86 Rules of Boozing

Today: Rules 41-50

41. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking. [woohoo... bartender groupies]


42. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth. [you can tell how good a BJ a girl gives by how she lips her longneck]


43. A bar is a college, not a nursery. If you spill a beer, clean it up. If you break a glass, wait for a staff member to clean it up, then blame it on someone else. [if you puke on the bar, clean it up before you get kicked out]


44. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it. [being drunk is feeling good]


45. It's okay to drink alone. [I only drink when I'm by myself or with someone]


46. After three drinks, you will forget a woman's name two seconds after she tells you. The rest of the night you will call her “baby” or “darling”. [I can't remember anyone's name... you are known by what you drink]


47. Nothing screams Harvey 'nancy boy' louder than swirling an oversized brandy snifter. [pussy]


48. Men don't drink from straws. Unless you're doing a Mind or Face Eraser. [what the fuck is a face eraser other than asphalt pavement at 60 mph?]


49. If you do a shot, finish it. If you don't plan to finish it, don't accept it. [don't waste my money, I could have bought ME another shot]


50. Never brood in a dance bar. Never dance in a dive bar. [dance on the bar if you think you can get away with it]

Next Time: Rules 51-60