86 Rules of Boozing


Today: Rules 31-40

  1. If you have been roommates with someone more than six months, you may drink all their beer, even if it's hidden, as long as you leave them one [If there's not at least one left, someone's gettin an ass-whuppin].

  2. You can have a shot of their hard liquor only if the cap has been cracked and the bottle goes for less than $25 [what does cost have to do with it?].

  3. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor [theiving bastard shoot be shot].

  4. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least two cans before you start drinking the imported beer in the fridge [you better drink all of it you cheap asshole].

  5. Learn to appreciate hangovers [fuck you]. If it was all good times every jackass would be doing it .

  6. If you ever feel depressed, get out a bartender’s guide and browse through all the drinks you’ve never tried [don't be such a pussy... go get drunk].

  7. Try one new drink each week [only if you are a rookie].

  8. If you are the bar's sole customer, you are obliged to make small talk with the bartender until he stops acknowledging you [or tells you to shut the fuck up]. Then you're off the hook. The same goes for him [just don't let him tell you any dumbass jokes].

  9. Never tip with coins that have touched you. If your change is $1.50, you can tell the barmaid to keep the change [always], but once she has handed it to you, you cannot give it back [bullshit] . To a bartender or cocktail waitress, small change has no value [another fucking lie].

  10. If you have ever told a bartender, “Hey, it all spends the same,” then you are Harvey a cheap ass.

Next Time: Rules 41-50

» by Madfish Willie on December 22 :: Permalink :: Comments (1) :: Whiskey Stuff

Trackbacks to 86 Rules of Boozing

Hey, did you ever contribute to the Buy Pixy a Beer Fund? If not, you broke Rule 29.

Posted by: Victor on December 23, 2003 08:15 AM