86 Rules of Boozing


Today: Rules 1-10

  1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.

  2. Always toast before doing a shot.

  3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.

  4. Change your toast at least once a month.

  5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.

  6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.

  7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.

  8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.

  9. Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile.

  10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.

Tomorrow: Rules 11-20

» by Madfish Willie on December 11 :: Permalink :: Comments (5) :: Whiskey Stuff
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Tracked: December 11, 2003 02:44 PM

Thanks for the warning. [making eye contact and smiling] Beer please.

Posted by: Harvey on December 11, 2003 09:43 AM

Or, if you're a gentleman, and the bartender is a woman, it's also OK to make eye contact with her to let her know that one too many buttons on her blouse have come undone. That happened to me one night.

The gentleman became somewhat unpopular with some of my other patrons, but considering that I comped him a couple of drinks for the favor, I don't think he was complaining.

Pretzels, Harvey?

Posted by: Linda on December 11, 2003 01:34 PM

Well, Harvey is by no means a gentlemen and don't be tellin' him shit like that! Now I'll never get him outta here. All he'll be thinking is about is your boobies for the next three or four days and he'll be completely worthless.

Posted by: The Bartender on December 11, 2003 01:48 PM

I could say something really mean here...

After all, I don't know Harvey well enough to feel OK about giving him shit, and it isn't nice, and... oh... what the hell?

Has he ever been worth anything?


Posted by: Linda on December 12, 2003 03:13 PM

You can't lie on the beach and drink rum all day if you don't start in the morning.

Posted by: Lisaah on September 29, 2004 07:26 PM