After Your Fifth Drink....

For your entertainment today, I have a funny list of stuff that happens after your fifth drink. I can't remember where I grabbed this from, therefore I cannot give the proper credits. If you've seen it somewhere else, let me know.

Which one are YOU today?

Numbers 61-80 of 207:

  1. You’ve discovered that teaching your dog to shoplift from liquor stores was not nearly as hard as teaching him to distinguish between Grey Goose and McCormick’s.

  2. You were against going to war with Iraq until you found out those poor fuckers aren’t allowed to drink.

  3. The first thing you thought when you woke up yesterday was, "Wow, look at all that gum stuck under the bar!"

  4. Your girlfriend left you because you accidentally cried out "Glenfiddich" while making love.

  5. Your beer back comes with a tap.

  6. You conduct weekly "assisted short-term flight" experiments every weekend. With the help of various bouncers.

  7. You’re regularly mobbed by autograph hungry alley winos.

  8. You were the first person in line at the flu clinic because you heard they were giving away free shots.

  9. You like tequila with a lime — or dirt, or a hamster or whatever, so long as there’s tequila involved.

  10. You come home sober and your dog bites you.

  11. The cafeteria in the detox center has a sandwich named after you.

  12. You can’t recognize your best friend unless he’s leaning against a bar. With a drink in his hand. Drunk.

  13. You like a splash of coffee in your morning whiskey.

  14. You can blow a .08 BAC from twenty feet away.

  15. You take swim trunks to brewery tours.

  16. You’re kept awake at night by the sound of your liver crying.

  17. You prefer cold showers because the ice in your drink doesn’t melt as fast.

  18. You’re shocked and confounded to discover they actually sell Coke without Jack Daniels.

  19. When a cop asks you to walk a straight line, you ask, "Which one?"

  20. You tried getting out of a DUI by putting a beer label on your arm and telling the cop you’re off the booze and on the patch.

» by Madfish Willie on January 14 :: Permalink :: Comments (5) :: Funny Stuff

Trackbacks to After Your Fifth Drink....

I'm assigning Matty O'Blackfive to 61, 62, 63, & 67.

I'm all about 77 because I HATE warm drinks.

Posted by: Harvey on January 14, 2004 07:28 AM

Re Credit: I'm almost positive these came from

Posted by: Greg on January 14, 2004 12:58 PM

I'll take #74 cause i can blow .08 from 20 feet, and still ping the boozalizer at .02

Care to bet?

Posted by: Marty on January 14, 2004 01:02 PM

Number 77 is pretty key, but I find that if you keep an ice bucket outside the shower and hold your drink outside as well, you can still lie down under a stream of warm water.

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