The Perfect Day

The "Perfect Day" for Her:

8:15AM Wake up to hugs and kisses.

8:30AM Weigh in 5 lbs. lighter than yesterday

8:45AM Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed OJ & croissants.

9:15AM Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil.

10:00AM Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer.

10:30AM Facial, manicure, shampoo, and comb out.

12:00PM Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe.

12:45PM Notice ex-boyfriend's wife, she has gained 30 lbs.

1:00PM Shopping with friends, unlimited credit.

3:00PM Nap.

4:00PM 3 dozen roses delivered by florist from secret admirer.

4:15PM Light workout at club, followed by gentle massage.

5:30PM Pick out outfit for dinner, primp before the mirror.

7:30PM Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing.

10:00PM Hot shower.

10:30PM Make love.

11:00PM Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.

11:15PM Fall asleep in his big strong arms.

The "Perfect Day" for Him:

6:00AM Alarm.

6:15AM Blowjob.

6:30AM Massive dump while reading sports section of USA Today.

7:00AM Breakfast, filet mignon & eggs, toast & coffee.

7:30AM Limo arrives.

7:45AM Stoli Bloody Mary en route to airport.

8:15AM Private jet to Augusta, Georgia (coffee, SI & WSJ)

9:30AM Limo to Augusta National Golf Club.

9:45AM Front nine at Augusta (2 under).

11:45AM Lunch, 2 dozen oysters on the half shell, 3 Heinekens.

2:15PM Blowjob.

2:15PM Back nine at Augusta (4 under).

2:30PM Limo back to airport (Bombay martini, shaken, 2 olives).

3:15PM Private jet, Augusta to Nassau, Bahamas (nap).

4:30PM Land World Record light tackle Marlin (1249 lbs.)

5:00PM Private jet back home (blowjob at 30,000 feet).

6:45PM Shit, shower and shave.

7:00PM Watch CNN, Clinton resigns, Hillary animal video authenticated.

7:30PM Dinner, lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon (1963), 20 oz. New York Steak.

9:00PM Remy Martin and Cuban Cohiba cigar.

9:30PM Sex with three women (at least 2 are bi).

11:00PM Massage and Jacuzzi.

11:45PM Bed (alone).

11:50PM 12 second, 4 note fart, dog leaves room.

11:55PM Sleep.

ยป by Madfish Willie on September 29 :: Permalink :: Comments (4) :: Jokes

Trackbacks to The Perfect Day

You've been reading my mind.

Posted by: Mamamontezz on September 29, 2004 12:01 PM

OK, of the joke list of a woman's day, I am definitely big on the notice the ex-boyfriend's wife gained 30 lbs. All over that one.

And I'm surprised on the man's joke list that the blowjob didn't occur on the airplane. :)

Posted by: Boudicca on September 29, 2004 04:56 PM

Well, last time I checked I was all-girl but I'm look at HIS list and thinking - hey, that's not a bad day!

Maybe I need one of those Estrogen patches.

Posted by: Elizabeth on September 29, 2004 10:39 PM

[volunteers to give Elizabeth a blowjob]

Posted by: Harvey on September 29, 2004 11:26 PM