar Gang

Harvey at Bad Money
Matt at Blackfive
Emperor Misha I at The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler
Frank J at IMAO
Steve at Lord Spatula's BBS
Eric at Straight White Guy