86 Rules of Boozing

Today: Rules 51-60

51. Never play more than three songs by the same artist in a row. [You aren't the DJ, but if he does that, he not very good]


52. Your songs will come on as you're leaving the bar. [or right after you've left]


53. Never yell out jukebox selections to someone you don't know. [put your own friggin money in if you want to hear something special]


54. Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and lean. [who thought that up.. everyone lies in the bar!]


55. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English. [If you think you may be slurring, then you are probably fucking drunk]


56. Screaming, “Someone buy me a drink!” has never worked. [you were likely to get your ass kicked in places I worked]


57. For every drink, there is a five percent better chance you will get in a fight. There is also a three percent better chance you will lose the fight. [3 percent?... more like 10 or 20 percent]


58. Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is hilarious. [no shit]


59. If you are broke and a friend is “sporting you”, you must laugh at all his jokes and play wingman when he makes his move. [fuck your friend.. don;t laugh if he's not funny, and he'son his own as far as wingmen]


60. If you are broke and a friend is “making sport of you”, you may steal any drink he leaves unattended. [if you are broke stay the fuck home, otherwise if your friend is "making sport of you" he needs an ass whuppin']

Next Time: Rules 61-70