3 Little Words

[Originally posted on October 10, 2003]

3 little words that will get guys slapped!

By Margot Carmichael Lester

If only there were a switch men could flip before they opened their mouths and said something completely off-putting. If only someone could invent an early warning system to reside in men's minds and alert them before they uttered something inane or offensive. Why aren't the big brains working on that?

Now, I'm not saying that women are always articulate. I'm not saying we never take a verbal misstep that can send a fella running screaming from the room. But after years of study, it appears to me that men are more likely than women to run off at the mouth in the most unflattering ways.

So until someone figures out how to keep gents from going off half-cocked, as it were, I offer these 10 dodgey lines as examples of what to avoid:

1. "Come here often?" Please. This is so hackneyed that even if you actually want to know, it's going to send the wrong signal. All this line does is make you appear totally incapable of an original thought.

2. "Are those real?" Curiosity killed the cat. It also just killed your chances with her, unless she's a total bimbo.

"The rule of thumb should be, 'If you have to ask, the answer is probably no,'" counsels Becky, 33. "And you should never ask. Wait for your chance to find out first-hand."

3. "What's your sign?" Hello? It's the 21st century. You're probably still wearing that nifty polyester disco suit or a turtleneck sweater and belted leather jacket. Unless you're at a theme party or a retro bar, this line screams, "Hi, I'm a walking cliché."

4. "My wife's away." Quick. Duck and cover.

"This line — and the guy who says it — is an accident waiting to happen," quips Magda, 43.

5. "Are you pregnant?" Nothing good will come from this — ever.

6. "Who's your daddy?" Someone please retire this one.

"Where do guys get the idea that women dig this line?" wonders Trina, 29. "Have you ever met a women who gets turned on by it? Of course not!"

The Bartender says: I don't see what's wrong with #6... at the right time, in the right place. Hehehe!


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