After Your Fifth Drink....

Here is a list that tells you when you are have officially become a drunkard. It comes from Modern Drunkurd Magazine.

Which one are YOU today?

Numbers 161-180 of 207:

  1. You know that time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time.

  2. You use Calvin Klien’s new aftershave, but don’t really care for the aftertaste.

  3. You refer to your mouth as your "booze hole."

  4. You wish bartenders would spend more time ‘tending’ and less time ‘barring.’

  5. The first thing you say when you walk in a bar is, "I’m not still 86’d, am I?"

  6. You’d go to Mass more often if they weren’t so stingy with the wine.

  7. When you were in high school you had a poster of W.C. Fields on your bedroom wall.

  8. You drank ten bottles of wine last week and didn’t need a corkscrew once.

  9. You prefer Hamm’s and eggs for breakfast, minus the eggs.

  10. The rotgut whiskey you buy is so disgusting you have to drink the first half the bottle just so you’ll be drunk enough to put up with the taste of the second half.

  11. Whenever someone starts reading a bottle of Jack Daniels you say, "Quit cheating!"

  12. You don’t sniff the cork, you chew it.

  13. Your career is interfering with your drinking.

  14. You get so drunk Bud Light starts tasting like beer.

  15. You read this magazine until you fall asleep, then use it as a blanket.

  16. You heard you get drunker at higher altitudes so you always drink on top of the dumpster.

  17. Your alarm clock is a garbage truck.

  18. You’ve worked out a devious plot to steal Einstein’s brain. So you can drink the alcohol it’s stored in.

  19. You masturbate to the liquor ads in Playboy.

  20. You show up at the flu clinic to investigate rumors of "free shots."

» by Madfish Willie on January 22 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Funny Stuff

Trackbacks to After Your Fifth Drink....

I've never been #174. I wonder if ANYONE has...

Posted by: Harvey on January 23, 2004 09:46 AM