After Your Fifth Drink....

For your entertainment today, I have a funny list of stuff that happens after your fifth drink. I can't remember where I grabbed this from, therefore I cannot give the proper credits. If you've seen it somewhere else, let me know.

Which one are YOU today?

Numbers 81-100 of 207:

81. You woke up on New Years Eve with the resolution of finding out which bars open earliest.


82. Get mad when your family calls you a
    wino because they know damn well you prefer whiskey.


83. You’re definition of a problem drinker is guy who won’t buy you a round.


84. You hate the person you become when you black out, because, you know, that fucker drinks all your beer.


85. You know hangovers only last a day, but a good drinking story lives on forever.


86. You don’t like to think of it as blacking out. You prefer to think of it as exercising the lizard brain.


87. The only useful thing you got out of an A.A. meeting was learning how to identify your enablers. Because, hey, those guys are most likely to buy you a drink.


88. You distrust any wine that doesn’t give you a decent hangover.


89. A good drinking buddy will bail you out of jail, but a great drinking buddy will be sitting in the cell beside you, saying, "Man, that was awesome!"


90. The last words you remember each night are, "Hold my beer and watch this!"


91. You’re disappointed when you go to a funeral and there’s no keg.


92. You refer to your mouth as your "booze hole."


93. You’ve told Jehovah’s Witnesses, "Of course, I want to go to Heaven. I’m sure it’s awesome. God does pick up the tab every night, right?"


94. You once got so drunk you dreamed you got fired and broke up with your girlfriend — and it all came true!


95. You regularly ask bartenders, "So, how are the spill mats looking tonight? Anything good in there?"


96. Someone tells you they don’t drink anymore, and you bravely respond, "Don’t worry about it, buddy, I’ll take up your slack!"


97. You prefer vodka that comes in the handy plastic squeeze-size bottles.


98. The bartender asks for your I.D. just to see how long it'll take you to find your pants.


99. Two weeks into the bender you found out "Drink Canada Dry" was a corporate slogan, not a challenge.


100. For the money you’ve spent on Thunderbird, you could have bought the car.