I Guess This Means Madfish Willie's a Redneck

Because he fits just about every description on this list sent to me by VW Bug of One Happy Dog Speaks:

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YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF:

Your standard of living improves when you go camping.

Your prenuptial agreement mentions chickens.

You have jacked up your home to look for a dog.

You have a relative living in your garage.

Your neighbor has ever asked to borrow a quart of beer.

There is a belch on your answering machine greeting.

You have rebuilt a carburetor while sitting on the commode.

None of the tires on your van are the same size.

You hold the hood of your car with your head while you work on it.

Your idea of getting lucky is passing the emissions test.

Your town put the new garbage truck in the Christmas parade.

Your local beauty salon also fixes cars.

Your doghouse and your living room have the same shag carpet.

You've ever slow danced in the Waffle House.

Starting your car involves popping the hood.

Your garbage man is confused about what goes and what stays.

You whistle at women in church.

You've been in a fistfight at a yard sale.

You carry a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach the kids in the backseat.

If you've ever fixed a broken coil primary wire on a car with a safety pin off your date's bra strap,
and didn't think the date was unusual.

If you've got a matching set of salad bowls that all say "cool whip" on them.

If you take the Christmas lights on the front porch down in November, and only long enough to
get them working again.

You've ever used duct tape to repair dental work.

You've unstopped a sink with a shotgun.

Your will states your wife can't touch your money 'til she's fourteen.

You have to pass through a metal detector to get to a family reunion.

Your coffee table is also a cooler.

Your mailing address includes the word "holler".

The first time you ever saw your wife in lingerie, you had to pay a cover charge.

You've sold a car to settle a bar tab.

The best sofa you ever had came out of a Chevrolet.

You've ever used your bathtub as a punch bowl.

If you have ever been accused of lying through your tooth.

If you have ever used a barstool as a walker.