86 Rules of Boozing

Today: Rules 61-70

61. Never rest your head on a table or bar top. It is the equivalent of voluntarily putting your head on a chopping block. [a good way to get your ass thrown out too]


62. If you are trading rounds with a friend and he asks if you're ready for another, always say yes. Once you fall out of sync you will end up buying more drinks than him. [always say yes if the other guy is buying]


63. If you're going to hit on a member of the bar staff, make sure you tip well before and after, regardless of her response. [yeah right, that like trying to pick up a titty dancer, besides you ain't waiting around till 3am]


64. The people with the most money are rarely the best tippers. [no shit, how do you think they got all that money in the first place]


65. Before you die, single-handedly make one decent martini. [using Madfish Willie's Ultimate Martini Recipe]


66. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, “I'm an idiot.” [dip-shit]


67. Never ask a bartender “what's good tonight?” They do not fly in the scotch fresh from the coast every morning. [same fucking thing as last night]


68. If there is a line for drinks, get your goddamn drink and step the hell away from the bar. [sage advice - stay your ass out of the service well too]


69. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours. [the coldest beer is mine]


70. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your fathers and mothers, your brothers and sisters. Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you're really drunk, the mothers. [sounds like hillbilly Harvey is having a party!]

Next Time: Rules 71-86