The Life & Times of Madfish Willie

I was boarding an airplane the other day and finally made it past all the rest of the idiots to my seat. As I settled in, I glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. I soon realized that she is headed straight toward my seat. A wave of nervous anticipation washed over me.

Low and behold, she takes the seat right beside mine. Anxious to strike up a conversation, I blurt out, "So where are you flying to today?" She turns and smiles and says, "To the annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago."

Whoa! I swallowed hard and was instantly CRAZED with excitement. Here's the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen, sitting right next to me, and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain my outward cool, I calmly asked, "And what's your role at this convention?" She flips her long hair back, turns to me, looks into my eyes, and says, "Well, I try to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really", I said, swallowing hard, again. "And what myths are those?" She explains: "Well, one popular myth is that African American men are the most well-endowed, when, in fact, it is the Native American who is most likely to possess this trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who romance women best, on average."

"Very interesting" I responded. Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed, and blushes. "I'm sorry," she says, "I feel so awkward discussing this with you, and I don't even know your name." I extended my hand and replied, "Tonto, Tonto Goldstein."