Merpy Chriskwanzukkah

The Bartender at Madfish Willie's would like to wish all my readers a Merpy Chriskwanzukkah!

May the season find you and your loved ones healthy, wealthy, and wise!

Here's my gift for Frnak Pervey Harvey this Christmas because he's been such a jack-ass all year:

Madfish Willie's Thanksgiving Weather Report

Madfish Willie's Weather Forecast For Turkey Day:

Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder.

During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy.

A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the beltway. During the evening, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34F in the refrigerator.

Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat sandwiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be expected both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup late in the day. We expect a warming trend where soup develops. By early next week, eating pressure will be low as the only wish left will be the bone.

Happy Turkey Day!

On behalf of GoatHead, Kang A Roo, & Madfish Willie, The Bartender would like to wish everyone a safe and happy Thanksgiving Holiday. May the holidays find you and your family healthy and prosperous!

Thanksgiving Humor

A few short jokes for your Turkey Day extravaganza!

• A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. ~WC Fields~
• Did you hear about the X-rated turkey? It's served with very little dressing.
• Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving," little Johnny wrote, "I am thankful that I'm not a turkey."
• Imagine... if the Pilgrims had shot a wild cat instead of a Turkey, what would we be eating for Thanksgiving? [pussy?]


• Q: What's the difference between Thanksgiving dinner and pussy?
  A: You can eat your mom's thanksgiving dinner.
• Q: How do you keep a turkey in suspense?
  A: I'll tell you at Christmas.
• Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
  A: It was the chicken's day off.
• Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
  A: If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
• Q: What key has legs and can't open doors?
  A: Tur-key.
• Q: What sound does a space turkey make?
  A: Hubble, hubble, hubble.
• Q: Why do turkeys always go "gobble, gobble"?
  A: Because they never learned good table manners!

Thanksgiving Week

Things To Do Thanksgiving Day If You Want To Be Excused Early:

• Remind your 12 year old brother/sister that you left those condoms they asked for in the closet upstairs.


• Announce that you would like to start a new family tradition, and proceed to take off your clothes at the dinner table.


• Open the oven, shove hunks of velveeta into the turkey while it cooks. Tell mom it adds the coolest flavor.


• Shoot olive pits at Grampa's glasses (just pinch them in your fingers and they FLY!!)


• Whenever someone at the table says a word beginning with the letter R, make a loud "BUZZ"ing noise.


• When it's your turn to state what you are thankful for, say "latex sheets and crisco".


• Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the VCR when Dad's not looking.


• Suck your cranberry sauce loudly through a straw.


• Sit at the "children's table" and lecture them on just why we need to increase the teenage pregnancy population.


• Bring a date that only talks about her/his spouse at home.


• As the family is being seated, shout, "Oh my Gawd, I forgot to show you all my genitalia piercing I got on Halloween!!"


• Hold your nose while you eat.


• Recite the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.


• Mid-meal turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice, you were worried for nothing".


• Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that you've got a new fear of choking.


• When you arrive, promise that your date won't be more than an hour late, he/she just has to wait for the warden to get together all the necessary release forms, and then they are free to go.


• During dinner, ask your brother if his mistress solved that little "dead rabbit" problem.


• Turn to Dad and tell him to advise your brother, having experienced that himself.


• Promise that the winner of the "wishbone tug" gets to sleep with your date. (sex/age unimportant)


• Twitch a lot and nervously tell the person next to you, "THE SAFETY IS ON", while you hold your pocket.

Thanksgiving Week

In honor of the Thanksgiving Holidays this week, I'll be rotating different Thanksgiving themed backgrounds each day. How do you like this one? Looks pretty good with the rest of the page, huh? I lamost hate to rotate it out. What do you think... leave it up or rotate it?

Here are some Thanksgiving Cocktails & Liquor:

For my friends Eric, Blackfive, Graumagus and other connoisseurs of fine scotch whiskies: Glenmorangie Single Highland Malt Scotch Whisky

Rick Gobbler
1/2 oz. Wild Turkey
3/4 oz. each of Chambord, Amaretto, and Cranberry juice
Shake well with ice.
Strain into a chilled glass for a shooter, or pour over ice in a highball glass.
Garnish with a lime wedge.

Tooty Fruity Turkey
Equal parts of ;
Wild Turkey
Peach Schnapps
Orange juice
Place all in a shaker with ice.
Strain into a chilled cocktail glass or
Pour over rocks in a highball glass.

Wild Turkey 101: Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey

Wild Turkey Rare Breed: Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey

Tomorrow: Thanksgiving Humor:

Thanksgiving Week

In honor of the Thanksgiving Holidays this week, I'll be rotating different Thanksgiving themed backgrounds each day. And I'll be linking Thanksgiving related posts as I run across them this week. Here are some from my collection to date:

Thanksgiving Poem:
Thanksgiving Thoughts by SilverBlue.

What To Expect:
SilverBlue tells us what he is expecting this year.

What To Do:
Thanksgiving - The Plan

Food for Thought:
Munuviana Caramel Apple Cheesecake from Jennifer.

Pumpkin Soup from Dizzy Girl.

Chocolate Chunk Cookies from SilverBlue.

Hot Virginia Dip from SilverBlue.

Snickerdoodles from Rocket Jones.

Simple Chicken Stew from Rocket Jones. [substitute turkey?]

Baked Potato Soup from Rocket Jones.

Here are some links to turkey cooking:
Turkey Cooking 101.
Turkey Basics: Safe Cooking
Thanksgiving Recipes for Dummies

Tomorrow: Thanksgiving Cocktails:

Happy Halloween!

Madfish Willie's Halloween Party!

Every year for Halloween, we decorate the joint real scary-like, put on some ghoulish costumes and try to scare the crap out of everybody that walks in the door. I'll be posting about Halloween ralated stuff all week - Jack-O-Lanterns, costumes, trick or treats, and all that kind of neat crap. Here is the first frightnening installment of hell week!

Starting the week off, SilverBlue wants to know how you spend your Halloween.

Psycho Dad at Psychtic Rants found some cool Jack-O-Lanterns that were involved somehow in an Evil Glenn Filthy Lie. Apparently, Evil Glenn was playing grab ass of some sort and this is the end result.

Candy, a Corner of the Bar Babe, from Candy Universe has a really cool looking poll thingy in her sidebar. Go vote and check out Evil Glenn's Halloween pics!

Simon of Simon's World explains the Australian traditions of Halloween.

Still hunting for that fantastic costume idea so you can win the big prize? SilverBlue has some great costume ideas and links to some better ideas at CostumeIdeaZone. He then proceeeds to tell us why you won't win. What an asshole! He makes up by suppling us with this cartoon and this Wonder Woman photo.

Physics Geek, Madfish Willie's Official Brewmeister, pours us a double strength post with 15 reasons Halloween is better than sex and 10 things that sound dirty but aren't.

Captain Awesome at Boat Drinks has candy, costumes, horror movie marathions, special halloween episodes and everything else going on this year.

Caleb at Caleb Walker has a link to HellStop.

Then there's candy: Happy Hulk Halloween, Heather of Angleweave has a diet alternative, and Jennifer from Jennifer's History & Stuff has a yummy recipe for Caramel Apple Cheesecake!

To decorate your site, you can download this really cool script of flying ghosts!!!

That's it for this scary edition of Halloween posts. Tomorrow we'll get in to extreme pumpkin carving and tips from the pros!

Cheers!