86 Rules of Boozing
Today: Rules 11-20
- Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: Great, now I’m going to get drunk. I hate shots. It’s coming back up.
- Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.
- If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He'll get the message.
- If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.
- If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.
- If she buys you a drink, she likes you.
- If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor preference.
- Always have a corkscrew in your house.
- If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.
- Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as
Harveythe guy who drinks girly drinks.
Tomorrow: Rules 21-30
86 Rules of Boozing
Today: Rules 1-10
- If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.
- Always toast before doing a shot.
- Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.
- Change your toast at least once a month.
- Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.
- Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.
- Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.
- When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.
- Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile.
- Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.
Tomorrow: Rules 11-20
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by Madfish Willie on December 11
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The Art of Drinking
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Madfish Willie
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