After Your Fifth Drink....
For your entertainment today, I have a funny list of stuff that happens after your fifth drink. I can't remember where I grabbed this from, therefore I cannot give the proper credits. If you've seen it somewhere else, let me know.
Which one are YOU today?
Numbers 61-80 of 207:
- You’ve discovered that teaching your dog to shoplift from liquor stores was not nearly as hard as teaching him to distinguish between Grey Goose and McCormick’s.
- You were against going to war with Iraq until you found out those poor fuckers aren’t allowed to drink.
- The first thing you thought when you woke up yesterday was, "Wow, look at all that gum stuck under the bar!"
- Your girlfriend left you because you accidentally cried out "Glenfiddich" while making love.
- Your beer back comes with a tap.
- You conduct weekly "assisted short-term flight" experiments every weekend. With the help of various bouncers.
- You’re regularly mobbed by autograph hungry alley winos.
- You were the first person in line at the flu clinic because you heard they were giving away free shots.
- You like tequila with a lime — or dirt, or a hamster or whatever, so long as there’s tequila involved.
- You come home sober and your dog bites you.
- The cafeteria in the detox center has a sandwich named after you.
- You can’t recognize your best friend unless he’s leaning against a bar. With a drink in his hand. Drunk.
- You like a splash of coffee in your morning whiskey.
- You can blow a .08 BAC from twenty feet away.
- You take swim trunks to brewery tours.
- You’re kept awake at night by the sound of your liver crying.
- You prefer cold showers because the ice in your drink doesn’t melt as fast.
- You’re shocked and confounded to discover they actually sell Coke without Jack Daniels.
- When a cop asks you to walk a straight line, you ask, "Which one?"
- You tried getting out of a DUI by putting a beer label on your arm and telling the cop you’re off the booze and on the patch.
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by
Madfish Willie on January 14
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Comments (5)
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Funny Stuff
I'm assigning Matty O'Blackfive to 61, 62, 63, & 67.
I'm all about 77 because I HATE warm drinks.
Re Credit: I'm almost positive these came from http://www.moderndrunkardmagazine.com.
I'll take #74 cause i can blow .08 from 20 feet, and still ping the boozalizer at .02
Care to bet?
Number 77 is pretty key, but I find that if you keep an ice bucket outside the shower and hold your drink outside as well, you can still lie down under a stream of warm water.
