86 Rules of Boozing


Today: Rules 41-50

  1. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking. [woohoo... bartender groupies]

  2. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth. [you can tell how good a BJ a girl gives by how she lips her longneck]

  3. A bar is a college, not a nursery. If you spill a beer, clean it up. If you break a glass, wait for a staff member to clean it up, then blame it on someone else. [if you puke on the bar, clean it up before you get kicked out]

  4. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it. [being drunk is feeling good]

  5. It's okay to drink alone. [I only drink when I'm by myself or with someone]

  6. After three drinks, you will forget a woman's name two seconds after she tells you. The rest of the night you will call her “baby” or “darling”. [I can't remember anyone's name... you are known by what you drink]

  7. Nothing screams Harvey 'nancy boy' louder than swirling an oversized brandy snifter. [pussy]

  8. Men don't drink from straws. Unless you're doing a Mind or Face Eraser. [what the fuck is a face eraser other than asphalt pavement at 60 mph?]

  9. If you do a shot, finish it. If you don't plan to finish it, don't accept it. [don't waste my money, I could have bought ME another shot]

  10. Never brood in a dance bar. Never dance in a dive bar. [dance on the bar if you think you can get away with it]

Next Time: Rules 51-60

» by Madfish Willie on December 23 :: Permalink :: Comments (0) :: Whiskey Stuff

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