Courtesy of Pam, cragerized for your enjoyment.
Matty O'Blackfive, in the local pub, hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, what was your toast?" Matty said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh that is very nice indeed, Matty!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of Matty's toasting buddies, Harvey, on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "Matty won the prize, the other night, with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye and I was a bit surprised me self! You know, he's only been there twice! Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.