After Your Fifth Drink....

For your entertainment today, I have a funny list of stuff that happens after your fifth drink. I can't remember where I grabbed this from, therefore I cannot give the proper credits. If you've seen it somewhere else, let me know.

Which one is Harvey today?

Numbers 21-40 of 207:

  1. The glass isn’t half empty or half full. It just needs to be topped off.

  2. You don’t fall off the wagon—you leap off it while chugging a bottle of cheap bourbon.

  3. You have two personalities: Mr. Responsibility and Mr. I-Think-I’ll-Call-All-My-Old-Girlfriends-While-I'm-Blacked-Out.

  4. The word "rent" loses all meaning after your fifth drink.

  5. You’re so good at "drinking to forget" that you sometimes forget how to walk.

  6. Whenever someone in a suit spills your well bourbon it magically transforms into top shelf scotch on the way to the floor.

  7. You laugh at funerals but weep like a baby whenever you hear about a beer truck overturning.

  8. You’d rather be a bus driver than an astronaut because, hey, there ain’t no beer where they’re going.

  9. You don’t mind when your wife finds you stinking drunk in a bar, because then you can hit her up for a free drink.

  10. Pink elephants get drunk and they see you.

  11. You can get drunk on Scotch tape.

  12. You’re not a hard drinker. It’s the easiest thing you do.

  13. You like to have a drink between drinks.

  14. You’d join AA but your always too drunk too memorize the pledge.

  15. Your sleep number is 151 . . . proof.

  16. You quit drinking once, and it was the worst afternoon of your life.

  17. You won’t eat an olive unless it’s sterilized in gin.

  18. You think Beethoven’s Fifth is a bottle of schnapps.

  19. You’re living a champagne lifestyle on a beer budget. Except you don’t like champagne so you just drink lots and lots of beer.

  20. Gin rummy sounded like a fun game.

» by Madfish Willie on January 12 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Funny Stuff

Trackbacks to After Your Fifth Drink....

Me - 27
Matty - 30

Posted by: Harvey on January 13, 2004 09:31 AM