After Your Fifth Drink....

Here is a list that tells you when you are have officially become a drunkard. It comes from Modern Drunkurd Magazine.

Which one are YOU today?

Numbers 141-160 of 207:

  1. You make a point of never drinking before noon. Which is convenient, because you’re never up before three in the afternoon.

  2. One of your hobbies is sitting down and calculating exactly how much liquor your next paycheck would buy at the liquormart. Just out of curiosity, of course.

  3. Your co-workers start whispering with concern when you don’t come in with hangover.

  4. Your boss tells you to "Shape up or ship out," and you reply, "You mean like a cruise ship? Are the drinks expensive on cruise ships?"

  5. The whole terrorism deal became very clear to you when you found out muslims aren’t allowed to drink.

  6. You wish you were closer to Jesus, especially when he’s doing his wine to water thing.

  7. A cold cement floor looks comfortable and inviting.

  8. You wish temperance leagues still sang anti-drinking religious hymns outside bars, because, you know, it’d be a very funny thing to watch while getting hammered.

  9. You think alcohol-fueled automobiles are the wave of the future because, hey, it certainly works for you.

  10. You think a wrong number is an adequate excuse to go on a bender.

  11. "Going out for a beer or two" sometimes means waking up in Vegas three days later.

  12. You hated Ted Kennedy until you realized he can probably outdrink you.

  13. You always confuse the words picture and pitcher, especially when someone says, "Hey, take my picture."

  14. You happen to share the same home town, ethnicity, lifestyle, opinions, occupation or whatever-the-hell of whoever happens to be buying the drinks.

  15. You consider vodka a chaser.

  16. Your roommates say good morning to you and you haven’t been to bed yet.

  17. You volunteered to work for free for NASA when you heard about the gas clouds in space containing billions of gallons of alcohol.

  18. You know a bottle of Jack under your bed is worth a million bottles in the liquor store after midnight.

  19. You have told a bartender: "I didn’t hear anyone yell last call. How could I? I was in the bathroom, vomiting in your urinal."

  20. Half the bouncers in town know exactly how much you weigh.

» by Madfish Willie on January 21 :: Permalink :: Comments (3) :: Funny Stuff

Trackbacks to After Your Fifth Drink....

#144 - they are only expensive when you book the wrong cruise. Certainly anyone here would never consider anything but an "all drinks included" voyage, with a 24 hour bar on deck.

I'd rather be stranded on a liferaft with no food or water than stuck on a boat with a maxed out bar tab and no more credit cards...

Posted by: Marty on January 22, 2004 07:56 AM

Re: 152 - I hate Ted BECAUSE he can outdrink me.

I'm thinking Matty O'Blackfive for #160, except his number is closer to 100%.

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