I was tending bar here the other night, and Harvey was predictably plastered at the far corner of the bar. He says he's a part-time bartender here, but I've seen him consume more alcohol than he ever serves to customers.
Anyhow, the owner of this dive (Madfish Willie) comes in with this huge grin on his face a few nights ago, and Harvey asks what's up with the huge grin? Willie says, "Just yesterday, I was polishing my speedboat, and, Harvey, I swear, this gorgeous redhead came down the dock and asked if she could take a ride in my boat! Harvey, she had tits out to here!"
So, I took her way out on the water, then I shut down the engine and told her it was screw or swim! Man, that was some of the best sex I've EVER had!"
Couple nights later, though, similar situation - Harvey drunk off his ass at a corner stool, but this time, Madfish Willie came in looking considerably depressed. Nothing like the time before. Harvey asks him, "Why the glum face?"
Willie says, "Well, I was out polishing my boat again, and an absolutely gorgeous brunette walks up, asking if I will take her for a ride! So, I went way out onto the water, shut down the engine, and told her it was screw or swim! She pulled down her pants, and had a dick twice the size of mine, Harvey! And... and... Harvey... I CAN'T SWIM!"