Why beer is better. . .

Jeebus H. Christ! I'm behind the bar for two minutes while Madfish is away and we get inspected for ADA violations! Like it's my fault that Madfish has a closed circuit TV camera out front aimed at the greased wheelchair ramp or something. I just record people's bets and hold the green folks, I'm not the one who advertised "Cripple Night" drink specials on tuesdays and takes bets on how long it takes them to get into the bar.

Anyway, after getting fleeced for a few cold ones on the house to get some of those violations written off, the government puke went on and on about how he hated his job, despised the disabled and the mentally challenged, and just wanted to collect his pension and get the hell out of government service before he started sorting his guns by barrel flavor. He shared this nugget of "wisdom" with me after his seventh pint of Old Style...

Why Beer is better than Retarded People

Beer doesn't drool.
Beer stains wash out easier than drool.
Beer will wait patiently in the car while you play (football, etc.)
Beer is never late.
You don't have to limit yourself to bisyllabic words in discourse with beer.
Beer doesn't cry if you forget it.
Beer doesn't vote.
Beer never answers your phone.
Beer doesn't work your crossword puzzles in crayon.
Beer doesn't demand to watch cartoons.
Beer won't ask loud, embarrassing questions in public.
If the head's too big on your beer you can blow it off.
If the head's too small on your beer you can get another.
Beer doesn't have to be sterilized.
Beer doesn't suffocate if it gets stuck in the refrigerator.

ยป by Graumagus on May 12 :: Permalink :: Comments (2)

Trackbacks to Why beer is better. . .

I should have trusted my gut instinct and known it was you!

So this part-time bartending is going to be a family affair, eh?

Posted by: Boudicca on May 12, 2005 11:13 PM

No in-cestuous gang-banging behind the counter!

Anyway, I did toss a set of keys to Physics Geek, who ain't family, per se, but he's one of the least annoying of my annoying neighbors...

NOTE: HOLY CRAP! in-cest is "questionable content" in these comments...

Posted by: Harvey on May 13, 2005 07:19 AM